First time submitter John Cooke emerged from boozing and bowling to snap these sinister wedding children in North Perth. Thanks John. Somewhat Dr Who. The hands will drop open to reveal guns. Don’t tell me, you came back the next day and the shop wasn’t there? Personally I never trust a child in a white tux. NEVER I tells youse.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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17 Responses to Wedding

  1. Tony T says:

    Personally, I would like to see more creepy dummys.

    Wonder what music the shop was playing.


  2. Cookster says:

    No music… eerily quiet except for a shuffling sound of chiffon on polyester and a high pitched giggle every now and again.

    These kids would make for a great horror movie – like that one where the African doll comes to life and terrorises a woman in her home… who could ever forget the scene where she gets him into a suitcase and tries to drown him in the bath, only to watch him saw his way out with a mo-fo knife… scared the shit out of me as a kid that one.

    LA – speaking of shops that disappear… back in the 80s I used to spend a fair bit of time at The Fat City Cafe in Nedlands, watching bands like the Kansas City Killers and The Holy Rollers. Then one night I turned up and there were a bunch of pastel clad, deck shoe wearing yachties sitting around drinking tea… the owner said he had no idea what I was talking about… anyone else ever go there, or was it a figment of my 80s-addled imagination?


    • flunkyrat says:

      Welp Cookster- I’m not sure “the Rollers” ever played at the “Fat City Cafe” in Neddies. The Old Melbourne, Wizbah, Equator, Red Parrot, Shenton Park Hotel, The Vic. -sure, but Fat City ? I somehow doubt it. Mebbe you dreamed it ?!?


  3. Dom says:

    …if only there was a travel agent next door with a sign ‘HoneyMoon Special – Wiggles World on the Gold Coast’


  4. Simon says:

    “The Terror of the Autons”.


  5. Rolly says:

    Now, this really *is* truth in advertising. :o


  6. Rage says:

    I kinda like them. And their creepy quality.

    I mean, I’d probably put them in lederhosen and set them up to look out of my front window, but still.

    Ps: Not only white child-tux, but also a red cummerbund.


  7. poor lisa says:

    The deck shoe & polo wearers might have tried to brainwash us (and they’ve taken over the city now, if Beaufort St on a sunday arvo is any indication) but Fat City lives on in the memories of those who went there maybe once or twice.

    John I don’t think you are any more addled than a surfeit of Melbourne Bitters & power chords produced by guys in pointy boots and spotty shirts would make the average punter.
    You know what is still there though? Novak’s wine bar in James st. That was a good venue called the Groove Tube in the 80’s, with the same decor.
    Geez I’m glad I’m not 20 and reading all this, thinking ‘what the fuck are these old tragics on about.’

    The 2nd dummy pic is obviously an alien invasion.


  8. Cookster says:

    PL – so you would have recognised me then in my black suede winkle pickers, black stovepipe jeans, purple paisley shirt and ‘hello, I can’t see anyone’ long fringe?

    Can’t remember the Groove Tube (I went OS in 87) but can remember the Wiz Bar… sorry young people, ‘ll come back to the ‘noughties’ now.

    Re the dummies, I wonder what happened to the real kids who modelled for them? Unless… no… surely not….


  9. Mango says:

    no. 8 – somehow i don’t think there WERE ever any real kids…the artist must live somewhere where he/she only caught a glimpse once of what a real child looks like – and this is the result….


  10. Bento says:

    Why do I get the feeling they know all my secrets?


  11. flynn says:

    Chuckies relatives?


  12. poor lisa says:

    Mango’s right, the artist has never had a good look at a real child, unless the pinheads are making some kind of, ahem, point. The distinguishing feature of the average child up until the age of about 7 is that their heads are huge in proportion to their bodies.


  13. mazarina says:

    the boy ‘child’ in the second photo looks a bit like an adult I know….


  14. Mez says:

    I can’t stop looking at those kids – like a dodgy press clipping from Truth magazine

    Amazing 7 year old twins Addison and Felicity still bearing the scars of an horrific acid attack by their crazed Ice addicted father pictured today as their mother, Bertha, remarries, this time to famous television idenity Eddie Maguire. Their proud mother praised them for being so brave “Felicity wanted to look so pretty we bought her a brand new pink wig and painted her eyelashes back on. Addison ran around all day just like any normal 7 year old, except that he doesn’t have ears.”


  15. poor lisa says:

    ahahahahahahah Mez.


  16. The Hack says:

    So that explains what happened to two of the Beaumont children – they were shipped over the Nullarbor from Adelaide and turned into creepy store dummies. My theory is the third one was purchased by the Johnny Young Talent School and became a founding YTT member. Jamie Redfern, perhaps.


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