I will be on ABC 720 on This Friday afernoon 1pm to talk worsts with Gillian O’. I can’t remember if she’s been slagged off here before? I see she’s a Dockers fan, so she must be an afficionado of the worst things in life. I will also be doing a talk for the Australian Graphic Design Association AGDA sometime soon too, so all you designers can get ready to pencil in a date.
Gillian O'Shaughnessy
I’m also adding this plea from Outrage Cohen to this post.
Who helps the kids of murdered Nepalese journalists by paying their school fees? You can!
Yes, it is that time of the year: an email begging you to buy raffle tickets in the Alliance’s Safety and Solidarity Fund.
A ticket in the raffle costs only $5 – and that goes a long way in Nepal.
You could win five luxurious nights at the Cable Beach Club, or a Nikon D90 camera, or shiraz that scored 96 points from James Halliday.
Go on: support press freedom in a place where they do it tough.
Send your money to my account (BSB 186-200, ACC 122341928, ACC name D and K
Cohen) and let me know your address so I can post you your tix.
Winners drawn in Sydney on April 30; more info here:
http://www.walkleys.com/2010pressfreedomraffle
Please buy a ticket – I beg you!
Cheers,
David Cohen
President, WA Branch, MEAA
President, WA Journalists Association
0414 780 441
The Worst of Perth 
Gillian replaced the handset on its charger, distractedly. Phwoar, she thought, the Lazy Aussie… this’ll be a toughie. Tougher even than – she suppressed a shudder. Time for a cup of tea. She looked out the kitchen window, over the bustling cappucino strip, young families basking in the vibrant warmth. Oh to be young again, she thought, recalling those balmy, South Beach nights, the Doctor’s sweet fragrance still trailing through the summer air. That had all changed now, of course, as all things must, as we all made the great migration, branching out and settling down in the Mecca of the East, the move to Melbs. All except me, she reflected wearily. All except me. So this is what it’s come to. The Internet. No more dithering half-arsedly around the Fly by Nite, no more midnight pilgrimages to smoke a billy at Bon Scott’s grave. Just – she ran a weary hand through her straw-blonde locks – research, on the internet. She looked down at the printout. Christ, she thought, they sure say ‘cunt’ a lot.
LikeLike
cunt.
LikeLike
Simply brilliant Pfort. You win another milliontyseven whorediamonds!
Fucking cunt-badger.
LikeLike
Extra pretension points for mentioning “The Doctor”.
LikeLike
Not to detract from pfortner’s incandescent brilliance, but “the doctor” is an item in the Wintemplate, along with “thongs”, “salty skin”, “sandy hair”, “coast” and “select water metaphor a/b/c/mix them up and apply”.
LikeLike
absolutely correct. Nat Fan pointed out to me recently that ‘we all used to …’ is another staple, which I’ve found works particularly well when contrasted with the ol’ ‘So, this is it, here I am’. And lest we forget, ‘fartarsing’. Wintoning is certainly not as hard as it would have to be to merit the Niagaran volume of orgasmic gushing flung at the bronzed feet of Winton himself. Anyway, Gillian’s been Wintoned now so there.
LikeLike
You do yourself an injustice, it’s Pfortnered.
Sometime can you pfort Tony Abbott? I imagine he would find that a bit threatening.
LikeLike
Alas I’ve reserved a different treatment for dear Tones as I feel he is much too zen for a proper pfort. I do appreciate your appreciation though lisa, much appreciated.
LikeLike
great work once again Pforts
honest question:
can anyone recommend any WA writers apart from Winton and Drewe?
and not Craig Silvey
there seems to a dearth of good fiction about this great state of ours
LikeLike
Paul Murray?
LikeLike
No
LikeLike
I think you may be on to something, I can’t think of any particularly fantastic contemporary local writers on WA. I find the brand of literary fiction peculiar to our local authors to be singularly repellent (can’t you tell :P)
LikeLike
Come on Pfortmeister:
Randolph Stow (anything).
Upsurge by J.M. Harcourt (banned in the 1940s it was so racy and socialist).
Julia Lawrinson’s young adult fiction.
