Finally The Worst of Perth has a candidate to get behind. Thanks Rehana. Lovely hair work. Pity it wasn’t earlier. Could have had old Emo involved Nukem Buckels Style. This defacer has taken about 15 years off Emo’s age by the look of his website. He actually looks a whole lot better here. Location? Alexander Heights. Favourite band? My Chemical Bromance.
Worst Talk
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The Asia Beat- Museum of Winds Opens
- Vagina Steaming to go on despite diarrhea outbreak.
- Dog movie “racist”.
- Liquid food blogger enrages Sing. Chef
- Sushi Train Wreck
- Snake of the year spat turns nasty
- Aussie icon may cure sick
- Singapore admits, “National Service all about shooting Malaysians.”
- Asian firm sparks “wife beater” brawl.
- Actors protest over MH370 delay
The Worst of Perth 
Brilliant. Laugh out loud brilliant.
About time we had some political pie to sink our teeth into.
I was in Wilson Tuckey territory yesterday and now wish I’d done to same to one of his posters.
Can I just add, I have already sent off my postal vote, and really struggled on who to put last. There are so many loony fringe options.
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None of those cunts even deserve to be put first let alone last.
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Stephen “Teh Satan” Smith is my local member. I hate the cunt, but the alternative, Joe Ferrante has parents who were migrants from Italy but is still running for the hate filled anti foreigner libs.
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Didn’t Joe Ferrante’s parents put their name on the welcome wall at Fremantle?
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Joe Ferrante’s father Antonio arrived 1 October 1951 from Vasto Italy.
Now Joe Ferrante is running on a fear mongering anti immigration ticket.
http://welcomewalls.museum.wa.gov.au/search_viewlisting.asp?PID=55196&PN=1&SearchKey=ferrante&SearchType=1
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i quite like stephen smith, even if i didn’t get any election material until yesterday.
i had the displeasure of running into joe in the flesh at the train station one morning. i think he was a little taken aback at my vehement refusal to take his ‘a little reading for the train.’
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But Joey JoJo’s ‘your take on the issues’ feedback forms were widely distributed and postage paid, so now he knows exactly how ‘base’ and ‘classless’ his electors consider Hungry Spot to be.
“in the flesh” lol vegan that’s a good one
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I will not hear a word against Hungry Spot.
Incidentally, after this many years how is it that a single snap of Hungry Spot at 3am hasn’t made it to TWOP?
The toilets alone are a Lovecraftian nightmare.
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No, that’s the burgers
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By Lovecraftian I assume you mean “The Old Ones” are always in there?
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The recent Brulee post was from just a few doors down from the spot. I already had a carton of nangs, so didn’t go in.
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Making a cake TLA?
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cooking professor, http://gsb.curtin.edu.au/gsb/staff-directory?profile=Peter-Kenyon
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yes that’s him
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why would anyone would venture into the Hungry Spot toilets when you can just take a shit in the adjacent laundromat?
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There are toilets?
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Around the back. I think you need to get a key.
It’s a scary, scary place.
A friend of mine found a dead body in there once, during the great heroin glut of ’97.
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The next person to use that washing machine won’t be happy.
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You are such a typical Mount Lawley wanker.
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So eloquently put TLA.
Maybe, with your valuable and varied life experience, you could run for the “I am a vacuous wanker” party. You would make it very easy then for VEGAN, the other enlightened political commentator, to vote someone last.
FYI – tampering with electoral material is a federal offence.
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The Raybot has the comedy team that’s for sure.
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“so many loony fringe options” Was that gag intentional?
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No it wasn’t Rich, but thanks, that’s bloody funny.
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Haha, awesome.
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Magnificent. What a refreshing change from the Hitler moustache and devil horns. I could definitely get behind this.
How naive we were, tittering at Natasha Stott-Despoja’s Doctor Martens. Wait till the House gets an eyeful of Emo Simpkins’s gigantic pants with fluoro plastic all over them.
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The hair is especially impressive, as Simpkins looks a lot like a bald Frankenstein as played by Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein. Have a look at his photo gallery. He’s just lacking the neck bolts. So this artist being able to make him look 16 is remarkable.
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Too right TLA. It’s a real life make-over just waiting to happen.
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I see what you mean.
Neck bolts aside, that is a terrible photo gallery – poorly framed, too wide, subjects with their back to the camera, and not a single backdoor close-up or upskirt shot.
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Luke “The Shiz” Simpkin has immaculate taste when selecting his staff.
They are hot hot HOTTT!!!!!
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You got a link for that?
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Finally a contender to go up against ‘Our Troy’
Is that lawn registered?
Or do we have crack dens here in Perth?
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You’re right TLA. That Celebrity Makeover is amazing.
Whoever you are, please drop us a line. I am looking for a new stylist.
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The “modifier” did no more to the poster image than the original photographer did to reality.
On the website header Luke appears as a warm and friendly character with a lot of personality; almost handsome. What a deviance from fact.
