Lamination poisoning (it’s a poison)
A toxic wasteland (got a toxic wasteland) in your staff bog
Overloaded (I’m overloaded), suffering (yeah!)
Overloaded (overloaded) on microwave privileges
Everything is black and white
You are wrong and we are right
First we’ll spank your big behinds
Then we’ll twist your little minds
I’m dr. righteous (I’m dr. righteous), and I’m here to sing (yeah!)
That lamination is poisoning
It’s a dirty dish wasteland, that destroys the young (yeah!)
They’re overloaded (overloaded) on coffee grounds, toilet brushes, sex and drugs
And rock and roll! STYX
Orbea presents a few, just a few mind, of the incredibly moronic signs that cover virtually every surface of the interior of City West Lotteries House. What sort of mentality drives someone to make up and laminate a sign on how to use the soap dispenser in the bog? Do they not see that it is their signs that are worse than any actual problem? I assume every single employee delights in fucking up the soap dispenser, pissing all over the toilet brush, switching off the urn, pouring coffee grounds down the sink…
Roughage my arse. Get fucked. Your font fever and underlining indicates you may be an idiot.
I’m turning it off now dickhead. I have also crapped in this urn.
I directed a stream of urine onto this brush. I’m refilling bladder to slash upon your laminator.
Get fucked.
Fuck off.
The Worst of Perth 
I’ve been there many times but never noticed the signs. Do you think they could possibly fit any more on the walls?
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There are communists in Golden Bay?
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I did have that in my queue.
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Really?
Sorry bout that.
I should never try to guess the relative worstness of things… What a waste.
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You have too much worst to give this world.
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I figured you’d be excited by last nights submission?
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Ooer. More tea, vicar?
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As I clicked “Submit” I thought…
That sounds a littly saucy…
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My first thought was ‘surely he means “emission”‘. And then I thought, no, “submission” works too.
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You don’t think TLA gets all this content for free do you?
We have a contra deal.
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Hey, I used to be the golden boy. I know the deal.
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My time will come…
Should Mt Richon and Mt Nasura be added to the list of suburbs that don’t exist? Beeliar? Callista?
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Oi! don’t you go rubbishing Beeliar. It’s so close to Fremantle that we are thinking of adopting the poor little bugger.
Just for the record, Camillo is not a Southern suburb as suggested by some TV news tonight. It is South Eastern… nothing to do with us
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What about Dog Swamp or Cockburn?
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well say what you like, but at least they were considerate enough to put pictures on some those posters.
that shows considerable thought and concern from the idiot police. people are so fucking ungrateful sometimes.
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ATTENTION!
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Heh.
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Be fair, it is Lotteries House. Full of left-wing, do- gooder, bleeding heart, chest beaters. Those types can’t be trusted to keep domestic harmony while all their focus is on being the world saving, worried well.
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I don’t know the building. Are there similar signs on board the Sea Shepherd?
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And if that type are tenants, then the beer and wine bottle problem probably is huge.
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Yes, I did a stint there at the United Nations Association.
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Ai Ya. They be the Communists
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I would like to state for the record that I work in this building, and am in no way responsible. For the signs.
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But the brown water urn could be you?
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Totally.
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Jeezus, I didn’t know my readership was so skewed towards the Communard. Maybe it would be easier to list the people who DON’T work there. Where is it by the way? Is on google maps?
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And there may be more John Bono Butler fans in there than Styx fans.
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Yes, and maps informs us it also houses the Australian Association of Social Workers, imagine how tightly run that is.
It’s hemmed in by a park, harbourtown, the railway line, many ugly new blocks of flats and the old blue note tavern.
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blue note is gone
and the correct pronunciation of harbour town is
horrortown – the zombies come out to play George Romero stylee
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Oh yeah, I was in the Social workers’ offices recently and they were deperately trying to change a lightbulb.
But the lightbulb just didn’t want to change.
(boom, tish)
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A Lotteries House social worker asks a colleague: “What time is it?”
The other one replies: “I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t matter,” the first says. “The main thing is that we talked about it.”
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Even the journos union isn’t Communist enough for that building. What are the aminates up at the Alliance building ‘Rage?
