November 20, 2009 by The Lazy Aussie
You know who shits me? Ben Fucking Elton. How long can one man rely on Margaret Thatcher being a cunt and writing some of Blackadder? Blackadder gets you some slack for bringing out one crap book, but surely not thirteen. He was cringeingly bad on GNW last week, and then the prick apologises to the Queen for jokes that weren’t even offensive AND moves to Fremantle permanently. He’s trying to make Tim Winton look good. 
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I thoroughly enjoyed Stark, at the time. Gridlock was okay, and the rest is absolute tosh.
FOWF, Ben, FOWF.
I tried to read Stark, expecting it would be good, but could nly manage about a quarter of it.
Yes, I should have made that the title, FOWF
In fact I have changed title. Would make a nice Tshirt
Ben Elton, Fuck Off We’re Full. Might make one now.
the references to FOWF really mean “fuck off we’re full”
i thought it was a western suburbs thing – “fellate only western force’
i actually have enjoyed most of his books and think that his writing has improved noticeably since the first one.
but then again i also like tim winton, so what would i know?
How do you think I feel?
My name is one letter different from Tim Winton’s and I have been told I look like Ben Elton.
Both their names in one post is almost too much for me to bear.
I really hope your name is Tim Wintox.
or Tit Winton
Or Tim Wintzn.
Tim Wanton?
well according to highbeam, tim wanton is australia’s best loved novelist:
Article: The writer and the sea: Australia’s best loved novelist invites us to be “changed” by a marine wonderland, and to protect it from gross tourist development.(Tim Wanton and the Ningaloo Reef, Western Australia)(Brief Article)
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-87079031.html
i shit you not:)
Inn Tit Wow?
Bim Winton would also be good.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bim
would you be referring to definition no 6. TLA?
6. bim
a slut to the highest degree
Yeah, let’s go with that
in his defence, the recent fuss about him was generated by the Daily Mail, who like to villify anyone who doesn’t fit their cosy view of English society.
Jan Moir’s piece about the death of Steven Gately was about as low as you can go.
anyone criticised by The Mail is a hero in my book, although I agree that Stark was pants.
and don’t forget the musicals – truly toe-curlingly awful.
apparently he is working with Lloyd-Webber on a sequel to Phantom of the Opera.
Phantom 2: The Organ Strikes Back, perhaps
But why isn’t he saying fuck off daily mail rather than “I was taken out of context”? Oh yes, how could I forget those musicals.
I don’t know why I’m saying irrational hatred again.
perhaps this explains it:
http://www.nosacredcows.co.uk/profiles/366/ben_elton.html
The New Statesman says “Baring in mind.” Civilisation is over.
Moves to freo, causes a council furore with his solar panels.
I hated the Jam Tarts too.
Solar panels, you say?
SOrry if I’ve missed a double entendre bento.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1229111/Now-Ben-Eltons-upset-Aussies-Comic-installed-solar-panels-1m-home-permission.html
that story is months old. The Mail are scraping the barrel.
Single entendres are more my style, PL, so you probably won’t miss them.
I was alluding to Mr Shazza’s involvement, of which I have some knowledge.
Ummm Mr Shazza, may, have had some small (or not so small) part to play in the solar panel excitement. That aside I like Ben.
New category:
Worst foreign entertainer who lives in perth & gets undue press time for being a foreign entertainer. I mean doesn’t them living in Perth just scream that they’re washed up?
Ben Elton
Guy from the Shadows
Richard Burton’s widow
Guy who played in the Clash for 10 minutes in their decline and now owns wanky clothes shops
Guy from Sky
Yeah Ben Elton wins.
I forgot also:
Guy from the Tea Party, probably the worst band ever.
Maybe a guy from the seekers?
what about the bloke who is Peter Mc? shacked up with the Wheels and Doll Baby woman? he was in the Divynyls,
cutting edge? maybe c-list
but he is a local.
can we deport them?
if you diss Lucky Oceans I may have to ask you to step outside
Put the glass down skink.
He gets undue press time cos he has his own show, and he’s a great musician. No need to step outside about lucky.
