By David FO Cohen. Found in Beechboro McDonalds. Wordless I think.
Worst Talk
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The Worst of Perth 
Life in Beechboro?
I’m not lovin’ it.
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And I thought that Morley could induce depressive episodes and ennui.
Just remind yerself, Turnips, that it could be worse, living a mere two kilometres due North on Route 53. Different fucking world over there. Be grateful for small mercies.
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I wonder if it’s a Beechboro thang, TLA, or whether similar missives might be found in Maccas worldwide.
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p.s. And this is clearly only a cry for help. As everyone knows, if their angst were serious, the word die would trail tragically off the edge of the page.
p.p.s. Regarding the angst link; everyone will have their own favourites, but for mine, you can’t go past Bookworm gets Booty.
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Beechboro is genuine worst. It’s Mad Max territory. I know it only because I regularly drove through on my way to Bandyup. Full of fucking Cocos.
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Never mind Beechboro, why is there only one comment from youse pigs on Asia Beat?
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“Cast not pearls before swine………..”
Not even the Japanese ones you know, Nip pearls.
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Was the Perth-bashing of TWOP simply a lengthy lead-in to your evident azn worship, TLA?
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I wouldn’t dignify that with a response either.
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It’s intimidatingly wrong, and hilarious, TLA. Even by your standards.
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In amongst other things, shazza.
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I was moved by this juvenilia.
I found it Kafkaesque.
Except Kafka didn’t draw.
Mind you anyone dining at that restaurant yesterday lunchtime would have despaired at the poor service.
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Kafka?
sounds more like Morissey to me,
or whatever the shoe-gazing emo yoof are listening to these days
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Luke Steele I think, which certainly makes me want to die.
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Empire of the Sun? WTF? Someone explain it. Overproduced melodramatic crap.
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Some melodrama may have lifted EotS above the level of inane, vacuous, faux-Orientalist Gen-I shite. But I don’t like anything.
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I have it on good authority that the epithet ‘Lord Gaga’ has been communicated to family members and received with a smirk
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Just had to endure Lord and Lady Gaga back to back on the screens at the gym. Talk about back to back Brownlows!
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not even a reach around?
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JJ – that gravatar is hideous.
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That mole beard may help balance things out.
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I don’t think that it is fully appreciated that the teenagers of today are the first generation to feel alienated and insecure.
When I was a nipper, everyone was so happy-go-lucky.
but the e was better back then
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Jezus, skink, where the hell were you hiding at the time?
Definitely not the real world.
Heavy on the herring perhaps.
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Sarcasm meltdown?
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I was loved up
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I suspect ‘e’ and ‘loved up’ are equally bewildering terms for our lovable curmudgeon.
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We didn’t have those kinds of things in my days – so we invented them!
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It’s inevitable that each new generation will create a form of music their parents hate.
It’s the cycle of life (sort of).
See, you’re getting old, it’s not so bad is it?
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Is that “Jackson” as in “Sleepy Jackson”?
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Ahhh! Could it be..?
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Kafka???? Whiney self-indulgent girly. Whoever heard of a guy turning into a beetle? Hello??????
Morissey????? Whiney self-indulgent girly.
You don’t get poofters like that hanging around Beechy.
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Hey!!!!! I used to be “Adrian”, and now I’m hyperfocalphotography!
Sounds like a poofter to me!!!!!!!
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Some nice photos on there. Just added as a contact on flickr.
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Thanks mate, and do you like my excoriating satire on the “City that Never Wakes”? Gettit?
Actually, I might link TWOP on my “pretty pics meets vignettes about crap Perth” blog.
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My question to to you, Outrage, is “what the hell were you doing at Chuccas? And at the Beechboro one, what’s more?” I hope you have a compelling reason!
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I believe that is two questions, not one.
A top-secret (until it is published, anyway) gerbalism assignment, Bag.
There were so many people waiting for their burgers and apple pies it was easy to remain incognito.
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Thanks for assuaging my fears, Outrage. I was confident that there were beneficent motives behind your visit.
I thought it to be one question, but upon reflection, it is one question, but with a subset, as intended to be replied in a single reply.
Gerbils in Beechboro, or exploring the veracity of urban myths?
I keenly await the published results in the place that may be one postcode away from mine, but a whole world away.
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You eat a Macca’s and complain about service while waiting to eat shit?
Eat shit and die
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Where’s cookster? I want my front lawn mowed.