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There are a few.
But fortunately they’re all in succinct one-sentence pars.
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Like PLEASE don’t let your Sigmas oil up the driveway.
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How many social workers does it take to change a light globe?
None. Instead they form a support group called “Coping With Darkness”
(nyuk)
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Nonsense. The light bulb has to want to change.
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“Thats no problem, we will just call another department to change the light globe’s attitude!”
Roared the socialist leader, incandescent with rage at the refusal of the light globe to “co-operate”.
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I must say, I am highly offended at these social work jibes. As the recipient of a bachelors in social work, I assure you there is scope to be far more scathing.
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You need a Doctorate of Mixology to go with that.
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Got that. At the tav.
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how many bachelors did you receive in the course of your social work?
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Thank god Bento is at work, he would have a field day with that question.
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how is the ducati running?
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It’s goooood. But I keep it at home as often as possible on work days for fear of not turning up/being arrested etc.
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That someone saw the necessity for these signs indicates that not all of the occupants are totally brain dead.
Quite refreshing, really.
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I see that ‘cyberbully’ was nominated as the word of the year by Macquarie Dictionary
Chong would be pleased
unfortunately she didn’t vote enough because it lost out in the final poll to ‘shovel-ready’
which also applies to Chong
http://www.news.com.au/national/shovel-ready-wins-macquaries-word-of-year/story-e6frfkvr-1225826522607
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perhaps laminator-bully will be next years.
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More gold – nice work Orbea. Did you get an interior shot of the communal fridge? I’ll bet the butter is labelled in Gill Sans Ultra Bold – “Shazza’s – Please DON’T EAT”.
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Without the please.
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Disability Services Commission and WACOSS also live there I believe?
It’s a well known scientific fact that as variable x (number of inhabitants in a workplace) increases so does variable y (number of irritable signs displayed in communal ablution and food preparation areas).
Perhaps orbea has uncovered another direct relationship – that between
variable a (number of under-resourced do-gooding organisations staffed predominantly by burnt-out left-wing females occupying a building) and
variable b (number of irritable signs displayed in etc).
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I suspect so PL. The first sign has a dsintinct burnt out mumsy quality. The use of the word refrain in differing font, and underlined is a dead give away.
There’s usually also a Tenants Advice Service, and a Volunteering WA office lurking somewhere in these buildings.
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What are those italicised fonts in the first sign?
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I believe it’s called burnt out bitch.
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that font is a close derivative of menopausal gothic
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I thought it was “Enraged lesbian”
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Communist House has the numbers, but our workplace still has “The use of the microwave is a privilege not a right!”
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I am gobsmacked.
I studied the photos first, assuming they had been patiently catalogued from various contributors by TLA over recent months.
Imagine my delight…
Well done Orbs.
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And Orbs sent me many more, which were still only a small fraction of the whole.
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An entire worst of perth live – with an audience filled with commies.
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But did he get the flange shot?
Publish the rest TLA. Don’t you think we deserve the whole story?
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my office has handy ‘check the colour of your urine’ signs in the toilets to guard against any possible dehydration of the workforce
I come to work each day feeling safe and secure knowing that my employers care deeply about my piss.
this is one sign that you really think would benefit from being laminated, but for some reason it is not
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I bet that, were he alive today, Dr. Morris M. Blum would feel a great deal of empathy for Mikhail Kalashnikov.
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When I (eventually) leave my current place of employment and work in a large office amongst many employees, I may have to forcefully push a laminating machine down someone’s throat.
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No you WON’t NECESSARILY have to, because THERE IS NO NEEEEED for passive-Aggressive
L a m i n a t e d SIGNS to
proliferate!
as long as
you DIRTY DIRTY PEOPLE don’t
PISS on the s e a t
MIS – usE the SOAP DISPENSER
or LLLEEEAAAVVVEEE your dirty DisHES and FOOD everyWHERE as if your Looooonggggg suffffeerrrring mother WORKS WITH yoU!
Thankyou kindly for your cooperation.
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PL: You are just asking for it!!