Clever cropping, too, to minimise the effect of the flies landing ground.
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if he doesnt win he’ll start cutting
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If he doesn’t win I look forward to saying ‘Cheer up Simpkins’.
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He’s no chance of losing.
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against Chas ‘second hand furniture’ Hopkins?
It took the ALP years to find a candidate with the legs to run in Cowan.
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Chas used to be big on Teh Arrondissement. What’s he doing in rare earth ballajura? I seem to remember that they had another candidate who had to resign. Might have been to do with Brian Burke.
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John Kelly, Mayor of Waneru.
A mate of Brian Burke, he love you long time.
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that was a bloody unfunny joke about graham edwards stepping on a mine in vietnam and none of you bastards picked it
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Some things are better ignored.
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Under a Liberal government no front lawn will go un-mowed. Even in Alexander Heights.
What even qualifies for “Heights” in Perth? 30m above sea level??
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The local residents – back in the day – lobbied long and hard for the name of Alexander Heights, previously it was Alinjarra, but that has too many associations to blackfellas, so the upwardly mobile mid 1980’s wankeurs and wankeuses forced the change, then they left to live in Mandurah/Mandjar.
Cunts.
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As you are boycotting my election night party, TLA, will you be liveblogging the count?
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I have tried to avoid the whole thing, and may go even further by leaving town.
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If TWOP is anything like the last election (did we get to several hundred posts?) you won’t be able to ignore it.
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I’m hoping to be in white pointer teritory.
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if you do get taken, mind you take a photo.
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…..for the world’s smallest monument in Shackletown.
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If you make it to Nannup TLA you can listen to it on the wireless with me. I shall be tuned to ABC all day, or at least until it appears Abbott will win, then I shall immediately run outside and burn stuff while drinking red wine.
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Is there anything to do in Nannup (particularly for a 6 year old). Or anywhere to stay? I stayed at a (the) hotel there in 1979, when Cyclone Alby hit Busso and Southwest.
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pull buckets
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I said 6 year old not 8 year old.
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In that case, brownies.
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Hey it’s the Nannup Flower Festival. What more could a 6 year old want?
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plant at Christmas, harvest at Easter and do like J-J suggested, love those buds through buckets.
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I’ve heard it’s more about the mushrooms. Whatever that means.
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in case of a rabbit victory i shall head towards the smoke signals, bearing great quantities of red wine.
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Nothing better than red wine for a celebration
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I vaguely understand the nature of your political allegiances, Rich, but I must say that I will strongly consider either leaving the country or suicide if Habit wins.
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Could I suggest Pakistan? I hear its somewhat tropical.
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Best see an Audiologist, then.
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please do it!!!
LEAVE!!! PLEASE!!!!!
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Kirup Syrup Shazza?
How Wintonesque.
‘It had been a long time since she’d been drunk and naked by a bonfire. Back in those days of ribaldry, whe she and Bluey would turn back the boats blah blah blah…’
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Hey, that’s good. I’m tempted to fill in the blah blah, but “better” things to do … like reminiscing about the walks down South Mole – the good times – back when Rose liked to be courted, while we were both serenaded by the gently crashing sea.
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Great story, great times.
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Do they still make that stuff? Death by Kirup Syrup if Abbott wins may be the way to go. Surely nothing could be more painful than that fuckwit running this country.
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I have a nasty feeling that the T Bot will get in.
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We’ll all feel it if that mob of mediaeval minded morons gets control.
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How clever, you rhymed.
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The film The Grande Bouffe would be a good one to watch on the night.
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A fine choice, TLA, both for the ranga and the 1926 Bugatti.
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Oh shit, reminds me. Haven’t ordered your tshirt yet.
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No worries. I’m just home from galivanting anyway.
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I think they may relaunch Kirup Syrup in the event of a victory to Mr Rabbot.
We’re gonna need it.
Dr Philip Nitschke is going to be rushed off his feet.
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On the other hand, some of us old farts who are dying of the boredom created in this electoral ‘campaign’, might get sufficiently stirred up to stay alive to fight on against the cunts at the next merry-go-round.
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Why don’t you take on “Boy Band” at the next state election? You’re out that way aren’t you? Dress up the Baravan with posters.
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Like this one?
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Looks like a three-point plan for… something
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Go Rolly!
You can do it! Make sure that you turn all the lights off in the house and change the oil in the car before you drive down you champagne socialist cunt
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I’m still kicking myself for not getting an original of this when I saw it in Tokyo, TLA, but I do have a nice one of Sadakazu Tanigaki which I’ll send to you sometime.
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Reminds me of these happy souls
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link fail
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Link never failed…
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That sent me off to sleep!
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Now you know how your wife feels you boring cunt
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Life fail Bill
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bugger. http://vimeo.com/7953676
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ACKA – Jason Akermanis is sitting in Riffo’s in Maylands right now.
He’s there with his ‘special friend’ – who is a bear.
