Perth’s lovely post vibrant winter weather means that it’s book burning season again! The Cuban Book Burning Book Club welcomed some new members and some hot new titles.
First, the Bride Stripped Bare by Anonymous. Quotes, reviews: Not a feminist text. Anonymous? Fuck off. Stupid and boring. Ok, burn it.
One of two Wintons. Tim’s first novel and Vogel winner. Endless mentions of fish. The Open Swimmer is basically a boring list of fish. Not as terrible as Cloud Street, but nobody put their hands up to save it all the same. Burn. The dry paper went up well.
A terrible wanker of a journalist who lived at the Savoy and reviewed Princess Margaret’s tits. (Real and magnificent) Burn.
I know one if the most popular CBBBC requests is Power of One. Didn’t have that, but another Courtney hit the flames. Quotes, review: Dreary. I couldn’t finish it.
It’s a little easy to decide to burn Dan Brown, but nevertheless..Quotes and reviews: What’s with the fucking ellipsis? Every…fucking…sentence… A cat…and a…(wait for the payoff)…dog.
A book burnt almost entirely on the authour having fire extinguishers explode in flames. Yes.
And another Winton? Not one I have read myself, but I’m guessing it’s another list of fish? It burned up well.
The Worst of Perth 
Nazis had it right, apparently. Well done.
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This is more literary criticism than political. Also it’s not compulsory.
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Hitler , even during Barbarossa , didn’t have Kindle.
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The skittish flames were like the barbies they had out the back of Old Man Wampum’s fibro shack, when the roar of the sizzling prawns deadened the far-off cries of the mating dugongs, when Lisa Gurney and her clique would laugh at him trying to light his farts with a burning Funk & Wagnalls…
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This brings back memories of Fahrenheit 451. No, not the movie plot – it was playing at the drive-in, on the first night I got to fondle Brenda’s magnificent bare tits. All 38 inches of them, in the old measurements (96.5cms to you young ‘uns). God, they were magnificent .. and she was only 17, too….
Now, back to the book-burning. Has any proper scientific measurement been done on the energy output of each particular brand of novel, or author?
Does the amount of BS and waffle content add heat value? Does a Winton provide a superior burn to a McNicoll? – or does the Courtenay top even a Brown, for pure heat output from the massive supply of verbal diarrhoea??
Curious minds need to know – this information could be a matter of life or death, on a freezing cold Pingelly night.
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The older books have a lovely dry paper which works nicely. Hardcovers tend to need a little prodding. You also cant just throw on a Dan Brown. It will just char. You need to form a reduction first.
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Quick take the Winton out! Waterboard it then chuck it back in..
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I bet the Winton whirled and writhed in the cleansing fires of the litretuareal inquisition in a most satisfying manner! If only it could scream its innocence of pretentious portrayal as it was consumed.
Alas for the lack of thumbscrews for books!
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Cockburning is kinda down south
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