I’m calm now
guy from happy mondays
Hank B Marvin
Sally Burton, but let’s face it Richard Burton has a few widows to his credit.
Nick Shepherd
Kevin Peek
and the Divinyls bloke is Mark McEntee
Lucky Oceans does deserve to be on this list, despite his Grammy
Pete Carroll ex-Happy Mondays always seems to be chatting up the 720 arvo shift Bernadette Young
Elvis Presley
Jeff Buckley
Kamahl, ok that was dumb. Wiki even have a “people from Adelaide” link, and there is no Perth one.
Quite a list Orbea. I see a new shirt TLA,
‘Perth – Where washed up Muso’s come to die.’
Come on now. Lucky Oceans doesn’t deserve to be on the list, he’s quite good. And he’s never really been famous, either.
Pete Carroll? He’s from RTR – an alt-Perthonality, if you will. As far as I know he wasn’t in the Happy Mondays. I thought one of the Ryders lived out Sth Geraldton way.
Pete Carroll is a Madchester hanger-on, and you’re right, wasn’t in the Happy Mondays, probably out of it
Pete Carroll is Shaun Ryder’s cousin, and produced most of his recordings:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2003/jun/20/artsfeatures
John Butler
I thought he lives in “The U.S.”?
Pretty sure it’s Freo
Yes clairee, Beaconsfield to be specific. You can see him most Friday nights having dinner in Freo.
Oh Shazza, how I feel for you
Well, you can see him if you also happen to be at the Juicy Beetroot Vegan Cafe. I’ve never seen his stinky arse at Benny’s, that’s for sure. Probably on account of their ‘no comb, no shower, no shoes, no service’ policy.
I suspect only ‘out of towners’ eat at Benny’s as I don’t know anyone who would queue for a very average pizza.
As Iv’e said on TWoP previously, although I’m not a big fan of JBT’s music, I can vouch for him being a very nice fellow.
I’m impressed you even know the Juicy beetroot exists Bento. They do the best Vegie Burger in Perth. As a meat eater I think that’s a big tick.
Can there be an un-juicy beetroot?
If you grow your own, and don’t pick them in time, my word yes there can.
Pfft – you know I just Woogled them both. As if I would eat beyond the Beaufort Street Arrondissement.
Can I be bothered to do an official irrational hatred of Bono Butler? If someone has an original photo…
Guy from The Thompson Twins.
Really? Now that is worth a media storm.
Michael White.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_White_(author)
again, in his defence, Elton has been living here, off and on, for more than a decade without anyone noticing (until the solar panels)
as with most of that list, they come to Perth for a quiet life with their families out of the limelight. It’s not like they are shouting “look at me, look at me” and showing up to “A List’ parties to mix with the weather girls
Yeah I don’t really care about Ben Elton, although he should stop trying to pretend to be cutting edge. I guess the worst was more about the perth media than the foreign subjects.
That said, I don’t want the tea party and their sub-Doors ilk allowed in. Fuck off we’re full of bad bands already.
It’s OK PL. Most of them move to Freo. Which isn’t Perth really.
We welcome them as they maintain some semblance of grunge balancing out the increasing advance of the metro into the port city.
True, and Freo has always been full of bad bands.
I came for the jugglers, but stayed for the smell of sheep shit…
Blind Faith was pure genius and anyone caught up in this blogosphere should at least read it and/or appreciate it.
Was that the ripoff of 1984 based on facebook?
I liked it too. And Stark and Gridlock. I vote this hatred irrational.
You haven’t experienced the musicals obviously.
which is the Ben Elton book with vaginal fisting?
that would be ‘dead famous’, and the book would have been a lot better without it.
Yes indeed it would have curious – but as it stands, I would have thought Dead famous was right up TWOP’s alley – so to speak.
Past Mortem
a shocking waste of EVOO
sorry, i stand corrected!
and indeed, a criminal use of evoo.
Anyone who says ‘blogosphere’ is clearly a cunt.
harsh, but most likely true bento……
I think I want that on my headstone.
Nice try, Bento.
You totally beat me to it.
I’ll keep lobbing them up, and you keep smacking them out of the park, Snuff.
