Welcome to Darch

I’ve never believed that the suburb of Darch actually existed, but apparently here’s proof that it does. Nicholas T captured the ghetto chic that is apparently the only charm of the place. Perth has an ever growing list of suburbs I’ve never heard of and wonder why people would go there. I swear I heard someone refer to a suburb called Camillo. It doesn’t seem to have a sister city sign yet, but Nicholas thinks it is paired with Pripyat in the Ukraine. Will have to check with She-Ra.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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114 Responses to Welcome to Darch

  1. Richarbl says:

    What’s that thing behind the fence, a B-2 Stealth Bomber?


  2. Bento says:

    I hear Pripyat is lovely in the springtime.


  3. skink says:

    Camillo adjoins Kelmscott

    it’s a classy name


  4. Bento says:

    The whole east Wanneroo area is a mystery. Sinagra? Tapping? Ashby? Hocking? Banksia Grove? Neerabup? Mariginiup? Since when did large tracts of sand become proper nouns?


  5. shazza says:

    I adore this pic.

    Now that’s class Bree.


    • Bento says:

      It is superb. Kudos to our street art friends for their font selection. I like how the pic also captures the landscaping that enhances the entry statement, and the menacing house/stealth bomber in the background.

      It’s been an impressive week.


  6. Colinizer says:

    As a former resident of Westfield, I find the use of the term ‘Camillo’ offensive. Although I am glad the original proposal of ‘Camillo Waters’ was canned. My suggestion of ‘Shit Creek’ didn’t make the grade either.


  7. rolly says:

    I agree; this is an exceptionally good/bad worst.

    I’ve always thought of these walled estates as some kind of ghetto where the original intention of keeping rabble out actually succeeds at keeping them in.

    There is irony by the bucketful in this image.


  8. WAtching says:

    Only last night I was saying that a Darch worst still eludes me… Hhhmph.

    I have heard that you cannot register your lawn in Darch… the whole suburb has been registered…


  9. Snuff says:

    Mp is gonna love this.


  10. skink says:

    “over the years Westfield had gained a bad reputation and residents wanted a new name to give the suburb a facelift.”


    I like the idea that if you live in a shithole simply changing its name will make it better

    why didn’t they call it “iShat 2.0” ?

    I particularly like when new suburbs are called ‘Lakes’ or ‘Waters’, when they are in an arid sandpit several miles from the nearest water course.

    Or they are called ‘Bellevue’ when they are on a flat plain and all you can see is the freeway and the shunting yards.

    my favourite is Secret Harbour. The secret is that there is no harbour, and it’s not much of a secret because there is a fuckoff big sign outside.


  11. poor lisa says:

    That is brilliant.

    It’s always seemed to me like Darch is missing an apostrophe.


  12. Snuff says:

    Could you please upload an audio file, Frank ? I want to know if it’s pronounced Dark.


  13. Gemfyre says:

    Lockridge also got a partial ‘facelift’ when they made “Pepperwood”.

    Having grown up in Locko (hell, I was HIGH class there!) I tend to refer to the new development as “Pepperland” instead. Ala Yellow Submarine.


  14. Onanist says:

    I love “Darch”, it sounds like a Ukrainian obsenity.

    However, my favourite by far is “Success” oh the irony of it all.


  15. NVL_II says:

    The photo captures the very essence of Perth. Very, very good work. Thanks for sharing this amazing piece.


  16. BrownBook says:

    Perfect photo. I’ve been up there a bit and this perfectly bottles ‘L’essence d’Arch’. Featureless walls, garden-less lawns, expansive (often eave-less) rooves and no trees anywhere on that skyline.


  17. Pripyat was a stage in one of the Call of Duty videogames:

    So I am now looking forward to Call of Duty 6: Darch

    Hopefully I’ll be able to steal a Commodore GTA style and kidnap a hapless local to shoot at point blank range in front of the feature wall, leaving a decorative pink Pollock effect.


  18. David Cohen says:

    Haiku 6065:

    Head throbbing, some blood
    Vertical blinds, no carpet
    On a fresh Darch road.


  19. Caribou Bob says:

    “get darch’ed!” has a nice flow to it, should they be considering a new promotions campaign to go with their new entry feature.


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  21. David Cohen says:

    Haiku 6065:

    Wind in the willows:
    Darch enemy of the state.
    Flamethrower needed.


  22. hovean says:

    Looming F-16s
    Now Westfield is Camillo
    Head off toward Darch


  23. Darch a sandy plain
    Testicles are contracted
    Tis no Camillo


  24. hovean says:

    Darch hardly worth it
    F16’s can’t be bothered
    Carlisle looking good


  25. munkipants says:

    well as luck would have it i just hooked up with an old friend on facebook and they live in “Darch”.
    Loving the synchronicity. Should i offer them my condolences?


    • vegan says:

      it’s where you get stabbed in the house.


    • Andrew says:

      It’s one of those new Armadale suburbs (Haynes and Harrisdale also) which used to be part of Forrestdale or Southern River. West of Armadale, south of Canning Vale, basically middle of nowhere. The stabbing probably relieves the boredom. :P


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  27. Teko says:

    I always wonder what is so special about living in darch? sandy place? view – only bunch of houses. no gap to your neighbor. It’s so so so expensive for a small land.

    can somebody tell me pls


  28. リュック mcm says:


    (Our first Japanese spam?? Sensational! – DFOC)


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