Port Ewen

Some more from New York’s Bartender’s skills with a Manhatten, who, tired of treating Perth as his private colony of seamonkeys, turns his gaze to his own patch. Jeez, if he has to resort to CAPITALS for what still looks like a pleasant enough place, then imagine if he saw Darch! Or even Mt Lawley! BTW, see me in the comments here, barking at Perth architects to stop with the excuses. The consensus seems to be that it is the clients fault that they are making bad buildings.

Greetings from the Village of Port Ewen, a historic hamlet on the banks of the Hudson that has done EVERY SINGLE THING IT CAN TO REDUCE ITS VISUAL APPEAL AND HISTORIC CHARACTER TO ZERO. Landmarks bulldozed, churches set ablaze, hideous developments, tacky civic “improvements,” political corruption, garbage-barge commercialism – you name it, it’s here!
First up–an Italian restaurant a few doors down from Van Loan’s (featured in TWoP’s first HRV chapter) I wish I could say the food is good.







This is the front lawn of the house next door.







And this is the house across the street.  I am afraid my crappy picture does not do justice to this sham castle, which is built out of tarpaper and fake wrought iron, and which incorporates the house next door, whose former inhabitants moved away in disgust. (Jeez Bartender, it looks pretty good for tarpaper! TLA)







No idea.  Main Street, Port Ewen.







There are about a dozen of these wretched things up and down Main Street as part of an “arts program” whereby “local artists” “decorated” “tugboats.”







Perhaps the worst of the worst.  Until this year, the two beautiful buildings on this sign, one of which dated to 1739, stood side by side on Main Street.  Until they were torn down by a bank for a drive-through branch.  And commemorated with the above plaque.
A better example of “this great thing used to be here until we destroyed it!” I have yet to see.
It literally makes me ill every time I drive past this.
We have but scratched the surface of Port Ewen, perhaps one of the region’s greatest piles of Worst.







Thanks Bartender.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
This entry was posted in *Worst of The World and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

59 Responses to Port Ewen

  1. vegan says:

    so, you do registered lawns as well.


  2. Pete says:

    Is that a registered lawn? Looks like it should be, wait while I call Subi council.


  3. vegan says:

    and those plaques are hideous in concept and design.


  4. Jaysus Fucking Christ. Brilliant!


  5. The tarpaper castle looks great. The tugboats, yeah, I hear you.


  6. poor lisa says:

    The orange restaurant – that’s a preserved facade?


    • Bartenders Skills with a Manhatten says:

      No–it’s a sham Roman temple front to match the fake castle across the street. The original building was a California-style bungalow now completely covered by the new facade.


  7. orbea says:

    Wow I have never ~really~ wanted to go to the US, now I do. Superb work BSWAM – swami to the upstate NYtards


  8. NF#1 says:

    Some public art coordinator at the City of Fremantle is currently looking at the tugboat, licking their lips. Mark my words.


  9. valerie woodruffe says:

    The historic hamlet Village of Port Ewen looks like a rather sleepy, a bit like my American Cousin Valerian, who can also be found lying on the banks of the Hudson


  10. Bento says:

    Exceptional. Spot on NF#1- the tugboat concept is a dead certainty to find its way to Freo (or maybe Rocko).


  11. rottobloggo says:

    I’ve always been uncomfortable with the US habit of calling me an alien.


  12. Bartenders Skills with a Manhatten says:

    Crap. I must have screwed up the photos somehow. I don;t know why they’re so small.

    And I have to admit that this crop might not catch the true hideousness of Port Ewen. I took about two dozen pictures, many of real nightmares, but a lot of them just wound up looking kind of dull on film.

    Sorry for the dud post, folks. “Try, try again.”


  13. orbea says:

    PerfectStorm of Worst Wednesday 30 November 2011 – 6PR Sattler is going to interview Mark Mitchell aka Con the Fruiterer


  14. orbea says:

    from TLA’s link above

    In other matters, 140 William is great but the BHP Tower already deserves a couple of Boeings.

    ooookay then … err, do architects do this a lot?


  15. WarriorTom says:

    Tugboats eh? Fnarr fnarrr!!!


  16. Has there been an Occupy Port Ewen?


    • Bartenders Skills with a Manhatten says:

      There is barely an “actually live in Port Ewen.”


      • valerie woodruffe & rotti pup says:

        BSWAM how did you find us here in WA? Do you have an urge to leave Port Ewen for WA?


        • Bartenders Skills with a Manhatten says:

          I am fascinated by and occasionally write articles on the development of colonial architecture through what, for lack of a better term, can be called The New World.

          I found “The Worst of Perth” by Googling “Perth architecture”.

          I wish every city in the world had a corresponding website. From London to Lagos and Boston to Buenos Aires, the world would be a more honest place.

          For your second question – no. I would like to visit Perth, for architectural reasons and also to meet up with you lot, but I love the HRV and I honestly think Perth’s climate would not suit me. (I need to see snow and autumn color to feel to that time is passing).


  17. Pingback: Outrage Sunday 31 bedlam | The Worst of Perth

  18. The Legend 101 says:

    where is port ewen?


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