The Stench of Eureka

Stu, exiled from our state of post vibrancy, has landed in Ballarat, where the stench of Stockade karaoke pre-pre-vibrancy reeks from every brick orifice. A lesson for Fremantle here. It takes two to facade. A Miniorb for Gen Y. One standard corrugated for Teh Unforgiven. True story. To BSWAM and the many out of town worsters. Umm… Ballarat was the site of the Eureka Stockade. Hard to know how to put it in perspective of anywhere else. But. OK, so a bunch of racist miners take out their extremely legitimate grievances against colonial mining licence restrictions whilst reserving the right to murder Chinesers. It’s taxation without representation without the option of bulk tea wasting alright? This takes the form of a pissweak rebellion quickly quelled, wherefore the aforementioned right to murder Chinesers with impunity is sullenly taken up as a consolation prize and a quite attractive flag is then subsequently used by unions with only a slightly less overt Chinese labour stance, ruining it for ever for possible later national flag considerations some decades on… Ok.

Soooooo… then…Peter Laylor, the Prince of this legitimately anti establishment but uncool pro Chineser murdering, was subsequently honoured for his part in this total fuck-up. Only to have his verandah eternally shaded, and his front bar soiled with renditions of Khe Sahn, and Radar Love. No doubt Stockade Chow Mein is available around the corner. So. Any questions? balla1balla2

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in *Worst of Australia, worst architecture and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to The Stench of Eureka

  1. juantrak says:

    That’ll be Peter Lalor, thank you. And he’s most certainly rolling in his grave at the Chinese Takeover of Australia.
    Australian Manufacturing – fucked up the arse by China. We’ll all be driving Cherys and Fotons soon. Toyota will give up and go over to producing robots and electronic devices.
    Australian property prices – fucked through the roof by Chinese bribe money. If you thought it was bad now, just wait – it’s going to get worse.
    Australian farming – in the process of being almost 100% bought up by China, so Chinese can be fed first, when the ordure hits the rotating air movement devices.
    Australian mining – fucked up the arse by cunning Chinese who accumulate huge stockpiles of commodities, so they can depress the market at will.
    Australian food – fucked beyond belief by the appearance of greasy spoon Chinese chew-and-spew eateries on nearly every main intersection. Everything is cooked in pork fat, whether you wanted it or not. Everything tastes of fish sauce, regardless of which number you order. Even No. 69 tastes like fish sauce.
    Australian Massage industry – totally ruled by Chinese triads. You want happy ending with that? It’s not going to be a happy ending when the ordure finally hits the rotating air movement devices.
    The only area left for the Chinese to conquer is the retail fuel business. They have to dislodge the Indians if they want to do that. That could mean real war. You ain’t seen violent rebellion until you try to dislodge Indians from owning every fuel outlet.
    I can feel another Eureka Stockade coming on. How about you?


  2. GivDBird says:

    Just wait for the Warwick/ Greenwood ‘Ken Done’ Super Dome to be completed. Then it will be IN YOUR FACE Ballarat!


  3. Perineum says:

    Well. First Tim Winton, then Peter Lalor. Next, you’ll be telling us that Smiley Gets a Gun is in need of reappraisal.


  4. Slanderer says:

    Or maybe that would be Peter Lalor, famous local lad from the Sons of Gwalia debacle? Where’s that My Ning bloke when I need some verification?


  5. Slanderer says:

    And that second pic is a world class Thomasson. At last! I’ve been hoping to find one around Perth.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I almost stayed there in 2008. Paid to stay the night, lay down to go to sleep and realised that the bed had that wonderful combination of soft and lumpy and the room wasn’t exactly soundproof.

    Left and stayed at a more expensive but certainly more comfortable and quiet place down the road.


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