The Worst of Perth officially starts its 4th year of production! That’s 48 000 coments, 1300 posts and 2800 uploade original images. Let’s celebrate with a story of TWOP stalwart Outrage Cohen hanging atround outside a public toilet. And we must discuss a drinking celebration to. Small bar anyone?
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The Worst of Perth 
300 000 to upgrade… how much to convert to a small bar? No kite flying allowed.
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a small bar is the only way to worst in perth these days.
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Not an iron bar, certainly.
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not any more thanks to the unexpected good sense of the voters of forrest.
i see he’s busy making timber bars in bumpkin on swan now.
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“drinking celebration to” what? who?
the suspense is tolerable
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shouldn’t bully-boy DFOC be out hunting hobbits?
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Re. the bogs, I understood from those who express opinion on these things, that privatisation is the way to go to get things done properly.
Seems like another ‘guru fail’.
I’m wondering, too, if this is DFOCs only way of engaging with normal society.
Does he spend too much time alone, interacting only with the word processor?
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I hang around with cops, gossip, pester people with questions and hover outside toilets.
And they pay me!
I missed the last TWOP drinks because of union business and am looking forward to the next one.
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They do pay you, DFOC, but not nearly enough to allow you to upgrade from a Sigma to a Magna.
If that happens, pfft goes your gerbalist cred.
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So who was the clown who leased the dunny to the Indiana tea rooms ? An expose awaits : Indianagate.
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please go easy on clowns Bill
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As expected: hurtful negative comments from skink and Rolly on my civic-minded gerbalism.
Later there will be positive remarks from shazza and Snuff, with the latter linking to a report from the Paris (Texas) Register on a bizarrely-shaped cistern.
Bento could go either way.
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It would have been nice to see you arrested for toilet trading. Or even textile trading.
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I was not critical of your civic minded toilet trading, which is indeed laudable. If there are no journalists in this town prepared to stand up for our right to take a crap in public in clean and pleasant surroundings, then the terrorists have won, and we’ll all be forced to squat over a hole like some squalid Frenchman.
I was merely teasing you over your other employer’s standover tactics:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/sep/27/peter-jackson-the-hobbit-boycott
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I’m sure he wouldn’t try operating on Benny’s Textile Trading territory. We’d doubtless find him strung up outside one of his regular public toliets by a tape measure.
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While we’re on the topic of Benny for those who may miss the site of “Benny in action” ther eis some top quality clobber on their website http://www.textiletraders.com.au/
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The gerbalist’s lot is not a happy one. Armageddon.
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A-a-a-w-w-w-w! Diddums. ;)
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Was it a candlelight vigil? Those are the best kinds of vigils.
Let me know next time. We can sit in a car outside the dunnys in pleather jackets, sipping coffee, eating doughnuts and watching through binoculars. You can tell me all the secrets of a good stakeout (how to grow a good moustache, which brand of mirrored aviators are best, etc.)
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The newspaper with a hole cut in it. For his eye, not donger.
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It is Cottesloe, Ljuke: latte and friands.
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Maybe a cheeky glass of bubbly in one of those cup holders you poke in the sand. It will have to be Maison though … the West gleefully reported this week that proper drinks are banned from the beach.
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Surely Lambrusco’s okay? I always drink that in public.
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Drinking a shitload of sidecars for Cameron’s birthday. BOTH turntables spinning. Duran Duran in the front, Deliverance out back.
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CZC shares a birthday with Julia ?
p.s. I share mine with Gauguin, Tom Jones, and yes, Dino.
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And all of those had persistent STD’s didn’t they?
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What are you implying, DFOC?
At any rate, I’m of The Arrondissement. Toilet lurking is de rigueur. As is pestering people with questions (usually change-related). Both activities can result in some form of remuneration.
Drinkies, you say? Anywhere on The Arrondissement is fine with me.
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Cott’s regional, isn’t it ? I would’ve linked to that report, DFOC, but I got sidetracked by the sublime soundtrack from that wonderful film.
p.s. Hunnas used to play this as an outro after their gigs, and on many occasions I had the pleasure of hanging exhausted with my head in a speaker bin as it washed over me.
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The toilets are the responsibility of the idiot leasees? From this frankly hysterical Post piece of local government bashing journalism it appears to be the fault of some corrupt and incompetent councillor, hardly helped by the meek and apologetic tones of the council itself. Oh I’ve run out of bog paper, send the fucking idiots from the council around with a roll of three-ply, right fucking now! And wipe my arse while you’re at it!
