Enough with the crap bronzes already

Unfortunately for Perth, former Lord Mayor Peter Natrass was incredibly keen on the ultra banal bronzecasters the Smiths. Now Nattrass was as famous for his lack of artistic taste as he was for not having a reflection, and drinking blood from the necks of slumbering ratepayers. The result is that we seem to have literally hundreds of pieces from this truly awful pair. The latest, and hopefully last work from these artistic criminals is a very bad sundial next to the Belltower. Gawd.

Go to Adelaide please Smiths

Go to Adelaide please Smiths

There’s a massive Smiths infestation down near the casino. Here’s one of the pieces. Smiths please stop tormenting us with this bland shittiness. Go to adelaide.


About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in worst public art, worst sculpture and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Enough with the crap bronzes already

  1. skink says:

    are they also responsible for “Vlamingh scared by duck” in Burswood, and “Yuppie wankers through the ages” outside St Martin’s Tower?

    I always thought the yuppie statues should have a Gen X statue at the end, with cargo pants, a laptop and a backback

    they all seem to have the same face, including the old lady with the parasol, who looks like Vlamingh


  2. skribe says:

    Good to see I’m not the only one that has that opinion of the Smiths’ work. Greg James FTW.


  3. skribeforti says:

    Good to see I’m not the only one that has that opinion of the Smiths’ work. Greg James FTW.


  4. skink says:

    good grief – they are responsible for EVERYTHING!

    doesn’t any other artst ever get a commision?

    the Sydney memorial, the Kalamunda fountain, the bloody kangaroos, the Fremantle orphans…the lot: all with the same face and stiff stance regardless of age or gender.


    they are a veritable army of Worsts. they are Lord and Lady Worst

    This goes beyond a simple Worst, some sort of Golden Worst award is needed

    or a Worst Lifetime Achievement Award.

    how about a Worst Hall of Infamy?


  5. Groucho says:

    Hey mummy

    Yes dear what is it

    Why are you so ugly and your hair is green

    Dont be silly, now shut up and stand still


  6. stu says:

    My god, I never realised one group was responsible for all of that hideousness

    Well according to that website there’s more to come from 2008, or maybe they’ve been done. They’ve sure milked the gumnut fountain idea.

    Commission: ‘ Copper 2m high – Cottesloe Golf Club – Cottesloe WA
    Commission: Hign Wicombe Roundabout Gumnut Fountain Sculpture – Bronze & Steel.
    Commission: de Vlamingh Memorial – Steel – Granite – 10 m diamater – City of Perth – WA
    Commission: Forrestfield Entrance Roundabout Gumnut Fountain Sculpture – Bronze & Steel.
    Completed: The Memorial to Raha Echo & Milo – Dolphin Sculptures – Bronze – Hillary’s Boat Harbour –
    Rotary Club of Hillaries and Rotary Club of


  7. skink says:

    I see that someone was so outraged by their Mundaring sculpture that they tried to insert it up the artist:



  8. Orbea says:

    skink, that is truly hideous


  9. Yes the gumnuts, all the crap Burswood ones, and the worthy but boring city pieces. Also John Curtin in Freo previously listed here.


  10. Frank Calabrese says:

    Yes the gumnuts, all the crap Burswood ones, and the worthy but boring city pieces. Also John Curtin in Freo previously listed here.

    And the Bon Scott Statue ?


  11. ljuke says:

    That’s great Orbea. I particularly like the picture where they’re sculpting Bon’s dick print.


  12. skink says:

    was Bon Scott really that short?

    and did he have the arse of a six year-old girl?

    I bet that guy in the photo tells stories down the pub about how he sand-blasted Bon Scott’s arse.

    is the artist attempting to give Bon a camel toe with a scalpel?


    • Onanist says:

      I recently visited Fremantle and gazed upon the statue of Bon.

      He appeared to have the arse of a six year old girl down the front of his tight jeans.

      My seven year old daughter said “he has a got a great big lump” as she patted the rock god’s crotch.