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Someone needs to go to the ladies’ at lotteries and see if there is a sign about
The person who uses the LAST sheet of toilet paper changing the ROLL it only takes a MINUTE! how lazy are you.
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Yes, Orbea stressed that he had only surveyed the male facilities.
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In the ladies in my building we have a handy sign that tells you if your breasts are bleeding you may have a problem
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Reckon she’s not getting enough?
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I’m heading for officeworks today to get me one of those laminators. Soon my kitchen and living areas will be filled with helpful instructions.
-Pick your FUCKING towels up off the floor after use, please.
– Put your DIRTY dishes in the dishwasher NOT on the GODDAM bench, thanks.
– DON”T put a load of washing on if you are NOT prepared to HANG IT Out too lazy bastards, cheers mum xxxx.
and so on..
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I am not sure as to the need for these signs within a work place, but I can assure you that they are extremely useful in an around the home.
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community based NGO’s forced into cheek by jowl relationship with each, greenies, health consumers, GLBT advocates, WACOSS, volunteers, cycling, anti-drug/drinking, social work, haemophiliacs, overeaters, wymmyns etc
The management rely on passive aggression to get anything done, redundant laminated signs are but a symptom of a larger management malaise.
Thanks for running this one TLA, your comments are pithy and cruelly accurate.
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So you DID crap in the urn? That was just a guess.
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bit tricky, its one of the mains pressure continuous cycle wall-mouted fuckers
the urn has to be switched on because someone MAY need a cuppa.
fuckers there is a fucking electric kettle ffs
so no crap in the urn, but I did flick boogies at the managers windows
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I haven’t crapped in the urn, but if you leave it on long enough, it is like a weird hybrid of bidet and sauna
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This one’s looking popular already. Styx, Communism and lamination fans. I’d lie to see a Venn diagram for those fuckers.
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Fibber that you are.
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Well that’s weird. I just popped over to the Things Bogans Like blog, and a commenter there also mentioned the Venn diagram a few moments ago.
Collective Consciouness at work.
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It’s the zeitgeist, shazza.
A laminated Venn diagram – that would be happening.
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how about this?:
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I think it would look like this.
http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=3157370368
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Another shirt I think TLA.
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cunting christ! what an assortment.
I like the way the illustration for the please use the communal toilet brush poster shows a scowling woman in elbow-length rubber gloves… which presumably aren’t provided in consideration for your convenience
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That toilet sort of looks like it’s outdoors in the scrubber photo.
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Good grief. That was amazing. I loved every minute of it.
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I love them all, but I keep going back to the soap dispenser one. Was there really clipart just like that out there? Or did they make it up themselves? Full points for the artistic soap dispenser shadow, it’s great, but if they were trying so hard why didn’t they notice the dispenser is actually empty? What is that freaky/happy homunculus type thing supposed to be doing? Jumping on the soap dispenser? Wouldn’t that break it quicker than pushing on the spout, like the plus sign says you’re not to? And why doesn’t he have a shadow too anyway?
So many questions.
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i like how the homonculus is a little black feller
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I think I have posted this many times before, but it is always appropriate to any discussion of bleeding obvious toilet signage:
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The toilets at work service about four businesses and don’t have any signs, but someone keeps putting those bottles of chemical scent with wooden skewers sticking out of it on the bench. I am allergic to perfume and also believe that overlaying one horrible smell with another horrible smell is no improvement. So… every time I visit the amenities I put the bottle in the cupboard.
Every time I come back it is back on the bench and I am just waiting for a laminated sign to appear – which I will also put away in the cupboard.
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tip out the perfume and replace it with urine?
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
oops fell off my chair.
Will do orbea
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Then pour it in the urn.
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those toilet fresheners have created a Pavlovian response with me
whenever I smell roses, or pine, or jasmine, it reminds me of shite.
the particularly artificial and pungent ones can even trigger a bowel movement.
I just thought I would share that with you this lunch time
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Thanks skink. I was actually eating a chocolate while reading that. True.
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“Say hello to my leetle frien'”
http://www.perthnow.com.au/sport/afl/geelong-forward-mathew-stokes-charged-with-trafficking-and-possessing-cocaine/story-e6frg1xu-1225826339577
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As much as these notices give me the shits I find myself in sympathy with the dispenser spout note. I have two large (expensive) half-full bottles of sunscreen in the cupboard at home, unusable because the bloody kids kept pressing down on the spout until it broke off.