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Whoever the author of this missive, I hope they got the Happy Meal.
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Do those include a happy ending, NF#1 ? That might explain the need for the cleaners.
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I was visualizing the happy ending to a Happy Meal (or several perhaps) as more like this, Snuff.
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Fair enough, NF#1, yet no less disturbing.
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This is our favourite video at work atm:
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Yay. mp, FTW.
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The hecatomb of woe appears to have an extra storey.. but we could nitpick all day. Love the perky circled ‘i’s. Handwriting analysis reveals the hidden message: “I love ‘myself’ and so should you”.
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and cookster talks about the foreshore
http://www.wangle.com.au/rantrave/whats-with-all-the-grass-perth
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I’m not even going to bother looking.
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Let’s just say that There are plenty of good things happening in the City of Perth and Lisa Scaffidi is a powerful force of change who should be applauded for her work.
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Hands off the City of Perth landing strip.
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I rather liked the PROSH front page proposal, to model it on post-quake Haiti.
Perth-au-Prince. Has a noice ring to it.
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It’s a bit lazy.
I mean, a real target is Kings Park.
What’s with all those grassy hills and tree-lined, meandering streets in what could be the new millionaire’s suburb? How many Prix d’Amor’s or Swanmahals could you fit in there?
What’s with all that undercapitalised real estate?
Let’s dig it up and pave that over.
High rise luxury for all high net worth individuals.
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Surely Cookster is trolling Wankle? The comments on his latest piece are magic.
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Seriously. Not looking.
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TLA you should, its a worthy addition to TWOP. Cookster’s wankel spin – It’s shit. It’s a whinge about grass and offers nothing to replace the shitness that is the Langley Park. Why didn’t he offer canals, cocos palms, gondolas and other bogan northern Mandurah delights? Really spike the cnnts who read the Sunday Slimes
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If he wanted to be practical about it, what this city really needs is a monster car park, with a bit of stadium thrown in
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Kings Park is a bit shit. I’m sure there is bauxite under the banksias, dig it up and send it to China. Miners made this cuntry what it is today.
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Fuckit, let’s explode Mt Eliza, shovel it into the Swan, and then everyone pans for minerals. Fair go for all. Classic dinkum.
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Ooh I’ve found some unknown soldier.
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Why am I reminded of a barely remembered childhood trip to Pioneer World?
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A young Charles Bukowski perhaps.
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Indeed, Mike.
Or perhaps Malcolm Lowry did not overdose on pills and is living under the Beechboro volcano…
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Given the feminine touch of the circled ‘i’s, I’d go Sylvia Plath.
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I tried so hard/and got so far/ But in the end/ it didn’t even matter-r-r
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Yeah, well it ain’t fuckin’ Hemingway.
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“Mescal” said the Consul.
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The honorary consul??
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No the Lowry novel you refer to, not Greene.
“Nothing in the world was more terrible than an empty bottle! Unless it was an empty glass. “
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Less talk. More action.
At least at the Claremont Hungry Jacks they would have used a Moleskine. Spiral bound? I’m not surprised.
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I live at the extreme edge of civilization, in northern Dianella. Standing in the watchtower I can see both Noranda and, a little beyond, Beechboro. I use spiral bound notebooks all the time. Could it be that I have that I have somehow been influenced by the bogbarians beyond the gates?
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Dianella- our Bossonian Marches. Though of noble blood, your drift into barbarism amidst the pictish wastes is only natural. Shudder to think what aeon-sunk forbidden secrets lie beneath the rust-brined cerements of the forgotten dust-enshrouded public libraries out that way..
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I have never felt sufficiently masochistic to cross and follow the line of Benara Road in order undertake a field study of Altone Park Library—at a joint facility by the municipalities of Swan and Bayswater—to confirm one’s very worst fears, that it might be a time capsule of 1996, fully intact, unless otherwise the Barbarians have sacked the building and scrawled genitalia on the pages of books loaned as prescribed of their Year 10 syllabus at Lockridge High, that remained otherwise unread.
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Yellowed, crumbling Victor Kellehers and S. E. Hintons by the bucket I’ll bet. Maybe some TIME/LIFE collections. The horror…
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Beechboro…shit.
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That’s some fine Robert E. Howarding there JJ. Let the effete, decadent culture-vultures have their Lowry and Greene.
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Absolutely, RWL. Spirax, for sure.
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please don’t press play if you are easily annoyed
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I was thinking more like this.
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