Tai Ping on Their Arses

I specifically wanted to see the Tai Ping museum in Nanjing, because it highlights  one of the classic worsts in the history of the world. A Chinese guy Hong Xiu Quan in 1860s or so got it into his head that he was Jesus’ little brother. Yes that Jesus. He managed to persuade a large band of crackpots that rather than being batshit crazy, he really was J’s bro, and to cut a long story short, 20 million people died. The Taipings took Nanjing as their capital. The Tai Ping rebellion lasted about 11 years until the Qing government with the aid of foreign luminaries such as Elgin, Perry (of opening up Japan like a drunken clam fame) Gordon (of killed by the fuzzy wuzzies fame) and many more more slaughterised their way to victory. You can well imagine how outre it would have been for the foreign devils to receive bibles corrected with Hong added as a main character. Funny thing is, the Taiping Bible, complete with beatings of Confucious in heaven (aided by Jesus’ wife no less) is no less plausible than the current Bible. Slightly more convincing I think. I kinda thought the frieze was remeniscent of the TWOP crew. Sorry if I have left you out of the frieze labelling. Woman were treated in a fairly equal fashion in Taiping society, being soldiers and cetera with the men, but they have slipped a little into the background in this artwork. Click for larger version.

Are we attacking Patti Chong, Michele Phillips or Paul Murray?

Are we attacking Patti Chong, Michele Phillips or Paul Murray?

An earlier incarnation of The Lazy Aussie

An earlier incarnation of The Lazy Aussie

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in *Worst of china, worst art, worst sculpture and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Tai Ping on Their Arses

  1. There was also a sign outside the museum saying that drunkards and those with mental illness were not allowed to enter.


  2. skink says:

    but they let you in anyway?

    why are you stroking his cassock?


  3. David Cohen says:

    Why is skink’s hand up my bottom??


  4. Bento says:

    Am I scratching my arse with my sword?


  5. Leroy says:

    Looks more like Ming the Merciless…


  6. skink says:

    is that water on the right of the frieze?

    is that the Tai Ping Pool ?

    thank-you, I’m here all week. Try the fish, it’s good enough for Jehovah.


  7. shazza says:

    I like the fact I appear to questioning whether I really want to be there.
    Notorious and suspicious?


  8. Cookster says:

    Is Poor Lisa riding my cannon?

    Where’s the pencil in DFOC’s mouth?

    Is Frank saying, ‘don’t worry about the marauding hoardes, this cannon ball’s got Barnett’s name written all over it’.


  9. Snuff says:

    Those are swords we’re holding, aren’t they, (apart from Cookster, naturally) ?

    p.s. It’s an amazing story, TLA, (albeit not for the 20 million poor buggers, of course), and it’s indeed intriguing to consider what might so easily have been.

    p.p.s. As I’ve mentioned before, Jesus is of course actually alive and well, and buried here in Shingo, where he’s still quite the tourist attraction. As everybody knows, “when He was 21 years old, Jesus Christ (イエスキリスト) came to Japan and studied theology for 12 years. He came back to Judea at the age of 33 in order to preach, but people there rejected His teachings and arrested Him to crucify Him. However, it was His little brother Jsus Chri (イスキリ) who took His place and ended his life on the cross. Jesus Christ, having escaped crucifixion, resumed His travels and finally came back to Japan, where He settled in this village, Herai, and lived till the age of 106.”

    As far as I know, nobody was killed as a result of all this other than his little brother, unless the Dracula Icecream is poisonous. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll get my bonce into this picture too.


  10. forkboy says:

    Taiping in Nanjing
    Ended by Gordons “F” word
    Chow Mein and pudding.


  11. flynn says:

    happy bunch of vegemites….
    I seem to have neither sword nor trident let alone my own canon..alas, alack.


  12. Snuff says:

    I think it’s a sexpo thing, Cimbali. Auto-arse-fix-iation, or somesuch.

    Yeah, yeah, I know. Try the rump steak.


  13. xald says:

    “Nanjing: Give us a fucking break, please.”


  14. Pingback: Moral Uplift « The Worst of Perth

  15. Mez says:

    if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it
    If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it
    Don’t be mad once ya see that he want it
    If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it

    Buff Jesus [picks up phone]: um.. y,ellow

    Hong Xiu Quan: hiya Jesus, HQ here, just wanted to discuss some copyright infingement issues with you.

    BJ: yours or mine?

    HXQ: yours… parts of the bible and parts of that new website of yours.

    BJ: the bible? that’s dad’s work and anyway you wrote your bible much, much late… er… um… um… ah, ok … which website exactly?

    HXQ: you know, TWERP, that one that TLA keeps on banging on about

    BJ: [sighs]oh… ok… I know the one. Um… what exactly has TLA been saying…?

    HXQ: [sighs] he tells me that he now has been worshiping demons like Outrage, Frank, Shaz, Mp and Snuff and that he met a man in a black dragon robe with a long golden beard who gave him a sword and a magic seal, and told him to purify China of the demons. Several years later he would interpret this to mean that God the Heavenly Father, whom he identified with Shangdi from the Chinese tradition, and his older brother, Jesus Christ, wanted him to rid the world of demon worship.

    BJ: umm…

    HXQ: AND he’s been making frequent proclamations from his “Heavenly Palace”, demanding strict compliance with various moral and religious rules. Most trade has been suppressed and property socialized. Polygamy has been forbidden and men and women are separated, although TLA and other leaders maintained groups of concubines.

    BJ: ok… Ithink you’ll find that most of this is a bit of a misconception

    HXQ: an immaculate one?

    BJ: …no, fuck off. It’s not my website ok! Who the hell has been telling you that?

    HXQ: bloke called Mez

    BJ: ok… I see, yea he lives around the corner. Bit of a loon ifn you ask me but probably just pissed off that he’s not been included in the frieze and determined to spread misinformation about our mighty religions.

    HXQ: ok, cool, glad you cleared that up. Would you like to smote him or shall I?

    BJ: umm… best leave that to Bento


    HXQ: …sorry about that Confucious thing, I got a bit carried away…

    BJ: no worries… Mary says hi

    HXQ: which one?

    BJ: … oh, Fuck off!


  16. The Legend 101 says:

    I thought this was theworstofperth.com not theworstofchina.com


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