No stuck-up dumb bitches!

Posted on July 18, 2015 by AHC McDonald

Further to news that another of Tim’s aquatic cliches is to be filmed in Dennmark, (the place of soap makers but not soap users), here via Skink is your chance to be involved. I assume that director Simon Baker has had issues with dumbarse stuck up bitches before, so it seems reasonable that females will need to be smart and “down to earth” whatever the hell that means. If you’re a bloke though, you won’t need to whip out your Mensa membership. You can be not down to earth, and dumb as a post. Dumb as Davo’s skittish old kelpie, angry at being woken up by his own farts in that ragged shack in the grove of Tingle trees. You can also be stuck up as nan’s old leach drain when the redgum roots got into it. But, if you want to “give acting a go“, just remember, “Stuck up dumb bitches NEED NOT APPLY.” I SAID GOOD DAY!breath

About AHC McDonald

Comedian, artist, photographer and critic. From 2007 to 2017 ran the culture and satire site The Worst of Perth
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19 Responses to No stuck-up dumb bitches!

  1. The Lazy Aussie says:
    July 18, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Or do they mean “smart casual”?

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  2. juantrak says:
    July 18, 2015 at 9:56 am

    “Can come from anywhere in Australia? Get real. I’ll wager if a wog from North Melbourne or a lebbo from SW Sydney turned up for casting auditions, they’d be told, “NEXT!!” before they could get two words out! There’s no wogs or lebbos in Winton novels, is there?. Grommets aren’t wogs or lebbo’s, the wogs and lebbos are scared of breaking waves.
    Of course, they could need a mongrel bloke for the background as a void-filler (see – “Lockie Leonard: Scumbuster 44”). Then again, I guess they might need someone to play the part of a Lebbo abusing grommets and surfer babes lying near-naked on the beach.
    Bit of a shame they’ve got those tight age bracket restrictions – I reckon I could’ve handled being in an Aussie surfer movie, indulging in some frottage with near-naked surfer babes regularly. And there’s no wog or lebbo ancestry in our family, no sirree!

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    • The Lazy Aussie says:
      July 18, 2015 at 10:58 am

      Well with Tim it’s more about the variety of the fish, not the people. His works are so whitebread he could work for Tip-Top. (With the exception of a ghost aborigine or 2). But I’m sure there would be no problem casting any background actors. As long as they are not haughty dimwits if female. BUT there would be a problem if any Pacific species of fish were seen.

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      • you'll get wet says:
        July 18, 2015 at 4:48 pm

        Or a tropical species extending it’s habitat south, indicating global warming and impending doom eg the Mahdi Wrasse once found only on Rowley shoals but now suddenly appearing in Denmark, what could it portend? I know, let’s ask a surfie

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  3. Russell Woolf's Lovechild says:
    July 18, 2015 at 10:02 am

    I wonder if Tim will pull an Alfred Hitchcock and do a surf cameo? Having been dropped in on by the fat cunt at Cable Station at Cott some years ago I suggest keeping an eye out for a blubbery looking blob in the background.

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  4. don says:
    July 18, 2015 at 10:31 am

    “Down to earth”? Maybe they want dwarves. Smart ones.

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  5. ewfire11 says:
    July 19, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hey, Settle, settle. No matter how many times I read it, all it said was ‘smart and down to earth’. Placing your very own interpretation on those words is pretty damned unsophisticated and totally without class. And when your interpretation becomes ‘Stuck up dumb bitches’, then guess what? You are now a candidate to be pointed out to all in ‘Worst of Perth’ as a prize ‘Dipstick of Perth’ who just does not know any better when it comes to talking about women. Here endeth the lesson.

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    • rottobloggo says:
      July 19, 2015 at 11:07 am

      Yeah! You’ve been whacked with the hegemony stick TLA!

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    • The Lazy Aussie says:
      July 19, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      Unsmart women’s lives matter!

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    • you'll get wet says:
      July 19, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      Agreed. Totally misplaced condescension. ‘Down to earth’ as everyone knows is just dogwhistling code for the 19th century Colonial practice of stoop labour, imposed upon the male blackbirdees of Pacifika. The chicks as usual stayed home and wove baskets. However, the term Class is very much appropriate, just which Class though is debatable and is probably earning someone a PHD right now. What do you think? Where were the Missos? Just curious, but were you are surfie’s moll or a rejected surfie’s moll?

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        • you'll get wet says:
          July 20, 2015 at 6:35 pm

          Yes Lazy, only in Wintonville. Hippies eating healthy? Ha. Sounds like a detox clinic. Hippies I knew did Rory Gallagher and recreational scag not boutique coffee and muesli. One lived in the mangroves, made a bomb shelter out of a giant magnetic termite mound, built boats from drfitwood and painted murals of Pandanus and Buffalo during an uncharacteristic trip down south to Rockingham. I wonder if any remain. But muesli – never passed his lips. .

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  6. Anonymous says:
    July 19, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    Simon Baker doesn’t want any females prettier than him. Such a fucking TWAT!

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