Perth worsters have been delivered a glass of cold water in the face by Manhattan worster, The Bartender’s skills with a Manhatten, in that Perth’s plague of cock graffiti may be a culturally specific (and Derridarian) artefact. Apparently, (and I have seen this even in other Australian locations), international cock graffiti tends to be image vandalism based, where a cock may be superimposed on a poster’s mouth. Not a poster as in a blogger, but as in an actual poster. The Perth norm with the diembodied cock and balls seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Perhaps our unique cocks can be leveraged into some kind of tourist trap? Lisa She-Ra Scaffidi take note. Some various examples of International style and Perth style follow. Somewhere I have hundreds more, but the task of sorting through 29 thousand emails is too daunting. I need a secretary who can double as a cock filter. Yes, I have 29 000 worst of emails. Yes I have hundreds of photos of graffiti cocks.
Included are two masterpieces by Pete F. FYI in the third pic, the text continues, “During the flight, mousturise and protect your flange.” and what is the first one rendered in? Someone brought along a glue gun? A fucking kerbing machine? I like how they eschewed the obvious tongue shot.
A masterpiece by Pete F, (New York style)
Scarborough, by Kylie, (Perth style)
A Worst by Pete F, (New York style)
By Goldenboy, near Wolfe Lane Bar, (Perth style)
By Tristan H, (New York style)
The Worst of Perth 
I would argue that the “New York style” ones are still a bit…off.
The accepted motif is “penis spurting into/actually entering smiling or open mouth.”
Not “penis emerging from skull, like a horn” or “dangling from under too-tight skirt” or even “popping out of mouth, like a tongue.”
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Like our New York style supper clubs. We never get it quite right.
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Oh, I’m not setting up a standard! There’s no “wrong” way to draw a badly represented penis on a public notice.
But I do wonder if your thesis is correct and if so, what that means in pyschosexual terms. The first answer: “the artists have never actually seen a penis” obviously can’t be the case.
I think.
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You may be underestimating the level of cultural cringe in Perth, Manhatten. Is that term even used outside of Australia?
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I have never heard it in New York. I think we have the opposite: the cultural crush, where we beat you over the head with “culture” until you collapse into a gibbering self-pawing stupor.
The same thing happens in Paris, with better menus and shittier traffic.
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Typical. First Halloween, snd now even our cocks are being subjected to American cultural imperialism.
I demand context-free cocks only. FIFO.
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Look. I’ve had enough of this sort of bigotry.
This is Australia. We live in a multi-cocktural society and there is enough room, enough vast, featureless concrete and big boxy things painted in asbestos blue for everyone to express their own caricocktures in their own style.
I have a dream that one day every cock shall be exalted, every set of balls shall be made low, the disabled parking signs will be well endowed, no breakfast radio shock jock will have a forehead without a dick on it, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
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Hardly cold water – for some reason I’m actually quite proud of how bad our cock graffiti is. Should definitely feature into foreshore redevelopment: maybe a Wankbest sponsored cock graffiti wall? Anyway, congratulations TLA on epic, surely definitive post.
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There were many more Perth style ones that I couldn’t find.
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Dig ’em out and do a lecture series. Would be better by far than insipid graffiti in Pompei lecture I saw at the State Library last year – not one cock, disembodied or otherwise, in sight.
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Glossy hardcover book also an option. Fremantle Arts Centre Press would dig it. You could get a grant. Foreward by some such suitable luminary as John Day or Dick Court.
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Call it Half-Cocked?
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Chock full of cock?
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It’s a Cock-Out?
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Dicking around?
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Knob About Town?
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I like it.
But only if it was on ‘Cock Island’ complete with a massive fountain Spruuting at the business end…
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I concur. It think it would be a great tourist attraction. The Big Cock. It would need to have a fountain at the the business end, regularly services with detergent or something similar to get a white spurty look. Can you imagine how many people would take photos like tourists do with the Leaning Tower of Pisa? There’d be so many people taking photos from a distance to look like they’re holding or licking it.
Perhaps they could have a gift shop set up in the testicles at the bottom, stocked with cock keyrings and baseball caps with big cocks jutting out the front. They could have stairs going up to a look out near the top, and sell t-shirts in the gift shop reading, “I mounted The Big Cock”.
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Don’t forget the native hardwood craft cocks with googly eyes.
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And gold-leaf spruut.
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Absolutely! For a genuine WA souvenier, they’d need some carved wooden quokkas with googly eyes, sitting up kangaroo style, with big cocks too.
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quokka and quenda googly eyed big wooden cocked bottle opener
win
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With a bottle opener for twist tops in the butthole orbea.
Double win.
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And nodding cocks for the back window of your car.
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And even if I had a Home of the America’s Cup numberplate, I’d have to
consider ditching it in favour of Home of the Big Cock.
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And use some gumnuts at the scrotal and glans ends, with the penile shaft crafted out of jarrah burl, knotty and rippled to give added emphasis to the tumescent spledour of our cock ‘n’ balls, Perth style.
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Only if Cock Island floats free of context or land.
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Surely the Bell Tower could be remodelled into an appropriate, ahem, tourist trap.
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Bell End Tower, FTW !
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Would be an improvement from looking like a cockroach rooting a stick insect.
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And when the Bells of St Martin in the Field peal, that’ll give a new meaning to “ringin’ its bells”.
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Pfft. “Big” things are so last year…
Bring on the Wired Gaint Cock.
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And combine with Our Heath somehow.
