Update: This post has generated unprecedented bizarre comments from Kalamunda crackpots, including the best ever comment in the 91,000 made on this site, “I was clearly joking about writing a blog about my cat shitting…I have better things to do.”
But not a single person has actually disagreed with the point made, that is, Kalamunda’s built environment is a disgrace and a disaster.”
With Snuff still tantric training, I thought I’d take a close survey of Kalamunda town centre this Saturday. I know it is regarded by many as Western Australia’s ugliest town centre – even Dunsborough can’t match the decades of ill chosen building approvals, but is it Australia’s? And furthermore, who is to blame for the unrelenting shite that is Kalamunda town centre? There is not a single building in the main street that anyone would object to being demolished. Worse, there’s nobody actually calling for a street wide demolition. Just have a look at this awful, awful town, ironically surrounded by some beautiful residential areas.
Did nobody object to this revolting Reno of the Stirk Medical Centre? And notice how removing a Toyota dealership has made the place less interesting.
Update: the MSM has caught up with this. If this is pro-TWOP, I am happy to share the credit. But if it’s critical, let me say Mr McDonald is merely an acquaintance.
Behold the magic vista of Haynes Street! Kalamunda residents, your council approved this.
It’s not just recent development. Kalamunda’s commercial buildings were designed and approved by morons since, from long ago. Some abortions from the 70s. Didn’t the Post Office used to be tiled?
These I think 80s.
Who could possibly want to enter this building? Awful. Will be empty for years to come.
There is nothing you could do to this place to make it inviting to enter.
And the 1960s (?) library used to be a total abortion, but Kalamunda planners, council and ratepayers have managed to make the recent redevelopment even fucking shittier! The new “cultural” centre is ok I guess, but I assume only because the architects ignored any suggestion to match the rest of the built environment. Or the actual zigzag. But cultural and Kalamunda in the same title, only provokes giggling.
Here’s a gem from the what 1960s? St BARNabus church. What a piece of crap. Maybe the interior is a masterpiece of modern design?
And even in the 2000s they are still sticking to the most repulsive shit brick designs. Why? This look has been rubbish for 20 years. Yes. Good luck leasing this awful building. You’d have to pay people to enter it.
And this is recent. Someone submitted plans for this, and the council said, “Yes, of course you can put that monstrosity in public view in the centre of our town. Why not decorate it with some burning turds in paper bags for the opening?”
And perhaps the only two buildings worth saving, the Kalamunda Hotel and next door, still have to be shittified with giant roller door and plastic awnings. And a dubiously planned beer garden. (someone reminded me, the previous green and treed beer garden now part of the hideous coles carpark.)
And here are some other random pieces of crap across several decades. Mind you, this is not a highly edited selection. This is what it is like across the whole town! Kalamunda is unrelenting shite from arsehole to breakfast. It should be beautiful. Why is it not?
Thanks for this view Coles and Kalamunda council. Thanks heaps.
A community centre. Jeeezus.
How embarrassing that the only building of any interest in the main drag is a crappy 70s fock Tudor pub. BTW the ex antiques retro shop is for lease if you are desperately looking for some premises to go bankrupt in.
The Worst of Perth 
And notice all the for lease signs? That’s because you are crap Kalamunda. Noone wants to climb your light coloured brick stairs to buy anything.
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Is this a record? 230 at the writing of this? Well 231 now…. just curious.
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Just had a mad idea, how about one of you proud kalamunchians get every one together who disagrees with this post, in the town centre and take a photo of yourselves shaking fists or whatever, in front of the building, or buildings that you are most proud of? That would put us TWOPers in our place! How about it? Show us your good stuff!
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And a memorial service at St BARNabus afterwards.
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Now there’s someone with a sound grasp of irony.
Luv it!
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Kalamunda away from the Haynes Street (To be avoided)
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That was awesome! What a fantastic way to comment.
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half way through there is a bloke with a gerbil on his head. I would vote him for Mayor
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Kalamunda Haynes street 30 years ago. Plus Kalamunda Fresh Fruit Market Song
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That song is so bad it’s criminal that anyone would sing it let alone record it
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Been here for 30 years… you are right, it is crap. I have told the various shire presidents to do something, at least put the power underground…to no avail! The council needs a copy of this!
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I believe they would be aware. And in denial.
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Egypt is not a safe place for journos these days, much less parochial peasants and/or their elected representatives.
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Kalamunda’s environment
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In the Boondies – where elevation is rel-at-ive
In the Boondies – we take our meds to be se-da-tive
In the Boondies where the trips are always higher
You can be a frequent flyer!
In the Boondies in the Boondies …
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I got about 50 seconds into that jingoistic smaltz before starting to vomit.
Any one else last that long?
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Should be in the National Anthem – ‘In joyful strains then let us sing Exteeeend Our Tooooowns fair Goooo.’ Go Jimbo!
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The pubs and clubs in kalamunda shire are renowned for sparkling conversation listen in
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There is one line that is absolutely true. Living in Kalamunda was a HUGE stress reducer. Love the quiet life I enjoy up the hill. Just a shame the food options are so limited.
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Not even close, Plonka. There are others well ahead of this one, and I think this one currently holds the record at 764.
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Oh yeah, I did read a fair bit of that one. Found that I had to stop though as life annoyingly got in the way! Hilarious though.
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I thought the signs were Shire of Kalamunda urban art project. A bit like that place down south where all the cows are made out of bits of tin etc
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I d live in Kalamunda but it’s too far to walk
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Who ever wrote this article, shame on you. Kalamunda was my home from birth and always will be. BTW: “Who could possibly want to enter this building? Awful. Will be empty for years to come.”- Why don’t you come over to Haynes street now to see that it is not empty. A lovely cafe’ occupies it!
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Perhaps this summer they can find a retired cop to use an angle grinder in the dry grass …
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That would only destroy the beautiful residential areas. The centre would stand.
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A spark meant for the escarpment
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Traditional approach to a beautiful area – compensate for the natural niceness by erecting visually offensive buildings.
It’s everywhere, and it’s symptomatic of the need to bring everything down to the lowest common denominator.
Standing out from the crowd is a recipe for incoming vitriol.
Tall poppies and all that.
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Forgot to mention All the coffee shops
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Including the closed one people actually liked?
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they didn’t deserve to be there!
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It was the only good shop!
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Last time in Kalamunda xxxxxxxxxxx they burnt the coffee. Merchant are surly that we buy coffee there and give them cash.
Paris Brest was the only decent cafe and its gone. We dont drink coffee in Kalamunda anymore, we head to Gooseberry Hill Rd and partake the views inside the cafe on the corner with Williams Rd
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According to Tullio here on TWOP the Zig Zag Cafe in the Kulcharul Centre has the best coffee. The entry has been designed by Rube Goldberg
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Woah! Now I understand why where I live, Maylands, sometimes gets talked up. I’m sure that if most of those Kalamunda buildings featured could speak they’d be asking to be euthanised.
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I particularly like that they have opted for brown Tarmac for the Main Street, to match the turd based initiatives of Kalamunda’s town planners.
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Yes every wannabe hipster who can’t afford to live in Mount Lawley talks up Maylands to justify their desperation of having to live in some tiny dog box apartment in what has to be one of Perth’s most densely populated shit holes.
But hey I suppose the suburb appeals to everyone – whether you’re recently out on parole, a junkie who needs to live close to your dealer, a recent immigrant who can’t afford anything bigger in Perth’s over-inflated property market Maylands is the suburb for you.
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Well it’s not like this blog has been soft on Maylands over the years. Maylands being bad doesn’t make Kalamunda look any better.
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If it makes you feel better this is no worse than a dozen places within 15 minutes of where I live in the Hudson River Valley and certainly no worse than thousands of places in the US, Canada and Mexico, to take North America as a starting point.
The modern world is an ugly place, alas.
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Actualy, having taken a closer look at the pics, I agree that the buildings all seem to be difficult to enter or see where to enter, which does seem unusual as well as off-putting.
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That s an Aussie thing bswam .
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I guess it is how lovely the setting is that really grates. You can forgive ugly in an ugly place much more easily.
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I completely agree – what make the similar places in the HRV so horrid is that they are nestled into landscapes celebrated by artists and fully worthy, even in their damaged state, of attention.
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Kalamunda kind if sees itself as an artist colony. It’s a colony for cranky zombie like elderly types or hills bogans.
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Arsehole
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more of a refuge for the less erudite
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Where in Hudson valley do you live ?