No, he’s right. I’m a complete cunt
no shame in that jasper, none at all. should be more of it. “i’m a cunt and i’m proud” should be a global catch cry. everyone else gets a fair run.
I shall shout it from my juliet balcony. Or is that someone else’s domain?
oddly enough i do believe there were such things as juliet balconies prior to TWOP. So shout away i say!
Ira Levin with knob jokes
I notice Stephen’s returned to the UK, probably to hang out with Nick.
I see Nick Cave has been shortlisted for this year’s bad sex award:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/nov/19/bad-sex-factor-prize-shortlist
somebody gave me a copy of his latest book that they had cast aside in frustration and bet me ten bucks I couldn’t finish it.
Thanks for the link Skink.
Cave’s book should win a comedy award.
and a ‘worst cover art’.
All that bad writing is really making my head hurt, not to mention never want to have sex ever again.
Just finished reading Cave’s latest while holidaying on Rottnest – I kept seeing the guy who plays TV’s Earl in in the role of Bunny.
It’s made me think twice about the merits of Avril Lavigne’s vagina.
Twas a good read… not as dark as When the Ass Saw the Angel.
You used to be funny too, until you started saying cunt every second word.
Long time no hear/here Cingali. Not liking the cunt?
I note Ben has about 1800 Facebook fans, but Tim has about 7500.
How many does TLA have?
Bah. You didn’t mention The Young Ones.
Once I get my Book Club book out of the way, I intend to move onto Ben’s, The First Casualty. Any opinions on this novel?
largely unbelievable detective crime fiction set in the trenches of WW1
suffice to say the title is very descriptive of the plot and theme
As I see it, when Ben Elton was part of the emerging comedy scene he had the perspective to analyse and critique the establishment, the yuppies, the thatcherites and added a great deal of knob jokes – he was pretty good at making the funny. Then he got rich and lost the perspective, became part of the establishment. All he was left with were the knob jokes.
Moral of the story for you LA, don’t get rich because you lose the funny.
AP, I understand what you mean, but your theory would relegate all successful comedians to the same fate. E.g. Billy Connolly, Michael Palin, John Cleese, Seinfeld, Bill Crosby etal. You can get rich and stay funny. I suspect people who aren’t wealthy just suppose you will ’sell out’, and lose your edge, I don’t see so much evidence for this. I think, if anything, it’s more about ageing.
and apologising to the queen ffs
None of the other comedians you list defined themselves as ‘anti-Establishment’, unlike Ben Elton. Which meant they could become rich, successful, and part of the Establishment, without compromising the premise on which their comedy was based. Elton built his whole stand-up career on railing against Fatcher’s Britain and the old guard – palling around with Tony Blair and Andrew Lloyd Webber seems to be a case of ‘live by the sword, die by the sword’.
Which is why he arouses irrational hatred, I guess.
I think Python was anti-establishment.
All Pythons except Gilliam came from Oxford/Cambridge, so were definately Establishment, as well as being poofs and communists spies with soupcon of cunt.
The elton/mayer/mayall/sayle/french and saunders/henry/ et al were anti-establishment in the sense that Griff Rhys Jones/ Mel Smith were not.
Did Elton work on Comic Strip? Keith Allen is a legend in that series
Bernard Manning/ Roy Chubby Brown etc etc working mans clubs my mothe in law is so fat
So it automatically applies if you study at Oxford/Cambridge you can’t be anti-establishment?
I did and I am
You are of course the best example. Richer than Patti Patti and hilariously anti.
Anthony Blunt, Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean all turned out pretty ‘anti-establishment’ after their time at Oxbridge.
Excellent point Gilbo. Coming to drinks?
fraybento’s?
Fraybento’s?
I had viral issues on my Dell so was posting on Mr Shazza’s laptop.
Which drinks? When and where?
These ones, Gilbo.
As Snuff points out, been and gone Gilbo. See Thanks Mates thread.
Shazza, you are absolutely right. I now submit a new theory that he just got lazy.
Ageing will do that to you AP.
Definitely laziness over aging. Otherwise, how come Larry David’s still so good?
