outrage sunday 2

Last night, which had become dawn in the manner a dugong rose from the murky depths, Outrage Cohen looked up to see his gormless face reflected in the window. Only just before he’s been perusing an email from his boss – ‘Why didn’t you get something like this’ was the terse comment next to a ripping yarn about a Florida stabbing – and he was overtaken by a rush of shame that rushed quicker than the cork that popped out of last night’s Passion Pop he’d downed after another fruitless stakeout at The ‘ling. Why couldn’t he get stories like that? Couldn’t he cut the musted? It was time to hop in the Jazz and go for a soul-soothing drive. As he turned and turned again, and found himself on Cone Way, some of the worry started to ease. The gentle background throb of nighclubbers being sick on the tarnac was like the sweet bird of youth, when he laid in bed and listened to the romantic sound of the traffic rushing by on faraway exotic Leach Highway…he may have felt like a seagull that had gone beak-first into the glass at the Rotto hotel, but he would rise from the ashes and soar on the breathy thermals of award-winning gerbalism. They want yarns about stabbed deaf nightclub patrons? He got out of the Jazz and approached a trembling small bar: ‘Anyone here been stabbed and speak Auslan?

Thanks to Bento for musted and Lucky Star for Cone Way.

This entry was posted in worst advertising, worst drink, worst food, worst of perth, worst pub/hotel/design, worst sign and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to outrage sunday 2

  1. Snuff says:

    That’s not a stabbing story. This is a stabbing story, although given my abiding interest in politics, this is my story of the week, so far.

    Like

    • rottobloggo says:

      Great, Snuff: now the boss will want a bath salt story and a nudie yarn by Wed 1700.

      Action, consequence…

      Like

      • RubyRuby says:

        Forget the bath salts – what about the pet goat / pornography angle?

        Like

        • NF#1 says:

          Teh Post did recently have a headline weakly promoting a “satanic theory” in regards to the theft of a crucifix from a Mosman Park church. I tend to remember these things.

          Like

    • RubyRuby says:

      For a 35 year old Blackpool resident, she’s FIT and tanned… I wonder what’s going on with that?

      Maybe just mental with it…

      Like

  2. NF#1 says:

    You had scoop of the century with this week’s houseboat story DFOC, far more so than the one about the phantom leafblower, even if the missus and me disagreed with the use of the word “vandal” in the headline. Saboteur, more like it.

    Like

    • rottobloggo says:

      You are very kind, NF#1.

      I will let the sub-editor know your/Mrs NF#1 thoughts on the headline.

      I have lodged a FoI request to try and find out who keeps watch on Barry.

      Like

  3. Lucky Star says:

    Musted doesn’t sound quite as appetising as mustard somehow. It sounds like it’s gone musty. Although, once you’ve been to Cone Way for a a few cones, you probably aren’t as picky about your choice of munchies.

    Like

  4. The Legend 101 says:

    My Brother keeps banning me of his Minecraft server now thats an Outrage can anyone help?

    Like

  5. orbea says:

    why did the turkey leave the Queens and cross the road?

    Like

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