beach goon

“Wait…move your left hand over a bit…that’s it…nah, wait, you missed it. Fuck. Try again.” As our comrades at Things Bogan Like know, “while the bogan has precious little perspective on life, empathy, culture, and modesty, it has an unlimited desire for perspective in its photography”. And it is thus at Cottesloe for much of this month. Shouldn’t there be a council fine for this sort of thing? And what’s with the drooping robot penis? beachgoon

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19 Responses to beach goon

  1. Rong1 says:

    Here is a prime example for compulsory abortion

    Like

  2. NF#1 says:

    Admittedly, I’m impressed by perspective. They should have given Flavel the 100k Bremick tendered for Teh Stre and Bremick the 20k this thing’s on sale for. I mean it’s bigger for a start. Call me a philistine if Flavel doesn’t have a better grasp of the relation between the bureaucatised arts and actual culture than the tardy shopfitters, not to mention their paymasters, jizzing reflexively every time terms such as “placemaking” start getting tossed about.

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    • rottobloggo says:

      I may yet add the Flavel to my purchases: I’d make a fortune renting it for parties.

      Like

    • NF#1 says:

      Ah fuck it, let’s just get the next 50 years of cultural devolution over and done with.

      You have two chocolate wheels. The first is spun to determine the kind of project commissioned: placemaking, decontextualised, wacky, mundane, trad, retro, figural, abstract, number of levels of irony, etc. This wheel will eventually become redundant as irony continues to expand exponentially while the project kinds converge into a point of absolute mathematical homogeneity.

      The second determines the loot. I’m not as confident of my futurology here: everything may become public art and be worth nothing, or everything, etc. Less speculatively, factoring in inflation and projections from current trends, you might start at about 10k and work up in increments to about 200k. I’m not so confident of my futurology here. You of course televise the minutiae of the proceedings over the course of many weeks, using highly sophisticated holographic editing and production techniques to suggest dramatic tension where there was none and manipulate the audience’s emotitrons.

      Part of the revenue generated by the television program could of course be channeled back into loot, relieving increasingly cash-strapped governments (boomers are now expected to live into their 200s on average) from the the vast costs of social engineering, R&D for development of algorithms that can generate aesthetic judgments based on reasonably objective yet flexible criteria (these algorithms are so complex they become sentient), and of appearing to actually give a shit.

      There ya go, Future Cunts.

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      • Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:

        So You Think You Can Sculpture

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        • skink says:

          My Kitsch Rules

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        • NF#1 says:

          Little known factoid is that So You Think You Can Sculpt actually started out as The Block. By 2060 there’s also What’s the Pointilism?, but in the end only one show called Big Brother. People watch extensive daily edits of of the government’s footage of themselves lying about, arguing, sitting in jacuzzis, watching Big Brother, and so on. At this point art and life become indistinguishable and, as suggested above, valueless. Imagine testicles slapping against a human face – forever.

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          • rottobloggo says:

            Then there was Art Attack, in which people beat each other to death with Jones works, which only lasted for one (memorable) series.

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            • NF#1 says:

              Thomas Jones, the eighteenth century Welsh landscape painter? I suppose his work isn’t worth that much, compared with the likes of your Constables and Turners anyway. You wouldn’t go around beating people with The Haywain now, would you?

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      • billoslatter says:

        Taxonomy
        Title: “Gaint Bender”
        Artist :DFOC “Davo” Cohen
        Funding : crowd saucing
        Genre : Surreal, experimental, bogus boganry,

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      • NF#1 says:

        The more I think about it, the more compelling my suggestion seems. Think about it: government gets to privatise; the proles are guaranteed to derive enjoyment from if not of public art; artists get more money and exposure; and maybe 1 in 10 times you might get a half decent work out of the process. Everyone wins. I think that’s John Day knocking on my front door already.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Troy Buzwell the cunt has been trying to sleep here for days

    Like

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