I specifically wanted to see the Tai Ping museum in Nanjing, because it highlights one of the classic worsts in the history of the world. A Chinese guy Hong Xiu Quan in 1860s or so got it into his head that he was Jesus’ little brother. Yes that Jesus. He managed to persuade a large band of crackpots that rather than being batshit crazy, he really was J’s bro, and to cut a long story short, 20 million people died. The Taipings took Nanjing as their capital. The Tai Ping rebellion lasted about 11 years until the Qing government with the aid of foreign luminaries such as Elgin, Perry (of opening up Japan like a drunken clam fame) Gordon (of killed by the fuzzy wuzzies fame) and many more more slaughterised their way to victory. You can well imagine how outre it would have been for the foreign devils to receive bibles corrected with Hong added as a main character. Funny thing is, the Taiping Bible, complete with beatings of Confucious in heaven (aided by Jesus’ wife no less) is no less plausible than the current Bible. Slightly more convincing I think. I kinda thought the frieze was remeniscent of the TWOP crew. Sorry if I have left you out of the frieze labelling. Woman were treated in a fairly equal fashion in Taiping society, being soldiers and cetera with the men, but they have slipped a little into the background in this artwork. Click for larger version.
Are we attacking Patti Chong, Michele Phillips or Paul Murray?
An earlier incarnation of The Lazy Aussie
The Worst of Perth 
There was also a sign outside the museum saying that drunkards and those with mental illness were not allowed to enter.
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but they let you in anyway?
why are you stroking his cassock?
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Why is skink’s hand up my bottom??
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Skink also appears to be adjusting his STs with his other hand.
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As you can see from my face I can see exactly what Skink is up to re your bottom – either that or he is standing on my dress
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Am I scratching my arse with my sword?
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What do you think.
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Looks more like Ming the Merciless…
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is that water on the right of the frieze?
is that the Tai Ping Pool ?
thank-you, I’m here all week. Try the fish, it’s good enough for Jehovah.
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Yes it is water, but river. They did a lot of their attacking from boats, and attacked both Wuhan and Nanjing from the yangtze.
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I like the fact I appear to questioning whether I really want to be there.
Notorious and suspicious?
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Behind every Cookster there stands a great Shazza…
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Yep Cookster, I’ll watch your back as I bravely run away.
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Is Poor Lisa riding my cannon?
Where’s the pencil in DFOC’s mouth?
Is Frank saying, ‘don’t worry about the marauding hoardes, this cannon ball’s got Barnett’s name written all over it’.
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Those are swords we’re holding, aren’t they, (apart from Cookster, naturally) ?
p.s. It’s an amazing story, TLA, (albeit not for the 20 million poor buggers, of course), and it’s indeed intriguing to consider what might so easily have been.
p.p.s. As I’ve mentioned before, Jesus is of course actually alive and well, and buried here in Shingo, where he’s still quite the tourist attraction. As everybody knows, “when He was 21 years old, Jesus Christ (イエスキリスト) came to Japan and studied theology for 12 years. He came back to Judea at the age of 33 in order to preach, but people there rejected His teachings and arrested Him to crucify Him. However, it was His little brother Jsus Chri (イスキリ) who took His place and ended his life on the cross. Jesus Christ, having escaped crucifixion, resumed His travels and finally came back to Japan, where He settled in this village, Herai, and lived till the age of 106.”
As far as I know, nobody was killed as a result of all this other than his little brother, unless the Dracula Icecream is poisonous. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll get my bonce into this picture too.
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Taiping in Nanjing
Ended by Gordons “F” word
Chow Mein and pudding.
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Hey boy of teh forks. Where you been?
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A salient and
Salacious haiku, so I
Salute you FB.
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happy bunch of vegemites….
I seem to have neither sword nor trident let alone my own canon..alas, alack.
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You’ll have a sword. You have to use it to protect your back door by the look of everyone else.
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Cookster appears to be using his sword to slice off his own buttocks – thus rendering them unprotected
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Apologies: it is Rolly who is surgically removing buttocks. Cookster is sitting on his and thus keeping himself nice.
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alternatively, are we just insuring you can flee from us…..
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I think it’s a sexpo thing, Cimbali. Auto-arse-fix-iation, or somesuch.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Try the rump steak.
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“Nanjing: Give us a fucking break, please.”
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i don’t know what that means
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Just that Nanjing has a fairly not-that-great history. I’m not terribly witty most of the time :P
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Pingback: Moral Uplift « The Worst of Perth
if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it
If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once ya see that he want it
If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-o……..
Buff Jesus [picks up phone]: um.. y,ellow
Hong Xiu Quan: hiya Jesus, HQ here, just wanted to discuss some copyright infingement issues with you.
BJ: yours or mine?
HXQ: yours… parts of the bible and parts of that new website of yours.
BJ: the bible? that’s dad’s work and anyway you wrote your bible much, much late… er… um… um… ah, ok … which website exactly?
HXQ: you know, TWERP, that one that TLA keeps on banging on about
BJ: [sighs]oh… ok… I know the one. Um… what exactly has TLA been saying…?
HXQ: [sighs] he tells me that he now has been worshiping demons like Outrage, Frank, Shaz, Mp and Snuff and that he met a man in a black dragon robe with a long golden beard who gave him a sword and a magic seal, and told him to purify China of the demons. Several years later he would interpret this to mean that God the Heavenly Father, whom he identified with Shangdi from the Chinese tradition, and his older brother, Jesus Christ, wanted him to rid the world of demon worship.
BJ: umm…
HXQ: AND he’s been making frequent proclamations from his “Heavenly Palace”, demanding strict compliance with various moral and religious rules. Most trade has been suppressed and property socialized. Polygamy has been forbidden and men and women are separated, although TLA and other leaders maintained groups of concubines.
BJ: ok… Ithink you’ll find that most of this is a bit of a misconception
HXQ: an immaculate one?
BJ: …no, fuck off. It’s not my website ok! Who the hell has been telling you that?
HXQ: bloke called Mez
BJ: ok… I see, yea he lives around the corner. Bit of a loon ifn you ask me but probably just pissed off that he’s not been included in the frieze and determined to spread misinformation about our mighty religions.
HXQ: ok, cool, glad you cleared that up. Would you like to smote him or shall I?
BJ: umm… best leave that to Bento
[pause]
HXQ: …sorry about that Confucious thing, I got a bit carried away…
BJ: no worries… Mary says hi
HXQ: which one?
BJ: … oh, Fuck off!
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I wish skink would Xtranormal these. I’d have a crack, but I don’t think I’ll have time this year.
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Hee hee hee.
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Yes, I’ll purify you demons big time.
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I thought this was theworstofperth.com not theworstofchina.com
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