Not that youse actually deserve this post, since the Bankwest one was simply posted early in error, but if there’s to be a bonus post, how about this, the Queens Hotel on that massive seam of worst Beaufort Street? Whenever I go in there, which is reasonably often, I always wonder why the interior is so crappy. Did this ever look good? The preserved bits of plaster and exposed internal brick, who could ever have thought it was going to work? As the years have passed it looks about as interesting as socks and sandals. I have some memory that this poorly judged interior won an award or two. Time to start again. The space is nice, but the interior is embarassing. And that awful corrugated iron bar.
Bonus enough for you pigs? It’s not as if two posts a day gets in more readers. Stats are just the same. No, fine. have an extra post. Here have it. See if I care.
The Worst of Perth 
Actually, I don’t mind the look of the Queens, and this is someone who probably would prefer The Penn or CJays in Maylands.
It suits the Queens.
I like the bars which, I read last weekend, are the old marble sets from the Boans store. That’s a nice touch.
A pity about the people who go to the Queens. After a certain point it really does turn into a wretched hive of scum and villany.
But if you drive past late at night you can play Carmaggedon.
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Not that I would vote it a Not Worst.
No siree.
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The Boans marble is the only good thing about the whole interior design.
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It was pretty groundbreaking stuff, in its time, particularly for Perth. The corrugated iron bar looks shit now only because every other Worst has copied it in typically half-arsed fashion. Of particular note is the Carlton, which gave it a go by chipping off the plaster on some walls, and installing halogen downlights (whilst retaining the green astroturf carpet and TAB. And old drunks).
As the Queens has been the site of all my birthday drinkies for the last 10 years or so, as well as many, many other debauched afternoons, I’m going to wear my heart on my sleeve and vote Not Worst.
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It’s Thursday! TWOPers know what that means…
…a column from Patti Chong.
“With great respect to the media, reports of a case may take a particular slant and only the most sensational or interesting piece of evidence is covered…”
Duck!
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she is everywhere:
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Skink you devil :-)
Also liked your Paul Nurry one, though I note Patti has got an Indian Accent, no doubt a limitation of the software you used to create the movie.
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I laughed in spite of myself.
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Can’t see this at work. A word picture?
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Maybe you can get them from here, TLA ?
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Absolutely gagging, again, skink.
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I laughed like a drain. Thanks for the mention in the Nurry one. What does Nurry do at the end – try to ram a hat on his sconce?
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Fucking everywhere.
Brilliant, skink. I missed the Nurry one – where’s the link?
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Click on Skink’s Channel name and you’ll find it there :-)
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Of course I will. Carry on. Don’t mind me.
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I reckon “The Debate” is my favourite so far, which everyone you can find here.
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They are fantastic. There’s some good dialogue in the miss nude comments that might be good fodder.
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absolutely, there’s a Jamiie just waiting to be born.
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Ta
I wasn’t aware you could see ‘The Debate’. iI was still finishing it. I will load it onto YouTube when I get the opportunity
credit should go to Paul Nurry for the text on that one. I was looking for his brilliant piece about spotting someone with his article at the Gallery, but couldn’t find it so used the DFOC piece instead.
Frank correctly identified the limitations in the software.
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oh, that Jamie stuff is pure gold – I’m on it
unfortunately they don’t have a suitable bogan accent in the software, but maybe it will sound better with a posh voice
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We await the birth with anticipation.
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EPIDURAL !
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Twopvision has arrived
we now have the Lover of Leather:
Nurry at first blush:
Nikki and Jamie:
and our old friend:
enjoy
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They are so funny. I think all the comment streams should be renedered this way!
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Very funny Skink but doesn’t quite capture the true awfulness of these characters. More savagery needed.
e.g. Groggy needs a touch more of the ‘itlers.
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They just keep getting better, skink. I’m on the next Shinkansen to Shibuya !
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I thought Greg had just the right tone. Did he mention YWL’s?
