You should never clear out “Mum’s cabinet”. I thought people would have understood this by now. You’ll only find out that your parents are human – human animals like you and me, who take their perverted pleasures ‘ere they can. Possibly even while you are watching Children’s Channel Seven. No, seriously, that can totally happen. And you may be at the jilgie pond at the creek and it will be all Duck a l’orange and afternoon delight with all the keys in the cut glass trifle bowl (cut glass ? what a fucking joke, dude that’s moulded glass, the only thing cut was you when you paid $80 for it at Todd’s auctions). And I’m talking last week, not 1970. And the fact that it’s not Christmas doesn’t faze “uncle one”. By Elissa M. But yeah. Whatever. Totally.
Worst Talk
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The Worst of Perth 
There is a certain scary Stepford Wives quality to this.
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Stepford grandmother
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is the cabinet of la madre in La Casa de mi Padre?
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/casa_de_mi_padre/trailers/11161204/
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I reckon after about three hours the jingle of those bells could send one into a psychotic state. A Christmas for the whole family to remember.
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The horrific rythmic jingles coming from the sunken lounge.
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…where there is a copy of this on the coffee table.
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The horror!
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…and Don Lane under it.
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is that a young Gina?
family Christmas won’t be the same at her house after today.
is does rather look like the jumper reads ‘No, No, No’
as in, ‘No, please for the love of God don’t shove that candle up me.’
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Fake candle is a nice touch. In 70’s future, paraffin candles will be rendered obsolete by C cell powered lightglobe candles
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I’m not convinced it’s a real woman either. Perhaps the Cross Stitch is a hint ? And candle ? We had another word for battery powered phallii, back in the day. This dogging lingo is confusing.
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Imagining those meaty hands … oh never mind.
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Hint of underwire
Puce and tartan spark the flame
Angled slabs of beef
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Bell, rouge, and candle, shall not drive me back
When yuletide cross-stitch becks me to come on (King John, Act 3, Scene 3).
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Did she write reviews for the Grauniad?
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Nice work.
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it’s like a robot.
imagine that coming towards on christmas morn.
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It would certainly obviate the whole “believe in God” aspect of the holiday.
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I’m sure it’ll all make sense if you just get to know me.
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If that were an RSVP profile I’d run a mile. Defensive, lame, and creepy.
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“I’m not modest – too busy for that”???
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You wouldn’t believe how much unexpected sex the City of Perth gets as a result of that video.
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Unexpected? Or unwanted?
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There’s an epic backstory to that quote, BSwaM, which begins here.
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My original question still stands.
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I was expecting much better. Was that actor half asleep. or was it the writer?
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It’s a wonder he didn’t say “What are you looking at ?”
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Are you looking at me? I don’t see any other future cunt.
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At least he didn’t ask me where the bloody hell I am.
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Clearly, City of Perth has a self-esteem problem. I Iam starting to understand why.
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fat fingers.
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cankles and wtf dental brace?
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But what if I get to know you and find out you can’t entertain me?
I just don’t think I could live with the shame.
I mean, it’s not even a real candle.
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Sounds like classic teenage angst, to this old grandad.
Frankly, I prefered Perth when it was just an uncomplicated, but surprisingly sophisticated, large country town.
It has become a city of ‘wanna-be’ thinking and is suffers more from the classic “cultural cringe” than ever.
A place where the citizens value style in preference to substance; where what you sound like and look like carries far more weight than what you are. Show ponies all.
….And all this “vibrancy” rhetoric leaves me cold and desperately searching for a touch of real character and robustness in the planning.
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Came across this and couldn’t resist….
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lol fuck me. Perth sounds like a 40 year old that lives with his mum. They should wipe the monologue and play the Swan premium lager music over the top of it, would be awesome
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Subtextual deconstruction : Australia rhymes with failure , suck more piss.
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Thank you, JF’s Head – although I hadn’t realised that you could get Swan over east back then… That’s my new favourite ad…
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Swan under bondy in the late 80’s was pretty popular east of the border. Shit they even had Rene Geyer doing ads for swan gold
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I posted the vid on facebook. I’ve been asked whether Swan Lager still exists or not. Does it?
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Nope…the premium lager in that ad hasn’t existed for…jeez must at least 20 years. was bondys attempt to sell swan to the world around the Americas cup in 87.
That ad I posted is no where near the best version. there were some great variations starring people like Greg Norman and john bertram . can’t find those on YouTube
You can still buy swan draught in stubbies and on tap in a few die hard pubs and bowling clubs. Emu export lives on too !
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We have discussed these before somewhere. There’s even a hideous version with Darryl Somers
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Just here, TLA.
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Wow, never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined it was a cabaret version. Awesome
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The best soundtrack Swan ever used was Renee Geyer. The ad’s still lame, but she’s magnificent.
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Haha. Swan Premium Lager, Gold Logie Edition. Haven’t seen that one but could imagine Darryl sitting there in smug self satisfaction, knocking back a few black cans
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I was trying to think why this is so disturbing, past the overall aesthetics, and it finally occured to me. Assuming this is not an image from a UK/US import (and it may be), there is absolutely no reason to own/wear/see a Christmas sweater anywhere in Australia.
It’s like hitting the slopes at Aspen in a microthong.
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It would only be appropriate wear here if we had Xmas on the 25 th. June where, season-wise, it rightfully belongs.
It is, after all, a mid-winter Pagan festival that’s been hijacked by the christian churches and an ubiquitous fizzy drink corporation of Californian origin.
In the mountains around the East coast, thee are several excellent snow skiing resorts.
It gets decidedly chilly in them thar parts, even in Summer on clear nights.
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Line 5 : –
…
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The Coke reference is an urban legend.
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Yes, C. Clement Moore and Thomas Nast were, for all intents and purposes, the joint creators of the American version of Santa Claus. And Coca-Cola is an Atlanta company.
I’m aware that regions in Australia see significant snow–just not during the Christmas holiday. You are thus spared the horror that is the Christmas sweater, which, if it doesn’t already have a Worst site all its own, should.
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Here you go, BSwaM.
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Oh dear. If a promo video could wear a novelty Christmas jumper, this one would.
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And if I were ever to be stalked by a promo video – well, I think I have gotten to know this one well enough.
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How many of these things are there?
Ironically, if they just restricted it to the photography and played some low-key music, this campaign would be a winner.
But the whole “we haven’t (blank) in a while!” gambit reeks of rejected fuck buddy.
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Apparently that’s the whole campaign – one minute long ad and two 30-second slots. Reason #783 for me not to bother getting a television, I can catch all this gold when I’m in the right frame of mind rather than have it ambush me in the middle of The Simpsons or something.
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Having fun imagining the American equivalent.
“I’m Los Angeles. I think.”
“I’m Boston.” (dour, haughty, judgmental silence)
“I’m Newark. Put all the money in the bag and you won’t get hurt.”
“I’m Charleston, South Carolina, darlin’. Would you mind goin’ over to the bar and gettin’ me a big ol’ drink?”
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Or Hobart in what they call summer.
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I believe in Hamilton Hill they call it Saturnalia
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I thought this was from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 3.
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