Weekend Worstoff 5

Welcome to Weekend Worstoff 5. Jimbo sent this excellent guest worst from Bali. Ice Cold Piss.

Would have made a far better slogan for this Swan Lager Tray I found recently. Ice Cold Piss, Australia’s international passport to drinking pleasure.

The traditional ad from The West personals. Russian Asian hands? I can’t see a comma sorting this one out. The Asian hand gives while the Russian hand takes away?

And The Bedford Crackpot Fraternity sent in this delightful montage documenting the hair of Alannah Mctiernan. I might not have run it if she had bothered to reply to my email asking for a shot of the sniffer chair.

I have also added the answers to the location of The 8 arses of WA sculpture.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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39 Responses to Weekend Worstoff 5

  1. Lannie :” If me and my hair come within reach of Troy we’ll both punch him”


  2. CK says:

    Wise guy huh? Look at the ground! Look at the ground!


  3. Actually Alannah’s OK. She doesn’t seem incompetent or corrupt like so many others. If her hair’s her biggest problem she’s not doing so bad.


  4. Russell says:

    Doesn’t seem incompetent? So what happened to land prices – remember those long queues of people sleeping outside land auction sites?
    Planning – have a look at Leighton Shores and Port Beach Road / West Coast Hwy: we’re told that, yes, Curtin Ave / West Coast Hwy will flow on to Stirling Hwy, they just haven’t decided where, but never mind any actual planning, we need to just flog off as much coastal land as we can get away with to developers first … and wasn’t Leach Hwy going to be bridged over Stock Road …. and the 3 Harbours Plan was brilliant. I could go on and on with planning stuff-ups just around Freo – without mentioning the railway to Mandurah!


  5. Yes , definitely not the worst but also not the best. The female of the species “Knowitall Blowhardus”. $2 bill on the railway to nowhere .


  6. Russell says:

    OK, A few more points towards ‘worst planning minister’ for Alannah: anyone remember the complete stuff-up of vehicle registrations (huge queues, computer collapses, wrong cheques being sent out etc); how about the cycle-path program – in 2005-06 parliament allocated over $5 million for cycle-paths, but only about $3 million was spent (given money and can’t even spend it!), so next year the allocation for cycle-paths was slashed, and remains slashed. Even along the Fremantle rail line the cycle way stops and starts, with cyclists being thrown onto busy, dangerous streets.

    Also I remember, when being asked why we didn’t have a system like the BASIX one in NSW (you have to meet sustainability criteria to have your house plans approved) Alannah’s response was something like “The Housing Industry Association doesn’t want it, so we’re not having it”.

    Then there’s taxis ……


  7. Paracleet says:

    I seem to recall swan lager as being drinkable. At least its was better than swan draught


  8. Have a quick sip of Speights from New Zealand’s South island, and anything seems drinkable.


  9. poor lisa says:

    Yeah but what about her hair. That’s what female politicians should be judged on, not their policies or competence or lack there of.
    Oh and of course the redolence of their chairs.


  10. poor lisa says:

    Erm LA sorry, that came out unintentionally like a feminist rant. Of course I agree her hair is completely shocking and definitely a worstof.


  11. We judge everyone on their looks, male and female.


  12. Russell says:

    Constructive suggestion for Alannah – given the careful accessorising of that crimson and white ensemble, perhaps a white turban with a ruby on the front ….. perhaps turbans all the time.


  13. A turban would be lovely.


  14. Bedfords Crackpot Fraternity! says:

    “Go the Mullet Lana!!”- the current “Do” is a disaster (not Vogue – Vogon) – it says – “Look at me, I’m so busy I’ve cut it myself” Unfathomably poor presentation that distracts from any semblance of policy!!


  15. Frank Calabrese says:

    Speaking of Trains, the Bus Australia Forum has an issue With The West’s “Reporting” of Public Transport Issues.



  16. Mez says:

    Hair! If we dare – can’t we talk about the distinct lack of on some our prominent pollies. Geoff got out just as his was going extremely grey, Burkie had to wear a hat from 1986 onward, Carps is looking a little shabby on top, gawd please let us never see a photo of Julian Grill’s pate again, that fella in the bong t-shirt really should consider a comb-over and imagine… please just imagine, Troy’s vain attempt, a few years hence, to to maintain an image of virility.
    Our pollies have no franchise on good looks but without doubt – the blokes are by far the worsetess

    and they all wear very very boring suits


  17. Mez says:

    Damn! I used to have one of those Swan Lager Trays but left it at a rental house in Claremont when I moved out in early 90’s. Would commit crimes for it now


  18. The West always used to use a picture of Deff Geoff Gallop with hair like Hitler.


  19. cimbali says:

