G’Day sends in this portal to another dimension. Perhaps you can step through into a tourism zone such as Midland where the shops are open late and McGyver battles mutant locals. Apparently the Terry Tyzac Aquatic centre can be seen in the background. Tezza town probably houses the crystal that powers this motherfucker. 
Worst Talk
paulie48406 on Pizza Showtime! AHC McDonald on Pizza Showtime! Anonymous on Pizza Showtime! Anonymous on Pizza Showtime! Anonymous on Pizza Showtime! AHC McDonald on Pulling Off Trucks AHC McDonald on Alexander The Great’s… Anonymous on Alexander The Great’s… AHC McDonald on Private Dancer Anonymous on Private Dancer Anonymous on Private Dancer Anonymous on Private Dancer Anonymous on Is Australian Silo Art Ra… Anonymous on Pulling Off Trucks Anonymous on Rap Mobile Online Now
The Asia Beat- Museum of Winds Opens
- Vagina Steaming to go on despite diarrhea outbreak.
- Dog movie “racist”.
- Liquid food blogger enrages Sing. Chef
- Sushi Train Wreck
- Snake of the year spat turns nasty
- Aussie icon may cure sick
- Singapore admits, “National Service all about shooting Malaysians.”
- Asian firm sparks “wife beater” brawl.
- Actors protest over MH370 delay
The Worst of Perth 
What is it?
LikeLike
It actually is a stargate.
LikeLike
I was scared to get too close to the thing lest I was whisked away to another dimension that doesn’t have a worst of perth website.
LikeLike
You’d be safe unless you simultaneously place your rear end and your tongue on those two gleaming Tarvu spots on the side wings. Do that and …. Poof! Cactus! In heaven with 2000 suicide bombers and zillions of virgins.
LikeLike
Cosmic punani (with handles).
LikeLike
I have no idea what it is, but i am pissed off that there isn’t one of these on my street.
Can anyone read the website on the front of this thing?
LikeLike
http://www.mycalico.com
LikeLike
Just Woogle mycalico WAtching and you’ll see its a WA thing and I’m sure they’ll put one in your street too.
LikeLike
There should be one on every street, then we wouldn’t need cars. Or even taxis with clouds painted on them for more vibrancy.
The website is http://www.mycalico.com, and the tezza tyzack aquatic centre is behind the photographer in this one, not in the background.
LikeLike
And here was me thinkin’ TLA was being clever about the Tezza centre (you know, like step through the stargate and there it is!. Bad luck TLA, you’ve gone down a peg in my estimation.
LikeLike
Apparently they’re all over the place? curiosity got the better of me and i had to check out the web site on the Stargate
LikeLike
what horrible overuse of inverted commas
apparently the website is ‘useful’, and you are invited to ‘join in’. It’s difficult to read the website when you continually have to make little air quotes. It reads like Amway.
if you step through the ‘punani portal’, you are transported to Terry Tyzack’s secret lair, inside a hollowed-out volcano in Dianella, where you will be cloned to create troops for Tyzack’s mutant army.
or something
LikeLike
oh, I see LA has already done the McGyver mutant thing.
I really should read all of it before riffing.
Dianella is however funnier than Midland, since it sounds like a cross between diarrhoea and salmonella
LikeLike
I just finished reading Cabal, in which a society of freaks live in a city called Midian. Could it have been a thinly disguised version of Midland? Obviously.
LikeLike
Or Medina? Lots of worsts there (as an ex-Kwinnie/Maylands resident)
I stumbled on this blog a couple of weeks ago, I have a working proxy connection at the moment & making the best of it that I can (now living in Tianjin in China – as long as I have a working proxy server connection or VPN I can see this). I am trying to get my other half (a local girl) to look at it cos we will be visiting Perth in the next couple of years but she is avoiding it. Guess she is gonna be surprised if we go past a kerbside collection!. It is good to see that Perth is still full of worsts like it always was! The Lizzy Pond is going to join Dick’s Erection as top-10 all-time worsts of Perth IMO
Maybe I can find some “Worst of Tianjin” things for show and tell,,, I think we need some of those stargate thingies for the side of the street here
LikeLike
又怎么了？
LikeLike
From my China experiences, there are those stargates everywhere, designed for pensioners to exercise their way to the… wherever they go to in China.
LikeLike
Yes to Tianjin. I hear it is worst from arsehole to breakfast. 有没有微博？ @thelazyaussie
LikeLike
No..THAT is Liuzhou… trust me they are all batshit crazy down there! I am too busy looking for stuff on Youtube when I can get it for all the kiddies in the schools I teach at to bother with Weibo.. I see enough of it when I have to get on the subway here.. Which is why I take the bus!
LikeLike
I’m in Success RIGHT NOW: it shits all over Medina.
LikeLike
Too right… when I turned 18 I got away from there as soon as I could
LikeLike
Q: Why did you ever leave Kwinana?