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What a great way to kick off Easter Friday – thanks for the laughs Skink.
I had fun playing around with this software last night too. What a hoot.
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unfortunately the software does not allow you to vary the tone of voice, or they might all be a bit more ranting and angry.
I might try and find groggy on YWL’s
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can’t find Groggy’s best work regarding YWL’s, most of the most bilious rantings were taken down because of inappropriate content
LA – don’t suppose you kept any of it or could point me in the right direction?
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You’ve also made them more intelligent and articulate than they really are.
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One that would work well is Klag O’calammity’s rant about northbridge a couple of days ago.
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For mine, skink, it’s the limitations of this kind of software which are actually the key to their charm. I love the surprising mispronunciations, intonations, and quirky moves. Wouldn’t change a thing.
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Im in complete agreement with Snuff, its the nuances of the software that make it.
Being IT retarded means I can’t bring the link to TWOP but when next on Youtube check out Sean McCalliffs (sp?)Miss Nude Australia skit.
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That is pretty good, shazza. Thanks for the tip, and here it is folks.
p.s. ReasonablySFW
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and here is more Nurry
text by My Ning,
and thanks to Frank for unearthing it
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For mine, the tolling of the bell in the distance was pure genius on the Paul Nurry one Skink.
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here is Karlo the Commish
and also that debate
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Agreed – the limitations in the software are inherent to the charm.
There is menage in hearing ‘Nikki, Nikki, Nikki’ in expressionless monotone, which the text just didn’t convey.
I would’ve espressed the above far more eloquently, were i not several Howlers the worse for wear.
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I think the Heritage Council had a look at the plans and said: yeah, fuck it, the only thing worth saving is the fireplace. Gut it.
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sorry lazy, but i would vote this a not worst. i like that you can see under the skin of the building.
except for the corrugated iron bars which are a worst.
and most of the people who go there.
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Yeah, this is crap, give us another post, you swine!
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“Contrived mayhem, organised chaos, or a romantic ruin ?” (I’ve tried to link that quote from the “Present-2005” link on the “History” page, but the URL seems to refuse to budge from their homepage)
I think Michael Patroni makes a fairly lucid case, (in the “De-storation 1986” link on the “History” page), at least in theory, not dissimilar conceptually to vanished worsts, and I imagine it might have been fun to watch him “constantly monitor” the tradies’ “over-enthusiasm”. Never having visited the Queens, I’m unfortunately not in a position to offer an opinion. The corrugated bars, however, could certainly benefit from howling cow murals.
Now, apostrophically speaking, although “a wretched hive of scum and villany (sic)” does sound very appealing, I’m not one for casting nasturtiums.
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If I wasn’t burdened with the responsibility of 3 kiddies I would consider taking up the challenge to get a howling cow mural onto the side of the corrugated bar. It wouldnt be the most simple of missions granted, but quite doable if you chose the optimum time and space.
Anyone??
Would that then change the Queens from worst to not TLA?
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I was gonna say “But what about the Boans marble?” however I see that’s been covered
I will admit that the Queens is my fav sat arvo/early evening drinking hole but only ever sitting oputside, you can’t sit inside, oh no never inside, I mean LOOK at it…..there was a plaque/plague hanging in there somewhere regarding the design award, no doubt they felt guilty about it and took it down.
If anyone gets a chance poke your head into the dining room and admire the “new decor of red” it’s um interesting
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not wurst, made by elmars across the road?
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but what could be more totally Oz than winning an award for half-arsedness?
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In the early 90’s (when was the gentrification? about 1987?) I was there with a very suburban sheltered lady who said “It’s a nice pub but a pity they haven’t finished it off properly, it would look better if they finished the plastering and filled in the ceiling.” Which sums it up really.
Surely it must have the most consistently popular sunday session ever and you must give it credit for that. It has been the place to pick up since I was 18. not that I do anymore. But why? Is it just the location? It’s so strategic and all roads from the north sort of lead to it.