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On the river itself, just south of Kingston and a bit above New Paltz. If you know the Vanderbilt Mansion, you can see the tower of our town church from the lawn.
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thanks tla for a timely warning on the dangers of this hell hole.
although i think the library was rather good before it was extended and desecrated.
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Do you remember the palm tree sculpture that used to be by the library?
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Worthy of the most time-honoured of architectural tools – a source of ignition, and an accelerant.
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What about the gum nut sculptures at the roundabout?
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Piddling honkies have been covered before. By our old favourite bland bronzers the smiths.
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i remember both, although did not know the green one was a palm tree. i kinda liked the white one, there was something comforting about the way the front portions wrapped around.
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in reply to your palm tree question.
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There’s palm imprints in the concrete. Get it? Palm. Tree..
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You mean the haemorrhoids?
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TLA’s rage is palpable.
And it’s so bloody difficult to escape the joint if one blunders into that carnage.
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I’m just amazed at the uneducated people commenting on here who clearly live in a box. The Lazy Aussie…. You clearly are lazy .
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Why am I lazy? I spent 40 minutes traipsing round this craphole in my own time to document this.
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You deserve a medal, instead of opprobrium.
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Well at least somebody noticed.
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FORTY MINUTES? Get innoculated quickly!
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lolol .Ur a legend! You’ve started a Revolution! I thought it looked bad when I lived & went to school there in the 80’s. It’s a total embarrassment now!. Local Government HAS to be xxxxxxx xxxxxxx, because there certainly isn’t a shred of evidence anywhere, of the xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx they xxxx xxxxxx xx x x x! Glad I sold my house there & got the hell out of Dodge, what a Dump.
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Look at the photos above. You accuse us of living in a box?
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You recently accused the Lazy one of not being an Aussie, though, if I remember correctly.
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The box must be raised above street level with some light brick steps to repel customers.
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If you dont like it so much get the fuck out here then. No one will miss you. Fuckface
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Don’t blame me because you’ve let your town become a shithole. I did get out. As did everyone else who isn’t 85 yo in spirit. Maybe Kalamunda’s catch phrase should be “fuck off we’re vacant”? The unspeakable chasing the unleasable.
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No, remember? “Fuck off, it’s winter.” They could write “Fuck off, it’s not winter.” On the other side of the sign and that’s the whole year covered.
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Exciting leasing opportunity coming soon. During winter. The big leasing season.
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Wow good joke eddy murphy /\ I was expecting some cliche joke about old people. You sir are a baboon.
Let me get this right…
You started up some shitty blogger page comprising of suburbs that you dub as ‘The Worst of Perth’ probably compiled in the bedroom of your parents house.
You’re blog doesn’t get anywhere near enough exposure to support your omniscient attitude. Do you blog for a reputable magazine? no…you get online to wordpress and write a whole bunch of shit in hope that someone cares. I could have a blog too…I could write a fuckin’ story every time my cat takes a dump…big fucking whoop. I mean, you go around in your spare time critiquing buildings and towns of Perth that you don’t like…sounds like shitloads of fun…so much fun that I might start up a blog about cat shit but sadly I don’t have time for that because I have a friend or two and a legitimate job.
Have fun on your exhilarating life journey of complete douchey-ness.
:) :) :)
keep up the great material…we’re all on the edge of our seats in suspense for the next suburb you attack because we value your opinion so much.
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So to demonstrate how much you don’t care you write paragraphs of ranting? Let’s see your cat shit blog. You wouldn’t last 3 posts. Why don’t you put your word smithing genius into making your town better? Or is that too radical for you?
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Radical has nothing to do with it and wordsmithing won’t ‘fix’ the issues that you’ve fabricated…so that was stupid advice.
I was clearly joking about writing a blog about my cat shitting…I have better things to do. It was a form of patronisation. I put your all-mighty blog in the same category as what my made up cat shitting blog would be in…the shitty category :p
Maybe it takes you a substantial amount of time to write a half intelligent paragraph…not me though so don’t think I wasted too much of my energy on you, my wordsmithing comes naturally.
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Oh my god. You sound like you were originally from the country. “I was clearly joking”..!
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It is not stupid advice to put your time where your mouth is. I can just see you personing the barricades with signs saying ” Save our Shitty Buildings”.
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I never said I was against getting new buildings all I’m saying is who are YOU to condemn them? You’re not important and neither is funny-hat man /\
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Would there be socks involved? *hopeful face*
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Maybe Kalamunda would be improved by the addition of lingerie?
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Like the socks at the Guildford Hotel (of course Guildford is way better than Kaladunda).
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Guildford is WAY better than Kalamunda
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La Mia Lingerie in Kalamunda Central…. ACTUAL best bra shop in Perth. True story.
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I’m more of a Chi Chi boutique man, although I preferred its location in Barberry square.
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Are there pictures?
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Have you got a vacant shithole to rent out? Very best of luck, the second hand book stores will be queuing up
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If you don’t like kalamunda keep the fuck out. Then you don’t have to look at it and we don’t have to put up with snobby wankers like you lot. Fuck off to Baldivis or butler
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I was forced to be there for the morning. Maybe it would be better for those who let their town become so bad to go. It’s your fault for letting it happen. It would be best for the town if you left. Don’t bother with the for lease sign. You have no chance renting it. Again, why are you angry at me over the fact that your town centre has been turdified? It’s not like I’m pointing out something that is a big secret. Fuck off and shittify somewhere else. You’re not welcome.
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Actually, it isn’t really our fault. I remember my dad being outraged during the 80s and 90s when these monstrosities were being erected, saying it will come back to bite us in the arse. But what can you do in a hickville town where people generally have better things to do than run for council of a hickville town? Even as a kid I was shocked and amazed just how shit the Central building was, even when there was a plan on the table for an attractive open space being discussed. Turned down for being too expensive. Kalamunda is a lesson for Perth generally I think – invest a bit more in making your buildings attractive, hire an architect (possibly foreign and/or from the East where perhaps an element of architectural imagination still exisits) and save yourself from being featured here as a lasting memento for visual illiteracy and lazy town planning.
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Well…yes.
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Agree Lamenter. I watched Kalamunda begin to decline in the late 80s/early 90’s, staring with the building of Kalamunda Central. It ripped any remaining character out of the place. Visiting there these days is a painful experience.
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Yes That awful development was a major part of the problem.
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Not forgetting that once, “A Nightingale Sang in Barberry Square”.
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It really is a shame, because the surrounding residential areas are mostly lovely. I’ve always had a soft spot, so I’ve been trying to think of an example of good development in the town centre, but I’m drawing a total blank. It really is quite shitty, from top to bottom.
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Rainmaker.
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The snobby types are going to Butler?
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Butler is a designated activity centre , so …
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Kalamuntians gonna hate it seems.
I’ve been back here now for nearly seven years *ack it’s temporary right* and I still haven’t seen the need to actually go there. These pictures oughta keep me away for at least another 40.
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If you want a shop to go broke in, it’s perfect. Spoilt for choice.
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Wow! You sound so intelligent Lazy Aussie. I’ve never read as much jive as you have written on here. So tell us about where you live ? It’s people like you that should not exist … Sorry! But there’s enough negativity in the world that we don’t need rainmakers like you writing crap , and you call it a job??Try getting a real job!
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I knew the rainmaker jibe was coming. They never let you forget do they.
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Sounds to me like this so called reviewer might have a ” personal vendetta” against the place . This is a very personal review , not a very well written one
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Where am I wrong? Point out a non shitty example.
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I’ve seen way worse towns than kalamunda, who ever wrote this article is a total hornbag who has no idea about the history of kalamunda! Try visiting Armadale or forrestfield then you will know what a shit town is crocus.
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The history of Kalamunda is a history of terrible planning. And the idiots who let them do it.
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but hey, they called you a horn bag! you’re in.
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“Kalamunda: Not as Shit as Armadale”. There’s your licence plate, right there.
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What s wrong with Armadale ??
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Hornbag? I thought that meant sexy? You’re totes hornbag TLA!
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Forrestfield is planned by who??? Oh yeah… Shire of Kalamunda!!!
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Out of spite. And Kalamunda is objecting to being merged with Belmont! C’mon it’s Belmont that should be objecting.
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Thought we were merging with midland but anyhow
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Nope. Belmont.
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Crocus?
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Yes, I wondered about that too.
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“There are slightly worse places places than Kalamunda” is the new Town of Kalamunda slogan.