A: Because you found the busstop.
LikeLike
I don’t think they ever fully explained what Baltar’s plan was. He goes down to Kobol and tries to convince Adama that the Cylons are disorganized and vulnerable to attack. This was a lie and Adama didn’t fall for it. But here, Lucifer seems to worry that Baltar really was trying to rejoin with the humans for an attack. I can’t see how anyone could believe that one battlestar could launch a strike against the Cylons.
LikeLike
Dammit.
I had just altered my unified vibrancy equation to take into account ooshta, Mat Buckels and the Northbridge Piazza and then some asshole plonks one of these things in Perth.
Fuckwit.
LikeLike
I’m surprised we didn’t work this out earlier. Terry Tyzack is clearly not an earthling name. A stargate is the only possible explanation.
I’m not sure I’d want one of these in my street. A constant procession of lost and bewildered Inglewoodian joggers would be the likely outcome, surely. The gleaming handles are very inviting, I must admit.
LikeLike
I’m sure this was a prop from the 2003 Media Ball.
We may have left it out for a roadside collection.
IIRC, Catriona Rowntree stepped through and emerged as Ernie Dindo…or was it the other way around?
LikeLike
Comprehensible to Catholics only:
That church window shape and the little kneely bit at the bottom made me think of the confessional.
Given that no-one under 75 attends Mass these days, perhaps it’s the Church’s way to attract the young. You know, like, cool equipment to connect with god.
Make a good confession and you will shoot straight to heaven. Judging by the coloration, quite a lot get shot straight into the tree in the background.
LikeLike
The design is part gothic arch, part dolphin.
LikeLike
And we all know how hard it is to render a dolphin.
LikeLike
I want a hug from a surfboard
LikeLike
I see shark. Perhaps promo for the new Jaws movie?
LikeLike
there’s another jaws movie?
i’m still recovering from jaws 3d.
LikeLike
I checked. It’s actually called The Reef. About a shark. Same diff.
LikeLike
different shark, same teeth action.
LikeLike
Unto the jaws of the dolphin god I commend my spirt, Aperson.
LikeLike
Mega Art Shark vs Goant VAG VibraSuburb
LikeLike
Giant even.
although, GoAnt is vey avant garde and sounds at home in this context.
LikeLike
Yes I was quite excited at the possibilities when contemplating the Goant.
LikeLike
I often pause throughout my busy day here, halting the publishing of quality WAN newsmedia, to peruse my Goant. I ponder it’s textuality in modern society. I mull over it’s assimilation into the vernacular. I disseminate it into my office, by using it in context or in a sentence.
LikeLike
First you get the ooshta. THEN you get the goants.
LikeLike
My neighboring WANian just Woogled Goant, and apparently, there is a cream for it.
LikeLike
Tezza’s house is just out of shot, to the left (west) along Wordsworth Avenue.
Clearly the ancient Egyptians and the Freemason’s have numerologied Yokine to within a punani width.
Yokine reserve is teh epicentre of Tezza and his architect hordes.
LikeLike
g’day, did you manage to get a shot of the giant archangel moroney (sp?) atop the mormon temple nearby?
for years i thought it was a giant soccer player atop a soccer club.
LikeLike
Needs to be fenced off an an entrance fee charged so that some “entrepreneur” can make a buck out of the crackpot truthers. Tezza’s temple to the morons. The truthers can get in while “the Cylons are disorganized and vulnerable to attack”.
LikeLike
There’s a big international truther tour happening soon, but the downunder leg excludes perth.
.
Yokine is enemy territory for me: I’ve never seen archangel moroney, patron saint of soccer clubs.
LikeLike
behold!
http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/perth/
LikeLike
the mormons are opposite the Terry Towelling Pool
bigamy and backstroke in the same street
LikeLike
and, to continue the riff, the local bocce club is in that stretch as well.
bigamy, backstroke and bocce
LikeLike
And bowls.
LikeLike
I hoped there might have been a Catholic Church in the vicinity, so I could have added buggery to that riff, but to no avail
LikeLike
This early TWOP classic wouldn’t be too far away. I suspect it’s long gone now.
LikeLike
Honestly TLA. THE GREATEST EVER Post . That building absolutely screams salvation. Whenever I go looking for god I head to the nearest industrial area.
LikeLike
I think it was from one of the first few days of twop. Before I became the Howard Hughes of perth worsts.
LikeLike
Loved it then and I love it now…
The worst is strong in this one.
LikeLike
Howard Huges? Living in seclusion and refusing to cut your fingernails?
LikeLike
We don’t take kindly to alliteration round here….
LikeLike
Makes rubbish of your argument
LikeLike
bigamy and breastroke seem to go together.
LikeLike
Rum rodomy and the rash.
LikeLike
i keep telling mr curious that, but he will persist.
