Men, do you ever find yourself feeling just a little too heterosexual? Are you losing touch with your inner Elton John? In that case a perspex grand piano is for you. It is available for free if you’ll pick it up from North Perth. It used to be the piano for Mulberry Farm reception centre, and so you may shudder with revulsion at the thought of how much Billy Joel has been played on it. (I’m betting there are readers who have tied the knot to its sounds). It does need some work, but could be restored to (albeit effeminate) glory. In any case it would also make a fantastic esky if filled with ice. I’m suggesting setting fire to it while playing The Piano Man and posting the event on youtube. I’m sure those planks of perspex would send a plume of toxic smoke a mile high. At the bottom is how it would look restored. It does have all the pieces and disassembles to some extent. if you are interested, email me (perthworst@hotmail.com ) and I’ll pass your details on. Remember, no tyre kickers. Perhaps I should have offered it as some kind of prize?
Breaking worst news. It’s been taken!
The Worst of Perth 
For a second I thought this said “Free Gay Porno”.
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You should be so fuckin’ lucky!
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Potato potarto.
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What makes it gay?
To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).
But you know, you could jazz it up with a bit of pink perspex and gift it to The Court. I believe it’s been renovated, but perhaps this is the missing piece that will turn it from a haunt of “bangin’ choons” and “smooth R&B” to something classier… loungier….
A place where the well-heeled gender-bending and queer-friendly Perthonalities can rather ’round singing bawdy ballads like ‘Nine Inch Will Please A Lady’ and thinking themselves oh-so witty while the city collapses under economic chaos around them…
Sodom and Gomorrah on the Swan…. Or at least on Stirling Street.
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I think it needs pink neon lights in it.
I just realized, my last comment could play havoc with the search engines.
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Hmmm. Not one pianist joke yet?
For shame, Perth.
Does Hinch still have his Shame File?
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Jeez Grr, it’s not even 8 yet. Those who would make those jokes are still in bed with one hand one their pianists.
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Only if you throw in the sequined jacket would I consider removing a piano such as this from any foyer.
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Grr, the regular crowd hasn’t shuffled in.
Are you wearing a younger man’s clothes?
I was going to make a pianist joke, but there’s some place I’d rather be.
Why is my keyboard smelling like a beer?
Why is there bread in my jar?
Etc…
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Actually this is the baby version, not the full as shown in bottom pic. The baby is much more manly than the full grand.
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My baby grand’s been good to me.
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There’s nothing gay about that piano.
Do you take Amex?
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…will settle for a Peter Allen Hawaiian shirt then….my (old)standards are dropping.
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Note to self – change gravatar next time I try to impersonate Barry Manilow.
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And spell nom-de-blog correctly.
Sheesh. Not a good start to the morning. Should’ve stayed in bed with my pianist.
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Can anyone play that song on the piano?
It fits in nicely with Ljuke’s attempt to woo the lucrative gay male porn demographic to TWOP.
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you could cover the perspex with wood-grain contact, like my school books. mmm random groove panelling, noice yes noice
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OR you could scratch tafecuntz into the perspex. https://theworstofperth.com/2008/11/19/tafecuntz/
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The Lazy Aussie sed:
“OR you could scratch tafecuntz into the perspex.”
Plenty of other options to copy; just travel by bus or train.
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Would go nice in Dumby RSL.
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a nice string of fairy lights perhaps?
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And now there are two readers actually interested.
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You are joking us. Name names! Name and shame!
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You want me to out them? Surely that’s their decision. I don’t think they’ve even told their parents yet.
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“To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).”
Hmmm, Grrr. I wish he’d let her answer that question.
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….no TLA I am not accpepting the piano key motif tie…and matching carpet. But the offer of the Village People look-a-like piano removalists does sound tempting. Tell them to come in through the back door…they’ll understand.
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[“To me it screams ’80s wedding reception centre, but that’s about all (and as we know teh gayz could not marry in the 1980s).”]
That would NEVER fit on the two stages of the Midland Reception Centre :-) They had a DJ Unit which contained amongst it’s gear a Car Cassette Player in the console and a Dick Smith electronics Musicolour Kit light controller.
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Too late metrosexuals. Tis gone.
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Names, or it didn’t happen.
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….but not forgotten
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I can see myself playing it nude perhaps at the Cottesloe Sculptures by the Sea in a few weeks time (watch your, umh, fingers) – a magnificent work of surrealist art that Salvadior Dali probably would have melted down shaping it into a giant grasshopper or something.
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You mean like Sniff & Stiff ?
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If Sniff & Stiff used that piano, the ad would only have aired on SBS.
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The piano might be gone – but where were those photos taken? Those tiles look almost salmon pink, and those fake columns scream of the tasteless 1980s.
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I thought the dog might also be gay.
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It’s North perth.
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if you wanna see some piano vidoe from a recording session check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vJgOJ2Q0GY
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Where have you been all my internet life?? Not you, you cunt; the PIANO!
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I’ll stick to the sticks of Sidney and Melbourne if this is what the life in Peyyrth is like!
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