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Again no pic? To be fair, I didn’t take Gilly’s pic in Clarences.
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a punter walked past and asked him “Now you’ve finished playing footy are you coming out of the closet.”
He left pretty much straight after, no time for a photo.
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BTW- love the new tweet TLA. Now that be some classic news feed action.
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Things are a bit quieter. Be back into twitter and The Asian Beat. Old School.
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Christ, why not. Anything is worth a shot in the desperate Perthy petty bourgeous battle for cultural capital. To his credit and of course totally essentially he hasn’t lived overseas or Over East for extended periods thereby ruling him out of any public office including office parties FOR FUCKING EVER as a traitorous cunt etc etc for upping the bet so terrifyingly high that the other players must meekly pass, do a a watery shit in their pants, or do a “I don’t want you to invite your old mate around again, he’s just soo soo…up himself! But baby I have known him since school! HE HAS DEPRECIATED OUR HOUSE 500000 BUCKS WITH HIS MERE PRESENCE, DUMBFUQUE! OK OK he’s out then baby.” etc etc!
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?
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greggo sounds like a town planner I once knew, absolutely batfuck irrelevant
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where’s that 101 guy? His comments were great. And what happened to munkipants by the way?
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I think The Legend 101 may be a schoolkid.
munkipants is collecting facebook friends!
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No, I think 101 was too good to be a real schoolkid. Faker.
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The mad woman’s cake : has all the ingredients but uncooked.
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You massive, massive tosser.
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LEAVE!!! GO LEAVE PLEASE!!!! cunt
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Thats not very nice! and why dont you do that.
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Note how close to, if not on, the Boulevard of Broken Worsts.
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Thought we might have got the perpetrator owning up here. I’d still like to hear from the plonker who tagged the palm frond too.
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I’ve got a graffiti’d prickly pine segment coming your way as soon as I get somewhere bluetooth’d
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whos Plonker and what Boulevard are you going on about NF1?
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I bet some dumb kid did it, Oh wow thats the new Micheal Keenan.
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Oh maybe its his Wife LOL considering its a lady.
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LOL where is the Hitler moustache? Simpkins must have plucked it unlike Julie Hon Member for Curtains fuzzy blonde (or is it grey) moustache.
Are you going to shave your tash off Vegan next year for charity?
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Pingback: Inside the Liberal team | The Worst of Perth
TWOP-endorsed Emo Simpkins is going to bring down the government! TLA is the new Rupert Murdoch.
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Running scared already, they probably realise that any more Toxic Tony’s blundering could seriously affect the Libs chances in the next elections; State and Federal.
The Guardian’s readers’ comments are always a source of wry amusement.
First Dog On The Moon’s cartoons are pretty much on the mark, too, I reckon.
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So, he has “been inundated with emails” and so was pushed to take action.
I have been emailing this sucker about various things since his party got into power – questions about immigration, foreign aid, the Great Barrier Reef, public transport infrastructure etc, and despite wording them as carefully as possible, not even an auto generated response. Then again, he has cut back on the fridge magnets after my requests a few years ago.
But any of these issues… and nothing. Some squabbling as to who wants to lose the next election… and he jumps?!
What should anyone expect when he can’t tell the difference between nightclub promotion and Islamic extremism?
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Emo Simpkins is that fucking tool who was going on about Halal meat turning us muslim. Him and those other two WA cunts are climate denialists, so would be funny if they got “damning climate by faint praise” Turnbull up.
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Speaking of voting. How about the Snake of The Year scandal?
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Also, he needs to spend more time on pattern recognition.
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Kevin Andrews meltdown.
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Emo could be in a spot of bother. Not long after Morrison jets in to Myanmar to grease palms to help them protect their borders [and take Rohingya asylum seekers fleeing genocide in Rakhine back] Emo illegally crosses the border to support armed rebs, and tells everyone he’ll be reporting back to Bishop. Clear to see who he’s working for.
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Well…yes.
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In The Guardian this morning. Emo really is a simpleton, isn’t he.
Meanwhile, down in the federation chamber, members are debating the vexed issue of heavy school bags. There is a motion before the chamber which deplores the practice of young people carrying heavy school bags.
West Australian Liberal Luke Simpkin thinks believes it is time to introduce the wheelie bag. Coag must become involved.
Here is the motion, lest you think I’m having a lend.
Mr Simpkins, pursuant to notice, moved — That this House:
(1) notes that every school day across Australia, school students are carrying heavy school bags on their way to and around schools and this poses a risk to the long term health of young people in Australia;
(2) acknowledges that reference sources are an important part of the curriculum and for individual courses; and
(3) encourages the Australian and state and territory governments to:
(a) replace hard copy reference books with CD and thumb drive versions of reference materials to lighten the load of students and reduce the incidences of muscular and skeletal injuries to the developing bodies of school students; and
(b) set a target timeline for the replacement of reference materials for school students.
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Moral panic over school bag weight goes back to the sixties. Probably further.
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