The Worst of Perth » worst design

Let’s get Risible

The Lazy Aussie — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:01:18 +0000

I have lost my faith in Busselton graphic design.Totally. Opportunity for a good “foot man” or woman to move into town. By me for a change.

Weekend Worstoff 176 hostage edition

rottobloggo — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 05:19:44 +0000

Outrage here. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but TLA is being held hostage in Rurotardia. I was wondering why no WW until I received a disturbing image of a blindfolded TLA holding a copy of today’s Busselton Mail. His captors say he will be ripped apart by B&S utes unless we send a ransom. You could smell the fear. It was nice knowing him.

“I will weep over his remains.”

The TWOP team working hard to secure TLA’s release:

Even the dolphins are weeping at TLA’s captivity.

He’s on his own: Krazy Kym and I are off to the Media Ball!

Outrage Sunday 17 Going

rottobloggo — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 16:01:25 +0000

I was snooping and eavesdropping and generally minding my own business on Marine Parade yesterday morning until I was rudely interrupted by a contact, whom I will call Seattle Samantha. “Put this on that crappy blog you write for,” she said, thrusting a folded piece of A4 at me. “I don’t write for it; they ask me to contribute,” I said, waving the paper at her. “What bullshit: you would write on an envelope if you thought it would raise your dismal profile,” SS said. I thought again how charmless and unquiet Americans can be, as I scanned the document. “We had a few Rieslings last night and were arguing over what Emily Dickinson would be writing about if she lived in Cottesloe in 2011,” SS said. “This is a bit verbose to be Dickinson,” I said, puzzled. “You fucking moron: we ripped up Philip Larkin – did you see that shit by Martin Amis in the FT?” It was not the best time to give SS a blank look, and she reacted accordingly. “Dude, I should have remembered: you’re up shit creek without a paddle if something in a ‘paper is longer than, like, 220 words.” “At least I have an audience…” I said, but I could feel the contempt radiating from the angry woman. “Clowns always draw a crowd, you sucker! Enjoy this place before it becomes another Obs City,” SS said, as she put her bike helmet on. I looked at her lines again. I don’t really understand them, but some of the rhymes are nice.

We thought it would last our time

The sense that, towards the beach,
There would always be low-rise charms,
Where the OBH louts could climb
The bins while having a screech;
We knew there’d be false alarms

In the POST about ziggurats
And split level shopping, but some
Have always been left so far;
And when men in hard hats
And the bleak high-risers come
We can always escape in the car.

Cott is bigger than we are, just
As it will always respond
However we mess it about;
Chuck filth in the street, if you must:
The tides will be clean beyond.
- But what do we feel now? Doubt?

Or age, simply? The crowd
Is young in the Parade cafe;
Investors are screaming for more -
More boxes, more parking allowed,
“More vibrant sites,” says Day.
On the business stage, a score

Of Photoshopped grins approve
Some TPS bid that orders
Five stories here (and eight
More down the road): “Move
Your work to the marine borders.”
The minister decrees. Thanks, mate!

When you try to get near the sea
In summer . . .
It seems, just now,
To be happening so very fast;
Despite all the land left free
For the first time we feel somehow
That it isn’t going to last,

That before we snuff it, the whole
Groyne will be bricked in
Except for the pylon -
Dog box millionaires: a role
They really want to win,
But nothing for kids to climb on.

And that will be Cottesloe gone,
The pine trees, the dog beach, the lanes,
The scout hall, the playgrounds.
There’ll be books; it will linger on
The Internet; but all that remains
For us will be tilt-ups and breakdowns.

Most things are never meant.
This won’t be, most likely; but greeds
And garbage are too thick-strewn
To be swept up now, or invent
Excuses that make them all needs.
We just think it will happen, soon.

Outrage Sunday 14 Valley of Death

rottobloggo — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 23:38:05 +0000

Six hours getting on and off a bus in the Swan Valley yesterday for someone’s 50th: by the time it was 3.30pm and we were wrapping up at a brewery I was longing for a giant mariachi-playing dugong to fall from the sky and squash me flat.

You know you’re in a world-class leading edge vibrant tourism hub when toilet hubs are in other languages.

Just about everywhere sells T-shirts, caps, cardigans, blow-up dolls, fishing gear: there’s even felching apparel.

Where’s Cookster when you need him? He would have been stewing in his own juices at the sight of this delicacy. I was keen to compare this to Rottnest herring but Krazy Kym muttered something about me needing a complete basting…

There were other savoury treats too! Come one come all!