“Not as shit as other places”
“Hey at least its not Hilton”
Its shit, and nothing other than a fucking big detonation will fix it
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Twat
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If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Really, I think many people would benefit from this.
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You start
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“The lazy Aussie” you an anti mundite who has nothing better to do with your time, Kalamunda is not even a “shitty town” try visiting Armadale or Forrestfield or Balga then you will know what a shit town really is, you have know idea about the history of kalamunda for a start! If I saw you in person I would probably lease one of those shops just to fucking show you we can rent out stuff. Then you can get stuffed while I make a good living.
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I’m calling Poe’s Law on this one. Just too stupid to be real.
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How dare you imply…oh, right. Yes.
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To let: Large upstairs commercial space on Haynes Street. Brand new 1970s fitout. Suit pitchfork vendor.
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By appointment only.
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I just don’t want the solid gold that is “anti mundite” to be lost in the tide of incomprehensibility.
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gaint
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Exactly, most buildings been there since the 50’s/60’s like most of kalamunda residents. I wouldnt want it any other way. The guy that wrote this clearlys not been too hig wycombe….douche
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High Wycombe isn’t in a beautiful location. Kalamunda has every reason to be lovely, but is the opposite. That’s why it is worse.
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agree
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There is much research out in the world linking mental health with aesthetic environment. Looks to me like a few girls blouses out there just proved the validity of said research. It’s totally ok to feel proud of where you live, but why not try and make it a better place instead of aggressively defending truly ugly architecture?
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You’re rainmaking now, but yes.
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I shall stop immediately.
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Yes, it is ok to feel proud of where you choose to live. Thankyou . So why bag the locals personally when your blog ( clearly not researched as Kalamunda is obviously an older town ) was aimed at the architecture ?? It’s obvious to the ” educated mind that clearly the locals don’t necessarily build the buildings!!! Wow… I had to actually point that out . So anyway , this confuses me.. Is this why you have now had to get some of your mates on board to comment to back you up ?? You’re a tool The Lazy Aussie .
Of course Kalamunda would love some updated buildings, which has started to happen in recent years , as would many other older historical towns … You knob !!!!!
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So, you agree with me by the sounds of it. The trouble is that Kalamunda’s updated buildings have largely been crap too. That was my whole point. No the locals may not have built everything, but they do have a say in it. And they haven’t bothered. Yes I researched it. By living there.
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Gotta admit tho LA it could be say raine square and it’s not so there s hope and meanwhile there s some stuff there waiting to be loved
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I think the Muzz Buzz is the most recent building, isn’t it? Nice work, Kalamunda.
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Not the beautiful Auto Bahn barn?
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Zig Zag Communidy Centre. Huge expense, empty. Failing cafe. Shit
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Looking at the Stirk Medical Centre, though, that’s the same kind of “architectural feature” which is compulsory when building in new communities such as Wellard and Darch. It looks crap there, too, but also that’s an across the board ruling to try to make things look less shabby in the residential streets so they can pretend that they’re improving on the recently removed bushlands.
By itself, I don’t think it’s worthy of huge condemnation beyond a failure of imagination/budget. As part of the failings of the aesthetics of the centre as a whole, I’m totally with TLA – how did this happen? This could be such a gem of a place…
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I seem to remember Stirk medical as a reasonably nice building before the additions.
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it was a simple, modestly scaled and inoffensive seventies building.
now, it’s a darch reject.
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Well, I’m not sure I’d go that far. But it certainly hasn’t improved.
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Ahh. I had forgotten the Toyota building’s beauty though. Is there a pic of the library pre turdisation? Vegan remembers it as OK.
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Here. I guess it was slightly better before. Certainly not as ill proprtioned as now.
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the double height, salmon face brick local library is, in my mind, the very model of a public library, an impression formed as a child by a place in which i spent many happy hours.
but perhaps, as is often the case, memory is more attractive than reality.
snuff, compared to what it is, i don’t mind the old stirk building at all.
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Here’s Stirk 1972. It did look better. They had crapped it up later with the garden.
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has someone drawn a face on that?
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C&B
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Long time resident, this article is spot on.
If not for a modium of sentimental value, I wouldn’t go within 20 k’s of the dump!
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Well sorry you don’t like our gorgeous little town that has so much character😢 we are not all hills bogans but people who choose to live up here and enjoy its beauty. Spend more time here and you won’t be such a negative person. You may even begin to love the town centre and it’s so called ugly buildings😄 walk around and enjoy the sounds of the beautiful birds and take a breath of our fresh air. Evenings are amazing. Have you been to zig zag and checked out the amazing views of the city. For me the view of the city is amazing, living in that rat race forget it! This beautiful town is amazingly tranquil and beautiful and I love it.
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All you morons need to learn reading comprehension. Birds and attractive architecture are not mutually exclusive. The Zig Zag lookout is not in the town centre. The surrounding areas are lovely, which makes the shittiness of the town centre even more unforgivae.
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“unforgivable” I think you meant to say. Probably want to do a quick spell quick if you are gonna be calling people morons….
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Fair cop, you spotted a typo. But why are you defending the shitty town centre? Blind loyalty gets you a worse result than criticism.
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Stirred up the real estate industry, that is the only possible explanation for defending Kalamunda’s shitty buildings.
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It’s not really defensible. I mean it’s hardly a secret that the town is crap.
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But you gotta admit it all sounds pretty “amazing”!
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Yes. I have spent more time there. I lived there. I’m not sure what the zig zag has to do with the disgrace that is the town centre. As I said if you had read it, there are many beautiful residential areas. Why can’t it be a beautiful town as well. Why does the town have to be a disaster? I’m not sure why you would defend it.
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Go to the Zig Zag look out to the west and see where you would rather be…
Watch out for bogan revheads, graffiti, broken glass, and Cockington Doggers
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I’d much prefer our large bush blocks and OLD ugly buildings than be crammed in Ellenbrook or Canning Vale. I’m sure fancy new buildings there are nicer to look at but how about the fact the neighbours can hear you shit because your bathroom windows are half a metre apart… But i bet its well planned and has new buildings out in their town centres so you can’t call that ugly.
Oh and you display a picture of Stirk medical with the vacant lot next door, its empty because it’s being developed. If this becomes an attractive looking building will that help us, old grand master of town aesthetics?
You see thats the problem with older buildings, they look old. If you did a proper drive around Kalamunda/Lesmurdie you would have seen that we don’t waste our money on pretty fascias for old buildings. We focus on our beautiful surroundings like Stirk Park, Zig Zag and Bill Shaw Reserve. I’m much happier to see money spent there.
You dodged the question Lazy Aussie but where exactly is the obviously beautiful suburb that you call home? You know what it doesn’t matter.
Honestly mate you sound like a twat and now I feel like a twat for curiously clicking on the link to read rubbish you have typed up. Blah blah I know its the internet and you can write what you want but come on, who actually cares what you think. Think Kalamunda is ugly? Well so what, your opinion means nothing which is the same as my opinion of you.
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Hear hear. Well said. But let’s repeat just to ensure it gets through the blinkers and ignorance…. Lazy Aussie, you are a twat. ‘Nuff said.
P.s. I don’t live in Kalamunda but I do know senseless pathetic garb when I read it.
P.p.s Still interested though, where did you say you lived? I’d love to take some bad-one-sided-well-positioned photos and write some well-written-biased-one-sided-practically-photoshopped-blogosphere-worthy-today-tonight-current-affair-media-magic-don’t-believe-everything-you-read-folks words about your home town.
#getarealjobmate
#dontjudgeabook
#betyouliveinarmadale
#probablyliveinkalamunda
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TLA “You are a twat ” Nuff Nuff said. So there.
Jeez it doesnt take much research on this site to work out TLA lives in the Bayswater “Dome of Influence”
Bayswater features heavily on TWOP. Stay a while, light a cheroot, pull up a divan and fire up the Onkyo.
#hashtag
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Heh I just wrote a comment abusing you, but realised it was you.
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Who “forced you to spend the morning in Kalamunda” and write this aggressive and immature article Lazy Aussie?
It’s seems strange to spend the time writing so much hatred about some old buildings and posting photos of the back of a Coles shopping centre from a suburb you don’t live in.
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And the front of Coles. Which is also terrible. You want me to put the side in too? Why don’t you do something about it rather than whine about someone telling you the truth?
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Because Coles is usually a wonderful, amazing spectacle of a building?
Look at your article.
You think I’m the one who’s whining?
