Cheater feature

And they took turns at Becky, while sittin’ at the table,

there’ll be time enough for gamblin’ when ole Becky’s done…  Kenny Rogers, The Gambler and Coward of The County en mashed.

Outrage Cohen reminded me of the worst that is the quiz night. My favourite was in the 1970’s for I think Swan District Colts, where spot prizes were vouchers to Happy Haven knock shop down the road. But things have turned even worse for quiz nighters now as every bastard is pretending to use the bog, but really are phoning a friend, a friend called Wikipedia. Some even blatantly cheat at the table like this. Just calling the babysitter my arse. Disgraceful.


About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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77 Responses to Cheater feature

  1. Frank Calabrese says:

    It could be worse, they could have a scanner/low powered walkie talkie with an earpiece and have someone in the carpark with wireless internet giving the answers.

    Perhaps the quizmaster should announce that all mobles be checked in on arrival and to be collected at the end of the evening.


  2. 13th Oyster says:

    And we all know how accurate Wikipedia is:


  3. Bento says:

    I will be interested to see what Shazza has to say on this…


    • shazza says:

      I had intended to stay ashamedly silent.

      However as I have been publicly named and defamed I have no recourse other than to say the Devil made me do it. In conjunction with the demon drink and a competitive streak.

      Now I shall be interested in hearing how he who abetted my crime justifies his acquiesence.


      • skink says:

        I trust that none of the ladies in the photo is your good self.

        I had imagined you to be more classy than to drink Canadian Club, from a bottle, with no ice.

        am I right in supposing that the faces are blanked out for our benefit, rather than theirs?


        • shazza says:

          None are I.

          As Bento described to DFOC recently, my ears stick out and I walk with stilts thereby forcing my knees around my ears while sitting. You’ll also note the lack of tie dyed hemp clothing.


  4. Bento says:

    You frequent some pretty rough quiz nights, DFOC. I wouldn’t dare take those ladies on in a round of Heads & Tails.


  5. ronggly says:

    Be perfect, if those three upraised hands each had lit fags in them.


  6. Bento says:

    I wonder which part of Manchester they’re all from?


  7. skink says:

    clearly one of the swankier areas – just look at the bling

    solid gold jewellery worth over twenty pounds


  8. Bill O'Slatter says:

    As if sucking all that brane juce isn’t enough cheating. The quizmaster should ask questions that Wikipedia answers incorrectly like say ” Is Macca gainfully employed at Curiousiversity ?”


  9. David Cohen says:

    I can reveal this was in an eastern suburb: a fundraiser for a sports club.

    We were bullied to a attend by a friend of Krazy Kym’s.

    It was a 7pm start and reasonably speedy progress was made until the end of round seven.

    Then there was an interminable period of fundraising, including two competitions of who could get a gold coin closest to a bottle of scotch.

    We got out of there just after 11pm after coming second.

    There were no prizes for coming second.

    The tables were crammed together, Krazy Kym was bumped several times, and the din was deafening.


  10. skink says:

    Landcorp 2030 have established an interactive survey – reachable via their website or via an expensive link on the front page of The West’s website.

    they want you all to give your views on the proposals coming from the Summit.

    the ‘best minds’ in Perth have come up with:

    a water feature in the river
    a water fun park in the river
    painting the conference centre to look like a big gum leaf
    a cable car to Kings Park
    a monorail
    a light railway to Scarborough
    big high rise development on the beach fronts
    painting our taxis an interesting colour
    dressing up our traffic wardens
    a program to force young people to talk to old people (I thought that was called ‘Christmas’)

    I think the only thing I voted ‘agree’ to was more community green spaces, and integrating Northbridge into the city. well, d’uh.

    vote now and stop this nonesense


    • Bento says:

      Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!


    • Bill O'Slatter says:

      Youse’ll have vibrancy up the ying yang or gerbhole.
      Traffic wardens to wear clown suits
      Taxi drivers to wear clown suits
      State politicians to wear clown suits , hey wait a minute they already do.


    • Rolly says:

      Oh Dear!

      The usual petty mindedness prevails.

      Whenever will the ‘brightest minds’ get to realise that “All that glisters is not gold.”?

      What matters is not what a place seems to be, but what it actually is.

      Gradually, but with exponential acceleration, Perth, and its suburbs, is becoming a place for the disillusioned, bitter, angry and aggressive scions of a socially dysfunctional society.

      Perhaps the next generation will realise that amicable and mutually supportive community relationships are of infinitely more value than whether one has a fancier BBQ area than the family next door.

      Fuck it: Be honest: We’ve all been conned by crass commercialism, puerile politics and rabid religion.

      The King of Bhutan is focused on “Gross National Happiness” as opposed to Gross National Product.
      Bhutan may be a fledgling economy in the world arena but: “Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings……” etc.

      Wake up world; the great economic dream is a total illusion.

      More ‘stuff’, less space to enjoy it in.


    • Slanderer says:

      A water feature in the river? I thought a river was a water feature. I mean a river is a thing with water in it, right?

      Whatever they were on in that forum, I want some. Hold on, no I don’t.


    • Bento says:

      That is some kind of awesome. I want to meet the person who paid $500 to turn up and suggest we paint clouds and sunglasses on the taxis.

      I can only assume it was Lee Kuan Chong who wants the government to mandate a casual corporate uniform for all her subjects. The Northbridge Link should perhaps set aside a public square for the caning of anyone caught wearing a tie on a Friday.


    • ronggly says:

      “Establish creative youth programs at the railway station”
      We already have many creative interactive youth programs in operation around the railway station, especially on Sat night.

      “Light rail to Subiaco …” WTF ?


    • phreestyle says:

      “Two avenues of light to be visible from space”.

      Skid marks?


  11. shazza says:

    Co-locate a cross section of differing age groups in new developments??
    Don’t young folk realise that us old folk can barely tolerate them? That’s why there are 55 and over villages. And clubs and pubs that cater to the 30 years and over crowd. Spare me.

    I am a little bamboozled that most of those suggestions managed to escape the room they were mentioned in.

    Cue Rolly.


  12. Bak from the deep south of Margartet River and Augusta. Wasn’t expecting this post to have so many comments derailed or not, but as I say, I’ll never undestand what you pigs…

    Seriously the results of that forum were beyond embarrassing. Monorails? Painted taxis? What, what and what the fuck? These are the suggestions they RELEASED? Without having to resort to TWOP rhetoric, any tool could see they were stupid and a waste of everyone’s time. You would have been ripped off if you’d been paid to go there.


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