Unaustralian

BWS. Get your shit together for Australia Day “Barefoot pricks welcome”, “undies but no shirt a prerequisite.” “Shoe wearers fuck off.” On the plus side, Tim Winton won’t be coming in. By Mickey Blue Eyes.

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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21 Responses to Unaustralian

  1. Rong1 says:

    Can I wear my thongs and a thong?

    Like

  2. Lord Skink says:

    did Tony Abbott really give a knighthood to Demis Roussos?

    or did I mis-hear that? It was early.

    Like

  3. As anybody who listen to 94.5 cracker night and fell asleep such was its soporificity, (missing out on RTR’s excellent blues program in the process) and thus had their footwear stolen . No Emu Export for you. UnStrayan , as I’m Sir Duke Prince Phillip would agree.

    Like

  4. GivDBird says:

    no root, no ride

    Like

  5. Rolly says:

    No mention of the specific reason for the barefoot ban.

    Japanese silk socks and thongs OK?

    Like

  6. Shrieking Wombat Ninja says:

    Podiatry correctness!

    Like

  7. Pete f says:

    Fongs on or fuck off

    Like

  8. you'll get wet says:

    But what if your foot’s infected, you’re on crutches and it’s all bandaged up but pus is still oozing out and it won’t fit into a wellyboot?

    Like

  9. Hot Kreemy says:

    Farken SAFETY REASONS. The gutless catch-all cop-out excuse for NO DEADSHITS ALLOWED.

    Same with wandering into Macca’s drive-thru on foot and sidling up to the service window. Not allowed!! SAFETY REASONS!! We care. There’s no possible way to complete your food order without you being run over by a car!!

    I understand the real reason. After the restaurant closes the drive-thru would be crawling with carless drunks and 15 year old ne’er do wells. Just fricken say so.

    Like

    • Arcadia says:

      Grew up in Ne’er do Wells. Later, made it big in Two Wells. Now? I’m feeling Wellard.

      Like

    • Slanderer says:

      To be pedantic, it’s actually safety reason, not reasons. To parse further, maybe they meant “for safety, reason” in which case they are just looking for an argument.
      But then I stopped attending my local Chinese when a customer changed her baby’s shitty nappy on a convenient table right next to ours. See, there was no sign saying not to. So maybe I’m just being sensitive.

      Like

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