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Logic – Coles is shit. Kalamunda is shit. Coles in Kalamunda is shit. DONT YOU FUCKEN BAG KALA ORROIGHT!
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Hey, Lazy Arsehole, take your vitriol and stuff it into that cesspit you call a mouth! This is the home oif choice for thousands of young and old who would rather you returned to the dung heap you crawled out of!
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“Young” and old? Unless you mean young as in the first year of having a seniors card. Why don’t you put some energy into improving the dung heap that if Kalamunda town? Because you don’t have it in you.
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My understanding is that Kalamunda WAS the dungheap he crawled out of.
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exactly.
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Just as Bill Bryson said of Des Moines – everybody’s got to come from somewhere.
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as did a few of us i believe.
this thread is hilarious, the new b&s.
for those of us who did grow up in kalamunda, and do appreciate the beauty of the hills and residential areas, we are simply staggered and saddened that you allowed your council to approve an entire town centre of shite.
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I’m beginning to suspect it’s not all about the rooting.
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to you the lazy Aussie…. Once again …. NO THE RESIDENTS don’t have a say in how the buildings look …. Did you say you have done your research by living here… In the 80’s was it??? Think I might have seen you walking around the other day writing down your shitty notes for this shitty article …. I noticed the huge appendage attached to your forehead
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The residents DO have a say in how their town looks. You’re just too fucking lazy to do anything about it. Residents in other suburbs are constantly protesting about inappropriate development, or making suggestions for the future of their town. Not you. What did you do? Nothing. What did 99% of the other Kalamorons do? Nothing. You just want to criticise people who tell you like it is. So you seem to actually be agreeing with me that your town is a shithole, just that it’s not your fault. Look in the mirror. There’s the problem.
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No , that’s where your wrong . What’s being criticised here is the way in which you chose to write this blog in the first place . If you don’t like criticism back or people having their opinion of your style of writing then GO AND LEARN how to express educated opinions using educated language and non bias language . So we’re still waiting on your response to the question….. Where do you live???
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I can’t understand your shouting. No one asked you and your caps lock here. Why would I take writing advice from you? You don’t seem to get much practice at it.
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What has your voted-in-town-council done to improve the aesthetics for people in this village?
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Tremendous! We’ve come close, but we haven’t had what their husbands earn yet…today? CHEERS.
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Kalamunda USED to be nice. Sure the buildings are ugly but all towns are a hotch-potch. When the Shire allowed Coles to put in the sewer (appropriately, for their shit development). They turned the pub’s huge beer garden and big gum trees into a car park, and the old character homes on big blocks have been demolished, the trees bulldozed and dozens of units crammed in to make it look like every other sea-of-roofs suburb. to create the village of the damned OAP’s, who cant get up the stairs and clutter the footpaths with their Gophers
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Well exactly. Once Coles was approved, that was it. There are still some pockets of beautiful homes.
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Any one of the commercial buildings would be forgivable on its own. Every town has them. But ALL of them? Nowhere, except perhaps Dunsborough or karratha has a townscape so consistently bad.
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Karratha is improving. Cannot be said for Kalamunda
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The town might be, but the people? Not so sure about that. Karattha I mean. Fuck head bogans getting paid too much and thinking they’re worth it? Maybe it makes the town look pretty for a while, but what happens when the boom is over? Not pulling the piss out of you orbea…….. I’m with you on this. But cynical about improvements just to suit the suits if you get my drift.
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I think the “Not as shit as Armadale” number plates could really catch on. It applies to most places. Except Bunbury.
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Bunbury is better than Kalamunda. That’s how bad things are.
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I’m impressed that there’s so much internet access up in them there hills.
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…and literacy. Well, letter-recognition ability, anyway.
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Oh yeah. And Kalamunda, your mobile coverage is shit too.
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Where’s all your fake blogger mates today to back you up ?? Maybe get yourself a better internet/phone carrier . Although I’m guessing you don’t get paid much for your work as you’ve proved so I understand if you’ve set up your own makeshift antenna in your backyard …. Where was that again?? We’re all still waiting to know??
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This is actual gibberish.
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You don’t like being criticised for something that someone really doesn’t know much about . Funny that .
Honestly , try blogging about something that might make a difference in someone’s life , important issues . There are people dying innocently around the world at the moment , this is what makes reading your bullshit so fustrating
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And what are you doing about that? Nothing as well. Listen. Your town centre is a planning disaster. It is the fault of those living there. These two facts are true. Do something about those. If you can find time in between stopping people dying.
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People tend not to die guiltily. I think you meant innocent people dying? Retard.
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It’s only gibberish because of your inability to comprehend anything that isn’t simplified for you first. I agree Can’t Stop…poor bugger must be broke seeing as he doesn’t get paid for this bullshit…he probably lives in maylands because he can’t afford mt lawley lol
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It’s called showing respect for a start in society , in light of the important issues going on . People like you who lack respect for society usually lack respect for themselves so they take up some form of bullying
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Kalamunda commenters sound like the bullies here. Why are you angry at me? Be angry at what you have allowed to happen to what was and should be a beautiful town in a beautiful setting. And ” in light of the important issues going on.” I also know, you are also doing nothing about these either. If you were, you wouldn’t be making ranting, ignorant comments on a blog. You’d be doing something useful.
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You even know us all personally now … Amazing
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Is anyone as turned on as I am?
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I clearly didn’t write this you dickheads!!!! Get your own name
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Creepy…………..
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The architectural war-zone that is Kalamunda is just as important as Gaza, Ukraine, and not enough boat ramps for doggers.
Good DAY, madam.
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I’m back, not fake. If you bother to read some of the other pages you’ll see that quite a few of us regularly check out TWOP because it’s funny and not meant to be taken too seriously. As for where I have been? At uni, getting myself an education. What have you been up to? That is a rhetorical question (because I really don’t care) which means I don’t need an answer. I really think you should bugger off and check out a blog called “The Real Perth” by a guy called Matt Hayden. He’s more your style, in that he talks a load of self serving shite.
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That was meant to go all the way up under Cunt Stops comment about fake blogger mates. Bloody reply button! I’ll work it out one day.
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Fake…..?????
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It’s 9.47am Wednesday and Can’t Stop (Tugging) has hopefully washed his hands and fired off forty job applications.
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Your mother must be proud The Lazy Aussie
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well tla, if you’re looking for click bait, you’ve found it.
the responses here are just another reason i wouldn’t move back.
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Indeed, vegan.
Just imagine ‘Googling’ Kalamunda Architecture and getting this lot of tinsel hatted ( or is that ‘hated’ ) ranters pop up ;)
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And yes, googling Kalamunda architecture gives TWOP #1 and #2. In other news, search result at TWOP today, “Vintage Baravan 4Sale Perth”.
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In Other other news, we passed 3000 posts last month without noticing! 3000 posts on this city. What a boon for the future cunts’ research.
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I think it’s had its day. All the cool kids are reading cat shit blogs now.
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I’m half tempted to start a tumblr on the subject.
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The traffic from arseforums.com is also most welcome.
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What about flangecommunity.org?
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They won’t let me log in there.
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Try flangebans. They have a proxy server.
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The rants from the Kalamuntians are Hitlerian in their anti democratic aspect.
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they are the mike carltons of architectural discourse.
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Which is exactly how Stalin’s Russia started.
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Ain’t it amazing just how vehemently reactionary social snobs can be.
I mis-spent 6 months house sitting in KM, for someone who was desperate to get out of the place.
It was a couple of months before I came to understand why: She was a highly educated, well travelled, deep thinking, and intelligent person – the antithesis of most of the community I met whilst there.
Shallow, ultra conservative types abounded who exuded an air of self satisfied superiority; “…after all, we live in the hills.” With a view to the city, no less. Just why anyone would want to have a vista of that stinking morass is beyond my comprehension unless, again, it is to reinforce a sense of superiority over the plebeians who live on the sand plains.
Even the “Leafy Western Suburbs” emanated less of the “them and us” kind of attitude.
Real Estate trading was always brisk, having a quick turnover of ownerships; the disillusionment of the many punters who initially bought into the myth of a progressive and cultivated community being a driving force.
Heck, even the poorly educated peasants of Italian extraction who opened up the area initially, kept to themselves to avoid the all pervading snobbery.
Lovely area, horrible town centre, and a community with a dense core of middle-class arrogance; Bogan or otherwise.
Judging by the responses in defence of the place, little has changed; except, perhaps, for a lowering of the level of ‘genteel’ deportment.