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Those toilets are so disgusting, I generally snap off a Darch in the water near the pylon.
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Is shit euphemism for Darch, or Darch a euphemism for shit?
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Pootato Shatarto
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That’s right, so I propose that the area be cleared and our heroic Navy shell the building for both entertainment and edification and return the premises to its former dripping concrete ruin glory. I hope the government will also take the opportunity to move beyond MacVilla and bring Perth into its Historical post-European Epoch.
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What would Tim have to say about that I wonder?
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Hindus are heathens after all.
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I seem to remember a scene from Cloudstreet where one of the characters shits in the Swan river.
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I’m glad to see that The Post is sticking with this story longer that The West could keep its interest in freeway congestion, or the failing health system, or Oprah.
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Is why they’re bringing in the rule banning people from digging holes on the beach?
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In case the beachgoers decide to take matters in their own hands, as it were, to butt out their Bondi cigars after dark.
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I’m just going off to dig a hole, I’ve got a terrible case of Cott Bott.
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Strikes me that the easiest way of dealing with this problem is for the local council simply to ban pissing and shitting altogether, in keeping with the other recently introduced rules.
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China has introduced by-laws for Cottesloe? Oh how the leaning left has fallen. Has he obfuscated them deep within the text of Kraken? Will we see Architeuthiswaving from the pylon?
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Oh, and congratulations and thank you, TLA. Excellent Worsting.
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I’m looking to increase your worsting experience even further for all metrosexuals with smartphones. And tourists. Thanks to help from an unknown Shane.
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Tourists! Will this new development be launched in time to change Oprah’s mind? Will she yet be persuaded to behold the majesty of the two poles? The sound of one nipple clapping? Dropping the kids off in Darch?
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Those with smartcunt phones will have all the more permanent (and vanished) worsts all radarlike on their screens. Have just added the ex fat wog cunt location as a test and it worx like a charm!
Will be requiring google coordinates from now on.
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Yes you’re right.
Thanks TLA.
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Onya, TLA.
So, perhaps a frisbee for TWoP’s birthday ? No, only this, the most beautiful ironic collector’s item of the 20th century will do. See if youse can’t give this a nudge.
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Japanese Yen, maybe?
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27 slippery nipples
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What’s Perths’ Worst small bar? Do we book in there? Or are we not so committed to our core values as to feel the need to go Not Worst? Going forward. At the end of the day. Proactively.
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I want to like 399, because the staff are great, and they’re trying a few interesting things. But the booths are the Worst design I have come across in a long time – the tables are waaaay too small, so you can’t lean forward, making it difficult to have a conversation with anyone except the person you are sitting immediately next to. Just my luck I’d end up next to Rich.
That, and I have an irrational hatred of any business that uses its street address in its name, for some reason thinking it makes them sound ‘street’ or futuristic. I’ve actually started a photo essay for TLA’s consideration, but I can’t be sure if this hatred is just one of my many petty grievances against the general public.
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I have an irrational hatred of any business that uses its street address in its name…
Hear hear – one of the reasons one40william gives me the shits. Only thing worse are businesses – usually bars and restaurants – with self-referential names: That Little Mexican Place, etc.
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Clarendons or whatever looks a better bet. If it’s good enough for Gilly…
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bird at the perth end of william st.
399 is a little shiny for me, although the food was good.
where is the clarendon?
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Second that, Vegan.
The Bird is a fine yet intimate venue, although somewhat popular with the hipsters. Bogan-free zone, though.
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I vote Bird. Cover charge only some evenings, and never during the day. If lucky, you can catch a glimpse of the collapsed cyclone fencing in the wasteland over the back fence of the “beer garden”.
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Bet they don’t have that in their too-kewl-for-skewl hole-in-the-wall bars in the Melbourne CBD?
Take that for grungy vibrancy, Bleak City :P
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Doesn’t the Bird have a cover charge? You can shove that up your Camillo, I’ll give you the tip.
Clarence’s is on the corner of Clarence Street and The Arrondissement. Tell them Gilly sent you, and you’ll get a blank stare on the house.
Sounds ace TLA. Now we just need the when.
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but doesn’t Clarence’s have it’s street address in the title?
it might be difficult to get a big enough table, since these small bars are, after all, small.
also, they serve beer in those little half-pint dimpled mugs with a handle, which is a retro affectation too far
I am impressed that only places in The Disse are being considered.
