The Claremont of future past

Posted on August 2, 2010 by AHC McDonald

Historians of the year 2525 may be puzzled by WAtching’s Claremont pic. “Hasn’t Claremont always been like this?” they may ask. Is this an example of Perth’s famous brick cladding aka brick wallpaper? The orange trim is nice too. Lack of Cocos shows that it’s a suburb of class.
The current era where Claremont is the home to the well heeled arsehole and most of Perth’s dickhead population may only be fleeting, even if they are about to get their first small bar “Corksoakers” very shortly. Sideshow alley is in the background. Outrage, any chance of a few tickets to the opening of Corksoakers? You’ll be covering it I assume?

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About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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36 Responses to The Claremont of future past

  2. orbea's avatar orbea says:
    August 2, 2010 at 9:04 am

    The Worst of Perth, Quick, said Fish.
    Yeah made it finally, said Quick.
    Suddenly, they all laughed—even Quick. It started as a titter, and went quickly to a giggle, then a wheeze, and then screaming and shrieking till they were daft with it, and when Oriel came back in they were pandemonious, gone for all money. But they paused like good soldiers when she solemnly raised her hand. She fished in her cuntkini and pulled out a florin. Happy birthday, son.
    You want change from this? said Quick.
    That set them off again and there was no stopping them.

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  3. hyperfocalphotography's avatar hyperfocalphotography says:
    August 2, 2010 at 9:07 am

    I thought the worst cocksuckers of Perth resided in Peppie Grove and Dalkeith? Claremont is for the real people matey, remember the ghost of the SpeedWay. The orange brickcladding goes a treat with the even more lurid orange fuse box and windows frames.

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  4. shazza's avatar shazza says:
    August 2, 2010 at 9:50 am

    I’m a fan of old Claremont. I grew up visiting my grandparents in their modest little 2 bedroom house smack bang in the middle of this suburb. It is a beautiful old place.
    The wankers are in Peppie Grove as hyperfocal states.

    As for the pic. Marvellous WAtching. The neighbours around this place must wonder what the hell..?

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  5. Snuff's avatar Snuff says:
    August 2, 2010 at 10:01 am

    If that’s Sideshow Alley in the background, then this must be perilously close to Earl Graylands.

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  6. richarbl's avatar richarbl says:
    August 2, 2010 at 10:13 am

    The worst thing about this busted arse shack situated in the white trash enclave of Claremont is the fact that it is probably still worth 400K.

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  7. David Cohen's avatar David Cohen says:
    August 2, 2010 at 11:40 am

    I will be reporting on our first small bar and the vibrancy it brings to the 6010 zone, TLA.

    But do not hold your breath for an invite, let alone tickets.

    The mayor and CEO of Claremont have been informed of your defamatory – and, frankly, hurtful – comments about their town.

    You may well soon be visited by Captain Claremont himself and be given a surprise.

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  8. Ljuke's avatar Ljuke says:
    August 2, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    I will actually be opening my own small bar in a couple of weeks. The smallest small bar in Perth will, in fact, have room for only one patron. I’m calling it Closet’s (apostrophe included).

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  9. Ljuke's avatar Ljuke says:
    August 2, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    You are in a closet. It is dark. Exit is North. What will you do?
    >look

    You notice a washing basket at your feet.
    >look washing basket

    It is full of dirty clothes.
    >take clothes

    You take the clothes and notice a bottle of gin in the basket.
    >take gin

    You now have the gin.
    >use gin

    You imbibe the gin. It is delicious and warming.
    >go north

    You crash through the closet door, trip over the washing basket and land comfortably on the stack of dirty clothes you are still carrying. The empty gin bottle, however, shatters in your hands, causing deep lacerations which will require medical attention.

    GAME OVER.

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  11. BRIK's avatar BRIK says:
    August 3, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    I’m in love.

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  12. aerial's avatar aerial says:
    August 18, 2010 at 11:12 am

    This house is in the street next to me in the povo end of the ‘mont. I walk Diggers the pooch past nearly everyday and have NEVER seen anyone enter or leave…and yet eerily things around the house move around. I wish i was a well-heeled arsehole. I’m just an arsehole.

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We can handle the worst