Tim’s ShortS Story

Phwoar, me own bum bags. Might wear em to the Booker. He pulled them up and the fish seemed to dart and ripple around the twin coral bommies of his thighs. “All me fish. Herring, the shitfish,  those little dunnies of the sea. He had first used them in Cloud Street, (or was it Open Swimmer?). The salmon he had written about in well all of them really, especially after the old man shot through. Phwoar, the Tailor. Definitely used one in Breath. No wait, Dirt Music. Bet Coetzee didn’t have custom shorts. 

No blowies though. Not even a norwester, like they’d see on those hot mornings when the easterly was still blowing the tops off the chop and sand into your crack and dad would say careful,  they’ll chop your big toe off if you let ’em! And the blowies buck teeth would remind him of Becky before the braces went in. Smile like a mountain goat, smelling of musk sticks and chicos…ahh. Her breasts then like mini quiches under the grey woollen jumper and even the hard suspension of the old Hino bus could get much of a bounce out of them. Back then. Back then.

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
This entry was posted in worst fashion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Tim’s ShortS Story

  1. juantrak says:

    I want to see a shot of the rear, where they’ve displayed that rarest of all species, the crackfish.


  2. you'll get wet says:

    Take the fishing outta fishing, just chuck a pair of these shorts on the barbie.

    Where’s his seasnake?


  3. you'll get wet says:

    Or could be a seasquirt. Doesn’t look like a river monster. Clownfish?

    Hey Becky wanna play Finding Nemo? Phwoaaar…


  4. Rolly says:

    The last time that I came across a pair of pants as fishy as these, I worried for weeks after about possibly having contracted some kind of “social disease”!


  5. Guymcfly says:

    Shouldn’t that mannequin have a massive beer gut overhanging the front of the shorts? Again a lack of appreciation for normal shaped bodies. And those thongs are way too clean as well….


    • Possibly single bungers too.


      • Sir Bill International says:

        From the Olde Cuntes’ Dictionary
        1. a firework
        2. short for ” bunghole”
        3. a single bunger is an ordinary thong, a double bunger is an extra strength thong.
        Word Origin
        C15: from Middle Dutch bonghe, from Late Latin puncta puncture, or from 1840-50 , Waga (Australian Aboriginal language spoken around Kingaroy, S Queensland) bongī meaning dead.


  6. Simon says:

    How much are you paying Tim to write these guest posts?


  7. you'll get wet says:

    Nothing, it’s an advertorial for the patented Winton Eco-Short.

    Wanna save the world? Don’t we all. So, buy the Winton Eco-Short. No more live trolling messy mulies and maggots, just attach the Eco-Short to your lure. Need a tent? Sail? Not any more – you have the Eco-Short. Buy one get two, use the second for shopping instead of those plastic bags that choke Sealions [Phocarctus Hookeri] in the Ross Sea. Now you too can swim with Whale Sharks – but only if you wear the Winton Eco-Short. Let them know they have a friend. And they’re great for those anti fracking and James Price protests. Just wear your Eco-Shorts for a week with no undies and the cops will leave you alone. Exceeded your bag limit of Abalone? Just drop your Eco-Shorts for the nice inspector and all will be forgiven

    The Winton Eco-Short is biodegradable, a stunning advance in technology from the Indian Ocean littoral’s own labs. Is your dinghy sinking? Who needs flares. Epirb shmepirb. Just roll up your Eco-Shorts, shove them in the fuel tank and light. Your flare will be seen in Somalia.

    So join with us in declaring the Indian Ocean a zero tolerance no-fun no-take Zone of Peace. Buy one get two and tell those sealion murdering IGA checkout chicks what to do with their plastic bags.


We can handle the worst

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s