LikeLike
thanks skink.
LikeLike
Praise Tarvu!
LikeLike
… and pass the Calabunty !
LikeLike
It is a hamstring stretcher if you really want to know.
LikeLike
No! I’m with BrownBook on this one. StirlingCC might think it’s a hammy stretcher but Tarvu’s clearly had his way with them.
http://www.tarvu.com/
BTW LA. What’s up with the TWOP search box? I hunted for ‘Tarvu’ ‘oldfart’ & ‘punani’ without result but a search for ‘cunt’ returned just about every post on the site! WTF?
LikeLike
Don’t they use it for other kinds of injuries?
LikeLike
I think the search function doesn’t work on comments, just LA’s posts. Alas!
LikeLike
Yeah, I twigged later. Was waiting silently for LA’s abject apology. Think I’ll assert copyright on all my stunningly witty originals and charge him for their use.
LikeLike
I think Richarbl already tried that.
LikeLike
Aw shit. It’s humbling isn’t it? Still haven’t scored an original thought after 63+ years of trying. Maybe I should just give up. It’s come to this…. .
[Weeps]
[Exeunt]
LikeLike
I think it should work with comments, commenters and random text. I have been busy all day. Too busy to apologise. not enough time for second post. Stargate has been better than my expectations though. What a great photo.
LikeLike
It pretty ugly, gothic stainless steel church arches with steel armrests. i also thought it had to do with like that calico, isnt it a type of fabric. P.S. Please refer to the ‘Terry Tyzack’ Aq Centre as the Inglewood Swimming Pools(the original name) as the guy isn’t dead nor did he do anything great, and he was the mayor, ive lived in menora for some time and i never saw anything great of him. what a knob. gets a swimming pool named after him. Stupid frigin arches. Marble plaques look alot better and also blend in with plants. It looks like theres gas pipes coming from the ground.
LikeLike
I Think the main portal is now in northbridge at lake st roundabout. actually it is the roundabout
LikeLike
My house is literally a twenty second walk from there; I see that every day on the bus but I can never quite work out what it’s for.
Silly Perth.
LikeLike
Need to start by saying I am responsible for the ‘Arch’!!
At the risk of offending the followers of Stargate, the ‘Arch’ is actualy a community health project designed here in WA. They are set precisely 0.5km apart (on trial in Yokine and Carine) and the distance is used to gauge the walkers/joggers/cyclists calorific expenditure. http://www.mycalico.com uses the exercisers biometrics and if they put in the number of markers they went past, and the time taken.. the online support works out the calories that ‘body’ needs to keep a healthy weight.. and also the calories they need to burn to get ‘energy balance’. Does sound a bit Stargate I guess.
For info. The design represents the bow of a boat and the sides represent breaking waves (We would like to get them along the Ocean and River walking tracks). The base is made from a new technique of recycling car tyres that we have developed here and if we can get this off in WA we will save approx 4 olympic size swimming pools worth of old tyres going into landfill.
We have to hold our hands up on the lack of PR. We provide the outdoor equipment for free.. and we give our online support to the community for free..Our funds come from a sponsors message on the outdoor equipment, (Fingers firmly crossed as I type!)
Hope this makes sense. Loads to say, and if anyone would like a chat please drop me a line to kevin@mycalico.com. Cheers, Kev
LikeLike
Good work Kev. We all secretly love these things but it’s way cooler to be a knocker and hater.
LikeLike
Whoa, so there’s no giant crystal focussing the power of the universe? Kev! Dude! I would have slipped a few “dodecahedrons” into your explanation.
LikeLike
mycalico.com?
Another unfortunate composite which comes out looking like something else.
A cloth manufacturer’s website in this case.
Got to be careful when trying to be clever.
I know; I trip over my own feet regularly.
The principle is great though. [ – sez he, who has problems walking the 800meters to the shops :( ]
LikeLike
Thanks ‘G’Day’.. My Mum always said sarcasm was the worst form of humour.. But it’s definitely one of the funniest! It was great to see we had been noticed..So it’s all good…
Unfortunately the Stargate thing is in my head now and I don’t suppose I will ever shake it. I can even see me jumping through to see if my arse does hit the sides!
LikeLike
Dear Kev,
I would like to express my disgust as the use of a boats bow in your design. I fail to see how this is consistent with the heritage values of western australia. For a start, whay is it not shaped like a swan?
Concerned,
Carine
LikeLike
a black one at that too.
LikeLike
I forgot this had 70 responses.
LikeLike
Pingback: Sucked off the planet « The Worst of Perth
Pingback: Outrage Sunday 22 bowel me | The Worst of Perth
Pingback: Outrage Sunday 30 the wet dream of the hidden controllers | The Worst of Perth
Pingback: New Stargate to ease commuter pressure | The Worst of Perth
Pingback: Scampt | The Worst of Perth