Tom Hungerford’s ‘The Ridge and the River’.
Benang by Kim Scott.
Kath Su Prichard’s early fiction.
And have we forgotten May Gibbs?
I would even include James Ricks’ 11 Months in Bunbury, which has been mentioned here before…
LikeLike
I knew I could rely on the hyper-literate DFOC
we have done Elton to death SW, see earlier threads
shazza is merely making mischief
there was mention on a thread some time ago about a local underbelly novel – City Lights or something – I couldn’t find the tread
LikeLike
well there you go. I never said I was well read. I did like those bad Banksia Men though.
LikeLike
so glad you didn’t include elizabeth jolley on that list.
LikeLike
11 Months in Bunbury – hahahahahaha!
LikeLike
Well that’s all well and good DFOC, but quite frankly I’m a bit tired of fucking landscapes, rivers, oceans, thongs, sand, and dreary interior monologues.
The question is, when is someone going to write a decent vampire novel set in Geraldton?
LikeLike
skink, i think that underbelly novel was about dave warner’s novel ‘city of light’. as it won some award, no doubt it will be reviled here.
LikeLike
It was mentioned in one of those irrational hatred posts. I have the book. It’s not too bad for most of it, but gets a little stupid at the end. Most remarkably he gets to root the character based on Carmen Lawrence.
LikeLike
The horror.
LikeLike
i quite enjoyed it, but i found the carmen relationship disturbing. much as i admire big carmie, i could never see her like that.
LikeLike
Admire her for the way she single handedly destroyed the Westminister system of parliament in WA?
Or was there some other big achievement I missed?
Or perhaps can’t recall?
LikeLike
Cmon now don’t start knocking the original Warnie… It’s a great read… “The beach was as narrow as an exotic dancer’s pubic strip”or pearls to that effect..
LikeLike
Ben Elton.
LikeLike
Ben Elton should be devoured by death-eating-pig-zombies.
LikeLike
It was a joke about claiming him as a local author since he’s only been back in Perth for a few months. And is English. And an example of the dearth of names I could come up with.
We shall await Obi Cohen’s wise words on this matter.
LikeLike
Got that shazz.
Just speaking for myself, but I think Elton’s books are crap.
Usually good concepts, but completely ruined by sloppy writing, forced humour, and the complete lack of editorial oversight.
LikeLike
Sorry SW, the subtleties of effective communication can be missed via interweb communicado.
LikeLike
Gday, Jon Doust here. I’m quite good.
LikeLike
Prove it Jon, show us your Wintoning.
LikeLike
‘Boy on a Wire’ is yours for only $24.95 and it’s quite good!
LikeLike
I have seen it get some good reviews Jon. Can you get peter Garrett to read it?
LikeLike
I have a perpetual vision of Gillian.
It does not include clothes (other than bed sheets) and is at *very* close quarters.
LikeLike
even wanking doesn’t take the priapism away?
bad for eyesight good for the prostate
LikeLike
It is quite good
LikeLike
A bit of chiaking never goes astray either…
LikeLike
You just can’t beat those simple pleasures, pl.
LikeLike
Note to AGDA: No dolphins.
LikeLike
The dolphins are fucked.
LikeLike
No.
It’s the dugongs that are fucked.
LikeLike
And the whales. And the chickens. And the cows.
LikeLike
Very nice Snuff.
What at first appears to be gratuitous turns out to be worth thinking about.
LikeLike
You shouldn’t have to think too hard about it WAtching.
LikeLike
if I recall correctly she has been slagged off here before.
I think Frank found her laugh objectionable
LikeLike
You slagged her off for her laugh if I recall correctly.
LikeLike
really? it doesn’t sound like me to be cruel
I may have called her inane, but then that’s hardly surprising on the ABC.
LikeLike
Good to see a post featuring two fine media workers.
I have had the pleasure of working in the Aunty newsroom with Gillo and can report she is a fine broadcaster.
TLA will be skewered by her excellent wit and rendered mute by her extreme physical beauty.
Keep those ticket purchases coming.
LikeLike
there’s a lot of flowery flattery coming from you recently
are you up for re-election?