I have fond memories of lord and general’s rehearsal studio a few doors up, I think it’s now Martino’s? and their music shop on the corner opposite which is now one of those boring interior design shops with incredibly ugly furniture. Surely someone can work a few Charlotte’s Web references into this post!
The other beaufort st worst/not worst I remember is the desert cafe, which is now the pony club… I would love to see pics of that if anyone has any….
I vote not worst because it’s an institution.
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Well PL, if we are taking a walk down that memory lane we can’t leave out the Candy Store. I had my first Flaming Lamborghini there, and set my hair on fire, such was the extent of my hair spray use.
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Thanks for the reminder of the appropriately named Candy Store, shazza, which I think was previously the Cat and Fiddle, or maybe it was the other way around, and then, according to Margee, became the Public Office, and is now, according to poor lisa, the Flying Scotsman. Regardless, it was a great little venue, and as I mentioned in the Dead Parrot thread, was perfectly designed for getting up close and personal.
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Hey Snuff, while we are in the late 80’s Beaufort St time warp let me test your memory which so far is holding up well.
Can you recall the name change of the Old Brisbane Hotel before its current incarnation at the The Brisbane?
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I’m afraid you’ve got me there, shazza. I don’t recall it ever being called anything other than the Old Brisbane Hotel. According to their website it underwent “a lack-lustre renovation during the 1980’s”, so it’s possible that it had a name change at that time. I was out of Perth by the late eighties, so I’m really not sure.
p.s. Surely Lazy Aussies’ would have been better.
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I think it was always the Brisbane.
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It did indeed undergo a “lacklustre” reno in the late 80’s. And for a short while went by the name of The Lemon Tree.
l
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And there was some amateur theatre there wasn’t there? Effie Crump? No?
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Not sure how the theatre fits. When it became the Lemon Tree, the owner, whose name escapes me, lived upstairs. Then several years ago I became aware of the upstairs theatre via attending The Big HooHa theatre sports night.
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I think the Candy Store / Cat and Fiddle, etc. must be one of the most-renamed bars in Perth. I recall in the late 70s it was the Kensington, which had a very tasteful restaurant upstairs. All sense of taste went out the window when it became the Candy Store and the erotic performer “Baby Doll” flashed her “pink bits” there regularly, inspiring new legislation.
The Desert Cafe was great when it first opened and was just a cafe, before it expanded upstairs and had pretensions to being a restaurant. It had some wonderful pseudo hieroglyphics and other Egyptiana as its themed decor. I lived just around the corner at the time and it was great to be able to buy a toasted sandwich at 2am.
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The Desert Cafe was indeed great for late night munchies, Vic, when not much else was open in that part of town, and did feature terrific Molly Meldrum kitsch. Although you can’t see the gems inside, this photo I found for poor lisa below does feature the mural.
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I remember going to Queens pre tarting. there was pool table and a jukebox with Joe Cocker doing Cry me a river.
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And no doubt the definative version of the old Julie London Torch Song :-)
Hit It Joe !!!!
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No doubt raucous hippies, Frank.
Julie’s version is sweet, and I’ve always been particularly partial to Ray Charles’, but if I could only have one, despite the exhaustive list of choices, these days I’d probably settle for Diana’s “Live in Paris” rendition.
Here’s a great version from Ella, with Joe Pass in 1975, for whom of course it was originally written.
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According to their homepage, poor lisa, the “De-storation” (gentrification), was in 1986.
By “Lord and General”, are you referring to the reggae lovers of Version Galore infamy ?
Thanks so much for the reminder of the Desert Cafe, which was excellent, and look what I found for you ! I swear that’s my mate Mary Dudin’s station wagon out the front.
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Wow just saw this snuff, thanks!
yeh that’s the lord & general.
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was there a mummy in a bath in one of the toilets?
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There WAS a mummy in a bath in one of the toilets, js. As is apparent from Snuff’s pic, the building was originally flats, and the fixtures were retained, including said bath.
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Looks nice to me whats wrong with it?
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