I’ve never believed that the suburb of Darch actually existed, but apparently here’s proof that it does. Nicholas T captured the ghetto chic that is apparently the only charm of the place. Perth has an ever growing list of suburbs I’ve never heard of and wonder why people would go there. I swear I heard someone refer to a suburb called Camillo. It doesn’t seem to have a sister city sign yet, but Nicholas thinks it is paired with Pripyat in the Ukraine. Will have to check with She-Ra.
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The Worst of Perth 
What’s that thing behind the fence, a B-2 Stealth Bomber?
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At second glance…
Do the bore water stains seem to suggest that a sign has been stolen, and this is the replacement?
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I think you’re onto something there WAtching. The oval shaped unstained limestone is a very fashionable look, but spray paint is a requirement to finish it off.
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http://www.borestainwest.com
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its a house
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I live in Darch an it is not one of the worst it is quite a nice suburb there are sometimes a few idiots who do things like this but that is ONE photo of a negative thing if you took a photo somewhere else it is quite attractive and well maintained. These things like vandalism are to be expected since there are about 2 high schools, they are teens they do silly things but its not like they burnt down a house or something, so please if this is what you guys call a bad suburb then you are rich, snobby and need to get out of your houses and see that not everyone can afford a perfect suburb and most defiantly can’t have have the perfect people living there. You guys need to see how bad it can really get.
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I live in Darch an it is not one of the worst it is quite a nice suburb there are sometimes a few idiots who do things like this but that is ONE photo of a negative thing if you took a photo somewhere else it is quite attractive and well maintained. These things like vandalism are to be expected since there are about 2 high schools, they are teens they do silly things but its not like they burnt down a house or something, so please if this is what you guys call a bad suburb then you are rich, snobby and need to get out of your houses and see that not everyone can afford a perfect suburb and most defiantly can’t have have the perfect people living there. You guys need to see how bad it can really get.
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Did you read the comments, Dana? Some of us were positive!
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No, I don’t.
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I hear Pripyat is lovely in the springtime.
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Camillo adjoins Kelmscott
it’s a classy name
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Yeah.. Klassy with a kapital K!
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The whole east Wanneroo area is a mystery. Sinagra? Tapping? Ashby? Hocking? Banksia Grove? Neerabup? Mariginiup? Since when did large tracts of sand become proper nouns?
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I met one of Sam Sinagra’s grandsons the other day. In Wembley!
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There’s always a few idiots.
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It’s in Cowan, I notice.
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Also it’s the only halal suburb in WA
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Would it kill them to give us a suburb called Glatt Kosher??
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We should have such a suburb sadly.
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Federal seat of Gefilte.
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Or Ben Cousins.
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I adore this pic.
Now that’s class Bree.
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It is superb. Kudos to our street art friends for their font selection. I like how the pic also captures the landscaping that enhances the entry statement, and the menacing house/stealth bomber in the background.
It’s been an impressive week.
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As a former resident of Westfield, I find the use of the term ‘Camillo’ offensive. Although I am glad the original proposal of ‘Camillo Waters’ was canned. My suggestion of ‘Shit Creek’ didn’t make the grade either.
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Sorry. but “Shit Creek” has already been taken. It’s the new suburb just North of Butler and to the West of “Desperation.”
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I agree; this is an exceptionally good/bad worst.
I’ve always thought of these walled estates as some kind of ghetto where the original intention of keeping rabble out actually succeeds at keeping them in.
There is irony by the bucketful in this image.
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Choosing to go with welcome to Darch rather than Darch sucks was a masterstroke. Kudos.
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Only last night I was saying that a Darch worst still eludes me… Hhhmph.
I have heard that you cannot register your lawn in Darch… the whole suburb has been registered…
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Mp is gonna love this.
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Especially as it is a little…well a little DARCH.
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That Darch is the NSW based variety.
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dearest snuff, you know me so well!
i know you guys have darch and the “paris end” of perth, but we now have ”’the portside wharf” – that rivals “sydney harbour” apparently. beat that! the poo brown brisbane river.
everyday is truly a school day.
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“over the years Westfield had gained a bad reputation and residents wanted a new name to give the suburb a facelift.”
http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/westfield-now-called-camillo/story-0-1111116537121
I like the idea that if you live in a shithole simply changing its name will make it better
why didn’t they call it “iShat 2.0” ?
I particularly like when new suburbs are called ‘Lakes’ or ‘Waters’, when they are in an arid sandpit several miles from the nearest water course.
