The Worst of Perth » worst name

Corksoaker

The Lazy Aussie — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:01:51 +0000

An old comedy crony Bluey Von Steiger sends in this from the Mandurah Dogs. If Howling Wolves is the TWOP wine, then Cork Soaker would be the official obscenity referencing dog. Btw Bluey, and other occasional contributors (and well known cork soakers) Don (The Don) Smith, the excellent Alex (Phony Abott) Manfrin and guests are performing at Perth Zoo theatre this Sunday at 7.30. (No, they’re not performing corksoaking, you’re thinking of the Old Mill Theatre toilets.) Details and bookings to Holly on 0402 001 116. Drinks and snacks available, all proceeds to the Silvery Gibbon Foundation which incredibly and possibly counter-intuitively raises money to save Silvery Gibbons. After Corksoaker’s run in crabtown, he may be in need of saving too.

Outrage Sunday 25 induce this

rottobloggo — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:01:56 +0000

The delicious distinction about Teh Worst is also worst. (Update: The Stoned Ranger points out The Echo is hiring).

Speaking of distinctions, I’ve only received trivial death threats. I trust TL101 can tell us who Selena Gomez is.

I have been toying with the idea of a new blog on poor media practice: what do you reckon? Our version of Media Watch. Hmmm…anyway, please make sure you have enough SEXWAX before CHOGM hits.

Another death-defying nmbrpl8t: I’m sure SLVABULET has ample SEXWAX.

Does Margaret have a moustache problem, or is it subtle vandalism? If it is the latter it may be due to the abuse of classic – or are you meant to cook the great woman herself?

Outrage Sunday 18 Pööplöp

rottobloggo — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 16:01:21 +0000

The Ikea catalogue arrived today: please please we will now see no more of those letterbox-cleaning TV ads repeated from last year. It is the lowest form of wit to make jokes about Ikea product names like Jerker, Fukta, Fartfull and Lyckhem. Perhaps company founder Ingvar Kamprad makes jokes about WA’s eccentric retail trading laws, which mean his enormous shop in Innaloo is packed on Saturdays but empty the day after. I’m sure the SA shop on Sir Donald Bradman Drive is thronged every day of the week, and no doubt famous Swedish people can buy what they want at midnight.

But the 376-page thing caused me angst: the bookshelves weren’t in the Workspaces chapter. The Billys and the Expedits turned up in Living Room, after coffee tables. Don’t get me wrong: I am no Ikea-boy seeking my erotic gratification. Nor was I wanting to have an extra-diegetic moment. I like inspecting the books on the shelves. How many copies of Find The Love of Your Life After 50 do you need in one claustrophobic space? Six, it seems: “We imagined what would happen if six friends decided to live together in 40 square metres.” What would happen? Prison riot.

I do admire, however, their retention of their umlauts, and those little circles above the As. It is almost enough to forgive them for their break-even hotdogs.

How long before I can turn on the fucking TV and watch the footy?

Gin like no one knows you’re distilling

The Lazy Aussie — Tue, 24 May 2011 16:01:22 +0000

Two more things from Margaret River. In our accommodation, fake broken plates, as if they had come from the Sutton Hoo barrow and had to be pieced back together. The other one had something about “Love her like she is a rabid vixen not on heat. Hate her like you’ll never meet again.” Or vice versius. And Girt by Sea. What knob names their wine Girt by Sea? I bought this wine because it said Girt by Sea on it. Margaret River is becoming the Subiaco of the Southwest I tells yas. On the other hand, apparently they are distilling Gin down there. I did not know that. Come on Great Southern Distillery. Why aren’t you sponsoring TWOP? There are thousands of drinkers wanting to jump onto my hard liquor diet.

Weekend Worstoff 146

rottobloggo — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 16:01:09 +0000

The politest and bravest of our friends haven’t been able to sit through the 1000 or so pix and videos of the four weeks and three days Krazy Kym and I spent in India, Nepal and Hong Kong.

The neighbours got through about 300 before they remembered an urgent sock draw-sorting appointment.

You (or “youse pigs”, as TLA disgracefully refers to you) are a captive audience, but fear not: I have chosen 11 images which I hope sum up our sojourn.

I was told off for taking this pic. Nothing like cold tongue for breakfast.

Somehere in India. Nothing like a luke-warm Dolly Juice.

You can buy the finest fashion flange in Delhi.

Rude graffiti is rare in India, so seeing this at a religious place was refreshing.

I couldn’t afford it: Delhi.

No Diet Cock in Khajuraho.

