To take a break from the excellent Caribou Bob material, Outrage Cohen and Krazy Kym took a trip to the home of the Elite Bumpkin, the Southwest. Bumpkins using French is outre in extremis. Orange Soil is assumedly not related to night soil. DFOC says…
The nice restaurants down south are so educational. This is Vasse Felix. Of course I pounced on pumkin, and thought they were in a jam with gelee – but I see the French for jelly is gelee. Use a French spelling that some might not understand, but might be pronounced the same way as the English word – pretentious, moi? We decided not to ask what orange soil, gribiche and acar kuning were and pressed on to Lamont’s. 
Krazy Kim also attempted to grab the Wolf by the balls in Margaret River, but testiculus lupus seem to have evaded her iron grip. Howling Wolves is still the favourite beverage of The Worst of Perth, but we haven’t been rewarded with carton one yet. Outrage! The best part was censoring KK’s face.
The Worst of Perth 
Quick, someone call rojo, his mojo has been found.
In an 18 year career as a chef I’ve seen so many wanky menu styles come and go. Soil is def a first though
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It’s pronounced “swahl”
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i think you might find that’s ‘swah’, with a silent l.
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Ha! Thus increase the wank factor on this wank fest of a menu
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it’s pronounced jell-ay, darling
the Apostrophe Police will be sending around the Acute Embarrassment Squad to question why the accent is missing.
if you are going to be a pretentious twat, you need to go the whole hog and invest in a keyboard with all the French embellishments.
The again, if you can’t spell pumpkin, you’re always behind.
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Like a car crash, my eyes have been drawn a number of times to that cunting menu.
Combining Indonesian, French, misspelled English and those plus signs are the bloody limit!
“Pumpkin dates” – even Google does not know what they are.
Fuckers.
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And a ‘pumpkin date’ is when you go out with a local?
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flynn that would be a bumpkin date. Something you would probably want to keep well clear of your mouth.
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This is truly a *Perth* worst.
These establishments are owned and operated by ex-urban invaders; catering for the metropolitan tastes of the holiday making escapees from greater suburbia.
The pretentious is all yours, you Metrocentric Twats (©2008 Rolly) you.
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You can take the soil out of the country, but the jus of the bumpkin…Wait, I’ll get back to youse with this…
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Wank Fail!
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Because the wolf is only painted on?
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It’s French for Soylent
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Yes and her hand is positioned behind his back legs, it also looks more like poo catching.
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now you mention it onanist, it certainly does. and with KK’s wrist watch turned up like that it looks like she is timing the poor bastard too. talk about pressure to perform:)
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He knows it too, look at him strain!
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KK is a crack vet nurse: she was taking the beast’s pulse.
I won’t dignify skink’s immature jibe below with a response.
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she is nursing its crack?
I thought it was a boy wolf
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“crack vet” DFOC? You set yourself up better than those poor B&S types throwing themselves onto the pens of city smartarses.
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Isn’t that by definition a response in itself, thus indicating a successful jibe.
If it’s anything vet related it can only been drawing experience and intuition to measure its temperature without instruments via the traditional orifice.
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Temperature ? Well, I hope we all know what the difference between an oral thermometer and an rectal thermometer is ?
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… and yet KK could so easily have saved them both the bother, mp.
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I am a little concerned about how close together Mrs Cohen’s fingers are, as if she’s plucking gooseberries rather than cupping the mighty kahunas of a wild beast
is her mime based on experience from home?
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A She-Ra like vice-grip. She came for the gribbage but stayed for the balls.(les testicules).
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I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get a shot of DFOC pushing a pen up the wolf’s date – now that’d make you howl.
Push on to the chocolate factory after this I presume?
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perhaps it is a misprint, and should read ‘red wine glee’, which is the euphoria experienced after finishing the second bottle.
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skink. that is how country yokels pronounce glee.
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How were the peas + asparagus, by the way, DFOC ?
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KK had the salt and pepper squid and I had some sensational tuna.
KK washed hers down with a glass of Lamont’s sparkling, while I had some excellent Riesling – it was almost water-like in its paleness.
The tuna was so delightfully rich I wondered if I should have stuck with a cab sav, but I coped.
The delights of roughing it in the bush!
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Sounds bearable, DFOC. I’m reminded of the line in Heller’s God Knows … “Like cunnilingus, herding sheep is dark and lonely work, but someone’s got to do it.”
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that’s superb Snuff :)
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speaking of inedible food and dog poo…
it turns out that the gentleman who thought up the name of the new Vegemite iSnack 2.0 is from Western Australia.
after howls of derision from the public, Vegemite have decided not to adopt the new name.
The guy that thought of it, a web designer by the name of Dean Robbins, therefore deserves a Worst.
Vegemite are reopening the competition for suggestions.
I reckon it should be called by one of the names it is known by in our house:
The Devil’s Toe Jam
or
Satan’s Skid Mark
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Man Jam
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Vegeleemite?
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It’s gotta be: fauxgemite
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shitemite
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ohhh shazza, that me laugh out loud but then that would be because of my “more of a straightforward sort of humour, like slapstick and cheap sexual references”. – Jesper, 2009
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Or as my uncle would call it Viginamatta (Mad Virgin)
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You ever refer to it as “vaginamite”?
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Nice with penis paste.
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if something that colour ever came out of my vagina, i’d have to wonder if my sigmoid colon had inadvertently attached itself to my uterus. visual imagery – not good.
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Rather have that on toast but!
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you my delightful onanist, are truly disgusting. and yet it’s like a moth to a flame.
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Hang on, you are the one blogging on about midget porn!
:P
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Bridget the Midget is awesome.
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glad you like her and perhaps i should have gone with my first edit which was “outstandingly disgusting”. a high compliment was the intention :)
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TY :)
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I reckon Dick Smith was on to something with his Dick Cheese and Dick Sauce and Dick Jam and Dickmite.
Genius!
Why can’t Kraft peruse that Profanasauraus (sp?) web site for an idea.
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Profanisaurus.
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backfiring see point 3.
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Vegeshite
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I knew I shouldn’t have started looking.
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Winner!
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i prefer the more pretentious ‘catamite’.
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here is Perth’s own hero:
http://www.watoday.com.au/national/i-believed-in-isnack-20-creator-laments-vegemite-dumping-20091001-gdod.html
I don’t know which is more pitiful – the photo, or the fact that he chose to speak to 6PR
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Try both – I hope his two girls aren’t of school age – They will be given hell in the playground after the school holidays :-)
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I did hear this on the way to work – they “doorstepped” him via his mobile – then his wife phoned back and told them off – funny stuff!
He is dedicated though, smearing his chin wth monkeypants’ sigmoid colon discharge.
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Via Brett Treasure here is the Country Border Security, keeping the metrocentric twats out :-)
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Scene 1 : King Bunbury Joist , cardboard pop up photo op muppet and total media whore now in charge of Ruraltardia …….
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At our house the breakfast call goes out, ‘vag or peen?’
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… and it’s nearly all going to Daddy.
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Thought I’d let everyone know I’ve added Barrie Barkla as my Facebook friend and have informed him he has been immortalised in Cyberspace :-)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012066&id=1104020638#/barrie.barkla
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Re: Vegemite iSnack 2.0
This just in…
(seen by my 11-yr-old daughter on the 7PM project):
Voldemite
Kanyemite
Yermumite
(and my favourite)
Fromage Noir
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Acar kuning = yellow pickles.
Malay/Indonesian – sort of proves the point though.
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