The other day, Rottobloggos David Cohen was arguing that The ‘Ling (Stirling Arms) on James street Guildford was far more worthy than the Rangeview for TWOP. I quote
“The bouncers stand outside and throw people in. The squat building is a cross between a D-Day German pillbox and a Romanian asylum. The eastern outside wall is for guests’ urinating pleasure – very Parisian. Between performances the skimpies will quickly whip up oleaginous fush and chups, washed down with a piping hot All Black…”I decided to check it out, and it turns out we were both there taking pics at about the same time. I thought he was a little harsh on the building description, and I think the Rangeview (The Ranga?) looked worse, but it certainly wasn’t the most pleasant looking place. I used one of each of our pics.
Thursday and Friday are your days to finally catch a skimpy Tom, Raunchy Skimpys at that. (Although I still find it difficult to believe you haven’t encountered one of these poor creatures before.) There are a couple of lovely buildings just up from the Ling that I know you will love too. Don’t go on the 7th of Feb, though. Not only will you miss the skumpys, but you will encounter Dennis Marsh.
Dennis Marsh is a Kiwi country singer. In 1970, he was one of five to be selected, by a panel of judges, from singers all over NZ, to form part of a group called ‘Living Bread’ to represent the NZ Youth for Christ in Sydney, Phillipines and Singapore. He is also a country boy at heart unfortunately.
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The Worst of Perth 
Still an opportunity for a performer on Sat nite, according to the blackboard…perhaps The Triffids (see today’s Australian, page 3) will grab the slot?
I feel a bit guilty (guilt in Guildford) re the ‘Ling. Friends who used to live in Guildford were telling us about the time they went to The Guildford Hotel. When they returned home their dog Albery was missing: he’d done a runner. Back to the Guildford – not there. Albert was eventually tracked to the ‘Ling: he was having a ball by the karaoke stage. Everyone knew him: “Albert’s going!” they all shouted when my friends collected him. There was a similar salutation when they went through the beer garden.
Another friend says there are always lots of cars at the back of the ‘Ling after a big night.
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you should see the old girl now. Check out the pics on http://www.thestirlingarms.com.au
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Why is there an insect hovering over the website? Can it smell the hundreds of rotting hangis that they couldn’t find still buried deep underground? It does look less…shitty from the road. A no Kiwi policy will always fix that right up.
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They can’t spell Melbourne. Dickheads.
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magnificently random use of inverted commas at the “New” ‘Ling
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To be fair, the gallery indicates that they do appear to have tarted the place up a bit. Tapas anyone?
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Gourmet hangi tapas. Tiny parcels buried in the grounds. Even harder to find.
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Yes, new sign out the front “Pakehas welcome”.
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How about Jews?
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It’s not a Country Club.
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But do they still offer rum on tap?
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Draft absinthe a-la Carlisle swingers’ club.
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Wow they have fixed the place up….well do I remember the happy time of my salad days when a Friday trip to the ‘arms n legs’ to see a proper tittie show was de reguer…
Might have to dust off the safari suit for a visit.
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Your backpedalling noted. The Ling not so bad. Got it.
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I think the Dennis Marsh sign is actually a warning not an advert “Beware Dennis Marsh coming back!”
LA, could this delightful place be considered for WoP official Headquarters?
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Anon. I know my fantasy TWOP headquarters. Have had it photographed for a while, but have had too much else to post.
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I love the text sizing on the left-hand sign –
“RAUNCHY! SKIMPY! (girls)”
…just in case you thought it was one of those pubs where the kiwi country singer gets up on stage wearing a g and gyrates around for a bit.
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What has everyone got planned for Waitangi Day? It should be huge!
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According to wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waitangi_Day) the model for the celebration of Waitangi day is thus. : A pub crawl to 27 pubs in a counter clockwise direction using the underground railway.
At the end the survivors ( if there are any) attempt a haka. How this translates in Perth using the ingredients of Dennis Marsh , the Ling , scumpies and a railway system not laid out in a circular fashion I don’t know.
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Trust me. One way or another they’ll end up in Fremantle.
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Via Burswood, Northbridge, and Scabrous Beach.
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Hang on a mo. You have to buy TICKETS to Waitangi Day? WTF?
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EXCUSE ME!?
I am a Raunchy skimpy waitress and I will tell you now, I am CERTAINLY not a ‘poor creature’.. Or a ‘skumpy’ (whatever that means).
I sincerely hope that you are open to changing this way of thinking and at least come and see me at work behind the bar, I am postive I can change your mind.
Billie X
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Hi Billie,
If you’re a great skimpy we’d like to work alongside you! Its a shame xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx skimpies have a bad rep, cos we know not every girl in the industry deserves it. But the low standard of some of the girls employed by commission-hungry agents does ruin it for the rest of us. You sound strong, articulate & proud of what you do, so maybe you belong with the freelance skimpy co-op who’re taking over WA & making $50 to $70 ph direct from the hotels, PLUS enjoying the freedom to hand out freelance cards for direct private party bookings PLUS deciding our own public image standard…
Perhaps the skumpies (blow-thru backpackers from NZ?) could be replaced with proud professional local skimpies on double the rates, and turn the Stirling Arms around, like 40 other hotels already loving us.
C’mon, I’m sure you’ve heard of us?
PerthsBestGirls.com.
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I’m going to approve this comment, because, well because it’s about skimpies. Bartender of New York, you may have to have the skimpy concept explained.
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Co-op? Sounds like a union. Power to the freelance skimpies.
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Definately worth the allowance TLA. Just the mathematics alone make it a great comment. I mean c’mon Nat, do you really think Billie is still reading this thread after more than 3 years post comment?
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I wouldn’t put it past her since the Blue Arsed Flies cover band are back in the game.
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You mean the Blue Bee Gees.
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Despite the personal address, could just as much be aimed at other readers of this site.
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Whoa, you gonna skimp it up? Things can’t be that bad?
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Perhaps wouldn’t be a lot different than before, except less clothes. I did look up perthsbestgirls.com, though for purely worst-related reasons mind.
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Preemptive strike: “yeah yeah, that’s what they all say.”
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Natalie reminds me of another TWoP commenter for some reason.
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How so Snuff?
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Okay, not balls NF#1. But definitely sandy.
WARNING : Natalie (name link) NSFW
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Management may not allow photos B.
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Billie, what are you doing on Waitangi Day? There’s apparently some hot train action happening.
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I have the distinct pleasure of currently residing in London (West Ealing, for those of you curious) so will most likely be celebrating Waitangi Day on the Circle Line pub crawl.
I think a great idea would be to mention on a packed train full of All Blacks shirts that Dan Carter is a pussy and Sebastian Chabal is a hero.
(Although they could counter that Giteau is a hack and Wilkinson rules but what do I give a fuck, I’m an AFL fan.)
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Whats wrong with that it’s a house and a beer shop.
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It’s the vibe of the thing.
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