Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.

As probably the highlight of the free food and piss art circuit last year, the opening of Lost Eden Creative in Dwellingup almost set too high a standard. Crowds around the hot dog van were so heavy, that the organisers had to desperately throw a Janet Holmes à Court speech in the main space, so that we in the know soaks could slip around the side and grab an artisanal sossie and beaker of Shiraz in relative peace.

Positioning oneself speechwise is the most essential skill of the art freeloader. You hear the click of the mic going on, and you have to quickly make sure – DAMN SURE, that your corridor to the bar is not impeded. At the very least you need to have your glass brimming. Being trapped listening to a speech holding a finger greased empty glass is the sign of a total loser. You’re no art lover that’s for sure.

The catering standard for the current In Our Nature exhibition was as usual high. The choice of the slightly obscure Kirks for the softies was a nice touch too. There are only two  downsides to going to an opening at this delightful gallery. One, you need a skipper for the drive back. And two, you have to drive through Kelmscott.