Sacred Boab Humiliated

Posted on August 11, 2008 by AHC McDonald
From Fairfax a few weeks ago…
West Australian Aboriginals have replanted an ancient boab tree after it was driven thousands of kilometres with a police escort to save it from destruction. A road widening scheme meant the tree, estimated to be 750 years old, had to be uprooted 3200 kilometres from its home in Warmun, in the Kimberley region, to Perth’s Kings Park.

How sad therefore that the ancient tree has been branded as a loser the moment it arrived. Would the Gija people been so keen to send it to Perth had they known that an Eagles supporter would immediately take a knife to it? Well spotted by Ben. Ben says…

…but what caught the eye mainly was the declaration of support for cellar dwellers West Coast Eagles. A nice Perth touch which will no doubt be replicated by thousands of Asian tourists and their happy snaps. Id have been more impressed if it had ‘Fuck the dockers’ or ‘Barich is a c#$t’ carved in it. But give it a few weeks, the wildflower festival is on soon, we dont want to waste the best material on a small crowd!
Sacred Boab tagged as loser.

Sacred Boab tagged as loser.

Great Worst

Posted in worst graffiti, worst tree | Tagged , | 17 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 18

Posted on August 9, 2008 by AHC McDonald
Since it’s politics this week, here’s a worst from David Cohen, showing Carmen Lawrence helping launch the Brian Burke biography at Black Tom’s. Don’t forget to add your election 08 worsts HERE. And did anyone note the passing of a third of a million hits? For some reason it doesn’t sound as good as a quarter of a million, so I’m not giving you a TWOP classic.
Carmen "Was I before or after Peter Dowding? I don't recall."

Carmen "Was I before or after Peter Dowding? I don't recall."

And finally get to Cookster’s much anticipated “Hosing turds off the streets of Subiaco.” It defied my attempts to import it and edit some music on top, so here it is in it’s raw sewage state. Now this is what’s great about The Worst of Perth. Where else do people have a forum for posting original video of ordure covered streets. Cookster says…

These were the sights that greeted me on route to the snack bar bain marie at Subiaco one warm spring day last year. One look at the numerous blind mullet cavorting on the pavement which had been lovingly sprayed with some kind of sweet smelling detergent and I was completely off my hot dog with sauce. The bloke getting stuck in with the plunger was not amused in the slightest, but it surprised me the number of people happily splashing through the Mr Hanki filled puddles without a care in the world.

And more of Bento’s journey to the Heart of Darkness King Arthur’s world. Unbelievably crappy.

If I wasn't a myth I'd be turning in my grave - Arthur

If I wasn't a myth I'd be turning in my grave - Arthur

And the text begins “Star Wars was born in 1977…” really.

Can gibberish be damaged by water?

Can gibberish be damaged by water?

Bento was also worsterising in Moscow, where he took exception to the band name Porcupine Tree. A Russian sign for a British Worst. I like it.

And one more from Rolly, who points out what a wonderful sense of humour Holden drivers have. Stop, you’re killing me! What about something else hilarious like “Vehicle frequently sideways.”?

How funny am I?

How funny am I?

Posted in *Worst of The World, worst of perth | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Ixnay on the Untcay

Posted on August 8, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Look if you want Adrian Barich to come to your rally guys, just ask him – but easy on the potty mouth OK. I think he’s a little sensitive.

Only a couple of days a go I was bemoaning (Is “bemoaning” a Paul Murrayism, or is that “methinks”?) the flaccid state of Curtin Guild’s organ, Grok. The same lack of fire doesn’t seem to apply to the National Union of Students, NUS though from the look of their poster. The Guild is supporting the event too, although I’m not sure if those sorry looking goths/emos or whatever will have to be evicted from the Wesley Church site by our student leaders. (Oi depressing cunts, fuck off!) I’m not entirely convinced that a stencil font is really the way to go either. I’m thinking donated (ie free) graphic design work. Not really Paris ’68 is it guys? See below for how it should be done.

Apparently you can meet at the guild courtyard (ie tavern) or meet your fellow travellers on site. You can get more info from this email, educationvp@guild.curtin.edu.au maybe including information on whether calling your supporters cunts is working as a marketing ploy. Sounds like a John Singleton campaign to me. If anyone emails, let me know what they say.