The touts are bad enough – but when a Steve Carrell lookalike gets on your bus? Agra.

After a few local gins in the Kunti things got a bit hairy! The staff at this Kathmandu buttonholed me with a complaint form an English guy filled out. He was outraged he couldn’t take a drink from the Kunti Bar into the dining room. He actually wrote Kunti Room several times! I advised the staff to bin it.

This is on what was Freaky Street, Kathmandu. Of course if this was in Teh Pert scoop would be replaced with poop overnight.

This Buddha Air bag got quite a workout, let me tell you.

Repulse Bay, Honkers: another place with not much graffiti. I hoped a Chineser HKer was so outraged by the stock photography from Canada with white people he got to work with a texta.

What does TLA say? Worst bell? Worst hell. Wot-eva.

Small bars reach end of days

The Lazy Aussie — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:01:49 +0000

If there needed to be any sign that the small bars craze had reached rapture point, then see this. Could someone really call it The Boheme? (aka “Teh ‘Heme”) You’d think it would be hard to go worse than the name Bobby Dazzlers. The whole Wentworth Plaza redevelopment is looking pretty sick. The barest sliver of facade is finding it difficult to conceal a a monster of concrete behind. The Boheme. Kill me now. Oh god, there’s even a fucking accent on the e. By Bento.

Bloody Oath

The Lazy Aussie — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 03:23:42 +0000

An Aussie vodka flogger was at my local piss shop last week, extollng the virtues of Melbourne voddy over my choices of Frog, Polish, Russian, or even New Zealand distilled leg opener. I’m not sure whether Bloody Oath would have been my choice for a theme, particularly for a somewhat girly looking herb vodka mixture, especially when the NZ Vodka 42 Below goes for a cat that looks like Hitler theme. Would anyone, ANYONE ask for a Coke ‘n Oath at a bar? I do like how they understand that Aussies may need to actually be instructed to drink the “short cocktail” after making it. No doubt many would end up standing around confused if that last step hadn’t been added.

I am willing to do a review if principal Oath floggers want to send me a bottle.

Bloody oath! – One of the hallmarks of the great Australian vernacular, which has been yelled with gusto for generations by miners through to politicians alike.
The social leveller – the emphatic “yes” – the roar that all are in complete agreement!

A unique liqueur made with the finest Australian Vodka infused with a secret mixture of extracts from the purest of indigenous herbs and spices.
Take the oath! Straight up, on the rocks or mixed.

There’s also a name the cocktail competition which I hesitate to bring to the attention of some potty mouthed commenters.

The Loved One

The Lazy Aussie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:11:52 +0000

Your little Aimée is wagging her tail in heaven tonight, thinking of you. …
Evelyn Waugh – The Loved One

Speaking of dumbarse new Perth suburb names, WAtching revisted an established dumbarse name suburb, which has a new slogan to get the punters in. I went past Dog Swamp myself yesterday and it was dry as a nun’s camel’s. Frankly it made my tail droop.

Rusted Hoist

The Lazy Aussie — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 03:23:19 +0000

Have been so many good submissions lately, I thought I had better contribute something of my own. I dunno, a rusted washing line just doesn’t seem the appropriate motif to me. Maybe I’m wrong. The wine naming and labelling bizzo does seem to attract an odd crew. 1 2 3 4 5 6 You may need to slap on 4 litres of Lynx before tackling this box. Frank C, got any outre names in the relatives brews? Red Ring Reamer? They export to Taiwan I see.

Cock Burn Split Sister

The Lazy Aussie — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:01:42 +0000

Hey split sister who’s the one you want?
Hey split sister COCK BURN!
It’s a nice day to start again… Billy Idol

Some nice South of River worsting from Gregg who wonders (not out loud) whether cock, burn, split and sister should ever be used in the same sentence. What Split City Councillor was dumb enough to hitch their wagon to the Cockburning community? Didn’t they visit? Or was a photo of a sign assuring them it was the “fun coast” enough? Is this also on Mark “The Damp Teatowel” McGowan’s patch?

Gregg Says… Oh and just to top it all off those naming geniuses have just called our new shopping precinct South Central. Sounds about right for the demographic, here’s what Wikipedia say: The name “South Central” had become almost synonymous with urban decay and street crime, and is considered the forefront for gang warfare and poverty.”
Awesome. Wonder if those dozens of cops always parked at BP Success (another great name) are going to start meting out justice Rodney King style? I’m all for it after spending a day at Gateway shops…

And to top it all off, WAtching chimes in with another cock sans burn, an image which featured in the live show.