The Cabinet of La Madre

You should never clear out “Mum’s cabinet”. I thought people would have understood this by now. You’ll only find out that your parents are human – human animals like you and me, who take their perverted pleasures ‘ere they can. Possibly even while you are watching Children’s Channel Seven. No, seriously, that can totally happen. And you may be at the jilgie pond at the creek and it will be all Duck  a l’orange and afternoon delight with all the keys in the cut glass trifle bowl (cut glass ? what a fucking joke, dude that’s moulded glass, the only thing cut was you when you paid $80 for it at Todd’s auctions). And I’m talking last week, not 1970.  And the fact that it’s not Christmas doesn’t faze “uncle one”. By Elissa M. But yeah. Whatever. Totally.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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60 Responses to The Cabinet of La Madre

  1. Rob F says:

    There is a certain scary Stepford Wives quality to this.

    Like

  2. shazza says:

    I reckon after about three hours the jingle of those bells could send one into a psychotic state. A Christmas for the whole family to remember.

    Like

  3. skink says:

    is that a young Gina?

    family Christmas won’t be the same at her house after today.

    is does rather look like the jumper reads ‘No, No, No’
    as in, ‘No, please for the love of God don’t shove that candle up me.’

    Like

  4. John Forrests Head says:

    Fake candle is a nice touch. In 70’s future, paraffin candles will be rendered obsolete by C cell powered lightglobe candles

    Like

    • Snuff says:

      I’m not convinced it’s a real woman either. Perhaps the Cross Stitch is a hint ? And candle ? We had another word for battery powered phallii, back in the day. This dogging lingo is confusing.

      Like

  5. NF#1 says:

    Imagining those meaty hands … oh never mind.

    Like

  6. orbea says:

    Did she write reviews for the Grauniad?

    Like

  7. vegan says:

    it’s like a robot.

    imagine that coming towards on christmas morn.

    Like

  8. RubyRuby says:

    I’m sure it’ll all make sense if you just get to know me.

    Like

  9. lol fuck me. Perth sounds like a 40 year old that lives with his mum. They should wipe the monologue and play the Swan premium lager music over the top of it, would be awesome

    Like

  10. Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

    I was trying to think why this is so disturbing, past the overall aesthetics, and it finally occured to me. Assuming this is not an image from a UK/US import (and it may be), there is absolutely no reason to own/wear/see a Christmas sweater anywhere in Australia.

    It’s like hitting the slopes at Aspen in a microthong.

    Like

    • Rolly says:

      It would only be appropriate wear here if we had Xmas on the 25 th. June where, season-wise, it rightfully belongs.
      It is, after all, a mid-winter Pagan festival that’s been hijacked by the christian churches and an ubiquitous fizzy drink corporation of Californian origin.
      In the mountains around the East coast, thee are several excellent snow skiing resorts.
      It gets decidedly chilly in them thar parts, even in Summer on clear nights.

      Like

      • Rolly says:

        Line 5 : –

        thee there……

        Like

      • Bento says:

        The Coke reference is an urban legend.

        Like

        • Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

          Yes, C. Clement Moore and Thomas Nast were, for all intents and purposes, the joint creators of the American version of Santa Claus. And Coca-Cola is an Atlanta company.

          I’m aware that regions in Australia see significant snow–just not during the Christmas holiday. You are thus spared the horror that is the Christmas sweater, which, if it doesn’t already have a Worst site all its own, should.

          Like

          • RubyRuby says:

            Oh dear. If a promo video could wear a novelty Christmas jumper, this one would.

            Like

          • RubyRuby says:

            And if I were ever to be stalked by a promo video – well, I think I have gotten to know this one well enough.

            Like

            • Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

              How many of these things are there?

              Ironically, if they just restricted it to the photography and played some low-key music, this campaign would be a winner.

              But the whole “we haven’t (blank) in a while!” gambit reeks of rejected fuck buddy.

              Like

              • RubyRuby says:

                Apparently that’s the whole campaign – one minute long ad and two 30-second slots. Reason #783 for me not to bother getting a television, I can catch all this gold when I’m in the right frame of mind rather than have it ambush me in the middle of The Simpsons or something.

                Like

                • Bartender's Skills with a Manhatten says:

                  Having fun imagining the American equivalent.

                  “I’m Los Angeles. I think.”
                  “I’m Boston.” (dour, haughty, judgmental silence)
                  “I’m Newark. Put all the money in the bag and you won’t get hurt.”
                  “I’m Charleston, South Carolina, darlin’. Would you mind goin’ over to the bar and gettin’ me a big ol’ drink?”

                  Like

      • langhorne says:

        Or Hobart in what they call summer.

        Like

  11. Ljuke says:

    I thought this was from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 3.

    Like

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