Now THIS is how it should be done. (Apologies to superb Frog graphic design)

Now THIS is how it should be done. (Apologies to superb Frog graphic design)

Posted in worst advertising, worst graphic design | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

Supa Fry

Posted on August 7, 2008 by AHC McDonald
Is this potato bucking for its own float at the Mardi Gras? Maybe it has one already. Is it even a potato? It’s not an onion is it? The last of Turf’s indulgent wallowing in South of the river worsts. A gay potato wouldn’t raise an eyebrow north of the river in the oh so sophisticated Beaufort Street Arrondisement, (and why should it?) but the South seems more brutish, raw and atavistic in its worsts, which perhaps makes this fellow stand out even more. My brow furrows a little.
Arse scratching potato

Arse scratching potato

Posted in worst advertising, worst graphic design, worst sign | Tagged , , , | 24 Comments

The burgers are better…

Posted on August 6, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Johnny Scrotum from Young White Lesbians has pulled this one out of his archive. Apparently this depraved practice is still common. Set the scene. A guy regularly metal detecting under a playground hamburger at Morley Primary School. Let that sink in. He’s looking for change that has fallen out of children’s pockets. He could have that detector paid for in 10 years. Maybe he’s after more, as teh Scrotum reports frequent episodes of drug crazed kiddies ‘ridin’ the burger”.

I'm after what's in your kid's pants.

I'm after what's in your kid's pants.

Posted in worst art | Tagged | 22 Comments

Grok. Still being printed for some reason.

Posted on August 5, 2008 by AHC McDonald

I thought I had purged all my media bile this week, until someone reminded me again how bad Grok (Curtin Uni Guild Mag) has become. It claims that, “Grok is Australia’s biggest and best student-focused news magazine…” It’s not. If they substituted limp wristed for good, then maybe.

Although Murdoch’s Guild rag is fairly laughable, with apparently a call to give Communism one more go, at least it still has some fire. Passionately held but ridiculous views, wild condemning of the administration and the government is what student publications are supposed to be about, not a forum for Sizzler and Braziliano Coffee ads which are the highlights of Grok these days.

The Page 3 editorial begins, “Chapters. You hear people say they go through them all the time, but how do you define a chapter..? ” (Even Paul Murray wouldn’t cut and paste that.) The piece meanders on with gems of wisdom such as “Chapters are like pages of a book: The more you read, the more pages you turn, the more you know…”

That’s just drivel. You won’t believe me, but the line “An old American Indian told his grandson…” comes up later. I half expected Jesus to make an appearance in this piece too, but mercifully no. Perhaps next month.

There’s a half decent bit on Indian rag pickers later on, something about bumper stickers, but really, what happened to the old Grok? Someone has kidnapped it and is holding it hostage somewhere. Possibly at the New Idea Offices. Someone needs to get a posse together and rescue it.

Please.

Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , , | 79 Comments

Crack in The World

Posted on August 5, 2008 by AHC McDonald

Sir Charles Eggerston: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Dont let this fall apart. We have work to do. We must hear Dr Rampion complete his report. You were saying that the crack is extending to the east.
Dr. Ted Rampion: Along the Macedo Trench. It’s following a geological flaw in the Earth’s crust, known as the Macedo Fault. That runs from here, to the tip of India, veers off towards Indonesia, and terminates off the Australian continental shelf.
Sir Charles Eggerston: How do you know that the crack will stop there?

Dr. Ted Rampion: We don’t. Crack in The World 1965

Dude. it’s a well known fact that before you squat to photograph something, you ALWAYS check that there’s not a The Worst of Perth photographer behind you. Unless you want your arse archived by the State Library. Nice car though.
Cracked sump cracks, or big end jokes? You be the judge.

Cracked sump cracks, or big end jokes? You be the judge.

Location of the crack.

