Bring in your cricket bats now

The tributes to Philip Hughes have now become so farcical that they have gone beyond parody. You can bring in your cricket bats now. Maybe leave a protective groin box on the dashboard of your car as a moving tribute if you like, but please, no more mentions of “little mate”. And can Justin Langer really be as dim witted as he makes out? His puke inducing piece in the Sunday Times almost appeared to be a pisstake. Even briefly delving into the mystery of “female intuition”. Justin, these are the thoughts that are most appropriately kept private. Firstly out of respect for your *puke* little mate, but also because they come across as really stupid. The best tribute you could give is to keep quiet and grieve privately. Not in the crappy old Sunday Times. Also Michael Clarke my little mate. That’s enough. And on the subject, Alston’s repulsive cartoon in the West suggesting Phil was set for a game with Bradman and the Invincibles in heaven was another low point in a long career of shit cartoons. Even overlooking the fact that Hughes had been dropped from the test team! I guarantee that Bradman ( who is more likely in hell anyway) would never give him a game.

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About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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51 Responses to Bring in your cricket bats now

  1. Orbea says:

    Contract killing. I will pay $50 if you kill Alston. Make it look like his oesophagus has strangled him.
    Cash offer

    Like

  2. Perineum says:

    Ah, yes, but JL’s use of the semi-colon here is reminiscent of his forward defensive leave that was so effective in Barbados all those years ago. Or was it Cape Town? And ‘fella’? God, it’s so personal. I never saw the article in full but i doff to JL’s remarkable ability to make grown men weep. Sometimes, even because they’re sad.

    Like

  3. Pete f says:

    I spent quite a bit of time thinking that the news was about Kim and wondering why he was still playing.

    Like

  4. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    Reading the Slimes is just asking for trouble. I haven’t done it for over a decade and Sundays have never been better.

    The media’s efforts over Hughes were well into the Lady Di with a cricket bat stuff days ago.

    Like

  5. mancey says:

    Is “died doing what he loved” the most pointless comment ever. Once the staple of referring to surfers munched by sharks, its now been attached to blokes getting pinged in the head with a six stitcher

    Like

  6. Ratbag23 says:

    Oh God. I didn’t see the Alston, but I can picture it in my mind. One of his “Happy Heaven” ones. 20 years ago. That’s when he had his last original idea.

    Like

  7. Patrickb says:

    Cheeky smile sneaky nut.

    Like

  8. PeteF says:

    Had a minor mental implosion today while reading the letters pages in TehWest. Maybe it was just too early for me, or my head was still frozen from the sea but I actually couldn’t make sense of much of them.

    Like

  9. Scanners says:

    As a cricket fan I’ve left this alone, but the combined weight of the eulogies, dedications, over the top News coverage, and ubiquitous use of the term “little” has pushed me to where I’m now saying, enough already. But it won’t be. We all know that come the First Test against India each of the TV commentators will be trying to sound more upset than the next, they’ll all have a “personal” story to tell, and the term “tragedy” will be flung around much more than it should be. How long before the adverts for the Phil Hughes Memorial Tribute, “beautifully presented, limited to one thousand five hundred and thirty five, the number of Test runs he scored” ?

    Like

  10. Phill says:

    He’ll has no fury like a woman scorned

    Like

  11. Phill says:

    These stupid phone apps always mess up my wording… Hell has no fury like a woman scorned

    Like

  12. Rolly says:

    Bats who eat the crickets in the belfry?

    Definitely “Bats in the Belfry”.
    One of my mentors, working in a relatively obscure profession has just been buried.
    He had a long and productive life, doing more for the benefit of the general community that most will ever know or appreciate.
    Very quiet funeral, I’m told, with just a few of his peers and his family in attendance.
    Not for him, who contributed more to society than a bat & ball player could ever hope to achieve, the venal outpouring of faux grief and concocted accolades that this media hype has manufactured.

    My condolences to all who knew him and loved him.

    A giant raspberry to all the sychophants who’ve jumped on the bandwagon with their pretentious sob stories, and their bathing in reflected glory.

    P-p-r-r-r-r-r-t!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. you'll get wet says:

    Worse than the worst IRA song crying into that black piss they drink. You don’t have to play cricket to know what Phillip would say, if he could, “I want to be alive again’ and I bet his dad wishes that too. ‘Don’t chuck bouncers at me, I won’t hook them anyway, just give me another 60 years crack at this living caper and fuck cricket.’.

    Like

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