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They could perform an update of the Joe Orton play (Loot, was it?) with Heath’s donger rather than Churchills.
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Never seen or read an Orton play – I’ve only ever read the appropriately titled Prick Up Your Ears.
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The one with Churchill’s willie is excellent. Very funny.
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I’m sure Heath’s donger would be good in it, if it’s not too busy being on display at the WA Museum.
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Apparently Hobart’s ritzy modern art gallery has a wall of Cunts.
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As does Abbott’s front bench…
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A douche of..?
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Wow, what a sausage fest! (sorry, someone had to say it…)
I like how the Wolf Lane cock graffiti is graffiting the already existing graffiti.
The Scarborough cock is a popular style. “[name] loves cock” seems to be used a lot, either as an insult or as an in-joke. My other half even used it, minus the cock graffiti obviously, as a password with a co-workers name on a server at work a few years ago. The bosses knew and thought it was funny as well.
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The second one reads more femur than cock, for mine.
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You have a femur for a cock?
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Brings meaning to the term “boner” I guess.
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It’s spelt “booner”, looser.
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humerus
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More like a phalanges, if I’m being honest.
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29,000 emails with pictures of graffiti cocks?
sounds like there is an idea there for a novelty coffee-table book, in the style of ‘101 uses for a dead cat.’
make sure you have it in the shops in time for Christmas
disabled toilet door cock on the cover, natch
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No, in total. There would be over 100 cock graf shots. possibly more.
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enough for an arts grant and consideration for inclusion in PIAF2013
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Maybe I’m out of touch, but isnt that last one the wrong way around?
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No. You’re doing it wrong.
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Is it an attempt to render the infamous Rusty Trombone, a la Skink and The Veronicas?
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your mention of phalangists already had me thinking of the Two Ronnies
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Good times.
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Northern hemisphere.
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Shazz, it really looks like she’s bitten off more than she can chew.
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A welcome beef injection after the paucity of cock work in India so far.
But I do have a photo of the word flange on packaging.
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Maybe The Veronicas could add some flanging (or would that be “falanging”?) effects to their next release.
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No shit, I was driving down Ocean Reef Rd just earlier, and noticed this little baby for the first time. No graffiti, but does suggest long lineage of cock in Perth.
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Xristos, mate, Aussie’s been fully cocked for eva.
All sorts of cocks: Think Peacock, Andrew, as one outstandingly fetid example.
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He was born a Cockman …
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i ‘m just waiting for a link to waaa-kchings cockburn photos.
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Sorry I’m late…
Nothing says Cockburn like this…
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Occurred to me that just as the Perth style cock floats free off all context, Cockman House is isolated and surrounded for a fair way by nothing but bush. Actually that doesn’t quite work.
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I see Quigley has just used Parliamentary privilege to have a good rant at Karlo Callaghan
bravo, I say
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I could get behind it if it wasnt Quigley.
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There’s mote to the Quiggles than the public persona, Shazza.
Several persons of my acquaintance can vouch for his goodness.
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….make that “more”…..
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granted he’s annoying, but he’s the only one in that House that’s got a pair
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By the way…that cartoon stewardess would be horrifying enough without the addition of a male member peeping out from under her skirt.
What on earth is that an advertisement for? Is there some opposite of Viagra recently debuted on the international market?
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Well, there is a product of that kind that is nasally administered…………
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Now I think about it, I’m surprised there are no sub-Banksy stencil cocks around the Arrondissement. To my street art friends – lift your game.
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#1 looks as though he’s just spied a keen flange. No need for the cockgraf thought bubble.
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This is possibly the best title to any post you have ever put on this site.
TLA, you magnificent cunt, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for making me laugh my fucking arsehole off.
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I get that a lot.
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Not…”the heart of my bottom…”?
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Love the 2nd image.
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Will She-Ra jump on the cock band wagon for her re-erection ? and “The Bartender’s skills with a Manhatten” there has been an outbreak of upskirting in Perth lately.
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Have we considered the possibility that the disembodied cock graffiti that seems so unique to Perth is the work of one person ? A mysterious Arthur Stace like figure who instead of wrirting Eternity in beautiful copperplate handwriting in locations around Sydney is instead intent on asking Westralians to consider their place in the world through the representation of a floating cock? Perhaps the lack of attachment is a yearing to be separate, a symbol of isolation. Maybe he’s a secessionsist?
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Maybe when CHOGM comes to town (because that’s the only thing coming to Dullsville, now that the Red Bull Air Race and Rally Australia have gone), the Perv City Council could, ahem, erect a wired gaint cock ‘n’ balls along the Widens Bridge, like the “Eternity” placed on the Sydney Harbour Bridge during the O’Limp-Pricks. Or like was done for the air race, instead of PERTH in oversized letters, perhaps a massive outline of a boner in the same location, for nothing says “Perth” better than a penis scrawled in some inopportune location with a permanent marker.
I’m sure Her Majesty would be amused.
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She-Ra’s float at Kanamara Matsuri will be a gaint wired Thorpedo. She-Ra herself will hand cranking the blue veins.
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Is there a CHOGM closing ceremony? Maybe we could have a giant disembodied clock represented in fireworks on a barge on the River?
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clock?
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Yes indeed Mr Eggplant. Kanamara Matsuri or the cock and pussy festival will be held at the end of CHOGM. Its traditional time pushed back to go with the CHOGM schedule.
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Coincidentally, I watched this the other night (potentially NSFW):
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Definitely not a glass of cold water. A turkey slap perhaps…
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