But the fun doesn’t stop there for the weekend. Our glorious mayor is coinciding with a significant leading edge vibrant value-added family-entertainment modality today – see you on the bouncy castles!

jugs of cold water

rottobloggo — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 16:01:14 +0000

We hadn’t heard from Cookster for a while, and I was guessing he was out of circulation this week due to post-Sexpo enervation, but he has popped up with a tale of two cities.

The first is Albany: the rec room/TV room/kitchen at the King River Palms Caravan Park. All the cold water you want and a special selection of vintage 1970s coffee mugs – gloriously unwashed. Don’t forget the kaput 22cm fatback TV.

The other is Claremont: a bag from Father, in the Quarter. Cookster claims he carried it for an hour before a colleague pointed out the, er, design. I called Father owner Joel Sofi and identified myself as a TWOP reporter.

“I can’t take any claim with ordering it,” Joel said.

He took over the menswear shop six months ago and thousands of bags came as part of the deal.

“It’s one of those things: do I throw away however many grand or do I get rid of them through sales,” Joel said.

“I’m very selective who I give the bag to – I have another bag as well.”

He said the design is from wallpaper in the changeroom of the shop.

“Now it’s on one pillar of the shop,” Joel said.

“It’s been synonymous with what Father has always had over the past eight years.”

“I haven’t had many issues with it and you are the first call about it.”

Are there pix of a topless and smiling Johnny Depp in Sportscraft changing rooms?

fabric hardener

rottobloggo — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 16:01:49 +0000

The first pic of the jumper around the pole was (still is) in Shenton Park. I stared at it for several minutes. Dadaist outrage? Witty visual pun? Drunken fumbling? Student prank? Manifestation of madness? I was reaching a tentative conclusion when a Wembley police station car drove by and gave me a toot to move long.

The jumper has a – how shall we say – unfortunate pattern. Is it as bad as airport carpet, do you think? I hate to mention airport carpet, because I am ashamed – even outraged – that Perth’s airport carpet does not feature on the slowly spinning globe on this wonderful site. Why can’t we let the rest of the world know? Sydney and Canberra are on there, for pity’s sake. I say this: I will post a choice literary gem to the TWOPer who gets Perth on that map.

The second pic is a sofa for sale at Freedom: the ad was in yesterday’s West. I’m sure they’ve made an error with the price and it is really $14.99. It made my eyes bleed, and that is never good for a marsanne hangover.

the terror and the pity

rottobloggo — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 00:00:24 +0000

I salute vegan and Joanne: they took these images in the city. Vegan’s is at Aida restaurant in Northbridge; Joanne’s was at A&R.

I glanced at them to confirm their worstness but could not gaze at them for too long. Joanne’s is a sign; I leave it to you to decide what the…other item could be.

Syphon the Rooster

The Lazy Aussie — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 17:00:27 +0000

It’s impossible not to get the impression that these blokes are having a piss. The smugglers are lowered, the hands are in the zone. Rockingham Red Rooster. The eye staring back is a nice touch too. By netwirb. Reminds me of this shot I took in New Zealand.

Aussie Flag Jolly Rogered

The Lazy Aussie — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 07:42:02 +0000

This pirate beflagged van in Hilton from Mez sort of segues to a desperate letter fromPatricia, who claims an anti flag South Perth Mayor is set to downgrade the Aussie flag on Sir James Mitchell Park, and replace it with 4 flags, Aboriginal, City of South Perth, WA flag and Aussie flag. Patricia claims to have exhausted all avenues. It’s nice that she turns to TWOP in desperation. If only Andrew Mallard and “The Hurricane” had come to me. They might have got better outcomes. Patricia says…

It will be replaced with 4 flags – one the City of South Perth Flag, two the Aborigine Flag, three the Western Australian Flag and four our official Australian. Our full time and paid mayor has said to me he does not like the Australian flag – he has said the same thing to many others. So the idea is to dilute the value of the Australian flag. What happens to our flag in the future is just that – in the future – meanwhile our present official flag means a great deal to many people. The greatest worry from my point of view has been the lack of any public consulation – not a mention of it anywhere. Pat

The Mayor sound overly flag happy rather than anti flag to me. I’m no fan of the design of our flag, but I’m worried that the South Perth flag might be even more hideous.

Funland

The Lazy Aussie — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:01:10 +0000

These were sent from Meccano from derelict Funland in Penrith NSW, but since animal TV characters have figured so often in our thoughts,( as well as obscene dolphins), I had no compunction in putting them up. They are also lovely photos. Poor old Humphrey. Like Jesus, he has the wounds to the hands. Like Jesus, he’s gone out of fashion. Has the feel of Dizzylamb Park. Thanks Meccano.