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Are you hard done by?
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Many people proudly call Kalamunda home. Who do you think you are to write such a defamatory and poorly written article?
What I’ve just read is a terrible load of verbal-diarrhea
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You can still proudly call it home while admitting the town centre is a disaster. Not a single person has disagreed with the point of my post! Because it’s true!
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What you’ve just written is a terrible load of verbal-diarrhea. There, I fixed it for you.
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Can you defame a brick stairway? Or a parapet wall?
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possibly covered by shire of kalamunda bylaws.
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defamatory? oooh bush lawyer…
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It’s interesting that of all the lengthy rantings about the unfairness and inaccuracy of this post, none of you have been able to point to a single example of something good about the town centre.
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because a) they haven’t read the entire piece and b) there isn’t one.
or c) they have read it but don’t understand it and d) there isn’t one.
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Think Alex Manfrin’s characters Ian from the Hills, and Barry the Bloody Boring Bush Poet.
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There has been some nice sidestepping. “But look at the zig zag and the birdlife that is not connected in any way with the Kalamunda town centre!”
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Remember how nobody got angry when I called Subiaco a craphole. Just some shrugs and nods of the head.
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I recall no leaping to defence of Darch, but I should point out that the serves of food at the Kingsway Tavern are most generous and quite tasty. Also, better priced than Subi.
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That just reminded me of something that happened to me about 28 years ago. We were up in Kalamunda for the day and dropped into the local pool. The local kids came over and told me and my friends to “fuck off, coz you’re not local”. I’m not normally one to buy into generalisations, but I’m starting to think there’s something not quite right with these hill billies. They’re just a little bit creepy. Just a bit too quick to anger and none to clever either. And…to Can’t Stop. Why do you need to know where TLA lives? It doesn’t matter, he is bound to have taken the Micky out of his own suburb at some point. This is the whole point of this blog, it’s a celebration of all the ill conceived and ghastly things in our part of the world. It isn’t called “The Best of Perth”. If it was it would be boring and wanky and would have the word vibrancy in every post. Your town is truly ugly Kalamundians, get over it or do something about it. You live in a beautiful part of the world. You should respect and reflect that.
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And wherever I live, it’s not going to be as bad as Kalamunda, so what’s the point?
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Sounds like Subiaco
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Hey TLA, if this is all getting too much you can always go back to bagging Maylands. I live there, I find your jibes amusing, usually accurate and if I catch up with you there’s every chance I won’t chase you out of town with a horde of torch carrying locals.
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Maylands was in today. Although slightly overshadowed by Hills boganism.
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So it was, but on the other side of the tracks from me. I’m on the side with the small bar! And the river. Take that Mt Lawley, where’s your river, eh?
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Apart from that stretch between Bardon Park and the old power station….Damn you Mt Lawley, must you have everything.
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No gun shop in Mt Lawley.
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Has this post set a TWOP record yet? Probably several, in fact – most posts in a day, most passionate but misspelt vitriol, most torch-bearing pitchfork-wielding lynch mobs…
It’s kalamunted.
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Despite valiant efforts by the Pro-Mundites, I fear it still falls short of the unbeatable Inseminators post. I still remember that day.
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Didn’t Mrs Bento fall off the chair laughing?
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Volley by ranks! First rank, FIRE! Second rank, FIRE! Third rank, FIRE!
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Who cares whether kalamunda is like this or not? For people commenting who’ve never been here yet visit before you agree with over emotional and unjust comments as seen in the post.
Also, granted you’re entitled to your opinion and for those of us that frequent the kalamunda shops may agree, who gives a rats ass?
Do you have to shop here every day?
No
Do you have to look at it every day?
No
Does it affect you in any way possible if kalamunda is behind in the times in regards to buildings and town planning?
Again, No.
Quit being negative and write about good suburbs or ones that are coming up and becoming the ones to look out for.
Contempt breeds contemp and if I wasnt from kalamunda and this post didn’t concern me, I would have viewed it in such a negative light. That may be what you’re after but its not an admirable quality in my books
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You seem to have no point apart from agreeing with me but, what, not caring? Not caring enough but just enough to waffle. If you don’t care, why are you writing this rubbish? Most people care what their area is like. Everyone except those who live in Kalamunda who are content with their awful streets and empty shops. Your not caring is why it’s crap.
Can’t wait for your next extensive post on how much you don’t care.
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“Do you have to shop here every day?
No
Do you have to look at it every day?
No
Does it affect you in any way possible if kalamunda is behind in the times in regards to buildings and town planning?
Again, No.”
What does any of this mean? Pure waffle.
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You’ve obviously had a bad experience in Kalamunda at some stage in your life. You need to get out more often, and explore the depth and beauty of our caring and community minded lifestyle in the forest, our vast history, fauna and flora preservation, tourist attractions, vistas, spiritual representation, recreational facilities, and slower pace, It’s not just about buildings in Haynes St and other feeder roads within the town centre as you poorly captured in your photos. See the forest for the trees and open your eyes a good deal wider, and savour what Kalamunda has to offer to visitors to our unique place that we call home. Notwithstanding, I respect your comments, but you are so wrong.
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Yes, but I am talking about the town centre. I have already mentioned that there are some beautiful residential areas. The bad experience I had was visiting Haynes street. Was that not clear? And why shouldn’t a beautiful setting have agood town centre. That’s what I’m saying. Surely it deserves it?
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The Kalamunda Shire met with the local communities within the Shire several months ago to help future plan the various precincts, including the town centre. Given time, and the fact that the future of local government agencies is in limbo, the town centre will undoubtedly be more inclusive and aesthetically developed. That’s all from me.
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Well that’s good! If the focus of the town could be moved towards Stirk Park rather than Haynes Street it could be a very nice. The park at the centre with appropriate development leading back from it. Could be beautiful.
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Slow food, slow eating – slow vibrancy!
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Again with the write something nice! This post is called the Worst of Perth. Worst means, not nice, not good,it means things that aren’t good or nice. Good and nice are seldom interesting and never funny. ……………. I was going to say more, but I’m suddenly very bored with this.
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Is it wrong that each time I see a thinly veiled fiction to explain the absence of Snuff’s posts, it confirms to me that he really IS Batman? It would explain so much…
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From what I understand the problem is less the individual buildings than the fact that they are at the dead center of town. We have plenty of this crap where I am but it tends to be in shopping mall zones or along major arterial routes. Most town centers are relatively intact, if shabby. That said the heritage hotels look nice, the blue 1980s building could be a funky space in the right hands and the 1970s pub is surprisingly convincing in a 1920s sham Tudor way.
For real ugly you ought to see the stretch of 9W between Highland and Newburgh or maybe the blighted mall districts of Poughkeepsie.
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The problem is that for every era they have chosen the worst possible example and gone with that. Also that it is almost every building. Every town has some examples, but Kalamunda is almost every one. Yes, being the centre of town is a problem. If the centre of town could be refocused on the quite nice Sturk Park, it would make a huge difference.
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The next time I drive the stretch from Highland to Newburgh I’ll put aside some time to record the ruinous roadside. Garage sales in Tivoli evidently just ain’t cuttin’ it.
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I used to live in Kalamunda until recently and while the surrounds and the natural residential areas are quite nice, the town centre is a mish-mash of ugliness. So dissapointing. Such an untapped potential.
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Exactly.
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No. Not exactly. You are constantly blaming the residents of kalamunda for this. How is this fair?! Maybe as an ex-kalamunda person yourself you would be less of a bully, but no. Shame on you.
Yes, kalamunda doesn’t have nice new shiny buildings BUT it is an older suburb and people like you seem to think we can just tear it all down and rebuild it. What about the history? And who wants to see everything destroyed only to be replaced by shops you see everywhere else. There are some hidden gems in this town – shame your bullying nature didn’t care to look closure.
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Constantly! (since Saturday).
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You’re right. All those town centres that are not complete shitholes just magically appeared that way. There’s nothing the residents could possibly do to improve the area, and there’s absolutely no way they could work together to push Council to do something about it.
I agree, it would be a shame to lose the history of the TAB, Bankwest, Liquorland, Bunnings warehouse, Hans Cafe, and the vacant offices.
Name one hidden gem. One. And if you say “the old Da Vinci’s building was nice before Big Rooster demolished it in 1982”, I win $5.
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The Bus station?
What about the old Ag hall?
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Where are these hidden gems in the town centre? Specifically which buildings?