LikeLike
I always act as though the next poll is next week.
A week is a long time in journalism union politics.
But the only poll that counts is the one on election day.
Etc etc…
LikeLike
Well with a Mother who has had a fine tradition in Public Broadcasting such as Curtin FM where TLA’s favourite Jenny Satan is broadcasting – what do you expect. :-)
LikeLike
I thought we had some form of moratorium on cracks at the Dockers. Or is this a false memory?
LikeLike
Very false.
LikeLike
perhaps you were thinking of the Dockers moratorium on trophies.
How many Dockers does it take to change a light bulb?
we don’t know, because they haven’t got to the top of the ladder yet.
LikeLike
I find her voice irritating in the extreme.
But, now that I’ve seen a photo of her, I hate her.
Good luck TLA, please mention the word cunt.
LikeLike
Plus ‘Cunt-badger’, too, also.
LikeLike
I’ve been really lazy in taking photos since I’ve been back in Bunbury, is there anything in specific that youse would like pics of?
If not, I’ll find some worsts for you pretty easily. But if there’s anything that brings back memories or triggers your thoughts let me know.
LikeLike
How ’bout that wheat silo that got turned into apartments?
Unless it looks good in which case don’t bother.
LikeLike
it’s absolutely worst.
LikeLike
I didn’t mind the silos.
LikeLike
there is a big limestone head of Lord Forrest (à la Club Capricorn, Yanchep) somewhere near the council building
LikeLike
same sculptor.
LikeLike
poor bastard
LikeLike
It’s a Mark Le Buse all right, Mez, as featured here on TWoP in November, 2008.
LikeLike
cool, thanks Snuff
I’ve got the ute loaded up with all sorts of Solver product – I’ll try to make it down to Bunno this weekend
LikeLike
No worries, Mez. I wonder if the pie bag’s still in his ear, and also whether poor ol’ Eric has found a way to top himself.
LikeLike
There is an art gallery, so might be something in there.
LikeLike
I remember the catholic church burnt down. I assume they replaced it was something bad.
LikeLike
I didn’t realise 720 allowed their afternoon ladies to discuss topics other than mental health.
I actually have to confess to not hating Gill O. People with bizarre laughs amuse me.
LikeLike
Bentorama! Where you been?
LikeLike
It’s just hard to get my TWOP on in the evenings, Outrage.
By the way – good luck with the ‘raffle’. Come on – we all know you lot will just spend all the ‘administration’ money on hot new rims for your Sigmas. How did the ‘Ceiling Insulation for the Balibo 5’ drive go?
LikeLike
I would suggest recent events on this site are fodder for discussion of mental health issues.
LikeLike
Hmmmmm…
LikeLike
hang on… is that ABC logo commanding me to “exercise your (my) imagination”? Well, sorry LA, just for that, I will not be listening in on Friday. I have and always will, exercise my imagination on my own time – not, I tell you, NOT on Gillo’s command – she can go and get one on her own
LikeLike
The discussion of Dave Warner’s City of Light was here, TLA, if your comment is a reply to skink’s comment here.
LikeLike
Hmmm. The reply function seems borked again.
LikeLike
borked – great word snuffy. every day’s a school day.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=borked
LikeLike
how bout this one monkey:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Whackothadidlio%21
LikeLike
Hello Pants. Enjoyable slap-clittie in BB?
LikeLike
We didn’t exactly believe your story, Miss O’Shaughnessy. We believed your 200 dollars. I mean, you paid us more than if you had been telling us the truth, and enough more to make it all right.
LikeLike
Carmen that is, not Gillian
LikeLike
Sheesh, and their calling TLA Andy to boot.
From 720 Afternoon’s Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/720-ABC-Perth-Afternoons/248104332750?ref=nf
LikeLike
A bit like calling Goering ‘Hermie’?
LikeLike
Pingback: Whinger Log « The Worst of Perth
Any FM stations suck i had to listen to 100.1 which is boring all the way to bunbury until my dad found 7.20 which is just as worst. I complaned to listen to 9.29 but the reception was down we where half way in the country and it was useless.
LikeLike