Buff Jesus [picks up phone]: um.. y,ellow

Hong Xiu Quan: hiya Jesus, HQ here, just wanted to discuss some copyright infingement issues with you.

BJ: yours or mine?

HXQ: yours… parts of the bible and parts of that new website of yours.

BJ: the bible? that’s dad’s work and anyway you wrote your bible much, much late… er… um… um… ah, ok … which website exactly?

HXQ: you know, TWERP, that one that TLA keeps on banging on about

BJ: [sighs]oh… ok… I know the one. Um… what exactly has TLA been saying…?

HXQ: [sighs] he tells me that he now has been worshiping demons like Outrage, Frank, Shaz, Mp and Snuff and that he met a man in a black dragon robe with a long golden beard who gave him a sword and a magic seal, and told him to purify China of the demons. Several years later he would interpret this to mean that God the Heavenly Father, whom he identified with Shangdi from the Chinese tradition, and his older brother, Jesus Christ, wanted him to rid the world of demon worship.

BJ: umm…

HXQ: AND he’s been making frequent proclamations from his “Heavenly Palace”, demanding strict compliance with various moral and religious rules. Most trade has been suppressed and property socialized. Polygamy has been forbidden and men and women are separated, although TLA and other leaders maintained groups of concubines.

BJ: ok… Ithink you’ll find that most of this is a bit of a misconception

HXQ: an immaculate one?

BJ: …no, fuck off. It’s not my website ok! Who the hell has been telling you that?

HXQ: bloke called Mez

BJ: ok… I see, yea he lives around the corner. Bit of a loon ifn you ask me but probably just pissed off that he’s not been included in the frieze and determined to spread misinformation about our mighty religions.

HXQ: ok, cool, glad you cleared that up. Would you like to smote him or shall I?

BJ: umm… best leave that to Bento

[pause]

HXQ: …sorry about that Confucious thing, I got a bit carried away…

BJ: no worries… Mary says hi

HXQ: which one?

BJ: … oh, Fuck off!