Omega to Alpha

Bag O’ Turnips saw this fairly impotent exhortation behind Rivervale IGA. Seriously, you may need two blokes with tasers to stop the Rivervale dipper gangs. And Al McKaul cocks an eyebrow at this Westminster sign’s small print. Frankly, you can’t handle the opening times.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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29 Responses to Omega to Alpha

  1. The Legend 101 says:

    We have that big blue bin at school. Some people have trouble reaching it and its a big deal taking the bags out at emptying it. They have 2 Guys and a gaint huge truck.


  2. Snuff says:

    Everyday what ? Oh, you mean every day ? Oh, no you don’t.


  3. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    Surely it’s dippin’ gangs? I see the hint of a spray-painted apostrophe.


  4. Hugh Jass says:

    Totally off topic, but I am not sure if youse have all seen this site. It’s brilliant.


  5. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

    Perth trading hours – an ongoing joke and a signwriters’ nightmare. At least they didn’t try and explain what a durable consumer good might actually be.

    More progressive policy from another ongoing joke, Eric Ripper. Meanwhile, Barnsy continues the glacial pace of change under the legal fiction that Joondalup is a tourist destination so as not to scare the horses.


    • Bag O'Turnips says:

      Why go to Denmark (neither the WA or European versions) to visit Legoland?

      Come on down to Sunny Joondalup, established 1989, where you can take in the specially custom-built vibrancy, all master-planned to anodyne perfection!

      Sample the cosmopolitan mix of British (sample? 1 in 4 wins whine!), white South African and whitebread Aussie-swazi Wiberwal voters!

      Marvel at the chainstore familiarity of Lakeside Joondalup, with a vast square near the railway station where Myer may one day build another branch!

      Speaking of lakeside, amble a lazy fifteen minute walk to Neil Hawkins Reserve and watch the magically disappearing Lake Joondalup evaporate before your very very eyes!

      And why expend energy walking? Your car is not only most welcome*, but also entirely necessary for the full Joondalup experience! Experience free multilevel parking at Lakeside and be astounded at the sheer number of Ford Territorys, Toyota Prados and BMW X5s on display, featuring local spray-on limestone.

      Joondalup—with soooo much for the tourist, you’ll be balls-deep in Ooshta.

      (*Fees may be applicable. Information correct as of 19/01/11. For further information, contact the Joondalup Tourism Bureau, with offices throughout the UK and South Africa)


      • Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

        Are you taking your medication Bag O’?

        Nice spray – I think that just about covers it.


        • Natalia Fan #1 says:

          Correction: balls deep in Ooshta. Oosha-ing in fact.


        • Bag O'Turnips says:

          Every time I have the misfortune of having to call by Little BritainJoondalup, I really do feel as if I should consider a higher dose, to overcome the effect of the rough anal rogering to both my senses and sensibilities.

          Fuck Joondalup. Splitting from that municipality was the best thing Wanneroo ever did: a hole as it is, it’ll always be better than once you’ve crossed the rubicon, um, I mean, lake.


  6. Bag O'Turnips says:

    And maybe that “No Bin Dippin'” sign is a way of the independent grocers of trying to maintain the status quo re trading hours, insomuch as they don’t want you to be shopping here outside the appointed hours.

    They’d rather that you’d have at least the decency to attempt to pilfer their goods within the appointed hours…and this IGA is obviously alert to the local desire for three-finger discount, as the razors, batteries and dingers are kept behind a locked display case and even the shopping baskets have electromagnetic loss prevention tags.

    Pity their dumpster isn’t as zealously guarded, despite dem fightin’ words…


  7. Bag O'Turnips says:

    There may be a legitimate reason why Cash City is closed from 5PM Friday and all day Saturday: the proprietors may be Jewish and observe the Sabbath.

    There are quite a few shops along Carlisle Street in Balaclava in Melbourne who keep similar hours, as there are a number of Jewish businesses in this part of the city, where a high proportion of Melbourne’s Jewry live.


  8. Natalia Fan #1 says:

    I still think the supposed Cash Twon/Jewry nexus somewhat suspect.


  9. Pingback: Supa | The Worst of Perth

  10. skink says:

    I was at the football last night, and upon leaving the stadium a young lady handed me a promotional calendar for a certain gentlemen’s establishment in Northbridge

    Imagine my embarrassment when I opening it to discover is contain photographs of robust young ladies in their natural state

    and can you guess who Miss May was?

    yes, our Nikki, showing a healthy, and slightly engorged, pair of nipples


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