Posted in worst fashion, worst of perth | Tagged | 13 Comments

Hogwash Reanimator

Posted on August 4, 2008 by AHC McDonald
In answer to your email “Paul Nurry”, yes I did notice that Paul Murray had once again turned his hamfists to film reviewing on Saturday. I don’t understand why Murray insists on making a fool of himself on topics he obviously knows nothing about. In fact the only topic I have heard him speak on where he seems at all informed, was how bad the Sunday Times was in the 1980’s. Please note, if you are in a bar with him, don’t mention the words “80’s”, “Sunday”, “Times”, or even “The”, or you’ll be there all night.
For those poor souls who missed Murray’s breathless bilge on Saturday, he bangs on about how Hollywood has taken innocent entertainment (!) and desensitised our youth to violence. (Snore). You may remember him being offended by Gordon Ramsay a few weeks ago. Today’s edition of his own paper has a gruesome photograph of dead and injured bomb blast victimes featured. Earth to Paul… Despite reading Paul Murray for several years, I am still not desensitised to to poorly researched homespun bullshit, so I’m sure the youth will be OK.
Murray amazingly recounts shouting at Margaret Pomerantz on the screen! Insane bumbling at it’s best. His column also contains the immortal line, “I don’t care if I’m labelled old fashioned for these views.” What if you are labelled an ignorant plonker Paul? How would that be?
Reanimator of cliches and hogwash

Reviver of cliches, homespun bullshit and hogwash, Paul Murray, Reanimator.

Posted in worst journalist, worst newspaper | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer

Posted on August 4, 2008 by AHC McDonald
Mark Twain
Is the reason this place closed because they got sick of saying it’s Soo-rahj not Sewerage?
Soon to be another vanished worst before the Beaufort Street Bloggers get to it.
Suraj not Sewerage

Suraj not Sewerage

Posted in not worst, worst advertising, worst name, worst sign | Tagged , , | 14 Comments

Weekend Worstoff 17

Posted on August 2, 2008 by AHC McDonald
70th Anniversary of George Orwell’s diaries this week, which are being published as a blog, as is the latest fashion. Perfect time to show Vic Demised’s first submission, the ominous, forbidding face of capitalism, the rear of the Osborne Park Hotel. Vic promises more facets of this place in the future. I thought we were allies of Eastasia?
We have always been at war with Eastasia

We have always been at war with Eastasia

Been hitting the media pretty hard this week, but this fucking outrage can’t be allowed to pass. Notice the caption from the West last week. Kim Jordan and Sue Short. But who is the elephant in the room they’re not mentioning? The figure that dominates the shot? Rottobloggo proprieter , scarifier of Eastasian media bosses, and TWOP frequent contributor Teh Outrage David Cohen. I first thought he looked like Satan, but he appears to have a halo. Take this one to the Press Council David. Is The West self censoring now?

The elephant in the room

The elephant in the room

Now, as you know, Weekend Worstoff’s are a chance to look at some interstate and international worsts. I’ve actually got far too much original material this week. That’s always the curse of the blogger. Too much original material. Won’t even be bothering with non original outside links. Fucking outrage. This is a superb worst from The Cookster, via his mate Gary Knights. Amazing shot of a woman dressed in alfoil on the steps of a church in Croatia. I thought her mate was Todd Johnson for a moment. Thanks Cookster, and kudos Gary. (Although cutting the boots off is unfortunate.) Fantastic.

CIA can no longer eavesdrop on her torso

CIA can no longer eavesdrop on her torso

Bento sent me some absolutely brilliant worsts from his international worst harvesting expedition. So many that I actually will have to run them over several weeks. Behold King Arthur’s pissweek world in Cornwall. These shots are beautifull taken too. They really should be featured in a photo site. Bento says…

Each step revealed a new travesty – we thought it was going to be the highlight of the trip, until we went to dinner at a restaurant which, unbeknownst to us, was a Scientology front…

A Scientology front Bento? Is that like Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear? Tshirts?

Grail Trail. Former peasant hanging station.

Grail Trail. Former peasant hanging station.

The text has some shit about Mordred.

Merlin's caravan in the background

Merlin's caravan in the background

Pull a plastic sword out of the stone. And careful, the deck may be slippery.

Pull a plastic sword out of the stone. And careful, the deck may be slippery.

What a great worstoff. Thanks everyone. Fantastic. More Bento works next week.

Posted in *Worst of The World, worst fashion, worst newspaper, worst of the UK | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments