Finally some media. And it’s not Teh West or La Chong for a change.
Here I was at the Queens hotel, lathered in sex wipes and admiring the naff decor when I saw a piece by John Eales in Fin Review sports section. I believe he’s an ex rugby player. Since we don’t really have rugby here in Perth (and I include the Western Force in this) I don’t know which style he played. I remember telling New Zealand relatives that I didn’t see any difference between Rugby League and the real one, and they looked at me as though I couldn’t see the difference between golf and darts. Whatever. Darts players have tighter shorts right?
Anyway, I thought that sportsmen, not being trained in the art of the word are routinely given ghost writers so they don’t appear as total cockheads in their highly paid columns. As a journalist like Zoltan Kovacs might need a “Ghost kicker” if he had to play football rather than write “Is that english? Fucked if I know.” every week. But what has happened here? Eales or his ghostwriter seem to have been itching to label Italian women as hairy chimps for some time, but are unable to connect it with the rest of the story. John, if you have a ghost writer, ask for your money back. They’re making you look like a cockhead. What does it even mean? OK, you feel Italian women are excessively hairy, I understand that, but what about the rest? There are still plenty of hairs on what?
Let’s just set it out and get it all straight. Right, Mr Eales. You think that:
a) Italians, particularly their women are hairy, and monkey like.
b) Notwithstanding this, the current team are not hairy at all. (Except for the bloke in the Pav beard).
c) Notwithstanding THIS, there are still plenty of “hairs” on Italian rugby.
Ipso facto
d) This hairiness is not surprising because Italian players have often been fashionable.
Well fuck me with a Cingiali (wild boar) salami John, are these cunts hairy or not? You are sending out mixed messages on Italian rugby players vis a vis their hairiness. I have to admit to being totally up in the air on this matter now.
Closer to home but still with the Oz, from Fairfax, Jina spotted these Mandurah gems in the business pages of the weekend paper. “I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire” was a lovely quote, but I did like Mandurah being described as Perth’s answer to Venice. For those not in the know, Mandurah is actually Perth’s answer to a polished turd. Some may remember a recent TWOP trip to the canals, where Rolly Tasker attempted to show us some crack while gardening or even the incomprehensible and sinister burnt miniature village.
Most will not remember that Venice was indeed invoked when the canals were first advertised, prompting my T shirt design which I never get around to printing. The canal layout looks suspiciously like a section of large intestine.
Ah, now that felt better. A good media rant. I feel 5 kilos lighter.
The Worst of Perth 
Inspired.
Err, but I believe the Venice coverage is from Fairfax – the Weekend Financial Review.
Lawyers are loving the fallout from the end of the boom. One person’s trash is another’s treasure!
LikeLike
Whatever. Jina did tell me it was Financial review, why did I say OZ? Oh, the top of the paper said weekend Australian financial review.
LikeLike
if only, like Venice, it was sinking into the sea
I blame Rex Hunt.
LikeLike
If we’re talking sport and fashion, TLA, then you can’t go past german soccer.
LikeLike
Italian flavor
LikeLike
Peter Blakeley has stacked it on since “Crying in the Chapel” days
LikeLike
Referring to Mandurah as “Australia’s answer to Venice” is an even bigger stretch than the hilarious tourism campaign that marketed the Swat Valley in the North West Frontier Province of Pakistan as the “Switzerland of the East”.
A piece of pure irony gold that has diminished somewhat since the Taliban did some renovations recently.
LikeLike
Does this mean that King Street, Perth, is Australia’s answer to Rodeo Drive, Los Angeles?
LikeLike
No, rodeo drive is USA’s answer to King Street.
LikeLike
Hey I got my avatar thingy back, I missed it!
LikeLike
Pedantic, but it’s “see Naples and die” not Venice.
I like it applied to Mandurah nonetheless, more in a “Is this what my life has come to? May as well top myself” sort of way.
LikeLike
No, it’s definitely see Venice.
LikeLike
I can confirm that. Funnily enough, the original saying was Sea Venice and Dye, but something got lost in translation…
LikeLike
No, no, no! Once again there is far more to the fine city than we realise.
King St is actually the “Paris End”of Perth according to numerous real estate agents. Google it and see.
“PARIS END” OF PERTH
HOME OPEN BY APPOINTMENT ONLY
Located on the 14th floor, this near new fully furnished two bedroom apartment is situated in an unparalleled city location.
Known as the “Paris End” of Perth, you will find the boutique shopping of King Street, cafes, restaurants and bars all within walking distance from your front door.
LikeLike
Which makes Wellington Street the ‘Warsaw End’, I guess.
LikeLike
I think that they have unwittingly, and without irony, channelled Barry Humphries.
he used to refer to the Paris End of Collins Street in Melbourne, where Hermes and the other French stores are located. Walk up the hill and when your nose start to bleed you know you can’t afford it.
LikeLike
Any clocks ?
LikeLike
Doh. Take two.
LikeLike
Pingback: Weekend Worstoff 62 « The Worst of Perth
Did you know MANDURAH IS FOR SALE the whole city complete with all councilors the CEO and the biggest MAYOR in Australia.The city has been for sale for over 12 months now still no offers yet.The council is due to meet to dicuss the possible Auction of the complete City which would include only 21 of the 28 Real Estate Agents and MIRVAC developments.The bonus being a 10 Billion Dollars worth of Commercial Property ,Penthouse units and 3 and 4 bedroom homes some on cannals.ALL this comes complete with only 55 Billion Dollars in mortages.
LikeLike
What is it with civic nutcases and their fondness for caps lock?
Can someone perhaps suggest to WALGA, or Community Newspapers, that they set up a forum for these tedious obsessives, so they can go somewhere else to moan about their greenwaste bins and hurl about unsubstantiated allegations of corruption.
LikeLike
U think they might be sign printers Bento?
LikeLike
Without question. ‘Send to group’ emailers, coffee cup tyrants, and food labellers to boot.
Probably paedos, too.
LikeLike
and they probably shit on the toilet seat.
LikeLike
No Curious. THEY WRITE THE SIGNS.
LikeLike
“I write the signs that make the whole world whinge,
I write the signs, I write the signs…”
LikeLike
i don’t think the two are incompatible.
LikeLike
As in Note to self. DON’T SHIT ON SEAT!
LikeLike
or REMEMBER TO CLEAN SHIT OFF SEAT WHEN FINISHED!!!!!!!!
LikeLike
and don’t forget to WIPE YOUR ARSE:
LikeLike
us civic nutcases give the rest of you CUNTS something whinge about… LOL!
LikeLike
I am guessing you have “civic nutcase” on Google alerts…
You lost the debate with oldfart…
Reason?
He moved on and is now actually contributing to society.
Can you?
Oh, and weren’t you warned about LOL (cue: curious)
APPLAUSE
LikeLike
“gives the rest of you CUNTS something to whinge about” ………(cue: WAtching)
LikeLike
Nice comeback. NOT.
LikeLike
Credit where credit is due…
The man/woman can cut and paste and did use the word ‘cunt.’
I was impressed at first blush…
LikeLike
i don’t even deign to reply to anyone who uses ‘lol’.
LikeLike
(cue: curious, Bento) ….and I dont have a life?!?!
LikeLike
looking back on this post. I appear to have been intoxicated while writing.
LikeLike
I make it a rule to never post with out drinking first.
LikeLike
……….most of the contributors were as well.
LikeLike
I should’ve had a drink before reading it.
LikeLike