Lamination Poisoning. Perth’s Passive Agressive Hub

Lamination poisoning (it’s a poison)
A toxic wasteland (got a toxic wasteland) in your staff bog
Overloaded (I’m overloaded), suffering (yeah!)
Overloaded (overloaded) on microwave privileges

Everything is black and white
You are wrong and we are right
First we’ll spank your big behinds
Then we’ll twist your little minds

I’m dr. righteous (I’m dr. righteous), and I’m here to sing (yeah!)
That lamination is poisoning
It’s a dirty dish wasteland, that destroys the young (yeah!)
They’re overloaded (overloaded) on coffee grounds, toilet brushes, sex and drugs
And rock and roll! STYX

Orbea presents a few, just a few mind,  of the incredibly moronic signs that cover virtually every surface of the interior of City West Lotteries House. What sort of mentality drives someone to make up and laminate a sign on how to use the soap dispenser in the bog? Do they not  see that it is their signs that are worse than any actual problem? I assume every single employee delights in fucking up the soap dispenser, pissing all over the toilet brush, switching off the urn, pouring coffee grounds down the sink…

Roughage my arse. Get fucked. Your font fever and underlining indicates you may be an idiot.

I’m turning it off now dickhead. I have also crapped in this urn.

I directed a stream of urine onto this brush. I’m refilling bladder to slash upon your laminator.

Get fucked.

Fuck off.

About The Lazy Aussie

Commended Haiku writer. A lover of The West's Worst. Perth stand-up comedian, photographer and writer.
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175 Responses to Lamination Poisoning. Perth’s Passive Agressive Hub

  1. Hugh Jass says:

    I’ve been there many times but never noticed the signs. Do you think they could possibly fit any more on the walls?

    Like this

  2. munkipants says:

    well say what you like, but at least they were considerate enough to put pictures on some those posters.

    that shows considerable thought and concern from the idiot police. people are so fucking ungrateful sometimes.

    Like this

  3. shazza says:

    Be fair, it is Lotteries House. Full of left-wing, do- gooder, bleeding heart, chest beaters. Those types can’t be trusted to keep domestic harmony while all their focus is on being the world saving, worried well.

    Like this

  4. rolly says:

    That someone saw the necessity for these signs indicates that not all of the occupants are totally brain dead.

    Quite refreshing, really.

    Like this

  5. skink says:

    I see that ‘cyberbully’ was nominated as the word of the year by Macquarie Dictionary

    Chong would be pleased

    unfortunately she didn’t vote enough because it lost out in the final poll to ‘shovel-ready’

    which also applies to Chong

    http://www.news.com.au/national/shovel-ready-wins-macquaries-word-of-year/story-e6frfkvr-1225826522607

    Like this

  6. Bento says:

    More gold – nice work Orbea. Did you get an interior shot of the communal fridge? I’ll bet the butter is labelled in Gill Sans Ultra Bold – “Shazza’s – Please DON’T EAT”.

    Like this

  7. poor lisa says:

    Disability Services Commission and WACOSS also live there I believe?

    It’s a well known scientific fact that as variable x (number of inhabitants in a workplace) increases so does variable y (number of irritable signs displayed in communal ablution and food preparation areas).

    Perhaps orbea has uncovered another direct relationship – that between
    variable a (number of under-resourced do-gooding organisations staffed predominantly by burnt-out left-wing females occupying a building) and
    variable b (number of irritable signs displayed in etc).

    Like this

  8. David Cohen says:

    I am gobsmacked.

    I studied the photos first, assuming they had been patiently catalogued from various contributors by TLA over recent months.

    Imagine my delight…

    Well done Orbs.

    Like this

  9. skink says:

    my office has handy ‘check the colour of your urine’ signs in the toilets to guard against any possible dehydration of the workforce

    I come to work each day feeling safe and secure knowing that my employers care deeply about my piss.

    this is one sign that you really think would benefit from being laminated, but for some reason it is not

    Like this

  10. Michael says:

    I bet that, were he alive today, Dr. Morris M. Blum would feel a great deal of empathy for Mikhail Kalashnikov.

    Like this

  11. Onanist says:

    When I (eventually) leave my current place of employment and work in a large office amongst many employees, I may have to forcefully push a laminating machine down someone’s throat.

    Like this

    • poor lisa says:

      No you WON’t NECESSARILY have to, because THERE IS NO NEEEEED for passive-Aggressive
      L a m i n a t e d SIGNS to
      proliferate!

      as long as
      you DIRTY DIRTY PEOPLE don’t

      PISS on the s e a t

      MIS – usE the SOAP DISPENSER

      or LLLEEEAAAVVVEEE your dirty DisHES and FOOD everyWHERE as if your Looooonggggg suffffeerrrring mother WORKS WITH yoU!

      Thankyou kindly for your cooperation.

      Like this

      • Onanist says:

        PL: You are just asking for it!!

        Like this

      • shazza says:

        I’m heading for officeworks today to get me one of those laminators. Soon my kitchen and living areas will be filled with helpful instructions.

        -Pick your FUCKING towels up off the floor after use, please.
        - Put your DIRTY dishes in the dishwasher NOT on the GODDAM bench, thanks.
        - DON”T put a load of washing on if you are NOT prepared to HANG IT Out too lazy bastards, cheers mum xxxx.

        and so on..

