Margaret River, Delusions of Sanity

I sincerely think the residents of Margaret River are unaware that the town is an ugly craphole not a Tuscan village. Buying a place in Margs immediately brings on a kind of mental blindness. Where the rest of the world sees unwashed drunk bogans walking the streets, Margs residents see forest nymphs distributing pixie dust. Where visitors see a Target flanno sale, MR residents see a baguette and truffle popup next to an orangerie. Margaret River, get over yourselves. Your town is not beautiful. Your town is not interesting. Your town cannot be ruined – it was ruined decades ago. Take the example of the opposition to Woolworths possibly allowing a “fast food restaurant” in their new premises. How self unaware can you get?

“Katrina Lombardo has joined a chorus of locals who pleaded with Woolworths through its Facebook page this week to withdraw a 121-seat fast food outlet from its new Margaret River development. She asked the company to withdraw its application in the name of public health and referred to obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer becoming more prevalent due to “fat and sugar-filled fake food that is also filled with preservatives galore”.
OK first, as noted, 60 Chicken Threats 20 Red Roosters and a 30 storey McDonalds wouldn’t fuck up the town. It’s already a hole. Secondly, surely someone has given Katrina a bit of a slapdown, noting the town is most famous for preservative filled, obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer causing drug of human misery – alcohol. Is there a website Grumpy Hypocrites standing in front of buildings?

Here it is now. More power to it.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorisable Worsts, worst of perth and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

79 Responses to Margaret River, Delusions of Sanity

  1. Although I do agree that ingredients such as snouts and sawdust should be sourced locally.


  2. skink says:

    did she knit that cardigan herself from the collected freerange underarm hair of feral Cowaramup wimmin?

    and that necklace? surely the shrivelled testes of emasculated househusbands.

    no ‘grumpy hypocrites’, but there is this:


  3. Dealer of Scarborough says:

    Expect a visit from the suede-denim Secret Police.


  4. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    Little known fact – most of the really delightful Tuscan and Provencal architecture is now being done in tilt-up concrete.


    • rottobloggo says:

      It could be worse: they could be getting a SECOND DRIVE-THRU at their McDonalds…


      • Snuff says:

        Now that rattles my ornaments. I was just about to opine that even the smell of Macca’s couldn’t make it any worse when I realised it wasn’t Derby in the Kimberley.


        • rottobloggo says:

          “You can smell all the smells from the restaurant inside and outside our bungalow.”


          • Martyn says:

            My favourite conspiracy theory is that they have a scented hot oil mister in the main outlet. You couldn’t get that smell that far from the epicentre if you weren’t working at it. Of course this presupposes that some people actually think a McDonald’s smells *good*, but given that some people like the look of films on their TV with the smooth motion setting turned ‘on’, anything is possible.


  5. billoslatter says:

    OMG indeed.A well timed and heartfelt missive,LA. Ms Lombardi does deserve a slapdown and a good kick up the arse to boot. Nothing speaks bespoke-ness than Margaret River except perhaps Freo on a good day. Acting Director of Sustainable Development, Mr Iliya Hastings, replying to questions from Ms Sabine Lane at the SHIRE OF AUGUSTA-MARGARET RIVER
    ORDINARY COUNCIL MEETING on the 10 October 2012 stated that factors in the council’s consideration in the approval of the food court include
    1. Decreasing Margaret River’s reputation as a Regional Food destination
    2. The impact upon the Brand Margaret River
    Consideration of these two factors defeated the coal mining industry.Bring on the carcinogens of celebration.


  6. mancey says:

    Ironic given Margs was ground zero for River rooster (vale), which then spread it’s chicheny goodness throughout the southwest. Fattening gen x’s with over mayo’ed chicken rolls and greasy pineapple fritters


  7. vegan says:

    a fast food outlet that doesn’t support local producers, as opposed to a national supermarket that does? whilst also supporting the right of every australian to gamble away the family assets.

    margaret river – wa’s finest shit hole.


  8. mikek says:

    I don’t think its big enough. It should be huge so Margaret River can be like other country towns with big apples, rams, lobsters etc. Seems a pity really for them to miss out on such a golden opportunity to hold their heads high and mix it with the best rural landmarks around the country. Shame on them I say.


  9. PeteF says:

    Margaret River as a body of water, as a concept – yes. As an actual destination – no. The trouble with ‘destinations’ is the support infrastructure has to go somewhere. It has been royally fucked up here.
    I happened to visit Lynchburg, Tennessee since I was in the area. The actual destination is all quaint & village like as advertised. Nearby are two modern cities where the support infrastructure can be as modern as, well, not very modern but you get the idea, pimply shoppies have somewhere else to go and add colour and vibrancy.


  10. Shazza says:

    Bunch of whingers. Mammoth cave is awesome. Leeuwin Estate Chardonnay (Art Series) is all sorts of buttery goodness. The deli section of the IGA is pretty good.


  11. skink says:

    if they had told me two years ago that the Perth Arena was being built specifically so that INXS could play their last ever concert there, I wouldn’t have begrudged them the money, or the ugliness. I may even have contributed some loose change.

    I hope this paves the way toward the Perth Arena being an elephant’s graveyard where music acts that have outlived their welcome can come to die. Maybe some sort of enforced euthenasia.

    Elton John, Nickelback and Andre Rieu:- your Kool-Aid awaits you.


  12. Bento says:

    I’ve always been surprised at the way a popular tourist town centred around premium wines contains only 3 pubs, all of them ranging between discusting and mediocre. Bussell Highway is no Arrondissement.


  13. BSWAM says:

    I just Google-mapped Margaret River.

    It’s no Kinderhook but still several steps up from Pleasant Valley (last pleasant circa 1912).


    • On the coast, about 10 minutes drive away monster waves crush surfers. Nearby to the town are some nices places. That’s its problem. Other quaint towns turn crapholes are on the coast, so you can turn your head to a beautiful view. Margs is just out of sight, so as it gets worse, there’s nothing else.


    • MR was last nice in the 70s


      • BSWAM says:

        The outskirts look beautiful but the main strip looks so pre-fab. But at least Margaret River is coherent and looks walkable, which is more than anyone can say for Pleasant Valley (which, while itself much less ugly than certain notable hellholes in the HRV, is depressing for preserving just enough of its bucolic past to make its current post-fire present that much more soul-killing by contrast).


        • Anonymous says:

          I think Rob Broadfield mentioned he ate some kind of animal from the HRV in a review in the Weekend West on Saturday. No description on who was serving the drinks as far as i remember.


  14. Legend 101 says:

    Now we know what G.S.T is for!


  15. Anonymous says:

    Is everyone in the upper middle class a smug fuckhead or is it just you?


  16. Anonymous says:

    To whom is that derogatory comment addressed? Eh??

    It appears to be no more than the utterance of an inverted snob of the bogan kind.


  17. Anonymous says:

    I have never been able to understand why this “too good for Perth” crowd of failed journos and the like doen’t just go the whole hog and piss off to melbourne.

    You could all start a cheap-plonk-with-a-rich-sounding-name commune in Brunswick and be, like, way cultural.


  18. mancey says:

    Haha, nice. Love a good blow-in meltdown.


  19. Pingback: In the heat of the bong | The Worst of Perth

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