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Handy hint #1:
Using the inner tube as a straw, suck out required quantity of sunscreen and spit it on your child’s face – dual benefit of 1) Using contents 2) Punishment.
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Teach them how to shop-lift sunscreen from the local supermarket. If they’re under 18, the punishment will be a slap on the wrist. Win win situation for the whole family!
I don’t have kids, but my niece now calls me Uncle Five Fingers (or Uncle Fist for short)..cute!
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Alternatively, on the way to the beach, stop at Coles and sunscreen up!
(Your niece calling you “Uncle Fist” – kinda creepy)
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Unless you’re an optometrist.
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yep it is kinda creepy in a michael jackson kinda way but i love the synchronicity:
http://theincrediblyrudelogophile.blogspot.com/2010/02/extreme-sports.html
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A slip slap slop on the wrist?
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I just noticed the sign on the wall in the last photo says.
“Caution, Slippery Surface” On a wall?
What sort of shenanigans are going on down at Lottery House?
Are people pissing on the walls to check the colour of their urine against the chart?
Are the walls covered with protoplasm from a malevolent poltergeist?
Hasn’t the paint dried yet?
Who has slippery walls for fucks sake.
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using your logic the sign should be on the floor
there is only a transient need for a sign, 99.99% of the time the sign is redundant
I would have thought somone with such immense knowledge of the g-spot would know about slippery walls, clearly no-one you know
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Regardless of your pedantry the logic is clear.
If it is the floor that is slippery then an arrow pointing downwards would suffice however there is not any indication of which is the slippery surface.
Therefore the surface to which the sign is attached, in this case a wall, is obviously the one which is slippery.
The comment stands unsullied.
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Uh oh!
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gee it sucks to be you
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At least I understand false indignation and get a chuckle out of it.
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By not being precise as to which surface is slippery, the sign makes kitchen users think all its surfaces are slippery and too dangerous to use. Hence they leave, resulting in an immaculate kitchen and fewer fat staff.
The cleverness behind these signs is to be applauded.
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But it should have the little man and a clip art arrow pointing to the floor.
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a black homunculus sliding on the tiles.
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I guarantee there’s a clip art of a man slipping on a banana skin.
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here’s clipart of a bald loon slipping, perhaps on protoplasm, or maybe monkey jism.
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monkey jism? we don’t offload our jism just anywhere i’ll have you know!
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Ignatius in Confederacy of Dunces believed his father had emitted his sperm “in an offhand manner” when he was conceived.
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I’m reading that book right now! Penguin classic $9.95
pity salinger didnt top himself at an early age
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Masterpiece of a book.
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there was no need to get your Toole out
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Skinkster,
Was listening to Rattler during his PC Guru segement where he declared after two years that he has “discovered” the Howard Sattler is an Idiot blog and “has a name, and is coming to get you”
Methinks it’s a classic case of Glass Jaw.
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that blog was not started by me, nor is it maintained by me, so i am not sure whose name he might have or what he thinks he can do about it
I saw last night that Mediawatch were using Rattler in their promo for the new series – the one where he calls Holmes a supercilious dropkick
still, he can try to come and get me if he likes
one down, one to go
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I just remembered it was Young William (not the Bludging Poll one) :-)
It’s amazing that tghe last post was October the 14th by moi which discussed one of his columns – I believe there is nothing there that hasn’t been in the public domain.
BTW, upon mentioning said blog Jason Jordan sdaid “I’ve been trying to tell you that for months” :-)
He wasn’t that impressed :-)
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I hadn’t looked at that blog in a while
there were no comments for a year or so, but two today from ‘Linda’ in support of Sattler. No doubt connected with him or the station.
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Just noticed them – I can’t log in atm, but if Bill O’S can we can find out who she is and where she came from :-)
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I Believe “Linda” discovered” the blog from here:
And I’ve even got the email addy and IP address :-)
Silly girl :-)
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Good work Frank
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Oh Dear,
I was logged in as Bill under WordPress.