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I’m not really sure you know what bullying is. And you totally misunderstand. It’s not about shiny new buildings. The one shiny new building I featured, the auto parts barn is as big a piece of crap as the older buildings. Old, new and in between buildings are all bad. It’s about how they work in the townscape. How they enhance the amenity if the town. How they provide for the needs of residents and visitors. That they don’t actively repel customers thereby remaking unleased forever. I don’t think you’ve even read the post. The whole thing is a question as to why for decades, Kalamunda has made every wrong choice when it comes to the town centre. Every time it can approve the wrong building it does. And what history are you talking about? The history of empty shops? Light brick. What examples are you talking about? There us not a building on Haynes street that gas any history worth saving.
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You really don’t think you are bullying the residents of Kalamunda? You have blamed us for the demise of the town centre, as you so call it. If I have misunderstood it is simply because I could not get past this fact. I have taken complete offensive to this and I’m sure I’m not alone. Try going in to a shop owned by locals – Sebastian’s has such friendly service and they offer amazing foods! Dreams is a beautiful little shop filled with lovely gifts. Do I even need to mention Collodels? The best gelato.
I’m not going to further comment. I feel you are taking advantage of the situation and are probably relishing in these responses. Simply know that you lived here once, you should have more respect for those living here now.
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How am I bullying you? I’m not making you read this. I’m just telling you what is true. And again you misunderstand. I’m talking about the built environment not what they are making. You could make the best gelato in the world, but it’s no good if the premises are so crap that you wouldn’t want to go in there. I’m not so much relishing your comments as baffled. Kalamunda town centre is ill planned and ugly. It’s just self evidently true. I can’t really understand how anybody could disagree. And nobody really has. Plenty have objected to being reminded of just how bad the place is, but nobody has been able to give one example of a beautiful or even half nice premises. Including you.
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I think you are confusing bullying with berating?
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Right on, when are they going to tear down that dated hotel and stick up a Dan Murphy’s?
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That really wouldn’t surprise me with Kalamunda.
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KALAMUNDA NEW YEARS EVE NAKED FRIVOLITY AND RIOTOUS LOCALS IN HAYNES STREETS (Youtube video link below)
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I don’t want to see naked 80 year olds.
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Terrific!
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Just a final clip I was the one that instigated & got monies for the Christmas Lights in the trees round about 2000 from businesses as you can see from video they are gone. Rotary pledged it would install lights each and every Christmas season but I believe Council made it impossible (public liability) and shut it down
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They won’t miss a trick will they?
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How are they a public liability? Are locals shimmying up lamp poles for the express purpose of unplugging Christmas lights and sticking the live plugs in their mouths?
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It can happen.
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To get the taste of quinoa out.
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UK’s worst Christmas lights booed by locals. Hundred times better than Kalamunda’s check them out.
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Meanwhile in sans vibrans aka Subi.
http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/station-street-markets-development-a-fatal-blow-to-stall-owners-20140812-103882.html
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How many markets is it possible to stifle in Subiaco?
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How many have you got?
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Have they stifled the cimemas yet?
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Stifled back to the stone age. If only they’d stifle the garlic prawns.
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Teh Cauldo the only winner as Target comes to Subi?
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I don’t often LOL, but after reading in the Subi thing, “The second storey would be a 4000 square metre Target…” I did.
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LOL
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After a fierce 3-way bidding war with The Reject Shop and Crazy Clark’s.
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That was actually very funny, in the context of this post! Bravo for being brave enough to show just how sad Kalamunda Town Centre is! I’d rather try and bite my own elbow off than spend new year in the big K! Well done.
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I’ve now lived in Kalamunda for over 30 years and the town centre is getting steadily worse. The Shire has been poorly governed over the years by various cartels of shopkeeper councillors – every 2 or 3 years the shopping precinct gets a “makeover” which only ever makes things worse. A example of the mentality is that the best that the northern terminus of the Bibbulmun Track can offer is a series of rose gardens.
My long standing suggested remedy is two D9 bulldozers either side of the Kalamunda Hotel pushing down the hill and start afresh with a single concept.
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I like it.
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How dare you come up to our beautiful town from down there on the flats and dictate how our town center should look like. Maybe you’d be happier if it looked like a cookie cutter Suburb of tilt panel commercial buildings. You think your suburb is so much better? Well let me tell you shit flows down hill buddy.
I’ve lived in kalamunda for 30 year and have a decent honest job (accountant) and have made a valuable contribution to society, not like you some kind of arty snob thinking you’re so funny telling us our town looks bad, there was another man who had an interest in architecture and liked to tell people what was acceptable an his name was hitler!
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Is this comment better than the cat shit blog one? Can we have some sort of poll?
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better.
and hitler was an artist, not an architect. i think you’ll find the architect was albert speer.
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This was Speer’s submission for the Stirk Medical Centre, sadly rejected by shortsighted Kalamunda Shire. http://38.media.tumblr.com/110ea1a061707007f8e18711cc04c755/tumblr_mf3fm4YYAg1r4vadxo1_500.jpg
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i see that they picked up the essence of the idea.
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Would certainly breathe new life into the languishing hills quarry industries.
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This is the best comment of all.
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No need to worry about the ‘Munt anymore , Vic Park is no 1 for teh Vibrancy.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-23/vic-park-strip-is-revitalised-in-new-strategy/5684304
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Definitely in the top 2. I been readin’ the internets for 30 year and let me tell you sonny… what was I saying?
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Have you made a valuable contribution to society? As an accountant? In any case that has nothing to do with anything I wrote. Your ignorant abuse is EXACTLY how Stalin’s Russia started. I have frequently posted about how bad Subiaco is ( and how dare you come down the hill and criticise it!) but that doesn’t make Kalamunda any better. Still nobody has disagreed with what I have written! Why shouldn’t Kalamunda people have a nice town. Why can’t even accountants work in a nice place? And I’m not dictating what Kalamunda should look like. I’m telling you it’s bad. Which it is. And that it’s generally your fault. Which it is. And that you should get off your backside and do something about it. Which you won’t. You’d rather moan about someone telling you the truth than actually do something. And how come you are allowed to dump on Subiaco but nobody is allowed to criticise Kalamunda? This sort of hypocrisy is exactly how Tito’s Yugoslavia was run!
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^This
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Godwin’s Law was inevitable I suppose.
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Y’no, I get the distinct impression that some of these defensive comments are merely piss takes, prob’ly written by lower secondary school students mucking about on the computers in the library.
Though, perhaps, that is doing the kids some disservice; they can’t really be that immature, can they ?!?
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It is fairly astounding how many idiots there are in Kalamunda. I think the school kids would a) already know their town is a hole, and b) wouldn’t care.
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So what now you hate children too? It’s all well and good to sit behind you’re laptops spewing vitriolic hatred at our town and now our children too but were proud of ourselves up here and even of our main street might have a couple of buildings that don’t look like buckingham palace at least we don’t have all the crime and antisocial behaviour that you have in subiaco.
You obviously have no manners, I feel sorry for you’re parents having raised such angry children.
I won’t be responding to anymore of you’re nasty hate speech but I just want to tell you you’re not welcome in our town with that kind of attitude!
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Town planners are not welcome either by the look of it. You don’t have the crime of Subiaco? What about those hoons driving the wrong way up the zigzag?
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I don’t have a laptop: good day, sir.
I said good DAY.
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apost’raphe horror means no-one is welcome
The checkpoints will be emailed.
Personally I favour forcing people to get to Kalamunta via the Zig Zag the wrong way.
Think of the media interest
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Phew, keeping up with all this reading is taking up entire days. I grew up in Kalamunda and returned here a decade ago. I like living here, I like the mad old people (granted most of them are my parents) they amuse me. I like how they remember me from school, or stop me in the street because they thought my leggings were tattoos, or ask me to get things down from the top shelves in Crabb’s, (and I like calling the IGA Crabb’s). But apparently the largest demographic in Kalamunda is not over 65 but under 25.
I like the bad architecture, it amuses me too, and the piddling honkies, I find them particularly amusing.
I can say that I have stood up at town meetings and suggested that the gallery and visitors centre be built overlooking the park instead of the skip bins at the back of the thai restaurant. To no avail.
I did stand up at a town meeting and asked the architect of said gallery and visitors centre to please disregard the previous speaker who told him that he had to match the building to the library and the history village and just design something nice – which he did (and it’s not empty, it has a full program of exhibitions, good, bad and indifferent)
I have been heard to say out loud at Kalamunda business breakfast meetings that I wasn’t particularly interested in providing things for young people to do in the area since I was entirely happy for the young people (my own included) to go away and do their things elsewhere and come back when they wanted to raise a family and shop at Crabb’s and that maybe there were better things to spend our money and time on.