    Having just been the victim of the hairdressing equivalent of hit and run I can feel a little for Alana.
    Once you are in the chair with the plastic cape tightened like a noose around your neck you can lapse into unconsciousness for twenty minutes or so and wake to find that havoc has been wreaked upon your head!
    Alana might like to try this 12 year old hairdresser who sniffed loudly every two minutes and whose extraordinary understanding of engineering allowed her to under cut my hair so that all it can manage is to lie flat on my skull like a slightly damp budgie! Not the wispy sort of messy look I was after. If anyone can find the name of Alana’s hairdresser I would happily give them a go – once some of mine grows back again


  20. Poor Lisa if you feel like a feminist rant go for it. I just think Lannie Mc T continues the tradition set in that portfolio by Mad Uncle Eric Charlton. Russell you summarise her well ; she is aa lawyer , basically not interested in any long term planning : it is all about symbolic gestures and vote winning gee-gaws.
    She did however make the right decision about the taxi industry which seems incapable of making supply side decisions , but retreated behind Carps when the natives revolted.


  21. skink says:

    Glad to see Alanah’s hair has finally made TWOP. Does she cut it herself, in the dark?
    I have much respect for her – I thought she did a good job with the Ghost Train and most of the poor planning was done by her predecessors, but the taxi situation is a bloody disgrace – I came into the airport Friday night and queued 40 minutes for a cab, only to get trapped in a confined space with a gentleman of questionable personal hygiene and no knowledge of Perth geography despite have a satnav

    did you know that it is impossible to hail a cab during rush hour on the Terrace? why? because it’s a sodding clearway; the nearest cab rank is at the station. Perth must be the only city where you can’t hail a cab in the heart of the CBD

    and what happened to D’Orazio’s ‘tache? did it get expelled from the Party?


  22. poor lisa says:

    I’m fond of Stephen Smith’s soap-actor bouffant.


  23. Re: Taxis, China may be communist compared to Perth and people generally poor rather than wealthy, but there is ALWAYS a taxi in Beijing day or night.


  24. Bonnie says:

    Am I the only one who LOVES Alannah’s hair??!


  25. Frank Calabrese says:

    [did you know that it is impossible to hail a cab during rush hour on the Terrace? why? because it’s a sodding clearway; the nearest cab rank is at the station. Perth must be the only city where you can’t hail a cab in the heart of the CBD]

    And try getting a Maxi Taxi via the system, unless you’ve got a pool of drivers, it’s impossible – as I discovered when one of my regular drivers could’nt take me and I had to go to Jaye Radisich’s Electorate Office opening in Ellenbrook (no tops were lifted), despite booking the taxi on a Monday for Frriday afternoon, 1 hour prior to the event, my taxi came 2 hours late, and when I rang for a return cab, None turned up, despite ringing every 20 minutes or so for an update – didn’t have a mobile at the time, luckily a kind lady buying a pizza at Dominos gave me a lift home.


  26. Russell says:

    Bonnie – – please explain.


  27. Rolly says:

    I dunno, Frank, but I really feel that the failure of a cab to arrive at an agreed place and time constitutes a breach of contract by the organisation accepting the booking.
    I’m not a lawyer and I rarely use taxis, but I am aware that incidents like this are fairly commonplace.
    Perhaps it is time for the regulating authorities to take a closer look at the problem and to instigate the appropriate measures to eliminate failures like this.


  28. Mazarina says:

    Perth needs tuk tuks to solve the taxi problem. I’m espcially fond of the crazy 3 wheeled micro van variety.


  29. Otis says:

    I know the culprits that cut Allanah’s hair if anyone is interested?


  30. Rolly says:

    To what level have you been elevated, Otis? No, I know, it’s you doing the elevating.
    Praps that’s why her hair is standing up on end. Elevated.
    Or could it be her electrifying personality?
    Maybe static, which is mostly what one hears around the hallowed halls of state Parliament.
    Ah, So.


  31. But no-one takes up Russian Asian hands. Interesting


  32. Frank Calabrese says:

    [But no-one takes up Russian Asian hands.]

    The lady in question must be of mixed heritage :-)


  33. B. Texan says:

    I thought they were just fast hands…


  34. Rolly says:

    Haven’t you heard of the farmer who just couldn’t keep his hands off his beautiful young bride so he sacked the lot and bought some more machinery.


  35. skink says:

    would it be too pedantic to point out that the majority of Russia lies east of the Urals and is part of Asia

    perhaps the lady is a Tartar


  36. Rolly says:

    Aye, me hearties, a tart. Aaarrrghgh!


  37. Bonnie says:

    I’m not sure I can explain, Russell – it’s almost a spiritual sense rather than a logical reaction.

    It makes no sense, but partly I love her hair because it is so bad, and partly I love it because I think it’s really good, not bad.

    Perhaps it’s because I’m often found wearing the “just rolled out of bed” style myself – and I actually mean just rolled out of bed, not “just spent 2 hours at the hairdresser and $80 worth of product to try to get the rolled out of bed look” style.

    Also, I have a strong warm and fuzzy feeling for Alannah for other reasons (yay for trains!) which might be biasing me on the hair thing :)

    No, I haven’t started a fan club yet, but if I weren’t so lazy I would have….


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