Peter Bell’s Malt ‘Supper Club’ is due to open soon and looks like an Instant Worst
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Formerly NV (cringe). Should have been called MT, from what I saw.
That place is like the Church Restaurant. Pure commercial poison. Possibly some sort of Indian burial ground underneath.
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no cover charge at the bird that i am aware of.
the clarence is alright, but could do with a bit more grime.
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How about The Stanley? Spacious small bar. Leather couches. No Cover charge. Great drinks list…
Stumbling distance home.
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Never heard of Bird or Stanley. Maybe that’s a plus.
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Surely Embleton has a few small bars? If not, perhaps the Ming Dynasty?
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I was outside Teh Ming yesterday. I tried to ass – ertain the location of your office. You’re not at the discount babyware place are you?
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We thought there were synergies between plastic forks and discount babywares.
We thought.
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no bars, but a vile laundromat which just cries out for graffiting.
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The Stanley always feels like a fish and chip shop with a bar and couches. I think it’s the lighting.
it is also full of western suburbs types. I counted two men with sweaters draped across their shoulders.
The Disse has improved to the point where you can do a half decent crawl along William-Beaufort drinking at The Bird, Ezra Pound, 399, Brisbane, Luxe, Queens, Must, Clarences, and Upstairs at the Flying Scotsman
a bit harsh on the feet, though, and the wallet
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Here’s one on Teh Arrondissement: The Civic, in Inglewood.
It’s perfect in many worst ways: it’s on Route 53 (which suits the habitués of this strip fine), there never seems to be many people there at any given point and this esteemed venue has played host to world-class, vibrant, profound luminaries as Todd Johnston’s Peace, Love and All That Stuff and the usual touring roster of Aussie pop-and-rock has-beens-and-dickheads, although nowadays those usual suspects on their semi-annual cabaret tours set up to pay back record company advances for albums that didn’t sell, do seem to spoil people’s dinners at Friends restaurant.
At least we won’t have to shout over all the trendy young things with bling who simply don’t go there to the Civic.
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Was in tere recently. Was full of local cunts of an unattractive nature. You’d think the area, despite Chopstix could attract a better breed of local. No I think we can do better.
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That’s exactly why I suggested it! They were probably the patrons who frequented Chopstix back in the days of seven-digit numbers on rotary-dial ‘phones, many of the Civic’s regulars no doubt miss that haunt.
In spite of our knowing ways, doesn’t hurt (well, too much, unless you get into an unprovoked tangle with one of the silently resentful barflies nursing their Emu Export) to occasionally get right into The Worsts and live amongst it to remind us of our (alleged, I may circumspectly add) superiority…or are we above, or too precious, for that?
If it were socialising in my own time with people I could see eye-to-eye with, I’d hang at the hipster/arty wanker (not the yuppie/trendily aspirational ones, mark you) establishments. Which I do (fucking typical). However, in the safety of numbers being able to revel in the irony of the location more in keeping with the Essence of Worst, whilst not being too far for those of us who frequent the Beaufort strip and share in its usual sensibilities, the Civic would be ideal.
Not unless you suggest that we take a dive into somewhere truly savage off the beaten track, like The ‘Ling, the Girrawheen Tavern or The Liniment (Lynwood) Arms Hotel, charming joints all, where Beat poetry is performed nightly just after last orders, at the carparks outside.
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Some more from Dr Peter Harries including a video where he reminices about his early days at the Nanking Chinese Restuarant.
http://watvhistory.com/2010/09/peter-harries-reminisces/
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“A well known Perth celebrity”.
Best laugh Ive had in days.
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I read a great quote recently:
‘nobody in Perth is famous enough that they don’t want to be recognized.’
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In your dotage,
reminisce,
about how the days were long and the sun shone,
out your arse.
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I got a bigger laugh out of ‘it was thirty years ahead of its time.’
with accordian
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Watch it.
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emu export on tap?
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You’re most likely right, orbea, that it’s no longer on tap, although more likely to be a Swan Draught or Emu Bitter that they’d be nursing, for I too have very rarely ventured into their doors, just the twice: once with an alcoholic ex and the second for a GetUp! function.
Just the fact that this is where old has-beens (as well as never-beens) go to trundle out third-rate renditions of their hits (and otherwise) from way back when is reason enough to avoid the place…it’s like pub rock never died, just ended up on a single aged pension, an undignified shadow of its former glories waiting for its incontinence pad to be changed.
