Yesterday I was bemoaning the state of journalism, but today my spirits have been lifted by this masterpiece of the gerbatorial art seen by Bento in The Subiaco Post. Although unbylined (Angela Pownall of The West take note), it has all the hallmarks of Outrage “The Communist” Cohen. For example-
1) Fart in headline, 2) Deadpanned exhortation not to take fart gas to show, 3) A carefully curated list of bizarre objects Dali himself couldn’t have put together. The addition of “melting clocks” or “cats being thrown into the air with bowls of water” would not appear out of place. 4) Lack of comment on said list. 5) The ominous Hemingway like last two lines. Haven’t had an unequivocal NOT WORST for quite a while.
Confirmation. Is by The Communist Outrage.
Worst Talk
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The Asia Beat- Museum of Winds Opens
- Vagina Steaming to go on despite diarrhea outbreak.
- Dog movie “racist”.
- Liquid food blogger enrages Sing. Chef
- Sushi Train Wreck
- Snake of the year spat turns nasty
- Aussie icon may cure sick
- Singapore admits, “National Service all about shooting Malaysians.”
- Asian firm sparks “wife beater” brawl.
- Actors protest over MH370 delay
The Worst of Perth 
Speed limit is 8km/h – God help all those oldies on Gophers and those using electric wheelchairs – they’ll probably be fined for Drunk-driving – and it’s no joke one bloke I knew over 25 yrs ago got pulled for D/D as he was returning back to the qauad Centre from the Shents – the charges were eventually thrown out.
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Political Correctness gone mad.
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Fart gas AND stinkbombs banned? And they wonder why Oprah won’t come.
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For the Octoberfesters it’s better in the original German.
Achtung !
Furz Gas, Zigaretten und Feuerzeuge, Harter Kern T-Shirts, irisierende Haarspray, Laserpointer, Druck Packung Schnee,Zicke Schnur, Bestialität, Arsch schnüffeln,Feuerwerk, Stinkbomben, Bogen und Pfeile sind streng verboten ! und die maximale Geschwindigkeit in das Turnier Bereich ist 8km/hrr,
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Bogen verboten? Scheiße!
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Not to mention Bestialität and Arsch schnüffeln.
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… an I didn’t even ask Google Translate to add in German flavor.
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machine translation
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Marvellous, DFOC.
8 kmh ? Does anyone else remember fanging around the Showgrounds when you could hire 50cc Honda minibikes there ? Even those couldn’t do less than 8 kmh, in first.
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OOOH! an improvement notice if you let someone in in a rude shirt.
‘Deepak is a vigilant security officer who only studies most of the time at work. His misunderstanding of English terminology let him down. Deepak must improve his rudeness comprehension’
Last concert I went to there was a ban on row boats & pineapples.
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Bows and arrows? The Merry Men won’t be happy about that.
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Bravo. I laughed, I cried, I burnt my “hardcore T-shirt”.
One of the best pieces I’ve read in a long time. Breathtakingly Not Worst.
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absolutely.
keep up the good work outrage.
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bows and arrows are not allowed, but assault rifles do not appear on this list
are we meant to take that as a given?
use of the word iridescent was an immediate giveaway that this was the work of the hyperliterate Mr Cohen.
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8 kmh? The Holden Precision Racing team is going to be underwhelming this year.
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Perhaps, Peter, but check out the Honda Team.
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Wild Mouse won’t be much chop, either.
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Wild Mouse still gives me chills and it’s been about 15 years since I rode it
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Wasn’t there an actual chance of death if you were a tall person?
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I would’ve been around 180cm back then and yeah, I sincerely believe there was. Scalping at the very least.
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Pray tell, how is one meant to experience zero gravity on the Drop Zone, if the limit to acceleration is capped at 2.222 metres per second per second to satisfy their speed limits?!? More like the Descend Gently Zone!
Pure madness! If they don’t let me negotiate the fare for that ride, bugger ’em!
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this year?
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breaking news is that the boss at 6PR has got the sack, possibly as a result of poor ratings, possibly as a result of the station being a crock
who’s going to be first against the wall after the regime change?
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If Flash Gordon goes I’ll come down there personally, and punch them out.
p.s. Frank will have all the goss.
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Same goes for John Lewis, I say.
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Off topic…
Hey Lazy,
Remember that picture of the smashed faced lion that used to be the banner for this fine site? Was that by any chance located at Ming Dynasty restaurant in Morley?
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Yes. She Ra wanted to have it removed.
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I now have to walk past it every time I go to our offices.
I thought I recognised its mangled mug.
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I don’t see any plastic fork retailers nearby. You sure you’re not workin da new Good Sammys?
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Sorry I took so long. Been giving a presentation.
“Sporks- the new menace”
We’re new tenants. Unmarked building. Very secretive in the fork flogging game.
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The lion, the restaurant, or Morley ?
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When she was removing the arse and boozie sculpture, she asked for the location of the lion. Fortunately outside her juristdiction.
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Phew ! Busted mug lion or no, the place gets unanimously good reviews online, TLA. And just on that topic, on Marshall Martin’s recommendation we visited Emma’s Seafood Restaurant just down the road his Good Store on Bourbon Street in January, and it was fantastic.
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ave been to Emmas too. was good.
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I’ve read this comment several times now, and I still chuckle. Nice one, Snuff.
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Shit Yeah
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Take that, Cockburn Caravans !
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Co-burn, Please!
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As yes, typical Post hopeless tosh doled out by conspiracy-theorist-deluded sour-grape, bitter and personally broke socialist semioticians and pseudo-feminist failed film makers. Wouldn’t THEY love to be banned from the ENTIRE FUCKING Royal Show? Wouldn’t THEY love to take their slut-look footballer wife-look girlfriend with her skirt bottom hardly reaching her huge breasts, the envy of all? Wouldn’t THEY love to stick a packet of smokes up their AC/DC t-shirt sleeve and say “What the fuck are you looking at you cunt?” Fuck yeah they would but they FUCKIN CAN’T.
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As Oprah would say: “WOW!”
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Testify. Seriously.
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taking away a child’s right to mix copious amounts of sugar with cheaply made dangerous toys? what will they have to look forward to on the holidays now?
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And why was Outrage outflanked by The West with an even BIGGER Story than the banning of Farts ?
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