Satan hangs his ferrari jackets in here
I’ve had an amazing number of fantastic original submissions recently, which combined with my own archives run to almost 3 months of superb worsts to come, even at 6 posts a week. I’ve got so much so that I’m tempted to post twice a day. Jeezus, there’s mailboxes on Morley drive that have been in the queue since January. I’m sure that Paul Murray’s columns will add more material to the list, but first I wanted to have another look at the new Fairfax online presence now it has had the chance to be established. The picture below is what I saw.
A visual representation of "dying in the arse" Fairfax in Perth
Everyone was really looking forward to some sort of challenge to The West. All we got was the smell of arse dying. Thanks for that Mr. Fleming. Much appreciated.
Normal worst will resume later.
The Cookster has been sending some very interesting worsts my way lately. I better put something up while I continue to struggle with the formatting of his turds in Subiaco video. Teh Cook was sent this photo via some intermediary at 6PR, but he won’t say who. Barra? Howard? Bob? C’mon, it’s Bob isn’t it? Bob seems a man who would appreciate a good worst. Bob, if you’re reading this (and apparently everyone at 6PR does), I’d really like to do a celebrity worst interview with you. Seriously. Phone, email, at the Silver Dollar (wait that’s gone) whatever.
Anyhow, Cookster’s friend at PR seemed to think the copyright was OK with this, but as a photographer myself I’d prefer to attribute it. So if it’s yours, let me know. It did give me a chance to contrast it with a similar themed photo for youse of The Lazy Aussie on station in Hong Kong, driving your education dollar further. I do have the numbers, but Richie may outdo me with collective cleavage. Or would that be gross cleavage? He’d need a stronger Lazy Susan than I would too I think.
I'll see your bimbos Benaud, and raise you some studious Chinesers...
Johnny Scrotum over at Young White Lesbians came through with the picture below from Inglewood. I can’t believe the quality of worsts coming in at the moment. It’s as if all of Perth suddenly realised, “Hey, we know shit. We really know shit AND how to photograph it.” How long has this graffiti lain in the concrete? Well I hope a very long time. If it was last week, Inglewood is really rooted. Will archeologists of the future unearth this? Well I hope not. Couldn’t find any VCapri Youtube, but we have posted Ex Capri Pants Tod Johnson crapping all over The Rolling Stones in a later band. Thanks Johnny Scrotum. I recommend his latest post. You may need fresh eyes afterwards.
V Capri, Australia's 4th crappiest band
Skink took the trouble of making up a Paul Murray/Idi Amin pic for me to celebrate the ex editor of the West Australian’s incomprehensible column today, during which he takes on the persona of Idi Amin(!) I didn’t want to waste it, so combined it with the comment text of one of the many Paul Murray satirists out there Paul Nurry. I assume you are fine to have your comment elevated to post status Mr Nurry.
Paul Nurry says…
Let me say at the outset, that I Paul Nurry am the expert on dark humour. At first blush it may seem that I Paul Nurry am, methinks, at the outset, bereft of humour, but when it comes to our coloured dictatorial bretheren of the African persuasion from 40 years ago, I Paul Nurry am the King, General, Commander in Chief and Voodoo Chile.
Some at first blush may say that at the outset, I Paul Nurry have yet to be found researching any topic I write about, substituting knowledge and research with blowhardiness, arrogance and the cut and paste function. This, let me say at the outset is crap. I researched heavily on this topic. It methinks matters not that I mistook the magazine I was talking about. Private eye? Punch? Who gives a shit? Certainly not I Paul Nurry who has total control over phrases like “at first blush” and “let me say at the outset…”. I Paul Nurry researched this topic heavily, firstly getting down with teh kids, who informed me, Paul Nurry, that Idi Amin was a hot topic with hip rappers, cork soakers and mud skippers on the streets of Allen park, where I Paul Nurry maintain my Kraal. (And let me say at the outset that I meant to write teh not the.)