        Like this

  12. Onanist says:

    I am not sure as to the need for these signs within a work place, but I can assure you that they are extremely useful in an around the home.

    Like this

  13. orbea says:

    community based NGO’s forced into cheek by jowl relationship with each, greenies, health consumers, GLBT advocates, WACOSS, volunteers, cycling, anti-drug/drinking, social work, haemophiliacs, overeaters, wymmyns etc

    The management rely on passive aggression to get anything done, redundant laminated signs are but a symptom of a larger management malaise.

    Thanks for running this one TLA, your comments are pithy and cruelly accurate.

    Like this

  14. This one’s looking popular already. Styx, Communism and lamination fans. I’d lie to see a Venn diagram for those fuckers.

    Like this

  15. Pfortner says:

    cunting christ! what an assortment.

    I like the way the illustration for the please use the communal toilet brush poster shows a scowling woman in elbow-length rubber gloves… which presumably aren’t provided in consideration for your convenience

    Like this

  16. Caribou Bob says:

    Good grief. That was amazing. I loved every minute of it.

    Like this

  17. JaneZ says:

    I love them all, but I keep going back to the soap dispenser one. Was there really clipart just like that out there? Or did they make it up themselves? Full points for the artistic soap dispenser shadow, it’s great, but if they were trying so hard why didn’t they notice the dispenser is actually empty? What is that freaky/happy homunculus type thing supposed to be doing? Jumping on the soap dispenser? Wouldn’t that break it quicker than pushing on the spout, like the plus sign says you’re not to? And why doesn’t he have a shadow too anyway?

    So many questions.

    Like this

  18. skink says:

    I think I have posted this many times before, but it is always appropriate to any discussion of bleeding obvious toilet signage:

    http://www.frigginrandom.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/dont-forget-to-wipe-your-ass-folks.jpg

    Like this

  19. Cimbali says:

    The toilets at work service about four businesses and don’t have any signs, but someone keeps putting those bottles of chemical scent with wooden skewers sticking out of it on the bench. I am allergic to perfume and also believe that overlaying one horrible smell with another horrible smell is no improvement. So… every time I visit the amenities I put the bottle in the cupboard.
    Every time I come back it is back on the bench and I am just waiting for a laminated sign to appear – which I will also put away in the cupboard.

    Like this

  20. ronggly says:

    As much as these notices give me the shits I find myself in sympathy with the dispenser spout note. I have two large (expensive) half-full bottles of sunscreen in the cupboard at home, unusable because the bloody kids kept pressing down on the spout until it broke off.

    Like this

  21. Richarbl says:

    I just noticed the sign on the wall in the last photo says.

    “Caution, Slippery Surface” On a wall?

    What sort of shenanigans are going on down at Lottery House?
    Are people pissing on the walls to check the colour of their urine against the chart?
    Are the walls covered with protoplasm from a malevolent poltergeist?
    Hasn’t the paint dried yet?
    Who has slippery walls for fucks sake.

    Like this

  22. skink says:

    that blog was not started by me, nor is it maintained by me, so i am not sure whose name he might have or what he thinks he can do about it

    I saw last night that Mediawatch were using Rattler in their promo for the new series – the one where he calls Holmes a supercilious dropkick

    still, he can try to come and get me if he likes

    one down, one to go

    Like this

    • Frank Calabrese says:

      I just remembered it was Young William (not the Bludging Poll one) :-)

      It’s amazing that tghe last post was October the 14th by moi which discussed one of his columns – I believe there is nothing there that hasn’t been in the public domain.

      BTW, upon mentioning said blog Jason Jordan sdaid “I’ve been trying to tell you that for months” :-)

      He wasn’t that impressed :-)

      Like this

    • skink says:

      I hadn’t looked at that blog in a while
      there were no comments for a year or so, but two today from ‘Linda’ in support of Sattler. No doubt connected with him or the station.

      Like this

      • Frank Calabrese says:

        Just noticed them – I can’t log in atm, but if Bill O’S can we can find out who she is and where she came from :-)

        Like this

  23. Bill O'Slatter says:

    I Believe “Linda” discovered” the blog from here:

    http://theworstofperth.com/2008/07/10/barra-non-grata-6pr-radio/

    And I’ve even got the email addy and IP address :-)

    Silly girl :-)

    Like this

  24. Frank Calabrese says:

    Oh Dear,

    I was logged in as Bill under WordPress.

    Bugger

    Like this

  25. Frank Calabrese says:

    Bill,

    Check your email – and you too Skink. I’ll bet “Linda” is a Rattler listener who sent Rattler the link.

    Like this

  26. Snuff says:

    Fantastic collection, TLA, most especially the, All food waste must be removed on a daily basis, immediately followed by, If this is not done the waste will be removed by the cleaner each evening.

    Mmmmmkay.

    Like this

  27. shazza says:

    Mr Mackey??

    Like this

  28. orbea says:

    I have had an offer from a certain staff member who shall remain anonymous that they have the an original email from CWLH management regarding the lamination overload incident.

    Well, Fawna, jawanna?

    not earth shaking but does add some jouissance to the bureau de Loto au Cite West

    Like this

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  31. The Legend 101 says:

    At camp there was signs like that everywhere like wash your hands save the grove and also we where not aloud to open the window or door in our dorm so that sucks. Also theres no aircon so that equals a little room that stuffy as hell!.

    Like this

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