The burgers are better…

Johnny Scrotum from Young White Lesbians has pulled this one out of his archive. Apparently this depraved practice is still common. Set the scene. A guy regularly metal detecting under a playground hamburger at Morley Primary School. Let that sink in. He’s looking for change that has fallen out of children’s pockets. He could have that detector paid for in 10 years. Maybe he’s after more, as teh Scrotum reports frequent episodes of drug crazed kiddies ‘ridin’ the burger”.

I'm after what's in your kid's pants.

I'm after what's in your kid's pants.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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22 Responses to The burgers are better…

  1. Grrr says:

    We should incorporate that as a stop in the Commonwealth Games marathon (assuming it have one).

    Indeed, since the idea of wasting money on a bid is quite possibly one of the best Worst ideas ever, we should start lobbying to get locations like the Worst Brothels included in the bid.


  2. David Cohen says:

    Start at Morley PS, down the Beaufort St arrondissement, past the Hyatt, along the waterfront, up and down the stairs at the Red Castle Hotel in Rivervale, and finishing at Heirisson Island…is that 42km?


  3. skink says:

    that would take them past Cino To Go in Mount Lawley, which is famous amongst world leaders


  4. Bento says:

    And Mercedes College…

    The whole Condi trip is starting to make sense, now. It wasn’t just to visit the Smith family – it was a Commonwealth Games marathon route reconnaissance mission!


  5. Groucho says:

    The school uses the burger as their detention room (please note the bars). Doing time in the burger aint pretty so kids often use bribes to try and get out by tossing coins at passing students enticing them to release the exit latch. They affectionately call this The Burger Joint.


  6. David Di says:

    Personally, I don’t feel that this is a “depraved practice”.

    The real depravity is in the taking of a picture of someone enjoying an honest hobby and then suggesting that such an activity is in anyway “depraved”…..but I guess that is simply an opinion.

    At least the kid is not sitting their boozing away or shooting up or whatever…..Taking pictures of someone looking for something that is lost in the grounds of a primary school with a metal detector and then making such a harsh judgment about what they are doing is in itself a type “depravity”.

    Looks harmless enough, because that’s what it is.

    Some people have done a whole lot worse, with so much more.


  7. They get those too apparently. Well yes, it’s less depraved than if he was 60 I suppose.


  8. Groucho says:

    I found the Burger more bizarre than the supposed parent looking for their daughters trinket lost in the sand. Here we should be promoting health food and not erect monuments to MacDonalds or Hungry Jacks….shame shame….where is Jamie Oliver when you need him.


  9. Nah DD I vote he’s depraved. ; he could be reading J’Scro’s blog and using his time positively.


  10. Kwality says:

    perhaps he’s sweeping for unexploded ordinance? Clearing mines?


  11. Bonnie says:

    Same here Groucho – maybe a TWOP team should head out in the dead of night and replace the burger with a broccoli?


  12. Mazarina says:

    That burger is GOLD I tells ya! I love it, it’s so bad, it’s good. Definitely one of the best worsts.

    Perhaps it’s not an endorsement for junk food, it sure doesn’t look particularly appetising to me. Is the green graffitti an attempt to introduce some vegetable content?

    As for the metal detecting – could be one of those battling-dog-food-eating pensioners just trying to make ends meat (excuse the pun)


  13. Groucho says:

    …..this is a fine example of a grilled burger (don’t excuse my bun)


  14. Groucho says:

    #11 Bonnie…I think a TWOP SWAT team would capture the burger and hold it for ransom and a possible serve of fries on the side…hold the pickles.
    I can feel some type of torture may be involved.


  15. The BCF says:

    Needs a giant coke and fries with that!


  16. Cookster says:

    So, you’ve finally uncovered Hamburglar’s grotto. He will be pissed, I tells ya.

    Any more bad words about teh cheezeburger Groucho and Grimace will be paying you a visitin da dead of da night…


  17. Groucho says:

    Itsa gouda cheezeburger…..there I said it……


  18. mintox says:

    I always wondered what happened to the old playground Hamburger from Dianella McDonalds.

    Ahh the memories, once had a mate try to climb inside it (at the age of 20 and 6’2″ and get stuck inside the burger, the staff at McDonalds had to call a handyman to dismantle it and get him out.


    • Gemfyre says:

      Is that the same burger? I thought it looked familiar. We went to Maccas once in a blue moon, but I remember playing in that. Back when they had Happy Meals in those plastic boats and busses and space shuttles.


  19. Groucho says:

    I can just see the advertisement : “For Sale 1 slightly used Hamburger, apply MacDonalds Dianella – home or school delivery service available”


  20. Johnny Nonation says:

    Is that wasabi smeared on the top of the burger? Perhaps the school imprisons the kids inside? The burgers are better at(Insert fattie food place).


  21. Dave from Freo says:

    Probably getting paid $23k a year as a school gardener.

    Doing their best to stop young children getting stuck by needles left behind by junkies. Scared shitless that they’ll get the blame if one innocent kid gets stuck by a needle.

    Most gardeners just have a metal rake to try and find the thin needles lost within sand pits.

    Next time you see a cop whinging about “hoons” tell them to harden the f*&* up and do something about the junkies.


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