TWOP. The whipper snipper of fame.
Yeah, this post has a certain amount of tall poppy syndrome to it. Tall, sell-out-who-writes-boring-shit poppies. Do you think Ben Elton & Brian May spend nights cuddling, telling each other that they’re still cutting edge and important?
I’m sure Brian May still has trouble getting his solar panels through council.
78 (now 79) comments on an entirely irrelevant topic by a mob of wanna-be’s who are even less relevant…………..
Has to be a worst of the worsts.
Yeah, you loosers should get a life.
Not quite, rolly. That honour would have to be reserved for any comment claiming that someone who (often) resides in Perth, and whom apparently appeared in an Australian newspaper yesterday, is not relevant to a blog entitled The Worst of Perth.
Seems as relevant as any other topic. More than some.
Hear hear.
I’ve been telling them for ages.
You WAnkers shouldn’t sit around and snigger.
Hey Rolly,
FIFO.
Christ, I’ve read all of the Elton novels except his latest. Expect him to soon be making appearances at the North Fremantle Centre on Stirling Hwy as the club patron.
I’d like to see a TLA v Elton face-off…
can we get him in time for the bowls event? perhaps a combined book reading/ball rolling? with quokkanilia for sale.
Pam Castlearse was back in Teh West today bagging Ben Elton.
what the fuck is she doing back?
I thought we had said ‘good riddance’ to her, only to find her parrotting the Daily Mail saying ‘good riddance’ to Elton leaving the UK.
so what happened?
did they realise that nobody can do that smug mummsy Daily Mail Hyacinth Bucket suburban self-righteousness quite like Pam?
Ha! – searching ‘Pam Casellas’ in Teh Worst’s website turns up TWOP as the third hit.
what about murray?
I am starting to warm to Mr. Elton.
being bagged by the Mail is one thing, but being bagged by Casellas trying to out-outrage the Daily Mail from the comfort of her Rtirement Home for the Bewildered, is something else.
any enemy of Pam is a friend of mine
she just qualified him for Not Worst
Crikey, she’s like the John Farnham of journalism.
Pam, stop beavering away already…
Pam’s pussy obviously isn’t enough to keep her busy these days. She needs to get a doggy.
she’s the voice
Oh dear, I actually really liked Stark and This Other Eden. Then it all went horribly wrong. But, in fairness, if I had anything to do with Blackadder I’d probably coast on it for the forseeable future too.
Get those stockings by the way.
S.T.’s showing, you really got me going, TLA.
Oh, stocking tops – ah hah!
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=MuppetsStudio&annotation_id=annotation_938537&feature=iv#p/c/E598D394FAF95D7B/0/zSDj7bjAv2s
This video is awesome.
Gold!
not what I meant to post
try this:
Speaking of Fremantle and it’s environs, this is NOT how to promote the Greens Uranium Policy.
Didn’t the Labor bloke Ben W want nukes and was told to keep quiet? and hasnt peter garrett approved a new nuke mine? Martin Ferg wants nukes as well. At least the Greens have a consistent policy on nukes.
How does the ALP promote their nuclear policy Frank?
They’re in the process of revising it.
Like always, it will be somewhat obscure, though eventually every one will see through it.
It’s called their “New Clear Policy”.
Better than the greens shabby attempt – it’s one thing tp have a policy, but to be taken seriously as a political party you should not talk like a 12 yr old speaking at an assembly and you definately don’t use silly examples such as cheese.
right the ALP have a cheese policy and won’t export to France? I dont understand you. Does Ben Elton even like cheese? Venezuelan Beaver cheese? Merino casino cheese?
The Young Ones did a piss take of the Monty python cheese shop sketch – ‘Well thats that sketch knckered then’
Frank, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are Greens really bigger duds than Labor?
Watch the video, it makes Barry Hickey’s Homllies look like an Acadamey Award winning film.
But I LIKE ACCA DACCA videos
Sorry, I suppose that’s a bit like asking Cookster if Angus burgers are as shit as they look.
hmmm…snouts…
http://www.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/they-burgered-it-up-monster-meal-loses-two-cheese-slices-and-67g-fat-20091125-jrwf.html
I’m all for transparency, especially in glass houses.