  13. Bento says:

    I didn’t hate the gumnuts, but they kind of undermined the effect by putting the same sculptures in Forrestfield and High Wycombe.

    I always thought they should have been more reflective of the locality. Kalamunda = gumnuts, no problem. But Forrestfield should have had a bronze prime mover, or maybe bronze teenager gatecrashers rioting. Maybe a bronze upturned shopping trolley, half submerged in a drain, for High Wycombe.


  14. Orbea says:

    The entry statement to High Wycombe is a an empty premix bourbon can, in bronze


  15. Bento says:

    Or a bronze pram with a packet of Winnie Blues tucked in the sunshade.


  16. Cingiali says:

    I see what you’re trying to do LA, with the not so subtle juxtaposition of posts on this ‘sundial’ and its obvious inspiration, the Kalgoorlie handbag.

    However I find you derelict in your duty that the Smithian masterwork, the Burswood Olympic walkway hasn’t been worsted yet. “The design of this area creates an ambiance reminiscent of an ancient Greek Olympian setting, in which the formalisation of the classic Doric style is expressed”. Reminiscent of Hami Hill more like.


  17. Cingiali Grande. In queue. Greek Olympic style SHOULD be blokes with no dacks, but no. You know I don’t mind SO MUCH the swan fountain at Burswood by the fun loving artistic criminals teh smiths.


  18. D. says:

    Yeah man fuck Morrissey what is up with that guy anyway.


  19. Vic Demised says:

    Are the Smiths responsible for the ugly-as-sin children sculptures at the entrance to Princess Margaret Hospital? I couldn’t find any attribution nearby when I last looked.

    Whoever made those monstrosities has real trouble depicting kids’ faces, perhaps not realising that children don’t often have eyebrow ridges and protruding lips. Or maybe the sculptor(s) intended to depict kids with one of those premature ageing conditions?

    Next time I’m in the area I’ll snap a couple of pics and forward them. They definitely belong on this site.


  20. David Cohen says:

    Where is the Weekend Worstoff? This is an outrage. I demand a refund.


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  22. DonnePerth says:

    The PMH bronzes were done by Owen ‘Taka’ Davies.
    Unfortunately, I have to agree with the comments re the face on the young girl. Apparently the powers that be at PMH thought it was just great and it was cast like that.

    He also did the donation tree at Sir Charles Gardiner Hsp.

    Greg James did the Bon Jovi sculpture.

    Check out the ‘Japanese tourists’ sculptures at Mundaring by Stuart Elliot. Great works!

    And the jarrah horse by Nick Compton in Kalamunda.

    I live in Kalamunda and have to drive past the Gumnut fountain almost every day, and then occasionally its exact duplicate in Forrestfield. I wouldn’t mind so much if they had bothered to actually study a gumnut and reproduce the different textures of the nut and the leaves, instead of blank slabs of bronze, with no patina.


    • We have had the tourist ones long ago I think search for tourist trapped. The consensus was that they were not worst. Where is the Jarrah horse?


    • Metal Mickey says:

      Cold chisel, sand paper, centre punch, and gimpy hamer, with a large triangular metal file for the leaves. Angle grinder or dremel though would be pretty quick with a generator on the back of the ute.


  23. Donne Perth says:

    You are right about the Japanese tourists at Mundaring, they are certainly not the worst. For a moment there I forgot we were discussing the worst sculptures.

    The jarrah horse is next to the theatre in the little park area south of the Coles entrance. Turn off Hayes st at the bank into the paved mall area.


  24. djembeh says:

    Nicholas Compton’s ‘Horse & Whim’ is in the town square. It is a lovely tactile piece of sculptural children’s play equipment, and it also references logging history in K’Town… so leave it alone, it does a humble service to the community. I don’t feel that play equipment needs to pass any strict aesthetic tests; if your kid wants to climb it, and you say yes, because it looks safe enough, then it works. Its a bonus when councils choose put in play equipment that doesn’t look plastic and mass produced. Please do feel free to continue bagging the big nuts, however – yes, they stink.


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