Stu, exiled from our state of post vibrancy, has landed in Ballarat, where the stench of Stockade karaoke pre-pre-vibrancy reeks from every brick orifice. A lesson for Fremantle here. It takes two to facade. A Miniorb for Gen Y. One standard corrugated for Teh Unforgiven. True story. To BSWAM and the many out of town worsters. Umm… Ballarat was the site of the Eureka Stockade. Hard to know how to put it in perspective of anywhere else. But. OK, so a bunch of racist miners take out their extremely legitimate grievances against colonial mining licence restrictions whilst reserving the right to murder Chinesers. It’s taxation without representation without the option of bulk tea wasting alright? This takes the form of a pissweak rebellion quickly quelled, wherefore the aforementioned right to murder Chinesers with impunity is sullenly taken up as a consolation prize and a quite attractive flag is then subsequently used by unions with only a slightly less overt Chinese labour stance, ruining it for ever for possible later national flag considerations some decades on… Ok.
Soooooo… then…Peter Laylor, the Prince of this legitimately anti establishment but uncool pro Chineser murdering, was subsequently honoured for his part in this total fuck-up. Only to have his verandah eternally shaded, and his front bar soiled with renditions of Khe Sahn, and Radar Love. No doubt Stockade Chow Mein is available around the corner. So. Any questions? 
The Worst of Perth 
That’ll be Peter Lalor, thank you. And he’s most certainly rolling in his grave at the Chinese Takeover of Australia.
Australian Manufacturing – fucked up the arse by China. We’ll all be driving Cherys and Fotons soon. Toyota will give up and go over to producing robots and electronic devices.
Australian property prices – fucked through the roof by Chinese bribe money. If you thought it was bad now, just wait – it’s going to get worse.
Australian farming – in the process of being almost 100% bought up by China, so Chinese can be fed first, when the ordure hits the rotating air movement devices.
Australian mining – fucked up the arse by cunning Chinese who accumulate huge stockpiles of commodities, so they can depress the market at will.
Australian food – fucked beyond belief by the appearance of greasy spoon Chinese chew-and-spew eateries on nearly every main intersection. Everything is cooked in pork fat, whether you wanted it or not. Everything tastes of fish sauce, regardless of which number you order. Even No. 69 tastes like fish sauce.
Australian Massage industry – totally ruled by Chinese triads. You want happy ending with that? It’s not going to be a happy ending when the ordure finally hits the rotating air movement devices.
The only area left for the Chinese to conquer is the retail fuel business. They have to dislodge the Indians if they want to do that. That could mean real war. You ain’t seen violent rebellion until you try to dislodge Indians from owning every fuel outlet.
I can feel another Eureka Stockade coming on. How about you?
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Dude!
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Ballarat does have “Crazy Asian” takeaway.
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I’ve been too scared to go in there. I think Juantrak drinks at my local here, or someone who sounds like him
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I think Juantrak drinks at my local here, or someone who sounds just like him
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Not Teh Lalor? Do you order from the Crazy Asian? If so, do you order the Lamb Flats kebabs? So many questions.
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We almost lost this gem but for the brave actions of the Crazy Asian Chef, also that headline … The Crazy Asian chef or some crazy Asian chef
http://www.thecourier.com.au/story/2931949/crazy-asian-chef-saves-bakery-hill-restaurant/
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Wait, did the Crazy Asian ™ also…cause the problem as well as save it?
Who left the wok on the fire?
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It’s the fastest way to true heroism, control both the cause and the solution
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Well I guess anti Chinese sentiment has softened slightly in Ballarat then. In Lalor’s day they would have gone with “Crazy Asian chef almost burns whites.”
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Spend a few days here in certain suburbs and you’ll see that it remains the same :)
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I really think there should be a campaign to take down the Aussie Confederate flag. Lols ensue.
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And by certain suburbs, you mean all?
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I prefer the Queens Head over Teh Lalor (but who doesn’t)
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Nice blog, Stu.
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Cheers Ninja, I don’t post on it enough these days but I do have a whole lot of new subject matter here in The Rat so that should speed it up some
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And the Eureka flag. Is it more or less racist than the Confederate flag? Should it be removed from building sites?
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We have a lot of pick up trucks and utes that would no doubt form a protective guard around it should there be an attempt. The original is under lock and key at the Museum of Australian Democracy at Eureka. (Funding by T Abbott PM Esq)
http://made.org/
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Museum of Australian raacism.
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Maaaaate, I drapes myself in it.
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Not really. More like another Lambing flats.
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I always try to work Hitler into a good rant.
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Do the triads REALLY control all the rub and tugs??
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`Yes
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Even just the rubs.
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Nope x3 you’re both wrong and flunk Turning Points in Aust History [1]. For correct spelling see Clapton’s Eureka ballad ‘Layla.’ As transitional justice you will both write 500 words on the true meaning of Cockoda.
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Just wait for the Warwick/ Greenwood ‘Ken Done’ Super Dome to be completed. Then it will be IN YOUR FACE Ballarat!
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….and IN YOUR FACE Ford ! https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/wa/a/28783888/car-crashes-into-rockingham-home/
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Well. First Tim Winton, then Peter Lalor. Next, you’ll be telling us that Smiley Gets a Gun is in need of reappraisal.
&c.
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Chips Rafferty. Urrrgh
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Apart from Wake in Fright
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Or maybe that would be Peter Lalor, famous local lad from the Sons of Gwalia debacle? Where’s that My Ning bloke when I need some verification?
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And that second pic is a world class Thomasson. At last! I’ve been hoping to find one around Perth. http://99percentinvisible.org/episode/thomassons/
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I’m glad these have an actual name, I think i’ll start documenting the Ballarat ones
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I almost stayed there in 2008. Paid to stay the night, lay down to go to sleep and realised that the bed had that wonderful combination of soft and lumpy and the room wasn’t exactly soundproof.
Left and stayed at a more expensive but certainly more comfortable and quiet place down the road.
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