Have been holidaying for ten days now and it has gotten the point of needing to do something else so I thought I might share a story with youse about Ben Elton.
Sure it probably won’t fit the Twop policy but the wolves haven’t had much to howl about lately so here is a bone to chew on for a while.
A few years ago, I think 96, I spent a couple of months traveling around Pakistan and found myself in the the Chitral region of the the North West Frontier Province.
The area currently occupied by those notoriously unhumorous cunts, the Taliban.
Staying a backpacker hostel that would horrify Bin Laden I struck up a friendship with an English couple that were traveling across the sub continent on motorcycles, she on a 72 Triumph Bonneville and he on a AJS for fucks sake!
Anyway the next morning I was woken at about five in the morning by the sounds of gunfire, at first a few random shots with a hand gun and then a rifle or two which then was joined by various semi autos, within minutes there were AK 47,s being emptied without pause and then it seemed like the whole town joined in.There was literally hundreds of guns being fired and countless thousands of ammo being shot.
I laid in bed trying to make sense of it all before coming to the conclusion that the army must being having a training execise or something but the sound of bullets falling on the roof convinced me that they were firing into the air which meant a celebration of some kind.
Turns out that Beneziar Bhutto had been deposed as PM and the locals were simply expressing their joy at this event. Just another day in Pakistan!
By six oclock the fun was over and it was going to be difficult to keep up the same level of excitement so I decided to borrow a book from the English couple, it was “This Other Eden”. Despite having a brief fascination with the Young Ones I had never heard of Ben Elton but I was instantly absorbed by this book. Better still I had only six hours to read it before giving it back because they were leaving so it got my full attention, maybe it was the intense concentration or maybe the hash but I thought that book was the best thing I had read for years and I still do.
excellent!
Nice yarn and I have to say, I’ve been reading Elton’s books ever since I was a purple overall wearing hippy arts student living in a ramshackle house on the cliffs over the river in North Freo.
Indeed, I believe Stark was a composite of the many house mates who spent time in the notorious Phyllis Street ’shacks’ in the mid 80s.
Indeed, Ben frequented many a party hosted by Cookster Snr who began the Phyllis St tradition.
From The Guardian’s feature; “People who ruined teh decade No. 5″
BEN ELTON Turned rock history into a ‘jukebox musical’ cash cow:
“The Matrix meets the Arthurian legend meets Terminator 2,” was how Ben Elton hilariously described his Queen musical when it debuted in 2002. A more honest commentator might have pegged We Will Rock You as being a bit like Suzi Quatro directing a particularly stupid episode of Deep Space Nine using a cast entirely drawn from the Camden branch of Fresh & Wild. By blowing off any regard for plot, cliche or character arc, Elton took the genteel traditions of musical theatre and rock’s outsider chic, and served them up as a mindless MOR smoothie. Marketing men realised there were plenty more theatregoers too old to rock’n'roll, yet too dumb for Sondheim. And so, as Tonight’s The Night et al followed the idiot-proof recipe drawn up by WWRY and its close predecessor, Mamma Mia!, Elton – rather wisely – relocated to Australia. Now, if you stand in the West End on a Saturday night and tune out the muffled chorus of Hoover salesmen singing Bohemian Rhapsody, you can hear Theatreland creaking towards a new cultural low
I rather enjoyed Mama Mia.
Nice try skink but I believe I am still just in front with abstract stories about Ben Elton, who, IMO can stay if he wishes.
whatever you were doing on his lap does not explain fraybento’s
apostrophe and all
But I believe there’s another show on Dec 10th
Indeed there is, G’day. Thanks for the reminder.
Bugger – Thursday is selections night for my cricket team. Thanks for the heads-up though.
I’ll keep an eye out for any get-together over Xmas though as we have a break from mid-Dec to 9th Jan. Is there a specific thread for these?
No LA like to keep these things mysterious. You have to keep your finger on the pulse.
Perth has a pulse?
Only til 5pm.
it would have been six, but no without daylight saving.
ha ha excellent curious.