And I did veto a suggestion by a chamber of commerce member at an events meeting that the history of Kalamunda could be reenacted by people in costumes such as can be found in Williamsburg USA (cradle of the civil war) by laughing so hard I fell off my chair.
However, actually making a difference to any of these things requires a great deal more energy than I am prepared to give. Shire councils are always going to be limited by money and the personal qualities of the people in charge – by which I mean, perfectly good and hard working and well intentioned councillors (should we have any) can have limited views on architecture. A quick survey of any council involved in public art projects should alert you to the fact that they absolutely cannot agree on what is good and what is not. I like progress and I like history but any suburban centre which has a great mix of the two will be largely a matter of chance and economics. In Kalamunda the majority of the buildings in the centre are owned by one or two (apparently old and apparently Italian) people. If it was in the economic interests of these people to make them nicer, they would, if it was in their economic interest to bulldoze them and build twenty auto one style tilt ups then they would. Currently it is in their interests to charge a lot to rent them and leave them as they are. Perhaps they will die soon and their children will turn out to be lovers of fine architecture. Or perhaps not.
I am sad that many lovely shops have disappeared over the years: bookshops, a dress shop featuring local Perth designers, a shop called the four arts which had things like art supplies, guitar strings and ballet shoes, a lovely flower and gift shop, a funky second hand clothes and collectibles shop, just to name a few. But I don’t think that their demise can be put down to the architecture exactly. I am as guilty as the next person in Haynes street of buying as many of my shoes online as I have locally (or more guilty if the next person is one of my parents) financial crises, the rise of the ebook, bad business sense, all these things contribute to having empty shops in our main street and I’m not sure I would be any happier if the empty shops looked a bit nicer. Or maybe I would, I don’t know.
Anyway the people who live here are the same as the people who live anywhere, they are a bit unhappy at being criticised and get defensive, that is no reason for them to be nasty or to shoot the messenger or for others to suggest they are losers or bogans or whingers just because they live here and choose to listen to the birds and look at the trees instead of the bad shops. It will be great if this thread makes the council actually think about the way town centre has evolved and perhaps steer it in a better direction but this is a large shire and Kalamunda only one suburb in it. If it joins with Belmont (and they are proposing an aggressive take over rather than a merger) then there is very little chance that anything will be done.
I will finish now by saying that the fairy lights around the trees in Haynes street were my very favourite things and I am very sad that they have gone.
The End
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It deserves to be a nice town. That’s what this is about. It deserves it. A beautiful location, forest, hills, views. It should have a nice town centre.
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You’re too good for this world Cimbali!
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She sounds like a Success woman.
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Seems a bit defeatist to me. Glad you put a halt to the Williamsburg idea (cradle of the American War of Independence rather than the American Civil War, BTW), although I can’t imagine what the historic costumes would be as bar the hotels the whole place appears to have been built in 1978.
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They had more than one war? Who knew? Imagine if they hadn’t had the war of independence, they could have gone to the Commonwealth Games.
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Sending us to third place on the medal table.
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The reason they are gone (I was the person that walked the town on behalf of Rotary to obtain funds) the council in there wisdom told the service club to not to install them after several years because of public liability risk. They never in their wildest dreams said to rotary we will work together to ameliorate the problem. BANG GONE! I myself am not a Rotarian just a mug with time on his hands wanting to make a difference what a wasted effort
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Well maybe the outrage at this post will translate into some good things for Kalamunda, including the lights.
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Thanks, Cimbali.
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Right on !
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Oh man, this takes me back. Congrats Lazy Aussie – your post has made it around the world! I remember working as a glassy at the Kala hotel and picking up the teeth after a fight on Thursday night when all the 8 Islander body guards were working the door waiting for someone to grow sick at whatever horrific band they had on and throw up so they could toss them out and join the all in brawl that started. Great days. Do they still love a scrap up in the hotel or has the age of the clientele genteely progressed? The thing is, I never realised just how horrible the other buildings were till you pointed it out. Perhaps, like a new parent, I though my Kala was alright, blind to the fact that it was, like everyone else could see, fugly to the extreme. Now with the years passed I look back at the photos and realised how hideous it really is … as parents sometimes quietly do. Still, I am pleased those locals speaking out for Kala do sound like they have mastered their ‘letters’, as the Americans say, well enough to articulate their cusses, confused outrage and shrieks. When I was there, that was such a struggle for so many. So clearly, the money spared in the architecture has gone to education, which surely can’t be a bad thing, now can it, Lazy Aussie? Or have I read too much into the fact that many of them are using full stops?
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So, if one considers that if Kalamunda were transplanted to Victoria, it would be Tecoma (where Community Action is a Thing, reflecting actual pride in local community character and involvement in development changes), or maybe Belgrave, which seems to consider the “urban design and streetscape” something to be actively managed, as neither of these communities bases their local pride on birds (plentiful – lyrebirds, even, to make it sound like there are more varieties than there actually are), trees (also abundant) or views of the rat race…
And if Kalamunda were to move to New South Wales, would it really challenge Leura with its broader community consultation on new development?
The scathing indictment and scorn from TLA is more than merited as there have been so many opportunities, through the various booms of the beautiful West, financially as well as aesthetically, to not have such a crap hole camped out in the middle of a gorgeous area.
How is this so hard to comprehend?!!
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Ha! This is a great and apt post.
Kalamunda ‘could be amazing’ but isn’t. Its true that the Shire is notorious for lack of vision or principles by which they make planning decisions. This is evident in the way the place is cobbled together and all of the missed opportunities to make the place more conducive with the strong community that Kalamunda actually is and inviting for the visitors. I think its also true that many businesses struggle as a result of all of this. My business did struggle on and off, but ultimately closed after a pretty sudden relationship break up, not bankruptcy ;) Thanks for your concern though.
Keep up the rad sarcasm. I hope it has some impact where it needs to in addition to entertainment value.
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I would like to have gone into that shop. I was disappointed it was empty.
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Meanwhile, Kala council hits back: CEO includes “whilst” in spray:
http://kalamunda.inmycommunity.com.au/news-and-views/local-news/The-popular-website/7663506/
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“Whilst some of the 1970s architecture may not be to the liking of people today, it was contemporary in its day:
contemporary in its own day. well, i never.
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It’s the customer repelling aspect of the designs that will live forever.
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And I was also shitting on the buildings from 60s, 80s, 90s and later. All worst examples of their kind.
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Never been there but it certainly looks – on streetview – to have an abundance of parking lots. It is hard to understand why a small town needs so much parking. Some of those shops have parking front and back. It must be punishing to walk around in summer. No shade. The Queensland Box was a bad choice of street tree, though many councils did the same.
The view of the Liqourland on the main street is particularly brutal.
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A rented shop needs 2.5 parking spaces. Un rented aka most of the town 25 spaces.
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This is why when we do occasionally emerge from our near-ruins cottages we scurry to other suburbs to do our shopping. For that brief 40-60 minute period we can pretend we have a decent town centre and we belong there. All while internally hissing at these other inhabitants of the new foreign land. That and the town centre is usually over run with elderly people on gophers who smell so strongly of mothballs, it’s been passed down to their grand children.(Bless them) Stay strong guys. Stay Strong.
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I came across this blog in reference to a complaint on Facebook directed at the council and with sadness couldn’t agree more with the sentiments. I live in the area and love the walking trails, my 1/2 acre block, the laid back feel, the people, the wildlife and the natural bush. It beats living in little boxes on the lowlands hands down.
By any measure though the centre of the town is just plain ugly, and even some of the attractions (someone mentioned Stirk Park) are tired and run down. Step outside the centre and the bland architecture is is trumped by the ugliness of places like the Lesmurdie and Sanderson Road shops, and some of the other parks are absolutely disgraceful. If you disagree check out the Peter Thiel Park in Lesmurdie.
Until recently the road my inlaws live on had four traffic signs spelt four different ways, one of many signals that the people working for ratepayers really don’t care.