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“full of local cunts of an unattractive nature”
that’s my local, if you don’t mind
not that I have actually bought a drink in there for several years, but I do frequently the drive-through
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Surly types and surly barmaid. Locals you might expect to find in Maddington, not right on the Arondiss. There was certainly no “scene” and or “vibe” and or “atmos”.
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The Disse officially ends at Wood Street, where the plane trees stop. Coincidentally this is one block beyond Smith and Baker’s offices.
The Civic is on the outer.
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Yes, but surely not so much “outer” that you’d have surly locals drinking middies of swan draught at the bar?
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When I and Mr Shazza commenced courting he lived on Wood st and we often shot pool at the Civic. Was always pleasant and quiet. Shame to hear it’s gone to the dogs.
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It is quiet. Dead. Except for the aforementioned knot of locals with unattractive mien.
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i have lived in the area for ten years and have been to the civic once. i was not tempted to repeat the experience.
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Wembley? WEMBLEY? Do they even have tapas out there?
Pfft.
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Just as there is no law west of the Pecos, I believe there is no tapas west of Leederville
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Only tapa’s.
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Oh god…please no…not the song again…I repent.
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come on you clowns. Where’s the worst place you can buy alcohol in Perth? Old Shanghai, hands down!
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In the absence of any bars called Sans or Papyrus, what about this place? Would suit me to a tee. Or this one? Maybe not Monday nite though. Of course, there’s always this one too, even if a little out of the way for the Arrondissement crew. Maybe here then? I don’t think I could live with myself.
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Why not here…
Bring your steelcaps.
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Here you mean, WA, or here?
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Why won’t we be at the OBH on a Sunday??
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Full of rurotards.
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bumpkin o’cott pub
bring the game, mister hubcap
rurotard beer fest
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The Leopold or the ‘Ling as long as skimpies are there.
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There’s always here. So worst it has no details on justpubs site.
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All I get is a black screen – ominous.
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I love those places.
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So far I’m with DFOC. Anything in Cottesloe suits me. The Arrondisement is a bridge too far. Isn’t there plenty of Worst small bars in Subi by now?
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Subi’s for loosers.
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OK, how about we honour our favourite shover, and head to the old Raffles?
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surely the Court Hotel and maybe see the lady herself
perhaps if we pass the pot around for a collection she’ll put on a show. Something classy.
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Exactly, shazza.
We will go to Elba on Napoleon Street and luxuriate in the black decor.
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review of Elba from urbanspoon:
“Unfortunately, the tripped up, self-important crowd this place seems to pull night after night detracts completely from any graces it may have. Its uncomfortable, you are stifled by the inexplicably high opinions these 30-somethings have of themselves. The fit out is nice though, but for a small bar I’d much rather take the trip into the city”
do you go there often?
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Sounds perfect.
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Mrs Brown – at least its not south of the river and not Cott
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The smell of horror indeed.
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I am delighted to be regarded as a 30-something.
shazza is a 20-something, but they are talking about her waist measurement.
We will paint the beautiful beach-side suburb red.
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perhaps a skype link up?
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As per TLA new requirements for mapping. <a href="https://perthworst.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/paris-rome-wattleup.jpg?w=640&h=853" Also
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I think you’re all being a bit pretentious, given our common mission here.
Why not the Yokine Bowls Club ?
Seriously. Drinks are dead cheap, and it’s only a 5 minute stagger to the Laksa joints
at Dogswamp.
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Now we’re talking.
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TLA, aren’t you moderating comments any more? Why are all these bumpkins suggesting we visit the Regions?
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an you can place a bet.
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Love a bowlo, and North Freo has featured on these very e-pages.
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Would you, Shazza, be averse to teh Railway in North Freo ? given its sidelines…
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Sidelines? What, like pies?
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No, the haircut-skympie thing.
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The Railway would be great.
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Typical liberals. We can’t even organise a piss-up in a small bar. What we need is a sub-committee to form a Focus Team, so we can develop an Action Item.
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That was you on a noisy motorbike crossing the arrondissement heading towards the Bible warehouse right?
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Correct. The things one sees on The Arrondissement.
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Phew. Glad I wasn’t waving at some random metrosexual.
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You’d want to be careful doing that.
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Walcott St heads east
TLA waves to Bento
bro mance a’la ‘Disse
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Nice one, Bento. Language jest ain’t what it used to be.
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Maybe Vegan made the best suggestion
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