Or they are called ‘Bellevue’ when they are on a flat plain and all you can see is the freeway and the shunting yards.
my favourite is Secret Harbour. The secret is that there is no harbour, and it’s not much of a secret because there is a fuckoff big sign outside.
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my god you are so cynical sometimes. appalling!
what about “upper something heights” to differentiate a rise in the still shitty suburban landscape and make those on the hill more exclusive as their view encompasses en masse suburbia.
BTW – i thinkg “iShat 2.0” definitely has a certain ring to it.
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and yes i often like to “thinkg”.
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But there is lots of water out there! And it’s such an inviting colour, too.
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a tailings dam is not a water feature
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I like it when they even extend the concept to streets, skink, and still recall when the reputation of this block of flats was such that they changed the name from Battle Street.
Of course my old favourite is where Hay Street, Kalgoorlie, mysteriously changes to Brookman Street at the Lane Street intersection.
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My mates at WASM told me it was changed because the hookers objected to being on the same street as the church.
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Fair enough too, G’day.
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You’ve been playing quite the coprophiliac recently, Skink.
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shit, yeah
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That is brilliant.
It’s always seemed to me like Darch is missing an apostrophe.
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As in D’Arch PL? Praise be the first developer to run with that concept.
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Object D’arch?
Yeah, we all object.
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I always thought the apostrophe was inferred in D’Alkeith
and it is most certainly there in ‘kinRoss
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Excellent stuff.
Reminds me of that famous question:
If Thatcher put the “great” back into Great Britain, who put the “cunt” in Scunthorpe?
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B’ Alga has a nice ring to it.
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Possibly they started out that way and the ‘ got dropped. Like D’urban to Durban.
Something South Africans don’t seem to know. Its always usefull to have ammunition against them.
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It was the name of an early settler.
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Could you please upload an audio file, Frank ? I want to know if it’s pronounced Dark.
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i have always imagined it’s pronounced ‘dawwwch’.
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it’s ‘daaghtch’, as in ‘wilkum t’ daaghtch’.
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De-atch as in Be -atch
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are you sure it’s not soft, as in Darsh, said in a posh English accent:
“I really must Darsh, I’ve got so many things to do.”
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Would they be Darchinians or Darchwegians?
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You’ll hump your own leg…
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There’s a suburb named Cartman, isn’t there ?
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When Ma Bento first moved to Perth from Sydney, she used to refer to the suburb as ‘Balladura’, assuming the ‘dj’ sound was simply lazy Western Australian pronunciation. It was some years before she realised her error.
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If you want to hear a cavalcade of mispronounciations – just watch Eastern State Personalities mangle suburb names each year on Telethon – Yokeen is a popular one and of course Man doooor ah.
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On the local news down here in Bunvegas today, I heard “Gel-ar-up” instead of Gelorup, and “Dallyup” instead of Dalyellup.
The news comes from Southern Cross in the eastern states. You’d think someone would check it before it went to air.
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What do you expect from Radio Stations where in most cases the Management have never spent a day behind a microphone – it’s all being run by bean counters, and they rely on Automation or centralising from one location – though to be fair in the olden days it wasn’t unusual for a station like 6NA to have a show broadcast from 6KY in Perth – which is how Gary Shannon got his first radio gig – and uttering a swear word when he didn’t cue the record proably and it slurred into life – Snuff will know what I’m talking about.
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Also “JoonDALLup” and “KarrinYYYup” (a favourite of Jay Lane of Newsradio Traffic Report infamy)
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Lockridge also got a partial ‘facelift’ when they made “Pepperwood”.
Having grown up in Locko (hell, I was HIGH class there!) I tend to refer to the new development as “Pepperland” instead. Ala Yellow Submarine.
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Peckerwood surely?
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I love “Darch”, it sounds like a Ukrainian obsenity.
However, my favourite by far is “Success” oh the irony of it all.
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unless you pronounce it “Suck Cess”
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Suck Cess? Is that down south near cock burn?
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Why yes, and only around 10 minutes away from Camillo and Champion Lakes. It’s so beautiful there in the spring
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Mosquitoes make very loyal pets.
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The photo captures the very essence of Perth. Very, very good work. Thanks for sharing this amazing piece.
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Perfect photo. I’ve been up there a bit and this perfectly bottles ‘L’essence d’Arch’. Featureless walls, garden-less lawns, expansive (often eave-less) rooves and no trees anywhere on that skyline.