I also rented the entire series of Love thy Neighbour, a groundbreaking current British TV series, I believe at first blush written by Ben Elton and Lenny Henry. It is so hot and cutting edge that Allen Park Blockbuster had it hidden under the counter with the David Irving speeches.
Ooga booga. there I’ve said it. Let Kevin Rudd and his Green mafia gainsay that. At first blush. And Lazy Aussie, you can fuck yourself writing in this blog that I Paul Nurry should be sacked. Armstrong wanted to sack I Paul Nurry, but his mummy wouldn’t let him sack I Paul Nurry.
Amin to that, me Paul Nurry.
——————-
Stupidly, Murray has linked the text.
http://www.thewest.com.au/default.aspx?MenuID=9&ContentID=87749
With the quality of worsts coming in at the moment, I could easily hang up my camera for a couple of weeks, but before I add any more submissions, I thought I’d better keep my hand in. This is from The YMCA in East Perth. I don’t want to have to ask this question, but shouldn’t the lower hole on the kangaroo be a lot smaller? I mean, I’m not a small man, but even on a warm day, I’d be struggling to do justice to that opening. Makes your eyes water just thinking about it.
YMCA Goderich Street East Perth
In that case the two steering wheels are definitely a bad idea. Turf continues to astound with his expose on Perth’s Deep South worsts. Nice to have something from Albino territory. Turf also points out that the hose is always there, but the grass is always dead. AND there’s sort of rendered coke bottles on top. Turf you’re too good, and there’s still another to come.
Garbage Scow Winfield Street Spearwood from Turf
Scorched earth at the garbage scow, from Turf.
Crabby Dick from Fraser
BJ's from Fraser
I know World drag a dead Italian around day has finished, and all the delusionists have returned home, but here is a catholic worst that combines bad architecture and a bad name . I have no idea what this sinister building is used for, but a legion of whatever can’t be good. Was across the road from the vanished worst The Norwood (Jackson) Hotel.
Legion of The Damned by The Lazy Aussie
While on architecture, Jeff sent me this for worst telephone exchange. I’m sure you’ll get some disagreement from Tomthrett Jeff.
Telstra Canninton from Jeff
Chubby Zebra, who I think comes from Malaysia was taken aback by this form of dog transport on the freeway, and snapped off a shot. This is quite common here CZ. It is however more traditional to make the rope just long enough so the dog can hang itself over the side. Thanks for your shot.
Dog seatbelt from Chubby Zebra
And finally a screen shot of search terms used to arrive at TWOP. Doggy style boobs hanging? rare facts about Kevin Rudd? At least Scarborough sluts and Perth’s worst anal not in there this week. Weekend well worsters.
The Worst of Perth search Results
We’ve discussed several times just how difficult it is to get any kind of dolphin painting, sculpture or advertisment to look good. It seems to be impossible. Turf has come through with another good example. Looks like it’s been chasing parked boats.
Turf says: Again in Spearwood, on Rockingham Road. Keeping with the ‘Flipper’ theme, here is a horrible painting of a dolphin. Firstly, it is a flying dolphin.Secondly, it has the fin of a shark and the forehead of a whale, but the eye of a human. Thirdly, the tail is all wrong. Fourthly, it sickens me. I do like the weird fish to the left though, perhaps they are trying to make up for their first attempt.I prefer the dolphin. It does have a certain naive charm not shared by many other attempts. I’m going to give it a generous not worst tag. Thanks again Turf. We still haven’t mined out all Turf’s recent submissions. Best yet to come I think.
A puzzling worst from David Cohen. As he points out, why shouldn’t we know how many smoking deaths there were in 2006? Or perhaps the numbers didn’t fit with “official” expectations. Perhaps smokers increased their life expectancy during 2006 and the numbers were running backwards? A conspiracy is at play here. I want answers and I want deaths. A sinister sign in Subiaco.
 | Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… |
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| Anonymous on Cockington Dog |
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| Anonymous on Old Mill Rising |
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| Anonymous on Rooting on The Wrackline |
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The Worst of Perth 