An anonymous contributor sent this artist impression of the Claremont Quarter Food Markets which will open soon. I like the floating people. Have the people behind the Kookai floater crapped themselves? What’s with the dude with the weirdly bulging forehead? Is this what old money’s all about? You can click the first shot for the full scene. There are other treasures you may wish to point out. Several others.
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The Worst of Perth 
How about the guy staring into the concrete pillar on the right, the floating sausages on the left, and they guy with his arm lodged in the small child on the far left? I also like the woman in the center of the shot who looks like she’s in a wind tunnel.
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Those cunts in Claremont must like fucking pineapples!
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I am not sure that came out right.
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You mean rockmelons?
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LOOK at the fucking pineaples, they’ve been designed by Ken fucking Done.
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The reason they had to get Ken Done to tart up the pineapples is that you can’t by pineapples with tops any more they are all proudly labelled topless and you pay extra for them.
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Well, you know what the Turks say, TLA.
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Don’t they say “Young boy at night, Turkish delight. young boy in the morning, shepherd’s warning.”?
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Perhaps they do , TLA, and of course, Eþek hoþaftan ne anlar (anlamaz).
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You do that. And the young boy you rode in on.
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Not to mention pears, the sharp eyed might also notice that the two rows of produce in the top photo are essentially identical and where are the price tags and why are there display boxes on the ceiling? Floating fruit for floating people?
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It’s Claremont. If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.
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Ben this farmer jacks has the cheapest prices I ve seen round Perth … Proof that the most deserving get what they most deserve and can arrange for themselves .
Seriously folks you diss this artist impression but please realise : It looks just like this now ! Floating sausages and all . And people … Who carry on like rabid chinchillas in a chinchilla cage .
Where else can one take a lift direct from carpark to cauliflower ? Oh and also that carpark is like bumper cars for 4wd drivers so a good way to let out your aggro is to shop there on a Friday or Saturday arvo for some ritualised underground road rage . It s free if you don t stay too long …
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( bring a lawyer ! )
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Jebus, I wish I’d taken some shots in the Claremont Quarter ‘snow dome’ but I was too severely hungover for even a soft focus result.
Three minutes in a plastic bowl filled with cotton wool and inflated mini goon bags… yay.
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And the reverse soup? And is that Carmen Lawrence with her undies falling down on the far right?
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Near the giant bananas.
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It might be Susannah Carr.
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Is it just me, or does Claremont Quarter’s new food market look suspiciously like the fruit and vegi section of Woolies? Are we meant to be impressed?
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Apart from the clients being a bit above the general level of the rest of the population (which you might expect for an enclave of such elevated social status), there seem to be a number of the packaged products with reversed labeling.
Are you sure that the project is actually going ahead?
It all seems to be a bit up in the air. (Boom! Boom!)
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I don’t know about Carmen, but I’m sure that’s Maradona sporting a sweaty arse crack on the far left.
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Is that She-Ra in the lavender T-shirt, or is the subject to svelte?
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What about the besuited chap on the right, having a quick tug by the oranges?
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Is it Neil Fong?
(This is fun)
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onnie, have i missed something about fongie? why would he be squeezing his own juice in the oranges section?
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He may be sexually assaulting a citrus fruit.
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Maybe, he can’t find the lemons?
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My favourites are the crouching cray and the floating fish.
However TLA, Claremont is my patch: this is the second recent incursion (the first was I pashed my own brains out).
Be away with you.
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Oh you of little loyalty DFOC…
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Am I the only one unkind enough to make fun of the little amputee at right? Probably.
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nope king bento you are not…..
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Oh her, she’s ‘armless.
I’m here all week, including Sunday.
Try the oranges, they taste of cum.
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I don’t know where they got the images from but none of those people live in Claremont. Look at them. Bunch of bogans, dags and slobs. It’s all Big W, Susans and Jeans West. No Prada in sight. I’m thinking Gossie pics, merged into Claremont ad. Outrage!
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Yeah really, those are not Claremont women. I shop Claremont for 2 reasons: 1) Tall thin women. 2) Short skirts.
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thrid picture, man with brown pants, he’s wet himself in all the excitement of fresh fruit
I’ve been that excited before, but I made sure I wore my wetsuit before going to the veggie mart.
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the chicken soup packets on the left in the second image have been printed back to front. Surely the veggie mart quality control should avoid purchasing bad packaging.
What mugs we are.
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too funny!!!
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What a great job.
Supemarket model.
Where do I sign up?
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Is the enormous guy loitering under the garlic james Packer?
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This is going to need a lot more (hovering) prams jamming up the place before I can relate to it being some anti-gravity grocery store.
And is it so much to ask for a superfluous comma in the groceries sign?
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Wait, there’s not a single shopping trolley or basket to be seen! Is every Claremont resident a juggler?
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No. They use Louis Vuitton green bags. Or if not, they send the hired help.
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The help are jugglers? What about the little one-armed girl? That’s a trick I’d pay to see.
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It’s not a very accurate depiction of Claremont.
Not one fish arse mouthed housewife in sight.
No MLC girls fighting, slashing at one another with this seasons smiggle.
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“Claremont Quarter Food Markets, where by not employing any staff we can pass those savings onto you whilst we continue to scour the globe for gigantic fruit”
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Obviously the work of one of Perth’s leading futurers. In this “work” he boldly evisions a future in which people from the planet Zarg91 live peacefully with Claremontians, tolerating them because of the Zarg91 floor gliding technology they have supplied. This “work” is radical since Claremontians can barely tolerate their own species’ lower orders , nor can they tolerate head genitalia since they have none.
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claremont quarter fresh markets, you can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave.
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Spot the black person.
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No dark types NVL_II, but they have thoughtfully included a Cro Magnon Man.
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they will be out the back unloading boxes from a truck.
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Or in the carpark rounding up trolleys.
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“On a cold and grey Claremont morn,
Another little baby child is born…
in the Ghetto.”
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‘spot the black person’?
in the picture, or in Claremont in general?
there is a Eurasian woman pictured, with a Loius Vuitton bag, so that covers your basic Claremont aspirational ethnic demographic.
if only they could have got her Volvo into the picture
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The extra pigment on the skin is particularly helpful in assisting police to identify Claremont ‘outsiders’, so they can exercise their new detain/search and harrass laws.
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