Bugger
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Bill,
Check your email – and you too Skink. I’ll bet “Linda” is a Rattler listener who sent Rattler the link.
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Good on her for keepin the love alive. Her comments are contentless but. Must be an employee of Sattlers.
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It’s amazing when you google “Linda’s Email Address :-)
http://au.messages.yahoo.com/news/localnews-wa/16260?p=4
The poor dear should realise the intertubes aren’t annoymous – and don’t try whining to Howie Boy – it’s called using the admin tools :-)
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I wish I knew what you guys were talking about. I won’t look at Riddance’s blog so i’m a bit in the dark. Who the hell is Linda?
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http://howardsattlerisanidiot.wordpress.com/
And read the two most recent comments.
Oh and she came there from the Barra thread here.
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TLA,
Check your inbox :-)
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The Patti Chong post is the most aposite. Now there was a victim-bully.
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Also I noted that Linda made her posts at 3.05pm, and Sattler mentioned the site at around 3.15pm which means that she either works for PR/Fairfax, or she emailed him straght away.
Also the IP address resolves to a telstra.net address which indicates a corporate account of some description and tracing the 6pr.com.au domain, traces to the same Telstra IP Range.
SPrung !!!! :-)
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Spruuuuut !
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Can we add Camillo to the list of Perth suburbs that don’t actually exist?
http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/newshome/6760999/murder-charge-follows-camillo-death/
Has anyone ever heard of this place?
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Bento,
It’s probably a daggy part of Armadale given a makeover to hide it’s shady repution – Just like West Midland being named Woodbridge – it’s still full of Kath & Kim Bogans and other riff raff.
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Previously known as Westfield. Nuff said.
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Was just writing on that subject for tomorrow.
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Oh. Sorry.
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I’m glad you put up that link. I thought it was Marillo.
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No, that’s Amarillo. That doesn’t exist either.
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Erm, it does if you live in Texas :-)
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I thought it was a little creature a bit like an echidna.
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Texas? Is that near Banksia Grove?
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War is hell.
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And of course the first clip Sniff linked to was inspired by this Comic Relief effort. Spot the z Grade “Celebrities” – someone should do a Perth version :-)
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Arrgh, that should be Snuff :-)
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Lovely Timbre Snuff…
I will be scouring Camillo, Mount Richon and Mount Nasura for worsts in the next couple of weeks.
A Darch worst still eludes me.
And it sounds as though it should be easy, right?
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And the Cast List is :
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I know which one I still prefer, Frank. And Sniff’s cool, btw; we’re all fluent in typo.
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frank zappa- she wore the camarillo brillo
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This is for anyone who hasn’t seen this classic shot with his parents, Orbea, or for those who’d like to see it again.
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Snuff
re. pic of Zappas folks
they must have been pretty cool for the times. That looks like a suite of Tom Wesselmann paintings on the back wall AND the walls are painted in a very con/temp/or/ary pale aubergine
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Could well be Wesselmanns, Mez, but it’s actually Frank’s home. Love the folks, anyway.
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that would explain the green carpet then
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…but not the rocking chair
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Did my photo of the plane not make the grade TLA?
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Love the plane. Will be there
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Fantastic collection, TLA, most especially the, All food waste must be removed on a daily basis, immediately followed by, If this is not done the waste will be removed by the cleaner each evening.
Mmmmmkay.
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Mr Mackey??
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I have had an offer from a certain staff member who shall remain anonymous that they have the an original email from CWLH management regarding the lamination overload incident.
Well, Fawna, jawanna?
not earth shaking but does add some jouissance to the bureau de Loto au Cite West
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At camp there was signs like that everywhere like wash your hands save the grove and also we where not aloud to open the window or door in our dorm so that sucks. Also theres no aircon so that equals a little room that stuffy as hell!.
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Yep.
Back to my initial hypothesis, now.
English teacher.
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are you?, if you are this is not Science Class miss we dont learn that here (Joking).
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Studied this fabulous site and ordered a steam shower and never ever
gazed back again, great information here can not thank you enough
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The smart people get their steam showers from Lotteries House!
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