My Kalamunda expose the other day was all about the built environment not about the actual businesses. I would like to point out that there are two places I do like in Kalamunda. The Haynes Street Larder, because it’s the only place that’s trying to do something different in town. It’s what Kalamunda has needed for years, despite the quinoa. The other is The Golden Eagle Chinese. Because it’s the same as it’s been forever. May it serve sweet and sour dreams for eternity.
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The Asia Beat
The Worst of Perth 
Nice.
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Mildly interesting.
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Not funny.
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Now I’m hungry.
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You praise the pigs and what happens ? Sound of crickets .
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Tumble weed rolls lazily by. So lonely.
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Worst?
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Does it serve Chinese and Australian meals.
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Well Sweet and sour pork is pretty well Australian isnt it? I don’t think it has a Chinese connection.
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But what of fish and chips?
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鱼和薯条
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Hi there, I’m the owner of Haynes Street Larder. I hate to disappoint but I’ll never serve things in jars, I don’t follow trends. Just because I love quinoa that means what?
I couldn’t care less that you like my shop. I’d rather you never came back. Spreading all this negativity is the opposite of what larder is about. I do what I do because I love it and kalamunda loves us too. My customers are the best. I’ve worked all around Perth and this is my favourite place to be. Despite the shire here being renowned for being the worst shire ever our little town is a beautiful place which is why I want to move here.
I hope that you can find something more positive to focus on than bagging out people and places you are clueless about.
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So this is really how you want to respond is it? A business owner and this is how you reply, telling people who like your business to fuck off? And let’s look at your claims a little more closely. You say you don’t follow trends, but are serving quinoa? Isn’t that the most trend following thing you can possibly do? I mean isn’t it? Why pretend? If that’s what people want, why are you embarrassed about it ? And you say you are not following trends but open the most clichéd hole in the wall style of coffee outlet possible. Why be embarrassed by that? It’s what Kalamunda needs. It’s actually good! And you say I’m bagging out people and places I am clueless about. What are you talking about? I am completely clue full about Kalamutnda and your business. I lived there for years. I visit there frequently. This whole debate is an illustration about how inept Kalamunda people are about responding to criticism. This website has made comments about many areas in Perth.
After the posts about the city of Perth, The Lord Mayor invited me to council house to discuss what They could do better. After posts on Maylands, the local member of parliament invited me to talk to them about what Maylands could do better. Nowhere said we would prefer go and whine like babies apart from Kalamunda. Why didn’t you reply saying, ” hey I love Kalamunda. Were trying to do something good. We’re doing some great cakes and coffee. Come and see us! You had an audience of tens of thousands a week. You got a positive e post about your business. Instead of building on that, you whined. Completely inappropriate.
Ok, I’ll take my business elsewhere if that’s what you want. But you have a lot to learn about running a business. And who is being negative here? I put up a positive post and you whine. You are being the negative one. Take a deep breath and act like an adult. True story.
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The Lord Mayor even gave him some cufflinks!
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I bet she serves kale smoothies though.
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Business Marketing 101- fail.
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I dunno, I get the feeling this would play pretty well with the locals.
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That was my first thought, but I doubt the few locals with reading comprehension issues commenting here are a solid basis for ongoing business.
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Not to mention a fail in basic English Comprehension. I went into her coffee shop for a brew. Nice coffee but rather lukewarm. A girl with lip rings was working the machine, so you might wanna ask her to crank the temp up a bit Jess.
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They went a bit sookie when I actually liked their shop, so now I go to Dome. Which I also don’t like, but they don’t start crying about it.
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[quote]I’d rather you never came back[/quote]
Too easy
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Not hungry anymore.
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No, stuff it. I’m going there to buy some quinoa. I hope the sooky surly has to serve it to me. What’s it supposed to taste like by the way?
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Saliva, in your case.
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Maybe the tears of a shocked community?
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Chicken, would you believe.
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Wait, I’ve forgotten how to pronounce it. It’s like Queequeg or something?
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Herman Melvile wrote: “I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes”
Quinoa and Ishmael “The Early Years”
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Keen-wah, disappointingly it available from your local supermarket
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I’m not saying that out loud.
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What about “Bolivian Flavourless Misery Sand“?
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or acacia seeds.
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I remember when bulgur was the tastless alternative hipster grain crop of choice
I thought we’d all moved on to chia? Quinoa is so last Tuesday.
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Things are behind the times up here. They haven’t even got to the Mexican restaurant phase. High Wycombe will have Cuban tapas 5 years before Kalamunda.
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Golden Eagle is THE BOMB!
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If the whole street was to be razed, it should be the only thing left standing, its lazy susans turning, turning, ever turning.
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Forever shall the pale glow emanating from their sweet and sour sauce light our way and warm our hearts.
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Sweet and sour spinning on a lazy Susan like a set of softly glowing police car flashing lights.
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Maybe the Haynes St Larder guys should have a meal at Golden Eagle to learn what good customer relations looks like. Maybe then they will stay in business long enough that their decor moves from modern to dated to old and then “retro” without changing a thing.
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The larder is not exactly modern in decor . Kind of perth 5 years ago and Melbourne 15. And did I see mini orb in there? Was I think some kind of corrugated iron.
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Funny thing is lazy Aussie you’re the one going into larder spending your money. You must like something about it to go back. Everyone loves a keyboard hero.
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Didn’t I just say I liked it? I’m confused.
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You have a problem with reading comprehension?
“Key board hero”? Pots and Kettles.
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Don’t you have BAS declarations to file?
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I beg your pardon: I am the keyboard hero in these parts.
Good DAY, sir.
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I always thought of you more as a keytar hero
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No, I swear I saw that corrugated iron in the big bar of the maylands hotel before it burned down. The owner kept xxxxxxxxxxxxx hidden away behind it.
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Sadly, I’d wager the Larder’s Council/kitchen problems mean they’ll be gone by this time next year.
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Why do bad things happen to good people?
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They’ve changed premises or taking over. Don’t know care even less
http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/go-up-the-hill-for-jack-and-jill-20141205-120w77.html
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Could be Last Drop building.
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Pretty sure the Last Drop is still there, despite having been terminally shithouse for at least 15 years. Possibly the old Paris Brest tenancy?
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Ahh Yes, more likely. Although there’s plenty of space at La Barberry.
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Is that now 2 premises where you’re not welcome?
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I guess. I hope they have that Kalamunda closed Mondays cash only vibe.
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I saw a Bickley Valley Brewery sticker on a car the other day. It said “Local beer for local people”. Magnificent. The hills are basically Royston Vasey.
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Do you ever wonder if your sense of humour is spent?
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Played.
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No they have the old cafe premises next to the surf shop…used to be a cafe until it closed sometime back. Probably because there was too much competition for the coffee $.
If only someone would open a proper cafe in the big k.
The sort where smoking is encouraged, overflowing ashtrays on every table, under cooked runny eggs, instant coffee and a fry up swimming in a pool of grease. Kalamunda is simply crying out for it.
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The Golden Eagle prob has the Sweet and Sour version of that.
And.
There was a surf shop?
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Yes and there still is, next up from the retro store that closed (that was in the tavern building). Then the surf shop…surf type clothing etc (just what you need in Kalamunda) and now J n J. It was called Masons or something before. Went bust I think.
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Mason’s Jars?
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