Instead of one malapropism in The Echo this weekend, there were two.

How dumb are the Twilight film people for failing to tie in locally with the TWOP tipple of choice? No wonder Simon Miraudo described it as “generic melodrama, in which not a single moment rings true”.

How dumb are Woolworths? They can’t even spell chicen. Again we think of Spengler: in his Preußentum und Chicenismus he argued for an organic, nationalist version of poultry authoritarianism, and convincingly expedentiallised Weimar was lost because of $10 chicens.

I love this feature window at a Shenton Park building site. It could be a western suburbs Stargate.

And this Claremont phenomenon reminded me of Justin Langer’s latest Monthly essay. A new culture starts, JL holds, when persons in a dying, static, or purposeless society – at first only a few visionaries, often widely isolated – begin to see their surroundings from a new perspective.

Static? Expedential? A new dawn breaking? This bloke may be on to something, and I may not be able to post next week, as I will be at Curtin Uni’s Hayden Williams Lecture Theatre on Saturday. Forget Spengler – Michael Tsarion is the one to hold our hands along the difficult road of discovery…

“Ten years ago, in his first book on the Juliet balconies of Atlantis, Michael Tsarion predicted that by the year 2012, we will be in possession of the major truths about our origins and destiny. Ten years have elapsed, and fortunately many can indeed say that they have made progress along the difficult road of discovery. However, clever people also know there is still a long way to go. Man remains a mystery to himself, and this supreme mystery must finally be illuminated for true change to occur. Human 2.0 is on its way. He is the wet dream of the hidden controllers. Humans have been gradually reduced to the level of dugongs, so we need to find out what lies in store for us, and what action we can take to offset the age old war on consciousness. Man is ultimately his own savior. He can choose to think for himself or to wait until he is given permission to do so. Soon he may need permission to exist. Nevertheless, as I have emphasized many times, evil contains within itself the seeds of its own destruction. Michael believes that we may be living in the last days of universal evil and $10 chicens. Michael’s presentation closely examines where we are, how we are, and what we must take with us on the dangerous road toward 2012 and beyond. He will also reveal in great detail the symbolism used to subliminally imprint this agenda, and many others, into mainstream culture.” Only $92.79, and discounted ticket price for David Icke attendees!

The neighbours got through about 300 before they remembered an urgent sock draw-sorting appointment.

You (or “youse pigs”, as TLA disgracefully refers to you) are a captive audience, but fear not: I have chosen 11 images which I hope sum up our sojourn.

I was told off for taking this pic. Nothing like cold tongue for breakfast.

Somehere in India. Nothing like a luke-warm Dolly Juice.

You can buy the finest fashion flange in Delhi.

Rude graffiti is rare in India, so seeing this at a religious place was refreshing.

I couldn’t afford it: Delhi.

No Diet Cock in Khajuraho.

The touts are bad enough – but when a Steve Carrell lookalike gets on your bus? Agra.

After a few local gins in the Kunti things got a bit hairy! The staff at this Kathmandu buttonholed me with a complaint form an English guy filled out. He was outraged he couldn’t take a drink from the Kunti Bar into the dining room. He actually wrote Kunti Room several times! I advised the staff to bin it.

This is on what was Freaky Street, Kathmandu. Of course if this was in Teh Pert scoop would be replaced with poop overnight.

This Buddha Air bag got quite a workout, let me tell you.

Repulse Bay, Honkers: another place with not much graffiti. I hoped a Chineser HKer was so outraged by the stock photography from Canada with white people he got to work with a texta.

What does TLA say? Worst bell? Worst hell. Wot-eva.

But here’s two submissions, one from Bento (yes The Good riddance Sattler’s old Mum Bento) where he righteously asks. “Wot fuck dis shit?” Actually Bento said, “It seems to be a half deflated soccer ball, in the shape of Western Australia, wearing a hat, and shouting at Melbourne.  What the fuck is that all about?”

Put it back into the shed

Actually Bento, it looks like a half deflated socer ball  sucking off  South Australia.  (Maybe it’s this sort of talk that holds back the deep embossed, ultra matte, die cut, selective varnished, foiled  graphic design Association  invite ?) Who knows?

And here’s some graphic design from ManOfaSon who questions the power of a nipple to break through several layers of clothing including a She-Ra style power jacket. Anyone guessing a male graphic designer? Who’s doing Transperth?

And coincidentally I took this last week in maylands. Giving the designer the excuse to go nazi interiorwise. Actually, that’s not a bad candle holder.

Tim just couldn't resist

A Melbourne worst from Meccano. I love how graffitiists have to make sure we get the joke. Love the arrow, to ensure we get the whole subtlety of the work. Turning breasts into nurries was enough. Thanks Meccano.

You may have heard how new Premier Colin Barnett is ditching the State Government logo. Well, I have to admit the old one was complete crap.

I am in two minds about what Colin has proposed for the new logo though. I’m not sure Margaret Court will go with it.

proposed new logo

And one from the deep north from Bento. Bento says…

It’s OUR birthday, but YOU get the presents! The boss has gone MAD! It’s the Big W PRICE DEMOLITION EXTRAVAGANZA! With a MASSIVE 3.5% off our range of 3-tier steamers!
I find it difficult to understand how I failed to see the advertising blitz that must have accompanied this incredible discount. Seen at Big W Karrinyup. Thanks Bento. Maybe these days those few cents will make a difference.

Limit of 60 per customer

And our man in Osborne Park Vic Demised is after The Don again. Vic says…LA, I promise, I don’t have a vendetta running against this place… But “deserts”? And with a young Saddam on the banner? How could I resist? Thanks Vic.

The Internationale.

I’m not sure there isn’t a spelling mistake with that last word, but in any case, I was sent this submission, ostensibly for a new category “worst pay”, from the Australian Services Union who are aiming to increase community service workers’ (mental health/domestic violence/legal centres/financial counseling/homeless) salaries up from an average of about $35,000.

This is a shot of one of the offending offices where they will be demonstrating tomorrow.

I say yeah, workers flag and all that, and the pay does seem pathetically low, but as The Worst of Perth, I’m more outraged by the use of that fucking Papyrus font and the logo. Are the clients supposed to be brown stains to be wiped up by the absorbent paper towel of counselling? And if Ruah is an ancient Hebrew word, isn’t an Egyptian font a little in bad taste, what with the Pharoah and all that? What’s wrong with Comic sans? In any case, support the workers by either blowing your horn as you go by, or sending in any spare fonts or logos you might have. A shower of frogs on their bosses and the State Government, ie, to each according to their needs.

I hope this was a home made job. Combines most of the features of bad graphic design apart from hand painting. Did they not notice that the graph is in for a spectacular drop very soon? Time to start shredding the documents.