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if there are no trees then it should really have been called “D’Arch Grove”
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I move that appalling wordplay be stricken from the record m’lud.
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Shouldn’t that be striked.
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no, struck
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I believe you will find my usage legitimate.
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stricken is past participle
you are using future tense
it will be struck from the record
he striked it from the record
it has been stricken from the record
next week we will study the correct use of ‘imply’ and ‘infer’
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are you implying this is needed?
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Clearly.
The equally clear inference we can draw is that ol’ skink is knob flogging pedant.
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why thank-you
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I think you mean persnickety wanker.
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Actually, both are fine, Paracleet and skink. (Scroll to the end, see Participle Question 3).
The only answer which is incorrect, unsurprisingly, is striked.
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One little word.
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‘arsepot’?
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Unsurprisingly.
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Thank you for your input. This blog is full of educated, intelligent people, yourself included.
The word striked was used in the general thread of the conversation which was wordplay.
There is of course no such word. nor did I intend it to be viewed as such, it was part of the gag and to be honest I fully expected that everyone would have recognised that.
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Yes, like the time we joked for ages about quasi-fem…oops.
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I glad you are still laughing about that one shazza, probably still one of my best gags.
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don’t quote me grammar from Americans
I think we all know who is the illegitimate one.
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i love grammar wars.
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What are they good for?
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absolutely nothing.
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Stand up and shout it
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thanks you two. That song will now be in my head all fucking weekend.
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I guess the wonky video won’t make matters any worse, then, shaz.
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That Edwin’s got a whole lotta soul. For someone called Edwin.
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huh!
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whose ann and why’s she got your face?
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pleasure shazz.
perhaps you’ll be removing your knickers and throwing them around the house whilst your singing?
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I’m illiterate? But that’s unpossible!
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I find it difficult to believe there are no Cocos out there.
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There were plenty, but they seem to have cut them all off about 1500mm above the ground
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Pripyat was a stage in one of the Call of Duty videogames:
So I am now looking forward to Call of Duty 6: Darch
Hopefully I’ll be able to steal a Commodore GTA style and kidnap a hapless local to shoot at point blank range in front of the feature wall, leaving a decorative pink Pollock effect.
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Undead only up Darch way. That would put the kybosh on the living colour part at the least.
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Haiku 6065:
Head throbbing, some blood
Vertical blinds, no carpet
On a fresh Darch road.
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Looming F-16s
Circle and soar, Westfield-wards
NEW! Target acquired
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“get darch’ed!” has a nice flow to it, should they be considering a new promotions campaign to go with their new entry feature.
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Oh I thought you meant as an insult, for eg. you ‘fucking darch’, ‘darch head’, so on and so forth.
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living in darch is probably insult enough
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i think ‘fucking darchebag’ has it covered
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Brilliant!
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Haiku 6065:
Wind in the willows:
Darch enemy of the state.
Flamethrower needed.
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Looming F-16s
Now Westfield is Camillo
Head off toward Darch
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Darch a sandy plain
Testicles are contracted
Tis no Camillo
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Love the Hospital tweet TLA.
But how can the nurses help. They couldn’t find it with both hands…
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Darch hardly worth it
F16’s can’t be bothered
Carlisle looking good
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well as luck would have it i just hooked up with an old friend on facebook and they live in “Darch”.
Loving the synchronicity. Should i offer them my condolences?
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No need mp, simply refer them to this page.
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Where the fuck is Hilbert?
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/newshome/6801165/man-stabbed-in-house-attack/
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it’s where you get stabbed in the house.
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It’s one of those new Armadale suburbs (Haynes and Harrisdale also) which used to be part of Forrestdale or Southern River. West of Armadale, south of Canning Vale, basically middle of nowhere. The stabbing probably relieves the boredom. :P
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I always wonder what is so special about living in darch? sandy place? view – only bunch of houses. no gap to your neighbor. It’s so so so expensive for a small land.
can somebody tell me pls
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What’s so special about living in Darch?
Where do I begin…
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ロンシャン+2
(Our first Japanese spam?? Sensational! – DFOC)
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Longchamp?
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Hey everyone, I have the solution for bore stains in Darch and all over Perth. Check out http://www.borestainwest.com I own and operate this business and believe me you won’t be disappointed with the results of my work.
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Can you get rid of Paul Murray?
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Can you get rid of the stains on the seats in Parliament – the ones which create legislation?
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Darch and Darwin would be the only reasons to visit Australia.
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