A few years back there was an attempt to look at town planning that was even more embarrassing – painting french murals on window shutters for example, and one of the common complaints was the Chicken Treat that met visitors up the main drag. We fixed that latter issue by approving a redevelopment of the building to a prominent Red Rooster instead!! That was a classic opportunity to set a building standard that was wasted. Converting the old police station to a Dome is another atrocity, and ratepayers funded part of that development (I know the story, I read the council minutes and they could have done far better). Step one street back from Haynes Street and a new eyesore looks likes its close to completion, a set of apartments that look absolutely hideous in my humble opinion.
And now the council is spending ratepayers money to defend the indefensible – a merger with Belmont. The excuses given are preposterous and are aimed at the “no change” brigade and do not make any sense. I’m in favour of the merger and the economies of scale that will bring – sorry CEO of Kalamunda, you are an unnecessary cost.
There are some shining lights but they are few and far between, and the best ventures look like they have been setup by younger owners trying hard to give it a go.
The centre is dying, with every shop that closes less people will go to the centre, until eventually it becomes a compounding effect. In the ten years I’ve been here it has been so obvious.
To those that say “if you don’t like it, move” – I like where we live but have resigned to travelling to do most things. I can’t see ourselves living here forever which is sad, and in the meantime we will continue the pilgrimage to other cultural centres to get our entertainment and culinary experiences.
To the naysayers, a vibrant good looking town centre attracts people which supports business which encourages competition which improves quality of services which also improves employment prospects. Its good.
Thanks for sharing the thoughts.
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It’s nice to hear from a Kalamunda resident with reading and comprehension skills.
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Agreed, Shazza; and thank you Broady for your contribution.
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I’m shocked nobody has taken the chance to mention the concrete limestone composite flower boxes lined up and down Haynes Street, surely they rate a mention in efforts to beautify Kalamunda? Once filled with annuals…so assuming they re flower, will once again brighten our lives as we travel into town for….actually I can’t think what I want there…in the mean time they serve us well. One can only assume they are used as gopher traffic control on footpaths, potential natural selection of people that fail to see them, rubbish depositories or crash barriers to prevent the seniors who perform incredible 90 point turns to parallel park on the streets of Kalamunda that hasn’t had the foresight to introduce angled parking…..but again, this can be adequately explained as part of the released lifestyle that slows us down whilst we wait on main streets to see this in action! On the good side apparently every cyclist in WA likes Kalamunda…….perhaps it is only there concentration required to prevent them from becoming a statistic of our town sport (how many cyclists can I take out today) that means they have not had the opportunity to delight in the miserable town centre!
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A note in today’s Sunday Crimes: see the new pic and update.
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Hey, I find this article offensive. Two of the coolest people I know are both originally from Kalamunda. I mean sure both live around the CBD now but just because a town looks like complete shit, doesn’t mean to say the people are. As previously mentioned, some of them are the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
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I can only assume you’re referring to TLA and me. Although I’d hardly call Embleton ‘CBD’.
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Swing and a miss. I’m referring to one of the presenters on RTRfm. The other one is a girl I only know through a friend of mine.
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Which is relevant to the topic how?
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ahem, i think you’ll find scotty means me.
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It’s not all about you. Or Kalamunda, Bento.
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More convinced.
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Link fail. Take two.
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Well I was writing about the town centre. Which you say is shit. Which is what the post was about. So..?
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I did do my year 10 work experience at Peaches and Cream beauty salon smack bang in the centre of Kalamunda town. I am totes cool.
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You were too beautiful for Kala.
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Damned with faint praise?
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Barberry Square?
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Did you actually *read* the article?
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hahaha my comment on the update….whoooyeah! unfortunately you and your blog still suck.
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Gosh!
The child is awake again.
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Reblogged this on Local Govt. and Subiaco and commented:
be careful Subiaco, a nomination could happen to you!
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Thanks, Julie! Don’t get our blogging overlord started on Subiaco…
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Subiaco covered many times here already Julie.
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My wife reckons I could have written this article! Lived in Perth for 8 years and Kalamunda never failed to disappoint.
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Your wife is mistaken.
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Kalamunda could do with an update, but it’s a nice place to live. It’s not full of tiny courtyard houses, there’s actually space. I’d live here any time above other Perth suburbs.
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This doesn’t have anything to do with the houses? Are you unable to read?
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I think you’ll find the preferred nomenclature is ‘Mundite’. Please make a note.
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I thought it was ‘Kalamunter’
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Kalaccountant ?
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Fuck up all of you. Go kill yourselves u winging pieces of wa shit . Go fuck your mothers u low life Perth cock heads.
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^ this is more like it. Wingers!
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You are all scumb!
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I absolutely agree with TLA. As a local I really hate the town center, it’s ugly, impossible to park in and if you do actually manage to find something that you would like to buy there it’s way over priced. The only useful shops ever to be in Kalamunda have all died. Whats left is a mishmash of over priced coffee shops and a useless Bunnings. I constantly have to head down the hill for a 25 minute drive to do any useful shopping. So, apart from being so ugly, it’s also utterly useless to boot. I think a fresh start in Stirk Park sounds like a very good idea!
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And,
Over the years of incarceration in KM I had gained the impression that as some sort of excuse for retarding progress, the council wanted to preserve the village atmosphere(not sure if it ever had such a thing, more like a feeling of gloom germinating from the many dilapidated, awkward, and ugly buildings placed at strange angles draining any sense of well being)………then, they approved the ridiculous Auto One that stands out like a turd in a punch bowl, which is also over priced. I guess the extra freight cost of coming up the hill is extensive. I see signs protesting the merger with Belmont, I on the other hand welcome the chance for change and to be rid of the retarded local councilors that need to be shipped into the lifestyle village down the hill….Belmont management can only be an improvement. Bring it on!!
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How sad it is that merging with Belmont could see an improvement! I think it has been discussed before that the council didn’t want the auto one, but because they have no development plan or guildlines, there was nothing they could do to stop it. If they had bothered to make an appropriate development plan years ago, it might have been different.
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Some years ago my wife and I visited Kalamunda for a meal, as the online reviews we read described it as being such a pleasant place. The drive there by way of Greenmount, the drive around to explore the area plus the drive back down the hill via the Zig Zag were very pleasant. However, we found the town centre and the available facilities such as the local shops and restaurants to be quite dissapointing and so have never returned to visit the town again.
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Kalamunda must be saved ! But how ?
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Must be saved?
I wouldn’t bank on it.
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Oh, well your knickers will surely be twisted when you see the latest monstrosity going up next door to the town plaza and theater building!
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I believe it has already been covered lol. With sweeping views across Barberry Square.
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His knickers are always in a twist.
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Sand in vagina
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Sanjina??
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Sing it sister.
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Apparently it conforms with the KITP.
http://tinyurl.com/Lot8-9-10-CentralMall
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this sucks
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Then change the KITP.
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The new concrete tiltup nearly finished.
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Also needs a buy back and demolish scheme.
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And a corridor to the sea.
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Bandstand Under the Tilt
Nestled under the shade of the Tilt is one of Kalamunda’s Icons, the very rarely used Bandstand. I don’t think it has ever been used for its purpose for years. It is surrounded by myriads of paths and dowdy gardens and there is very little area for potential concert patrons to sit it has been an absolute waste.
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Was painful gravel around it I seem to remember??
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What’s the word on the street re the tilt? people gagging to get a view of the barberry Square roof?
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I’ll have a look this week.
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I took photos of Kalamunda in 2011 and these photos is worse than yours! Absolutely horrid…
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Send them
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i grew up in kalamunda and i loved it. Please help to keep its charm, artistic and nature feel.
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In related news, I see the demise of Han’s has freed up some valuable commercial floor space on Haynes Street.
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Yep, I was raised in Kalamunda. My father was shire president for a while. He had lots of trouble dealing with other councillors pushing for “development” at the expense of taste. Alas, these councillors still exist today which explains the horrendous new additions to the town centre. I am looking at returning to live there and might even run for council myself in hope of doing something. Will see. Funny site and I wholeheartedly agree with it!
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I was thinking last night that Kalamunda might have it’s problems but the best part is the community itself and I for one consider myself lucky for finding it and wouldn’t live anywhere else.
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Ok but that’s not what the post was about. Towns like Kalamunda, Dunsborough and Mundaring where the surrounds are beautiful but the town centres are incredibly ugly and poorly planned, often have the delusion that the whole place is a magic kingdom of beauty.
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Kalamunda Wine and Roses
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Don’t like it don’t come.
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Not an option unfortunately.
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And not even a mention of the crap Auto one slapped right in the middle of the high St. Kalamunda the new Cannington in the hills.
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Still looks the same 10 years on
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