#labspill

If the bafflingly incompetent Tony Abbot is getting spilled federally, isn’t it time that state Labor finally did the same, and sent Mark McGowan, aka the Slightly Damp Tea Towel to the washing basket?

It was said to me, that, “McGowan is such an ineffectual opposition leader that Colin Barnett has stopped bothering to even brush his hair.” Ouch! And he has stopped! Take a look. The Premier doesn’t even care which way each of his eyes is pointing these days. And why would he?

A few questions for Mr McGowan. Firstly, what are you mumbling about Man? Grow a fucking spine. Or at least a set of vocal cords.

Secondly. Why are WA liberals unconcerned about the impact of Federal issues? Particularly when Barnett is the biggest nincompoop of them all? The man is an idiot. Why can’t you lay a glove on him?

Why do you always sound like you’re half asleep? Have a nap for Christ sake. Or a coffee. Particularly if you are being interviewed by Slumber King McGlue on 720 Drive. The two of you together sound like a couple of dead dogs slowly sinking in a drum of molasses.

Mr. McGowan replies. “If Mr Barnett, can’t hear the mumble mumble from the mumble, electorate, (inaudible) mumble, democracy, (stifles yawn) mumble (inaudible).

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in worst journalist, worst politician and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to #labspill

  1. Russell Wolfe's Lovechild says:

    Have you ever listened to a Sticky McGlue interview? Half the time he doesn’t even have a clue about what he is talking about, he always tries to adopt this aggressive, confrontational style but is such a snoozer it is like being growled at by one of those fluffy white dogs from inside a BMW on Bayview Terrace. And then after it is over Sticky tries to sum it up and inevitably misrepresents the guests position completely.

    And yes, Sneakers McGowan does suck. If a talentless hack like Shorten can be PM, why can’t he be Premier?

    Like

  2. you'll get wet says:

    Australian sniper. The faction of Karens favoured by Emo are popular with mercenaries. Emo and fellow WA Lib Sen.Dean Smith may be our first pollies to get mentioned in dispatches in Soldier of Fortune mag for sponsoring one of their favourite Colonels. http://www.soldieroffortunemagazineonline.com/colonel-ner-dah-mya-guest-speaker-australian-parliament

    Like

  3. Rolly says:

    Now, if the electorate would simply get off its collective fat arse, wake up from its political slumber and shake itself out of its intellectual ennui, there might, just might, be a chance that we would create some kind of inclusive and effective government.
    In the meantime…

    Like

  4. skink says:

    I have this mental image of Tony Abbott and Julie Bishop in a Ford Thunderbird on the edge of the Grand Canyon, recreating the final scene from ‘Thelma and Louise’.
    ‘We can’t go back’ says Tony. ‘Let’s just keep going’
    and Tony drives the Liberal Party off a cliff.

    Like

  5. you'll get wet says:

    Beaky Barnett ‘je ne suis pas Noongar’ DIDN’T YA HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME JE NE SUIS PAS NOONGAR!’ could probably extend his career another term if he’d just fess up and give us something good to gossip about. It could be our very own Obama moment, Colin confronts us with our dark history and we overcome. My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of Colin. Could work. Who’s his media Tzar? Better than going down in history as the guy who tried to develop mega projects by playing Japan and the PRC against eachother, and pissed both of them off.

    Like

  6. My Ning says:

    The Secret Diary of Mark McGowan (Aged Nearly 48)

    As I was preparing my reply to Colin Barnett’s latest budget, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I found out that people were being brutally murdered by ISIS terrorists in Palmyra.

    How could this be allowed to happen? I asked myself. Sure, I had found out recently that there was some kind of traffic issue out there, but I hadn’t realised it had escalated into such violence.

    After all, I had just driven through sleepy Palmyra last week on my way to home to Rockingham and there were no signs of Jihadists roaming the streets.

    Come to think of it, I didn’t even see a mosque.

    Something had to be said about this.

    I imagined myself on the evening TV news seriously reprimanding the premier in my sternest of voices.

    “Mr Barnett might like to think that having antisocial elements perpetrating acts of violence is acceptable, but he’s just making a mockery of democracy,” I mentally rehearsed.

    “This is what happens when average household budgets are pushed to the limit by things like increases in motor vehicle insurance and the privatisation of power poles.

    “Mr Barnett should hang his head in shame.”

    It was at this point my treasurer, Benn Wyatt, walked through the door.

    “Have you heard about Mr Barnett’s mockery of democracy in Palmyra?” I asked.

    As usual, Ben was quick on his feet.

    “Why don’t we go out there,” he suggested. “We might get some mileage out of it. Apparently the residents are quite upset about the new by-pass. Plus we’ll beat Stephen Smith to the punch.”

    “Now?!” I spluttered. “I can’t just yet – I’ve got to go home and put on my white navy uniform before I enter a war zone like that.”

    Ben gave me the oddest of looks.

    Well, I couldn’t believe my eyes when we finally arrived in Palmyra after stopping at the KFC on Canning Highway for a quick bite of lunch. For a war zone it looked pretty serene.

    Plus I still couldn’t see any Jihadists when we went into a little shopping centre, where I told everyone I would restore the democracy Mr Barnett was making a mockery of.

    “Unlike Mr Barnett – and Hitler before him – I have no plans of dismantling the democratic infrastructure you’ve all come to enjoy,” I said.

    When someone asked what I planned to do about the planned highway by-pass, I reassured them that a McGowan Government would find another road on which to divert the tanks, armoured vehicles and troop trucks that had brought this suburb so much misery.

    “Had Mr Barnett’s undemocratic plan to merge local councils gone ahead, this might not have been possible,” I added, adjusting my designer glasses to add some visual impact to my words.

    “I put it to Mr Barnett – either listen to the people of Palmyra or suffer the consequences of your ill-considered follies.”

    During the drive home, I heard on the radio that the UN had become involved, calling for ISIS to stop trading in the sex slave circuit.

    “Maybe we can go across to your seat in Victoria park and close down Madison Avenue,” I suggested to Ben. “That would put Mr Barnett in his place.”

    “I’ll handle it,” he replied nervously. “I think you should stick to Rockingham.”

    Like

  7. you'll get wet says:

    Sounds like a job for SuperGreg, swinging into his new Gregmobile to rescue Palmyra.

    Product of St Eugene de Mazenod’s Unimmaculate Oblates, patron Saint of leather strap abuse and terrorists in white dresses. SuperGreg musta got lost on the annual Jog For Javathon and ended up in Canberra. Pity, coulda been a Masterchef.

    Greg if you’re out there monitoring our comms already, you could start saving us by cancelling Barnett’s citizenship. And Johnson. In fact, start with Johnson. Then Barnett, who I believe still holds dual Hutt River Province citizenship. People generally think he’s a Liberal, when in fact it was all down to human error really, having filled in the wrong Centrelink form during school hols. Instead of getting his choice (the vacant court jester role at Hutt River) he was sent to Liberal Party HQ for work experience, and stayed.

    My choice for third cancellation would be John Day. He’s living proof that the oft quoted cliche – all you need to succeed is one good idea – is wrong. Day hasn’t had a single idea and has managed to spin a career out of not having one. Who gets fourth? Suggestions?

    Of course, cancel the entire Gov and Sneakers wins by default.

    Like

  8. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    Sneakers is coming. He is on target to bore his way into government.

    The Emperor has no clothes.

    Like

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